Juneteenth probably should be a federal holiday. Could replace another; never really understood what Labor Day is.
Speaking practically, though, we need more holidays in the first half of the year. That’s a big holiday barren wasteland.
And give Harriet Tubman her $20. I dare say, she deserves it more than anybody. This is supposed to be the land of the free, and that’s what she fought for it in the most oppressive of conditions.

I’ve lost of track of who we’re supposed to be surprised by when we see them act like a mindless partisan hack.

Everyone wants to murder the goose that lays the golden eggs because it squawks too much or something.

They should issue every American a badge. That way if bad things go down while you’re in another country, you can just pull out a gun and if anyone looks at you funny, you hold up your badge and say, “It’s okay; I’m an American.”

Paid off the NICU bill. The baby is officially ours now!
I remember when Winchester was in the NICU and for a moment thought about how this was really going to hit our savings. And then I realized how stupid that thought was because what in the world was I saving for more important than this?
There’s a train of thought that things like health care are so important that we shouldn’t have to pay for them, but I’m not sure that’s wise. It’s probably good to directly pay for the important things. It’s a blessing of the money we make in this modern world.
I mean, how many people in the past wish they had the option to pay money to keep their children from dying? That’s not something to take for granted.

The left are really condemning themselves arguing that Obama was running a concentration camp but they didn’t feel like mentioning it until now.

“But avoid foolish and ignorant disputes, knowing that they generate strife.” 2 Timothy 2:23

Maybe the modern left is so bad it makes Biden wistful for segregationists.

Killing people in response to a drone being destroyed does seem disproportional. I’m not sure what you do, though. Maybe break into the homes of all the leaders and smash their stereo systems.

“How many people will this kill?”
“150, sir.”
“How much did that drone cost?”
“$240 million.”
*Trump does some quick math, counting on his fingers*
“That’s only worth killing a eighty people over. Call it off!”

Maybe you should reexamine your universal health care system when it’s constantly ordering the death of people’s kids.

There are a number of things missing in Breath of the Wild that I’d like them to include in its sequel.
1. Fishing pole
That is all.

Soon.

I feel like I’m in crazy town. The problem is that college costs have skyrocketed versus inflation due to government interference in loans, and the solution people are proposing is to have the government pay off those loans, giving colleges even less incentive to cut costs.
There would be no student debt crisis if colleges hadn’t been fueled into an inflation of costs. If you’re talking about loans and nothing about making colleges reduce costs, despite all you posturing about caring about students, you are a bad person and making things worse.

I don’t care for my wife’s new policy that giant wolf spiders are to placed outside alive since there is only one person in the house thought qualified to wrangle giant spiders.

If you ask, Kamala Harris is legally required to tell you she’s a cop.

Pretty much everyone who opposes abortion opposes it for the extremely obvious reasons. If you feel the need to pretend they’re not sincere, then it’s your viewpoint that isn’t on solid footing.

The only way I’ll be for forgiving students loans is if it’s the colleges paying back the money.

I am a wise Gen Xer, and have seen many things in my four decades on this earth. Please listen attentively as I lecture you.

AOC is very stupid, but she is a politician and thus also very dishonest. But since she’s so stupid, she’s dishonest in a very transparent way. She’s the Jussie Smollett of politics.

In fairness, it seems like there’s few criticisms of her that don’t also apply to Trump.

Women soccer players should earn the same as male soccer players: nothing. Why would we pay people to play soccer?

I think I’ll start my own social media platform. My rule: Adolf Hitler isn’t allowed on it. You may think it’s unfair to single out one person like that, but I think I have a good reason. Because of the genocide.

This caused a lot more questions than I thought. People were asking if my just banning Hitler meant I’m okay with all the others who have committed genocide, and the answer is no. I guess I’m just not familiar with all the people throughout history who have committed genocide.
So I’m updating the policy to the social media platform I’m theoretically creating: Anyone who committed genocide will be banned. I hope this is a clear rule that people understand.

Okay, the rule of no one who committed genocide being allowed on my social media platform was not as clear as I hoped. I continue to get a lot of questions about it.
I thought there was a clear cut definition of genocide, but many people dispute what is and isn’t technically genocide. Also, you know inevitably some person is going to say “Sure, I killed a lot of people, but it had nothing to do with ethnicity.” How can I disprove that?
I could ban everyone who committed murder, but that’s quite a blanket ban and I’m not sure I could be a successful site with a ban that broad. Have you heard of a social media platform that bans all murderers? I certainly can’t think of one.
I’ll have to think further on this and see what rules I can come up with that aren’t far too broad but can be objectively enforced.

I’ve reached a conclusion about my social media platform. I’ll either need to:
A) Ban people by rules that are somewhat subjective and I will get them wrong at times
B) Allow Adolf Hitler on my site
I don’t like either of these options.
I’ve decided to take the cowards way out and not make a social media platform. Sorry. I never said I wasn’t a coward. If I was asked to storm the beaches at Normandy, I would have said, “Can’t. I don’t like sand.”

I don’t think I get enough credit for my remarckably close spelling.

If you’re not outraged, you’re not paying attention. Good for you. Getting outraged and paying attention are both stupid.

You’re going to miss Trump when we once again have a president where every tweet goes through a committee.

Maybe–just maybe–the people doing Handmaid cosplay and warning Trump won’t peacefully leave office are being a little hysterical.

Remember that movie Shaft starring Samuel L. Jackson?

I follow politics far more than the average person (not a brag), and I honestly have never heard of a number of the people in the first Democratic presidential debate.

I’ve heard they’ve rented out a stadium for the Democratic presidential debate but they’re not sure where the audience will sit.

Weirdly, my 6yo son having a talking Black Panther toothbrush that urges him to brush for the good of Wakanda feels like culture appropriation.

Maybe there’s a lot about economics I don’t understand, but didn’t Rambo shoot all the socialists back in the 80s?

I like the smaller, handheld versions of people. They take a lot of maintenance, but they’re worth it.

MY BRAIN: “Hatler!”
ME: “Huh?”
MY BRAIN: “It’s like Hitler, but with a hat.”
ME: “Wha… What am I supposed to do with that?”
MY BRAIN: “Hatler!!!”

“Is he better or worse than regular Hitler?”
“Undetermined!”

Just beat July on Pandemic Legacy Season 1. I’m really curious what’s in that box you only open if you lose four games in a row. Maybe it’s a 20% off coupon for Candyland.

It’s really a pretty bad idea to look to either the government or corporations to enforce morality.

Watching Captain Marvel. Brie Larson did her best to make it sound tedious, but I hear it’s a solid mid-grade Marvel movie, so I assume I’ll enjoy it.

My wrist started hurting and I don’t remember injuring it and now my back’s hurting and the only explanation I can come up with is I’m now 40.

