New Rule for Major League Baseball: From Now On, …
Due to low beer sales during the 7th Inning Stretch total nude cheerleaders will be required to run around the bases for no shorter than three minutes…and new restrooms must be built so no matter where you’re at you are no longer than 20 feet away from one.
Can you imagine the look on some dudes significant other while he’s at the ball game with his Bros and he sends her a closeup pic of a cheerleaders naked buttocks but didn’t think things thru and she’s thinks he’s at the Nude Bar. Oops 😬
…each batter must be connected to the two-way communications between the catcher and pitcher, so that they are prepared for the type of pitch and location…
Any batter hit by a pitch gets to fire one back at the pitcher before taking first base. However, if the batter was leaning over the plate, the pitcher gets to throw another one at him.
New Rule for Major League Baseball: From Now On, …
Due to low beer sales during the 7th Inning Stretch total nude cheerleaders will be required to run around the bases for no shorter than three minutes…and new restrooms must be built so no matter where you’re at you are no longer than 20 feet away from one.
Binoculars available in the gift shop.
I have a pair of those. How about heavily discounted digital cameras with heavily discounted telephoto lenses?
It takes a pair to catch a pair.
Can you imagine the look on some dudes significant other while he’s at the ball game with his Bros and he sends her a closeup pic of a cheerleaders naked buttocks but didn’t think things thru and she’s thinks he’s at the Nude Bar. Oops 😬
“But honey, it’s going to come down to balls. I think they’re going to go all the way!” — Oops #2.
And Honey..my johnson feels bigger than the 1st Baseman’s bat right now. 😲
“total nude cheerleaders will be required to run around the bases for no shorter than three minutes…”
Yakkity Sax to be played over the sound system
IMAO’s annual Shirts vs. Skins game.
So no more skins vs skins?
The scrapes on my backside are still healing from sliding under Penelope to score a home run.
…50% of all fielders and 50% of all pitchers must be women…just think how much cleaner the dugouts and bullpens would be…
And everyone gets a sammich.
After the umpire sweeps the plate girl catchers will roll their eyes, sigh dramatically, and sweep it again.
…each batter must be connected to the two-way communications between the catcher and pitcher, so that they are prepared for the type of pitch and location…
…robot pitchers arguing with robot umpires…
Clanker v clanker.
…everybody gets a bat.
…mandatory drug testing for all managers – I mean, what were they thinking?
All umpires must be IMAO Interns in Yoga pants.
Mandatory crying in baseball.
Players can go on strike twice, but only twice. Because — you know…
Five is right out.
No consultation with Roger Goodell before scheduling 7th inning stretch shows
Any batter hit by a pitch gets to fire one back at the pitcher before taking first base. However, if the batter was leaning over the plate, the pitcher gets to throw another one at him.
I like these rules! Hope they implement them.
Drunken fans selected at random should have access to both instant replay and the P.A. system.
Bosses and secretaries in the stands get a 10-second “delete” option.
Any team hiring players named “Hu” and “Watt” will be closely watched and possibly sanctioned.
I guess you have seen the picture of the guy named Hu standing on 1st base. Abbott and Costello were years ahead of their time!
I have. Can’t remember if it was in one of Walrus’s collections . . . There was no easy way to slip the word “both” into my comment.
Players giving interviews are fined $1,000 every time they say:
um
you know
like
tater
110% (or any % over 100% for that matter)
A game
“Uh they’re definitely a good team, and we just went out there to play our best…”
Hey, this one is pretty lively. I think I’m going to do a “New Rules for Football” one next Saturday.
Pickleball is right out.
Angry badgers will be released onto the field at a random moment at least once each game.
The shortstop must be no taller than 5′ 5″.
Second base will be placed on top of a Roomba.
I like visualizing that.
New Rule for Major League Baseball: From Now On, …
there is no… sixth inning.
Monthly disco/rap demolition nights in every stadium
If a game remains tied after 77 innings, it officially becomes a “Knotty Problem” which, unfortunately, only Chuck Norris could have solved.
Yogi must read the comics all the while.
The infield fly rule will henceforth be called the Seth Brundle dropsydoodle.
Donald Trump can have any player arrested at any time, not just Venezuelans.
As most non-DEI math teachers would agree to, there really shouldn’t be more than 500 pitcher changes in a nine inning game.
…all balk calls will be made by a DnD dungeon master who rolls a 99-face die on every pitch and gets the number of the offending pitcher…