Illegal Mexicans got you down? You’d like to deport them, but think of all the paperwork and the long drive to toss them over the border.
But now, deporting Mexicans is as easy as saying “Go home, invader!” if you use…
Simply place the Mexican in the Mexi-Cannon™, and its patented cannon technology takes over from there, delivering the Mexican back to Mexico in the blink of an eye.
Still, there are millions of illegal Mexicans in America. Can one cannon really deport all of them?
Yes it can with its Rapid-Fire Action!
That’s right; the Mexi-Cannon™ can fire more than one Mexican at a time!
Soon all the Mexicans will be flying back to Mexico. Take that, evil Mexican Presidente!
The Mexi-Cannon™: For all your deportation needs!
THE MEXI-CANNON™ FAQ
Q. Can the Mexi-Cannon™ be used for deporting Canadians?
A. The FDA has only approved the use of the Mexi-Cannon™ on Mexicans.
Q. Will the Mexi-Cannon™ hurt Mexicans?
A. No. Mexicans don’t feel pain like you and me.
Q. Aren’t the Mexicans simply here to pick lettuce and thus don’t deserve to be fired out of a cannon?
A. Wrong! Picking lettuce used to be my job. Now I’m unemployed and have nothing left to do but sit around all day and draw pictures of Mexicans being fired out of cannons. Don’t let this happen to you; buy the Mexi-Cannon™ today!
Why use a cannon.
Just get Fred Thompson to throw all the Mexican’s back.
That was awesome.
Hey, I’m Canadian. But I support the war, and support President Bush? Please don’t shoot me back there (unless Hillary gets elected)
At least let this be proof positive that Frank J. is not some “dirty brown rice eating hippy”, since he cannot draw any better than me. Can’t draw = not an artist = definately not a hippy!! Frank have you considered the Gattling Mexi-Cannon? Up to 3500 mexicans a minute!!
I need a distance estimate here; the closest foreign border to my crappy blue state is Canada, and I need to know if I’m gonna have to shoot them all the way to Mexico, or whether the distance is too far. Otherwise, is it going to end up like frisbee golf, where I shoot them 100 ft then roll the cannon to where they landed and then shoot them another 100 ft? I only want this cannon if I don’t have to go out of my neighborhood. You also didn’t mention a cost, though I know if I’m a real Patriot, the cost shouldn’t matter, but my crappy blue state soaks me for taxes to build light rails that don’t go anywhere. Are USSJimmyCarter and I going to have to pool our funds for one of these cannons? What about shipping and delivery…is it already put together on arrival or do we have to build it…do the instructions come in spanish…???
shimauma,
Don,t worry. I will slip mine into a Cannon copier and send you a copy. Actually though, at your distance from the border, yours might work better as a mortar.
Excellent technology! I would like to volunteer my services as an FDA tester for the Canadian Modification. Living here in Minnesota we are always looking for a way to stop the northern queer hord from migrating to the Twin Cities and firing them back across the boundry waters seems like an excellent idea! Hopefully you can also assist with some smokeless powder as the “greens” and assorted “euphorians” here in Minnesota will complain of pollution–
shimauma and I will split the cost of a cannon and will seek modifications on our own! We won’t know how much powder is enough until we do a few test fires…not wanting to discrimminate…we should discuss lobbing a few of our state’s democrats until we get the powder to weight mixture just right…
//we should discuss lobbing a few of our state’s democrats until//
POGO first, just because his name pisses me off. Would we need to travel as far as Duluth or can we get the experts at Fort Snelling to show us how to fire it? Too bad we couldn’t have gotten Hatch in the tube first…sad sigh
I used to work at the MN Legislature and I can tell you that every bad thing you’ve heard about Pogey & Hatch & Entenza are completely true. Thankfully we’re at least temporarily rid of two of them.
“I’m Dominican!”
LOL!
Here’s a fun activity: let’s all wager the time between the implication of this post, and a comparison of Frank to Hitler on any one of a favorite(tm) lefty sites.