Watching the last half of Captain Marvel. I hope her friend dies to teach the daughter a lesson for encouraging her mother to do something dangerous.

I get why people don’t like Brie Larson in this. Her delivery makes me think of Data from ST:TNG if he were constantly making humorous quips. At times it almost feels like she’s never acted before.

Captain Marvel proved to me that a CGI rendering of a woman is just as capable as a CGI rendering of a man.

Yeah, I get the problem of her being overpower now so they have to come up with convoluted reasons she can’t be around to just solve every problem. Does she have a weakness like Superman, though? Maybe being told she’d be prettier if she smiled more.

Anyway, all caught up finally for Endgame whenever that’s available on video. Then I think I’m done with Marvel movies. Except for the next Spider-Man movie; that looks fun.

The penalty for flag burning is smoke inhalation.

You want your kids to be smart and successful, but I wonder if we place too much emphasis on that. Now that we have Winchester and I don’t know what he’ll be capable of, it’s made me realize how hollow some of things we take pride in can be.
I mean, if my kids end up wildly successful at whatever careers they choose, but they aren’t kind people, I would not be happy. And it makes me think am I emphasizing that enough? Am I being that example to them?
The example I want my kids to follow—the example I wish I could be to them—is that of Jesus. Sacrifice and concern for others. All the other stuff is nice, but not as important.
This is all just to say I don’t know what Winchester will be capable of with his Down syndrome, but I know he can still be a better man than me. And it will be my goal as a father to help lead him there, just as it will be with my other children.
Anyway, happy Fathers’ Day. It’s not a responsibility to take lightly.

Shooting a flag with a gun is not a protected form of speech unless it’s a California flag and you’re in Texas.

The lesson with the SJW religion is never apologize. There is no point, since they have no sacrament of forgiveness.

Everyone is so hateful, and what’s ironic is so many claim they’re fighting against hate. Like start with the man in the mirror, dude.
Not hating isn’t easy, though. You want to just say other people are bad and you’re righteous to scream at them. “Love your enemies” is still a radical statement.
We’re a country of 400 millions weirdos and we ain’t getting rid of anybody. Hating each other just makes things more difficult.

I never used the n-word and can’t understand using it. When I saw Pulp Fiction as a teenager, during that scene of Quentin Tarantino berating Vince and Jules I was thinking, “Hey, there’s a nicer way of phrasing all that.”

Apparently we were always using the term “concentration camps” for lots of things that didn’t have anything to do with the Nazis and I just missed that my first 40 years.
Isn’t it easier to just admit AOC is a dummy instead of constantly twisting yourself into a pretzel for her?

The left seem very confused today. I’ve seen
A) Concentration camps aren’t that bad and don’t just mean Nazis
B) Auschwitz wasn’t a concentration camp
C) The detention centers started under Obama are the first step to the next holocaust

Twitter should be nothing but AOC and Trump saying idiotic things and pundits explaining why what they said isn’t idiotic.

“We have concentrations camps at the border. This dehumanization is exactly how things started with Nazi Germany. We’re on the path to another holocaust. Anyway, who’s feeling like sushi tonight?”

Amazon is constantly sending me boxes filled with guns and ammo. I guess I signed up for some subscription service and I can’t figure out how to cancel it.

What we should be at war with is the idea we’re at war with each other.

FUN FACT: Alaska doesn’t exist. It’s just a state the U.S. made up as a tax write off.

The longest twitter feud I was in lasted three tweets. That’s how long it took the person to admit I was absolutely right and he was wrong to ever disagree with me.

Rambo doesn’t even need to fight in his new movie. I’d be happy for a whole film of just old man Rambo ranting about Millenials.
“They complain about college debt, but when I was their age, we paid our debt in blood on foreign soil!”

Even better idea: Rambo runs for office.
He used to fight Commies on the battlefield, and now he has to fight them politically.
“I knew someone once with economic ideas like yours. I blew him up with a grenade attached to an arrow.”

Ultrasound must have really changed things for fathers. Seems like the child in a pregnancy would feel pretty theoretical until quite late in the pregnancy without it.
I remember when I first felt like a father. 8 week ultrasound with my first. It was a lot more than I was expecting. Not just a heartbeat, but actually moving around, waving really tiny arms. There was the new life I was responsible for.

That Old Town Road is quite an ear worm. I don’t know if it’s rap or country, but I like it.

What are some extremely popular things that everyone else likes that you also like? I like Marvel movies, The Beatles, and Coca-Cola!

“I have a plan! I’ll take money from other people and buy you free stuff with it!”
Wow. What a plan. What a genius plan.

Kind of funny how Sylvester Stallone had two popular franchises that each start with a movie trying to be a serious film and then all the sequels become schlock until Stallone revisits it decades later trying to make a serious film again.

I remember the Ebert review of First Blood Part 2 remarking how he was really surprised they would just release a mass murderer like that, but then I actually saw the first Rambo movie and he only kills one person in it (by accident).

Maybe the ones who have to constantly watch themselves so they don’t accidentally humanize… well… humans, aren’t the good guys.

If you feel very strongly people should earn at least a certain wage an hour, make a business and pay people that.

“National security is at stake. We need the best on this.”
“CIA?”
“The best.”
“Seal Team 6?”
“No. The absolute best.”
“A team of street racers who used to steal DVD players.”
“Bingo.”

I’m starting to think I should do like a swear jar, but it’s a politics jar where I have to put a dollar in it every time I tweet about politics.

I like wearing a Henley because even though I’m just being a slob in T-shirt and jeans, I look more sophisticated because buttons.

I’m 70% sure Eric Swalwell is just an Andy Kaufman-esque bit. It’s too genius to be done by accident.

I don’t even understand caring about that Pelosi video.

Why is everyone trying to destroy David French? He said be nice to people? Is there video of this, because I don’t want to join the mob unless there’s proof.
I have a great way to bring down David French. I went through Game of Thrones and counted every single boobie and… Oh. Someone already beat me to it.

I’m officially an adult! 40 years, man! I have so much wisdom now to impart to young people, but it’s mainly that they should shut up because I’m tried of listening to them whine.

Don’t trust anyone who dislikes dogs or Dwayne Johnson.

Did there used to be something else that journalists did other than try to get videos they didn’t like taken off the internet?

I find it very insulting people think journalists can do my occupation.

So the answer is I can drink an espresso at 10pm and have no trouble going to sleep. I think I now just drink coffee to maintain normalcy.

Trump can only have one more term as president of Earth, but there are no term limits for president of Mars.

It actually took me a second to figure out how to misread what Trump said about the moon and Mars. I guess I’m just used to his garbled style.

Time to peruse social media and make a list of all the people I want thrown off of it.

I don’t want to just save the environment; I want to invest it and earn interest.

