The massive storm Sandy has hit the east coast. So far, no word from there. It’s possible then it’s been completely wiped out. That would mean Idaho is now in charge of America and I’m probably acting president. I’ve anticipated this happening and already have a kill list ready. Here it is so far:
MY KILL LIST
* Foreginers
* Hippies
* The inventor of clamshell packaging
Anyway, I would just like to instruct the citizens of this great nation to remain calm. I am in charge now. And I have declared martial law. Anyone who now whines will be packed into a crate and shipped to Canada or Mexico — whichever has less shipping costs. As a measure to get spending under control, California has been kicked out of the nation and a border fence will now be constructed around it. Also, taxation is being suspended; the government doesn’t need more money until we use up all the bombs we have.
So don’t worry, America; we will continue into a bright, east coast-less future. And if we have any problems, don’t bother we with them. I’m the president; I’m in charge of the government and don’t care about your silly, individual problems. Wake me if another country is invading.
That is all.
“That would mean Idaho is now in charge of America …”
Potatoes now mandatory in all school lunches.
Latest polls indicate that Obama has a “lock” on only 6 or 7 states. Four of those Obama states were flattened yesterday. Must be a lesson in there somewhere.
Are we allowed to play “Words with Friends.”
Careful now Frank.
The WRATH of GOD is nothing to joke about. The Godless Liberal East Coast is under DIVINE Judgment. Obamageddon is REAL. The BarackAlypse is upon us.
Would the Republic of Frank accept refugees fleeing from liberal states such as Maryland and New Hampshire?
i would add to your kill list foreigners, in addition to foreginers.
i don’t think we have an east coast-less future as boise state is in the big east. that makes idaho the new washington DC and you sir, the lord high kahuna, just as you said.
Sandy has inflicted major damage in New York. There’s also some bad hurricane news.
Man, I wish we had a President who would give that speech.
Funny how Frank’s plan is so much more appealing than what we’ve had the last few years in spite of the whole martial law thing. Ok Frank, you’ve got my support- provided you appoint Buttercup to Secretary of the Treasury. She can’t possibly do worse than they current jerk.
What kind of mealy-mouth, weak-kneed, General Haig-like announcement about “I’m in charge – here – in the White House” is this?!?!?!?
Frank J. in Idaho can’t be in charge of the nation because:
c) Idaho has no Nukes!
b) It and he are land-locked and have no Navy! They don’t even know how to swim!
d) He has to drive through potato fields (potato fields!) to get to work farming potatoes!
5) Mexicannons can’t reach Mexico from Idaho!
g) Frankly, he has no plan to deal with hobos, fat kids and liberal women who need contraceptives!
7) He has no experience dealing with crazy Washingtonians!
Instead, I am in charge here – in the new White House – in Washington State!
He could adopt my daughter’s plan for liberal women who need contraceptives “Geez, Cross your legs or something, willya”
Is Ohio a coastal state now? Maybe Biden can actually see the beach now.
I saw the first five minutes of Letterman last night (while I was trying to find the remote to change it to something else) and he did his show without an audience…I think the number of laughs were on par with when there are actually people in the crowd.
Dear Sir:
Kindly accept this letter as my application for the position of Czarina In Charge of Foolish Flighty Girls.
You do, I hope, intend to rein in these whining children so that in the glorious future that awaits us we will never again have to fear the Lena Dunhams and Sandra Flukes will be able to gaggingly revolt us into vomitous barfing.
Photos have surfaced of Obama, in the Situation Room, seated, and” expressing sympathy”. Apparently this was done after Frank’s announcement to show that The One, regrettably, is still “presidenting”.
Backchannel RUMINT has it that these photos were released to counter ones which may appear showing that Obama, The Half-Black Meshiach, cannot actually walk upon the (flood)waters nor part the waves threatening several key battleground states.
Meteorological reports of hail and locusts falling in a line running from Texas to Wisconsin appear to be inaccurate at best.
The former residence of Governor Romney, in Chestnut Hill, MA, remains untouched, save for the loss of a few roofing tiles.
Okay, Frank, you advance east on the Monroe Republic, and I’ll have the Georgia Federation forces advance north. We’ll have things under control by end-of-day next Tuesday.
Basil, if Frank advances east on Harvey, there no telling what would happen. We need Harvey to protect flyover country!
No more Left Coast?
No more Right Coast?
Now we have moving targets when we go out plinking.
Mayor Bloomberg has tweeted that he, and Ray Nagin, are in charge, “not this anarchistis, survivalist Frank character hiding in his Idaho compound.”
Perez Hilton is hinting at “some mysterious scandal lurking in Frank’s background…it may involves midgets, a belt sander, two tanks of helium, and a chinchilla.”
TMZ is announcing that they have photos of Frank and Harvey in the company of Amanda Bynes and Lindsay Lohan as the quartet was observed leaving the scene of Lohan’s latest automobile collision with the handicapped van belonging to the family of a towheaded girl with cerebral palsy.
[Don’t look now but the opposition could be marshalling its forces.]
“Anyone who now whines will be packed into a crate and shipped to Canada or Mexico — whichever has less shipping costs”
Since we all know that shipping containers arriving at the United States ports RETURN to China almost empty……..(I’m just sayin’…if you need a “Whiner Czar, I am available!)
We’re not about to let some commie hippies in San Fransisco let San Diego be kicked of the Union. I’m afraid we’re going to have to secede from California and reject your rejection. On the plus side, you now have a Navy to test-fire the sea-based version of the Mexi-cannon.
“foreginer?” whats a “foreginer”???
Ohhhh, FOREginer! hehehe…