Closest estimate gets a chalupah from one of the Mexicans that we cannon.
I like the idea of Fort Snelling! We could point the first few democRATs at Wisconsin and if we have a miss-fire we’ll have a “Wylie Coyote” moment with a few dems being launched into the cliffs above the Mississippi river–and if we are successful, no big deal. A few more whack jobs, perverts, homos and pinkos added to Wisconsin’s residents will only double the collective IQ of the state–everyone wins and we get ready to launch Pedro south and Claude north!
I like the idea of Fort Snelling! We could point the first few democRATs at Wisconsin and if we have a miss-fire we’ll have a “Wylie Coyote” moment with a few dems being launched into the cliffs above the Mississippi river–and if we are successful, no big deal. A few more whack jobs, perverts, homos and pinkos added to Wisconsin’s residents will only double the collective IQ of the state–everyone wins and we get ready to launch Pedro south and Claude north and our state’s dems get a good “buggering” by the locals in Wisconsin!
Assuming there are 20 million illegal Mexicans here and we could continually load and launch 3 per minute, it would only take 12.7 years to get rid of them all with one MEXI-CANNON. And in that amount of time, there will be another 20 million illegals here.
It looks like we need to start mass producing the MEXI-CANNON right away.
You realize this is just a remarketed lawyer cannon.
Just point at the nearest body of water, load lawyer, fire, repeat often.
Anyhow, it can be argued that undocumented aliens are more useful to society than lawyers.
//Anyhow, it can be argued that undocumented aliens are more useful to society than lawyers.//
Then we scrap the idea to get rid of mexicans and go with USSJC’s idea to use demoncraps instead; I hear tell lotsa lawyers are demoncraps. Tha’d be like two birds’n one stone…hell, betcha we can get a mexican lawyer that votes demoncrap (cause he votes illegally too) and cover ALL our bases.
Neo,
I beg to differ. There are some jobs that undocumented aliens will not do. Unfortunately the same cannot be said for lawyers.
Powder-to-weight ratio?
…seems to me no powder is necessary. All that’s required is a pilot light for the methane chamber.
Refried propellant, and it’s eco-friendly too.
free chimichangas and chalupahs for all!
Yes, everydayjoe, plus it’s self-lubricating! Also works great on Puerto Ricans, Venezuelans, and the French. NOTE: Use with Canadian ammunition is not recommended and may result in unwanted maple syrup deposits. These can be removed with the standard tortilla wadding.
The proper powder charge is critical, not enough and most states will charge you with littering. Too much and they overshoot the mexican mainland landing in the ocean. This annoys the greenpeace folks and really irritates the bottoms feeders. What self respecting carp wants their neighborhoods ruined?
Has anyone considered rapid-fire railgun technology? You could squirt a steady stream of them back con mucho gusto!
Hey, shimauma and ussjimmycarter, could we start by firing Klobuchar over the border? And speaking of going green, the ethanol plant here in town smells like warm stale beer.
“plus it’s self-lubricating!”,
I’d argue that lawyers are self-lubricating and provide their own self generated propellant too. I advise skipping the warrant, forget their maranda rights, and load’em into the cannon head first. They’ll be hot as a fire cracker on the fourth of July and ready to explode. Oh, I almost forgot. When you turn ’em upside down for loadin’, make sure you shake them thoroughly just in case they got any loose cash.
“We could point the first few democRATs at Wisconsin and if we have a miss-fire we’ll have a “Wylie Coyote” moment with a few dems being launched into the cliffs above the Mississippi river…and if we are successful, no big deal. A few more whack jobs, perverts, homos and pinkos added to Wisconsin’s residents will only double the collective IQ of the state…everyone wins and we get ready to launch Pedro south and Claude north and our state’s dems get a good “buggering” by the locals in Wisconsin!”
Hey! You’re just jealous ’cause the Vikings suck and we’re better than you in the only two sports you’re any good at, baseball and college hockey.