2020 election should be a lot of fun. Whether Trump is re-elected or if we get a new president, both possibilities seem like a big surprise. Neato!
Whatever happens, I’m sure I’ll have lots of fun at the expense of the head of state. If you’re going to lead the free world, you’re going to get ribbed by me. Watch out!

So now Mars has stolen the moon. Thanks, David French!

Social media is a publisher, not a platform which means there can be a RICO prosecution against them under the Logan Act.

Ah man. I just realized that now that I turned 40, I’m probably too old for Space Force.

Soon the living will envy the canceled.

Got a 4K TV for my birthday. Man, I can’t believe I ever thought 1080p was impressive. 1920×1080 is a gutter resolution.

I like how hotel fanciness just abruptly ends at the stairwell. The whole place looks like a million bucks and then you decide to skip the elevator and it looks like they used whatever paint was cheapest at Home Depot.

Other thing about the fancy hotel: It had single-ply toilet paper. Everything else about it was top-notch, but that part made me feel like I was in the Soviet Union.

People are a burden in the sense that gold is heavy.

I tried watching The Handmaid’s Tale, but I couldn’t take it seriously with all those women constantly dressed up like idiot protesters.

I’m not exactly sure who should be the most offended party in a comparison of AOC to Trump.

I pulled out my iPhone 5S for the first time in a long time. It’s hard to believe that 4” screen used to be the biggest iPhone. I now feel like Andre the Giant holding that thing.

The thing about a Frozen sequel—what percentage of that movie’s popularity was the song Let It Go?

Winchester is a dapper little guy.

Pay AOC $15 an hour.

Know what you call a congressman earning $15 an hour?
Overpaid.

Without political cartoons, how will we know what Saint Peter says to people at the pearly gates when they die?

We used to have water cooler shows–shows basically everyone watched and then would discuss around the water cooler. This era ended, though, when people stopped drinking water in favor of chugging Mountain Dew Code Red.

I don’t want more modern nazism or communism. I want to leave those things in last century.

Solar energy isn’t renewable energy. Once the sun runs out, we have no idea how to make a new one.

Been wanting to show my kids the moons of Jupiter, but it’s been cloudy every night. I don’t know who to complain to about that.
A local news story said Jupiter is so close you can see all 79 of its moon with binoculars. They might want to recheck the science on that.

Biden can’t cure cancer. The guy has been in government since 1970; I’d be surprised if he has enough practical skills to tie his own shoes.

The far left seem to have this religious faith that if they endorse mean things like food being thrown at people then that will only happen to people they don’t like. It’s anti-vaxxer level stupid and irresponsible.

After careful thought and consideration, my wife and I have decided to watch all the Fast & Furious movies. They sound stupid and fun.

The Democratic presidential primary is a bunch of rich people telling you not to trust rich people and you should listen to them.

I don’t get why all the talk about college seems to be on loans and not about how you make colleges cut costs which is why kids have to get those huge loans. They’re the ones that inflated their costs to ridiculous levels.
Of course, the way to make college cut costs is to make it harder to get loans and thus cut off the money spout that allows colleges to inflate costs in the first place.
That’s why I couldn’t fully cheer on that billionaire paying off the loans. Great for the kids that year, but not for the kids next year. The problem won’t get better until we stop throwing money at it.
The solution, of course, is to stop having special government backed loans. People don’t want that. How about you can’t have government backed loans except for colleges that accept price controls. Price controls are horrible, but it’s already a distorted market.
Really, I’m just for what will finally make the college squirm. If they like what’s going on, you have a bad solution.

I put “you should throw milkshakes at people you disagree with” in the same category as “racism is good” in that to argue against I have to use arguments that seem patronizing to even have to say out loud and I’ll get a bit angry someone is so stupid I have to bother.

The far left have given up trying to convince anyone of anything. They’re just shrieking children wanting to indulge their own id.

You’d think the left would be much more motivated than the right to make sure violence is never on the table.

My daughter wanted to know how to play Backgammon so I looked up the rules online and… wow. I’ve been working on Windows drivers all day; I don’t need anything that complicated.
I’ve seen Backgammon boards throughout my entire life, but I realized I’ve only ever seen it actually played twice—once in real life and then John Locke played it once on Lost.

I saw the Akira anime many years ago, but I didn’t really get it. I remember there were motorcycles and then someone grew really fat and big for some reason.

Working on Windows drivers is fun because apparently basically no one works on Windows drivers. If you have a question, you either end up through Google on a OSR forum entry or you’re on your own, bud.
“Hmm. Wonder if I can find an example of this Windows driver API function being used… Nope. No one in the entire internet has ever used it.”

I haven’t bothered figuring out how to do a driver debug setup (which is complicated and involves something called a crossover cable), so I’m doing what I call “black box” debugging. It either work or it don’t. If it don’t, I stare at the code and try to guess why.
It’s just a user mode driver, so can’t do too much damage unless you really push it. I have done a kernel mode driver before. That’s fun. One call out of order, and it’s BSOD. Do not test on a computer you care about.

Time for me to rant about The Silmarillion. I thought “hey, this will be some neat background stories that add color to the The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings.” I was wrong on so many levels.
First of all, it’s not stories. It reminded me most of early parts of Genesis, but that’s overselling it. It’s more like J.R.R. Tolkien wrote Wikipedia-level plot summaries of stories only he ever read.
There’s barely any description of anyone or anything. A person that’s been mentioned for a hundred pages will die with the sentence “he was slain.”
The Silmarillion is also a constant vomit of names you have no idea how to pronounce and have no idea how to keep track of.
Example sentence:
“There was small love between the Edain and the Easterlings, and they met seldom; for the newcomers abode long in East Beleriand, but Hador’s folk were shut in Hithlum, and Bëor’s house was wellnigh destroyed.”
You’re constantly like “Have I seen these names before, or are these new ones?” It’s impossible to follow unless you keep a notebook with you and keep referring back to it. There are thousands of names of people, places, factions.
Also, important people tend to have multiple names for some reason, which Tolkien moves between at reckless abandon just to make things more confusing. At times, this seemed like an Andy Kaufman-esque joke on me.
Also, Tolkien doesn’t like commas for some reason, which means you’ll confusingly have two made up names jammed together and mistakenly thing they’re one name.
“with the hilt-shard of Narsil Isildur cut the Ruling Ring from the hand of Sauron”
And that was a bad example sentence, because that involves things you’ve heard of and care about if you’ve read Lord of the Rings. 90% of what’s in the book has no direct bearing on anything from Lord of the Rings.
The main story is about these powerful rocks or something called the Silmarils made from some powerful pre-elf. Then Morgoth (also Melkor, because confusing), the Satan of Middle Earth, takes those rocks. Eventually he is defeated when everyone decides to defeat him.
I’m making this sound way more interesting than it is.
You do get a little bit more background on Sauron, but not much. Early on he decided to follow Morgoth because he… wanted to be evil, I guess. You don’t get really any color on that.
In fact, you get no more background details about anything you would actually care about. The very last part give a bit more details on the rings and the One Ring, but not much.
For instance, I was curious about the hobbits and how they ended up in their peaceful, isolated existence. Hobbits are literally mentioned on just one page. “There were hobbits. No one paid attention to them. Eventually one of them got the One Ring.” That’s it. That’s all you get.
Maybe more details on wizards like Gandalf and what’s their deal? Nope. Last ten pages it just says wizards appeared for some reason and were kind of powerful. No more details.
But if you wants hundreds of pages of mechanical description of the not very relevant adventures of Elrond’s great grandfather surrounded in a sea of names you can’t pronounce, The Silmarillion has you covered.
So, just for Tolkien super fans. Strangely, I now want to reread it because I think I’ll understand it better the second time.

