CHAIRMAN
State your name, please.
FRANKJ
FrankJ.
CHAIRMAN
And where were you born?
FRANKJ
I’ll give you one guess: it’s not in Palermo.
CHAIRMAN
And where do you live now?
FRANKJ
I live — uh — in an army barracks with the FBI guys.
CHAIRMAN
We have here finally a witness that will further testify to Basil’s (not Basil’s) rule over a crime empire that controls all the gambling in this country and perhaps other countries. This witness has had no buffer between himself and Basil (not Basil). He can corroborate our charges on enough counts for this committee to recommend a count of perjury against Basil… Or Basil. Senator.
SENATOR
Thank you.
[Walrus is whispering something to the man who was behind him earlier. FrankJ watches them.]
Mr. Fleming — Mr. Fleming. Were you a member of the IMAO family? Did you serve under a wiseguy — also known as “Oppo”?
FRANKJ
I — never know no Oppo. I do my own oppo research, Senator.
SENATOR
Mr. Fleming, you are contradicting a sworn statement that you previously made to me and signed. I ask you again sir — you are now under oath — were you at any time a member of a crime organization — headed by Basil — but not Basil?
FRANKJ
I don’t know nothin’ about that…
Oh: I was in the Random Thought business a while back, and the Straight Line business with Harvey, but that was a long time ago, that’s all.
CHAIRMAN
We have a sworn affidavit — we have it — your sworn affidavit that you wrote spoofs on the orders of Basil (not Basil). Do you deny that confession, and do you realize what will happen as a result of your denial?
FRANKJ
Look, the FBI guys promised me a deal. So I made up a lot of stuff about Basil, or whatever-his-name is, ’cause that’s what they wanted — but it was all satire — uh — everything. And I kept saying — Basil did this, but Basil did that — uh — so I said yeah, sure, why not?
SENATOR #2
Mr. Walrus, would you kindly identify for the committee the gentlewomen in the tight dresses sitting to your left?
WALRUS
Senator, I’m just a humble hobbyist. All I can say is you can’t afford to know that …
Mr. Walrus, would you kindly identify for the committee the gentlewomen in the tight dresses sitting to your left?
Mr Walrus: Do we have enough time?
It’s going to take a while, with all those dresses in the way…
I still find it strange that when Basil, or Basil, hit the IMAO Transfer Portal, afterwards he was never to be seen again. Vanished from the face of the earth.
Basil never existed. He was always a figment of your imagination.
“No, I mean Basil, not Basil.”
Oh, him! Yeah, that always seemed odd to me too.
I even lost sleep once contemplating about it and had a nightmare that I was being attacked by a gigantic rogue Basil Plant.
Yeah, and then, just like that, the IMAO website would go down and Frnak could never fix it – because electrical engineers don’t do that kind of stuff! (no actual electrons.) So, he’d have to call on Basil (not Basil) every time who was a wizard at fixing SQL injection attacks and could fix everything (even retroactively back to the beginning of time). The other Basil (not this Basil) apparently worked for a bank and his employees were children who picked their noses a lot and needed baby-sitting. Also, that one (not the other one) had a bald spot and was fond of science fiction TV programs. It’s rumored that the database Basil (not the bank Basil) had genius children who today work for Elon Musk designing rocket engine nozzles.
Yeah, they all just need to quit watching so much Svengoolie TV and things should line themselves out.
Nozzles? Did you say nozzles?
I thought he wanted rocket nipples.
Definitely, I did say ‘nozzles.’ With his resources, I’ll wager Elon has enough rockethard nipples literally laying around waiting to be evaluated. That’s a job for a hardened engineer, right there, a real skilled expert.
But getting back to IMAO history… Isn’t it amazing? Oppo and Walrus must have access to some incredible fossil specimens! And Basil (not Basil) is just one of those big mysteries that still needs researching!
I look forward to reading more transcript of the testimony summarized above! This is so revealing!
Oppo knows where the bodies are buried. I know nothing.
Uh huh.