Besides, we have enough problems here in Madison, what with our ultra-corrupt governor, commie mayor, moonbat professors, and general aging hippie population, not to mention enourmous property taxes and our mayor’s plans for a multi-million-dollar trolley. There are some of us conservatives in Wisconsin! In fact, the whole state is pretty conservative once you get out of Madison and Milwaukee. We just tend to have a lot of corrupt dems who cheat their way to power!
shimauma, if the instructions are in Spanish, you can hire a Mexican to build it, and then send him home for free!
Assembling Mexi-Cannons: Just another job Americans won’t do?
and then you can take it apart, give another Mexican a quarter to put it back together and repeat.
if Frank’s inferior design can’t cross the distance, we’ll just have to set up a sort of fire brigade with Mexi-Cannons spaced out at regular intervals.
“Assuming there are 20 million illegal Mexicans here and we could continually load and launch 3 per minute, it would only take 12.7 years to get rid of them all with one MEXI-CANNON. And in that amount of time, there will be another 20 million illegals here.”
You have obviously not read about the Gattling Mexi-Cannon, up to 3500 Mexicans per minute. Let’s do the math! 3500 Mexicans x 60 minutes per hour yields 210,000 Mexicans an hour. 20,000,000 Mexicans divided into 210,000 leaves us with just over 57 hours of Mexican launching. Really I think thats too fast… takes all the fun out of it.
Schedule it for the fourth of July, and hand each of them a sparkler as they enter. The best fireworks ever, and the date would really piss off the Lefties and Commies.
I like the idea of “lawyer launching” and they would definitely lubricate the barrel being greasy and all…and we could make everyone of them wear a necktie (causes the foreskin from sliding back up) which should shape them ideally for the barrel as long as the MexiCannon isn’t rifled. Sounds like we have a never ending supply of ammunition. 1) Mexicans 2)Canadians 3)DemocRATs 4)Lawyers! The fun will go on and on!
can some of us used-to-was WESTERN Canadians get a bye here? Much as I can share most of your sentiments when it comes to Canadians-who-was-draftdodgers, Cheese-eating-surrender-monket-Canadians, we-like-homosexual-marriage-Canadians, dope-smoking-Canadians …. there are a lot of us from out west who are just your average, ordinary small-c-conservative-Canadians who believe in guns, apple pie, and shooting mescans and cue-bekers out of Gatlin Cannons, Water Cannons, Huge Honking Cannons or any other cannon that might be marketed by the FrankJ and SarahK T-Short and Cannon Company!
I dunno about shooting lawyers out of it. The expression shooting-the-shit seems way too apt/cliche. Besides, what self respecting American has the neccesary bio-hazard suits to even touch them. I did only once see a honey-pumper at work with a sandwich in one hand, and the hose in another. So the odds of sufficiently qualified operators seems way too low. What about if we round them up and gently parachute them into hostile territories. That would seriously screw-over the enemy by the use of extreme Phy-Ops, and rightly irritate the hell out the both of them!
On the other hand, if we where to infest Al-Queda with all of the ACLU would that be somewhat redundant, or duplicitous as far as parasites go?
Such complex decisions! Oh well, continue firing for effect!!!
shame the native indians couldn’t have an anglo-canon to fire you all back to wherever you came from.
//shame the native indians couldn’t have an anglo-canon to fire you all back to wherever you came from. //
Well I was born in St Louis Missouri, lil bob, so that wouldn’t really make any sense now would it? By your logic the “native” Americans should just shoot themselves back to mother Russia, sense they crossed the land bridge there to get to North America.
Course that’s about typical logic of a leftard, never making any sense…you dumbf*ck.
“Bobby the racist” sounds like the title of a really sad BBC talk show.
The Native American Cannon would be used for a while until ammunition ran out. The barrel would be decorated with turquose and silver inlay, then used as a gigantic peyote bong. Unless it could somehow brew alcohol.