So one thing I’ve learned from the first three Fast & Furious movies is that races are entertaining but car chases are boring. I think that’s because races have a clear objective and you understand how the protagonist is doing.
Car chases, on the other hand, have a vague objective (get away) and you never really understand how well the protagonist is doing and how close they are to achieving the goal. It’s just lots of movement.

Anytime someone asks “How are you doing?” and I say “I’m doing good. How are you doing?” and they say, “I’m doing well.” I clench my fist and mutter, “You think you’re better than me?”

Ben Shapiro radicalized me into a robot who has no feelings and cares only about facts. My kids are scared of me.

The one good argument for throwing milkshakes is that it’s counterproductive as I assume anyone who throws a milkshakes has bad politics that deserve to lose.
Of course, I don’t really follow politics over in Britain to know what the dispute was about. Probably about how crumpets are cooked or something.

Time for the 4th film, Fast & Furious, not to be confused with the 1st film, The Fast & The Furious. Now they’re too fast to bother wasting time on articles and too furious to speak in full sentences.

“I have an idea: Let’s wait for the truck to stop before we rob it.”
*Vin Diesel stares at me and then throws me out of the moving car*

BTW, I’ve decided “Fast & Furious” refers to the two titular characters, Brian Fast and Dom Furious.

Little Winchester’s laughs are the best, but he’s still very sparing with them. If he were more economically oriented, he could get me to pay $20 for one.
He’s 4 months now and rolling both ways—so semi-mobile. So far he’s been pretty much on the normal scale for all the early developmental milestones.
Side to side is easy. It’s moving forward that’s hard.
He’s working at it!

With Down syndrome, one of the common problems is low muscle tone, but Win hasn’t had too much of a problem there. He was a little behind the curve on head control, but he seems to really be working on that.

When young people going door to door give up after my first “no”, I feel like I need to correct them.

I think a way to improve social media is you’re are allowed to pick five things you can get angry about. If you’re seen getting angry at other things beyond your five, you’re a weird angry person and kicked off.
I just suspect a lot of people are often screaming about things that would be like 20th on their list or lower if they actually had to list out things that made them mad. Pick a few things to get angry about and focus.
This probably wouldn’t improve the abortion debate, but everything else would probably get quieter.

My big complaint about the Resident Evil 2 remake is that when you hit start at the title screen, there is no voice announcing “Resident… Evil… 2.” It disappoints me every single time.

I’m promoting a new political philosophy called “insectionality” where if you disagree with me you get attacked by a swarm of bees.

So, how are they going to introduce the X-Men into the MCU?
“You know all those people who are born with super powers but we never mentioned them until now?”
“Yes.”
“Well, now we’re mentioning them!”

The X-Men are kind of dumb, though, when they’re in a universe with other superheroes.
“Thanks for saving me! So how did you get your superpowers? Super serum? Gamma radiation? Magic rock?”
“I was born with them.”
“What?! That means you’re a mutant! I discriminate against you!”

My 3yo being silly:
“Look, daddy. I put Mercury next to Earth! And I’m putting craters on Jupiter!”
Yep, that is not an accurate solar system, you silly billy.
I did have “Actually” her though to tell her that Mercury can often be the closest planet to Earth.
Craters on a gas giant is just childish nonsense, though.

“Hey, King Snake, what’s with the colors?”
“I thought I’d make myself look just like a coral snake so everyone thinks I’m poisonous. Genius, huh?”
“Um… I don’t think you got it quite right.”
“Eh. It’s close enough.”

I finally tried out that Snapchat baby filter.

Probably the biggest problem with solar panels is they’re frigging ugly.
“Want to install solar panels on your house? It will save you money!”
“What color are they?”
“It’s called ‘insect wing.’”

I love how other countries try to use “cowboy” as an insult when in fact that is the highest compliment in the U.S.

Can we at least all agree that humans deciding they want to engage in the reproductive act without reproducing and the solution to that being tiny killing will not make the top ten list of “Most Civilized Things Humanity Has Ever Done”?

Seems like the good economy would help Trump against people with radical plans like Bernie Sanders (don’t rock the boat!), but I don’t know if it would help him much against someone boring like Biden.

It would be kind of funny if there’s like 50 Democratic candidates for president and then Biden just runs away with it.

Yay! My brother is moving to Texas! It’s Frasier and Niles back together!

I hate when a programming language makes me but a break in the default for a switch statement. There’s nothing to break!

I didn’t think anyone thought Gen X was particularly special; they just stand out versus the two generations they’re sandwiched between by not being terrible.

It doesn’t convince me you’re very secure in your position when you spend most of your time arguing why other opinions aren’t allowed.

They’re “feminist.” That’s why they focus on the men who are pro-life and completely ignore the women.

It seems like a lot Democrats have to be running just to get their consolation copy of Democratic Presidential Primary the Home Game.

Has either side in the abortion debate tried yelling more? Maybe if one side were louder and angrier, that would solve things.

“If you will kill a convicted murderer, then why won’t you kill a baby?”
*mic drop*

When is Hillary going to enter the presidential race?

My 6yo said “I’m going to do it myself so I don’t have to say please or thank you.”
I’m not sure whether to encourage or discourage that attitude.
Sounds like he’s a budding libertarian.

Every generation gets the Batman it deserves.

I can’t believe my wife is always finding out what the kids like and making a cake of it for their birthdays. If it was up to me, I’d be like “You kids like circles? Here’s a circle cake.”

This is weird. I’m finding myself avoiding spoilers to a show I don’t plan to watch because I don’t to be spoiled to how people will react on Twitter.

My biggest hope is that as the final episode comes to a close, GRRM tweets out “That’s not how it’s supposed to end!”

I finished reading The Silmarillion. I think I’ll later need to do a lengthy rant about it as that thing was ridiculous on a number of different levels.

I hope if you solve all the puzzles in Baba Is You you get to a screen that says “A Winner Is You”
My wife who never plays video games has been a big help. I just can’t get my thinking outside the box enough to solve the later puzzles.

My guess is at the end Jon Snow finally embraces his destiny, lifts his sword, and shouts, “By the power of Grayskull…” and then we find this is all leading into a He-Man reboot with Dany as Evil-Lyn.

I don’t think there’s anything left to say that wasn’t said in the theme song.
“You take the good,
You take the bad,
You take them both and there you have
The Game of Thrones,
The Game of Thrones.“

“When the world never seems
To be livin up to your dreams
And suddenly you’re finding out
The Game of Thrones are all about you.”
It was always about you, the fans.

I don’t like going downtown because I don’t like have to put mental effort into parking. You go someplace, there’s a parking lot right there and you park. That’s how I do things.

I wonder if a CEO could use the Buttigieg dodge if questioned about his pay.
“Why are we talking about that? It’s less than 1% of our company’s revenue.”

I don’t like these variable adult ages. Voting, guns, alcohol, tobacco, being tried as an adult, getting kicked of your parents insurance should all be the same age.

I kinda of seems like the left now spend half their time arguing how throwing things at people is proper political discourse and the other half being completely incoherent.

Remember: The goal is to be less terrible than Trump. I don’t know how everyone keeps limboing under that low of a hurdle.

Why do we let people drive a car at an earlier age than own a handgun? Cars kill more people than guns—probably partly because of letting young people drive.

I have strong opinions on how I don’t care about what you’re talking about.

“That man is quite tough.”
“Yes. We call him a ‘badass.’ That may seem like a non sequitur, but it is his low-quality buttocks that has made him indomitable.”

The standard practice seems to be to refer to an unborn child as a “baby” if it’s loved and a “fetus” if it isn’t.

So what’s gong to make 2020 different is that the Democrats are going to argue that Trump isn’t that smart or successful.

For some reason I’ve never figured out, I find “unsigned” the hardest word to type. It comes out as “unisgned” more than half the time (including my first attempt to type it in this tweet).

Why is everyone nutty about politics except me? Why am I the only reasonable person? Why was I given this terrible burden?

Mike Meyers’s Cat in the Hat combines the creepiness of a clown with the unfunniness of a clown.

Finally saw Kong: Skull Island. Rock-solid summer blockbuster. Entertained all the way through. No complaints. The monkey was very large.

I’m to 14.6 GB out of 15 on my Gmail, so I guess it’s finally time to start deleting emails.

Next time you’re whining about how tough you have things, remember there are people who had things way worse than you and achieved way more.

Meghan McCain has really become an Emmanuel Goldstein for a certain segment of the left. Strange how that seems to happen more with center-right people, like Bari Weiss. I guess because they’re the ones that get invited into left-wing bubbles.

No believes the world is ending from climate change because no one acts like the world is going to end. Instead they act like partisan goobers.

#DearMeTenYearsAgo
Pay close attention to those Marvel movies. There’s like a quiz at the end.

Know what’s a better gift to get for Father’s Day that a “#1 Dad” mug? A mug that says “#8 Dad.” That makes it sound like there was legitimate ranking and you made the top ten.

Calling Alfred E. Neuman an old fogey reference is like calling Bugs Bunny an old fogey reference. “Hey, he referred to something made back in the 30s!”
You’re sounding like idiots trying to pretend Trump didn’t make a good barb for once.

I don’t think America is ready to elect a Millennial as president.

Trump makes his biggest supporters and biggest detractors so so dumb.

Trump actually made a pretty clever barb comparing Buttigieg to Alfred E. Neuman. Get over it. He’ll say something characteristically stupid again soon.

Buttigieg’s misstep was reminding everyone he’s a Millennial. Can’t the Democrats elect someone from Generation X — the greatest (recent) generation?

To me, the perfect political system would be one where everyone could lose. Then after an election I could laugh in the face of all the candidates and their supporters.

My 5yo son was so excited to receive a trophy for tee-ball that we waited awhile to explain to him that it was a participation trophy and completely meaningless.

The way they did it was that the younger divisions where they didn’t really keep score everyone got a little trophy, but in the older divisions (like what my 8yo was in) only the top teams got trophies.
The number of teams that got trophies seemed to follow this equation:

int numTeamsReceivingTrophies = MIN(divisions.teams.count – 1, 3);

I.e., up to 3 teams got trophies, but at least one team per division didn’t get one to make the other trophies meaningful.

My 3yo just now:
“Daddy, I’m going to kill you.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re bad.”
She find my Twitter feed?

So how many of you are surprised Trump knows who Alfred E. Neuman is? I assumed someone else made the comparison and he repeated it, but if he came up with that one himself, props to him.

Are liquor stores closed on Sunday in solidarity with Chick-fil-A?

Saw Creed 2 finally. Was looking forward to it as Rocky IV is like the 80iest 80s movie, and it’s nice there’s now a sequel.
In the first Creed, they gloss over how Apollo died as Rocky IV is so cheesy and didn’t fit the tone of Creed at all. Creed 2 is okay with a little schlock though, and it was a fun movie.
Really more of a Father’s Day movie as there were like 4+ father-son/daughter relationships in the movie. Surprisingly, the one that landed hardest emotionally was the Drago one.
One thing I found odd is while I was excited to see Dolph as Drago again and Jordan as Creed, in the first scene where Sylvester Stallone started talking, I was all “Oh yeah. He’s in this too.”
Sylvester Stallone shares part of the screenwriting credit. It’s easy to forget he started his career as an Oscar-nominated screenwriter.
And actor.
Anyway, much cheesier than the first Creed (Drago gets to dictate to the World Heavyweight Champion that the rematch has to be in Russia?) but man do you get pulled into the climactic fight. Good movie.

My wife, SarahK, has amazed me this year like never before. It was a tough labor, we had the Down syndrome surprise, and week in the NICU—but only a week after she’s getting the three other kids to softball/tee-ball while taking on the challenges of our newborn, Winchester.
Being a mother at times seems like an impossible job, but she nails it. Happy Mother’s Day.

Ha. You idiots are watching the show Game of Thrones TV show while I await for the end of the book series which will be infinitely better since it will only exist in my imagination.

*George R.R. Martin watches people’s reactions to the final season of Game of Thrones*
*He takes what he’s currently written for the last two books and throws it in the fire*
“Going to need to rewrite that.”

I’m reading The Silmarillion. It reminds me of the early parts of the Book of Genesis, but with way more unsure how to pronounce names thrown at you. I’m a hundred pages in, and all I’ve absorbed so far is “Melkor is bad.”

If you ask Kamala Harris if she’s a cop, she required by law to tell you.

Will the Democrats’ rallying around pea-brained anti-Semites and socialists be enough to defeat Trump?

A great metaphor for politics is in the game Myst. You have two people in it arguing you should help them and not trust the other and in the end you find out it’s a false choice and you shouldn’t help or trust either.

“There’s always kind of a calming feeling when I think of the Holocaust” does have to be one of the all time worst starts to a sentence.

*talking to Daenerys*
“You know, you’d be prettier if you smiled more.”
*Daenerys smiles while committing genocide*
“Oh no.”

I beat Cuphead. Yeah, I’m pretty awesome.
And I beat a number of the bosses with my kids “helping.”

How Game of Thrones will probably end:
Daenerys and Jon Snow kill each other and then Arya Stark takes the throne and is like, “I’m queen now!”
And everyone is like, “Are ya?”
Freeze frame as everyone has a good laugh. Credits roll over freeze frame.

I’m actually really excited for the finale next week even though I don’t watch the show because the reactions to each episode has been so enjoyable.

It’s not people swearing and getting angry that’s going to convince me about climate change–people do that about every idiotic issue. What would convince me is them being kind and compromising with their political opponents because they believe it’s so important to do something.
Everyone screams and gets angry. If you want to get attention in politics, do something you never see: swallow your pride.

They foreshadowed Daenerys overreacting and going crazy when in the first season they revealed she’s a woman.

Lines I’m expecting from the last episode of GoT:
“This game of thrones is no longer a game. It’s real life.”
“I’ll defeat your dragon with it’s only weakness–the dragon uppercut! Shoryuken!”
“Autistic son, why are you staring at that snow globe of dragons and naked ladies?”

Probably the absolute worst justification for abortion is that it’s best for the child. That implies there are a number of children out there who weren’t aborted but would be better off dead.

It’s 2019 and we still don’t have a toaster you can take in the bathtub.

Ah, another day on the internet. Time to find some people I don’t like and try to make them feel bad.

I did wonder if eventually they’d reference the famous “Get him a body bag!” line in Cobra Kai, and the way they did was pretty surprising.

I didn’t care much about the Mueller report beforehand and everything subsequent has just made me care less and less.
It became obvious right away there was nothing in there that seemed impeachable to anyone other than an extreme partisan, so it was like “Let’s move on.” Plenty more Trump awfulness coming down the pipeline.

The deal of capitalism—the deal that people like Bernie Sanders rejects—is that you can have more than you can possibly imagine—wealth and luxury people of the past couldn’t even comprehend—as long as you can put up with someone else having a lot more.

The Android Studio debugger shows the contents of a byte array in decimal. What is this? A programming language for children?

-103? What byte is -103?
I don’t think I ever in my life have dealt with a signed byte displayed in decimal. I don’t even know how to translate that to something useful.

I’m usually fine with these more modern languages that don’t give you memory access. When you’re doing trite things like describing how a GUI button behaves, they’re fine. But every now and then I have to do big boy programming with them and it is painful.

While talking about programming languages for children, I refuse to use “YES/NO” for booleans in Objective C. I’m not a baby.
Can’t razz on Objective C too much. It does give you a memcpy.

It seems to me that Joe Biden does have the best change against Trump, but 2016 left me with such a feeling that I absolutely no idea what’s going on that 2020 could end with a landslide going either way and neither result would feel that surprising.

I’ve never understood what rights gap the Equal Rights Amendment is supposed to fill.
A constitutional amendment we do need is a right to make a living. Licensing and regulation should be given the same scrutiny as restrictions on speech.

The left in this country have a huge problem with antisemitism and they absolutely do not want to have to deal with it.

That Beyond Meat seems cute, but if they can make it significantly cheaper than actual meat, then they have something. Capitalism is like 1000 times multiplier versus people purchasing something for ethical reasons.

I don’t know anything about the Prison Planet guy other than that he seemed pretty nutty so I avoided him. Then again, that describes a lot of people here so I don’t know if that means he should be deplatformed.

My view on climate change is that change is just a part of life, man. You gotta embrace change. Don’t get stuck in the old ways. Welcome the new.

States should pass a measure keeping socialist off the ballot since they’re commies, which it is illegal to be.

The left tactics to win a political battle are a bit like someone trying to win a brawl by throwing guns into the mix and then yelling, “But only people we like please use those.”
Oh yeah. I haven’t heard those numskulls bring up court packing in a while.

My next novel is coming out soon, and Ethan Nicolle (of Axe Cop fame) made the cover!
It has a katana in it which I find to be essential to good storytelling.

Here’s the full wraparound for the print version. Only regret is it’s hard to make out the name on the donut box because I thought it was pretty clever.

“What are the patient’s symptoms?”
“He got joo joo eyeballs.”
“Really? That’s rare.”
“He got monkey finger.”
“Both those things?!”
“He got walrus gumboot.”
“How is this man still alive?!”
“He got feet down below his knee.”
“Well, that’s normal.”

Bill de Blasio does have a path to victory, but it involves him surviving a virus that kills off 99% of the population.

There’s so much focus on which politician will win an election and what bill will get passed it’s like everyone forgot that the main point of politics is to have fun.

I found out from Smash Bros that the piece everyone knows as the theme to Super Mario Bros is actually called the “Ground Theme.” At least it’s not called something like “Suicide Is Painless.”

Oh man. I completely missed Cinco de Cuatro.

Why would you waste money on sunglasses when good ole squinting works nearly as well? Plus it makes you look badass like Clint Eastwood.

I’ve played enough video games to know how Game of Thrones ends: The iron throne comes alive and they have to fight it.

Palestinians? To Israel, they’re more like Enemy-estinians! #TopicalHumor

Sure, the patriarchy did get humanity from a bunch of loose tribes to an advanced prosperous civilization that landed on the moon, but if you have a better idea of how to do things, have at it.

Is Booker’s idea to license gun owners anymore constitutional than requiring a license for speech?
And what problem is he trying to solve with his expensive unconstitutional idea? A mass shooter isn’t going to go through a licensing process; he’ll just obtain one of the 400 million guns already out there like every other criminal.
Actually, every single one of Booker’s ideas seem to be just things to pester law-abiding gun owners and do absolutely nothing to stop any criminals from shooting someone.
No one seems to take the problem seriously. There are 400 millions guns out there. If someone wants a gun, they’re going to get one. Licensing, background checks, microstamping new guns won’t even have a nominal effect on criminals.
The laws that are shown to have an effect on gun crime are harsher sentences for using a gun in a crime–a law that has no effect on law abiding gun owners. Also won’t effect mass shootings, but no laws will.

I think people often confuse democracy with freedom, when in fact democracy is simply a tool that hopefully supports freedom, though 51% could vote to oppress the other 49%.

I’m starting to wonder if the analogy for democracy is refrigerator. It keeps your freedoms from spoiling right away, but doesn’t ultimately preserve them forever.

And one of the greatest aspirations of this country is protection of minority rights, and doesn’t majority rule seem like a particularly faulty way to go about that?

This may be sexist, but men who are fervently pro-abortion are about the creepiest thing imaginable.

There are countries with larger populations than the U.S., and theoretically they should be able to become richer than us. I think it’s unlikely for a country to pass the U.S. though because of one advantage no one else can match in the near future: We’re the least homogeneous.

I just realized I completely forgot who Hillary’s running mate was. That guy barely existed.
And while we’re remembering old things, remember Occupy Wall Street? Did anyone ever figure out what they wanted?
And was that whole “up twinkles” thing Occupy Wall Street supposedly did real or just something made by a brilliant satirist mocking them?

This doesn’t seem like a great time for a Netflix price raise with the much cheaper Disney+ and all its content on the horizon. With the first Netflix price raise, I didn’t think twice, but now Netflix is starting to lose value in my eyes.
Probably biggest value now is Prime Video. I watch a number of their original shows, but I only got Prime for the shipping.

People act like voting is this uber-right you get to keep even after to lose all your others, and it’s not even technically a right. It’s more a compromise since the government reserves the ability to infringe our rights.
People have almost this worship of voting, when it’s really just this stupid hack we use to slow down dictatorships. In a perfect world, voting would be completely inconsequential (since your rights were never on the line) and no one would care about it.

This whole “rapists and murderers deserve a vote!” thing seems like some conspiracy to make Trump to look like the sane adult in the room.

You could tell some of the Democratic candidates wanted to say, “That’s nuts. You’re an idiot for even suggesting that” but you can’t anger the base. And they love being angry.

BTW, I’m fine with people out of prison getting voting rights… as long as it goes along with all other rights like gun rights in a package. If you’re afraid of someone exercising their other rights, then I’m afraid of them voting.

“We need to hunt down and find out who the Zodiac Killer is and secure his vote.”

Completely ignoring the great aesthetic, Cuphead is an excellent game. Supremely challenging, but it never feels cheap (except for the parry which I don’t always understand why it doesn’t work).
I also love the concept that it’s like all boss battles. There’s a few regular run and gun stages where you get coins to upgrade, but they actually feel like a bit of a chore compared to the boss battles that’s 80% of the game.

I didn’t care for the last 21 Marvel movies. Should I see Endgame?

5 jobs I’ve had:
1. Plumber
2. Space bounty hunter
3. Tomb raider
4. Hitman
5. Gorilla

When there is appallingly horrible on both sides, Biden might have success with a pitch portraying himself as mediocre.

Who cares about the cast announcement of a James Bond movie unless they’re casting a new James Bond?

It would be fascinating if they found a writer who has never seen a Marvel movie and got him to review Endgame.

Woke my daughter up this morning saying, “You have to get up and have breakfast. You’re going to the Alamo today.”
And she said, “I forgot about the Alamo!”
I feel like she was setting me up for a joke there.

“Hey! Remember the Alamo!”
8yo daughter stares at me blankly
“It’s… it’s a phrase.”

I feel like Trump is trying to be that guy from Seinfeld who told Elaine she has a big head. Everyone starts out going “That’s his insult? That’s it?” and then eventually everyone is freaking out at him.

I really enjoyed every single Marvel movie, so should I see Avengers: Endgame?

I really enjoyed the paintball episodes of the show Community; should I see Avengers: Endgame?

Man, completely forgot about we have a 3 month old baby. So even when we finally don’t have a weekend without tee ball/softball games, going with the wife to a 3 hour movie is still logistically very difficult.
No one spoil Endgame until it’s on video.

I’m trying to think how much someone like we would be willing to pay a studio to watch this movie once at home on its release weekend. $50, at least.

I want a block list that blocks anyone who put together any of those block lists.

My wife said I could go see it by myself, but I’m not going to watch some kid superhero movie by myself like some FREAK.
My 8yo said I should take her. She’s only see the first Iron Man on VidAngel; I wonder how well she’d follow.

People who say there was no scandals during the Obama administration are worse than Trump.

If the younger generation really got a bad deal and inherited a bad world with less opportunities, then why are they constantly screaming about piddling crap? Shouldn’t they have actual problems to take up their time?

Been at the kid’s ball field all day for three different games (helped coach in one) and to volunteer at the fajita fundraiser. All in 80+ degree weather. Legit Saturday.

Neglecting to criticize a politician is anti-American.
Praising one is full Communist.

Taxes on the rich transfer money from people who generally do useful things with it — rich people — to the people in the country who are the absolute worst with money — politicians.

Hey, no posting Game of Thrones spoilers for the next 30 years for those of us still waiting on the books.

Avatar holds the record for highest worldwide gross. I’m still absolutely baffled by that.

It’s funny how Ralph Macchio in Cobra Kai is older than Pat Morita was in Karate Kid. One false note was at one point LaRusso gets disparagingly called “grandpa” but he looks like he’s in his 30s.
I’m not liking the 2nd season of Cobra Kai quite as much as the first. I think part of that is the larger focus on Robby and Sam. There’s just something about Robby I really don’t like (can’t place my finger on it), and Sam is boring.
What I do like about the show is it’s not clear who you’re supposed to be rooting for. And Johnny Lawrence is quite the hero for this age. He’s trying to atone for his toxic past but is still very much against being a “pussy” — as he puts it.

There does seem something particularly wrong about a continual tax on something that doesn’t generate revenue. That’s like the government compelling you to work if you want to keep your stuff.

“How dare you imply some of my own decisions led to my financial distress! It’s all because of vast outside forces! Vast outside forces!”

“Sorry, Elizabeth Warren, but I can’t pay the wealth tax on my diamonds, yachts, and Rembrandts because I lost them all in a boating accident.”

My solution to everything: A whine tax. A fine of one dollar every time someone whines. I expect it to raise $83 billion dollars. Less the next day as hopefully people wise up.

You may say the 1st Amendment doesn’t allow a fine for whining, but whining was not the speech the Founders intended when they wrote that amendment. Whining is assault speech.

Modern western civilization is all trying to solve the puzzle of whether there’s a way to get freedom without responsibility.

I forgot that Iron Man and The Dark Knight came out the same year. What a turning point for comic book movies. That’s the year we as a society agreed we’d pretend that superheros were serious characters and not just dumb things for children.
“We’re going to watch a man in a bat costume punching another guy in clown makeup and then try to act like it’s serious stuff. And then we’re going to watch this other film and try not to laugh as a guy in a cave somehow builds a robot suit. Everyone on board?”
“Remember to stay until after the credits.”

The deep question Jacob Wohl poses is whether you can be too dumb to grift.

Every day I do a lot of thinking and a lot of praying and I will not apologize.

If there is one thing you need to know about me it’s that there in fact five things you need to know about me.

That “Sleepy Joe” nickname for Biden seems pretty lame, but if he nods off in public just once…

Your fair share of someone else’s money is zero dollars. Anything higher than that is not fair.

The “Sleepy Joe” nickname is going to make it harder for Trump to later portray Biden as an extremist. Ever heard of a sleepy extremist? That doesn’t sound very threatening.

The low charitable givings actually helps Democratic candidates. Giving your money away voluntarily is seen as disrespectful to government coercion.

I got Call of Duty Black Ops 4 with a new computer, and that game make me feel old. I think they Fortnited Call of Duty and I have absolutely no idea what’s going on.
I played Black Ops 1 & 2 multiplayer, and those made perfect sense to me. 4, though, has a million things to click on in its interface — all these events its advertising that I have no idea what any of them are or what they mean.
And every once in a while it says I unlocked something, but I’m not sure what or how to use it or where to get it. I’m just constantly confused. All I want to do is shoot people!

I hope the Mueller report is really simple—like one line that says “He did crimes!” or “He no do crimes!” Otherwise it seems boring and stupid and I don’t care.

To make this more exciting, they should hide the Mueller Report in Al Capone’s vault and have Geraldo open it and read all its findings.

The Mueller Report ends with the instructions to clap your hands and say, “I do believe in collusion!” over and over.

Now’s the perfect time for Trump to start colluding with the Russians.

On page 274, it’s revealed that Trump tried to give Mueller a “Get Out of Jail Free” card to end the investigation. This almost worked, but on closer inspection Mueller saw that card came from a game of Monopoly and was not an official one from the DoJ. More obstruction?

Trump must have thought the report was going to go the other way, because the subject of the fundraising email I got from him this morning was “BAIL MONEY.”

My sons pointed out something with Disney’s Snow White that I never even noticed: With all those gems, the dwarves should be filthy rich. What do they even do with them?

Kind of funny to me that my kids are, by request, watching a movie over a decade older than their grandmother.

My son just confirmed that he counted them and there are in fact seven dwarves. Another thing I never thought of while watching the movie.

Man, when Snow White first appeared in theaters, no one had even heard of Superman. Can you even imagine a world where no one knows who Superman is? That was always the biggest suspension of belief when watching Smallville.

Man, can you remember a simpler time before we even heard of Trump?
No. Wait. I can’t. He’s been pretty ubiquitous in my life time.

Decided to broaden my horizons by watching more cinema in between seasons of TV shows. Finished The Tick season 2, so tonight I’m watching Aquaman.

Anytime I see “Present Day” appear onscreen on a movie, I always say “That’s the day we all get presents!” And everyone laughs.

Man, there is so much exposition in this fish superhero movie.

My 5yo son asked, “Can I ask other people if they have peeps to make sure they’re boys?”
Yeah, not getting woke quotes from my kids.

I got Baba Is You for Switch thinking it would be a fun game to play with the kids, but those puzzles get up to genius level really quick.

“Okay, have to think outside the box for this one.”
“Now I have to get even further from the box.”
“I can no longer see the box.”
“Uh oh. I think I have to think inside the box for this one, but the box is but a distant memory and I don’t know if I can find it again.”

It would seem unfair if the Trump presidency ended without at least one impeachment hearing.

They did it. They ended with “I am Aquaman!” And they dared you to laugh.
And I did.

Well, that was a big dumb blockbuster filled with crappy pop music—but never boring. I never imagined spending $200 million on an Aquaman movie would be a good investment, but I guess that’s why I’m not a movie producer.

My son’s advice while playing Cuphead: “Watch out for EVERYTHING.”

“There aren’t black widow spiders near us, are there?”
“No, they live…”
sees on Wikipedia they live on every continent except Antarctica
“Where do they live, Daddy?”
pats daughter on head
“Not Antarctica.”

How about instead of college loan forgiveness, big bonus checks for those of us who paid off our student loans.

An impeachment hearing for Trump sounds like it would be a completely pointless and dumb spectacle and I feel like we’d have been cheated if we didn’t get to experience it.

I wouldn’t be for loan forgiveness until there’s admission there’s a criminal conspiracy between loan companies, universities, and the federal government to sucker teens out of money and they do something to stop that.

“Hey, colleges, what if we gave dumb teens who can’t think past next Tuesday $100k in spending power?”
“We’d be able to inflate expense like no other industry! But who would loan them the money?”
“We’ll make the loans inescapable!”
everyone laughs evilly

People entering the Democratic primary race would be a lot more exciting if each time a screen popped up “A New Challenger Approaches” like in Smash Bros.

Everyone knows the phrase “Hell is other people,” but I find it interesting that C.S. Lewis’s concept of hell is the opposite — it’s where you “win” against God and get to be all about yourself.
One thing I have learned is that if you want to be miserable, focus solely on your wants.

The universities could cancel the student debt by refunding the money.

All the politicians are so stupid and short-sighted and are just going to make things worse.
Get the government out of student loans. That’s the only solution that doesn’t contribute to the problem.

The cost of college has been skyrocketing — far outpacing even medical expenses in inflation. If your solution involves throwing more money at that, you are worse than Hitler.
(I have four kids I’m saving up for college for)

I don’t get donating money to politicians. You would literally get more value out of your money by burning it. That would at least produce heat.

I love how everyone reacts to “let’s just have the government pay for everything!” like that’s some bold, original plan and not the thinking of a child.

If student debt is forgiven, shouldn’t universities pay for most of that? Who do the people with debt think victimized them?

College should not be “free” and the government should have nothing special to do with loans for it.

I propose a rich populist tax: 90% wealth tax on any rich person using populist rhetoric. We’ll use the money to pay for… Eh. Just throw it in the river.
I want a punitive tax, but I don’t want to encourage more government spending.

Elizabeth Warren is the biggest phony in the race… and that’s saying a lot. It’s John Edwards all over again; I’m absolutely baffled not everyone sees it.

How about people in prison can vote so if you want 16 year olds to vote you need to put them all in prison.

“If Adolf Hitler was resurrected by black magic and snuck across the Mexican border into the U.S., should he be allowed to vote?”
BERNIE SANDERS: “Absolutely.”

The 2020 election will come down to do you want to keep the dangerous idiot you’re used to or do you want to roll the dice and try out a new dangerous idiot?

I have a super busy weekend of games for my 3 kids in tee-ball/softball. And then their final games are the weekend after. So maybe the weekend of May 11th I can see Endgame, so no one spoil it until then.
Oh, and I haven’t seen Captain Marvel. Anything I need to know from that first? She shoots lasers from her hands or something?

I guess in the next election we’ll get that Dukakis question but instead of being about whether one supports the death penalty it will be about whether you’d want that person to vote.

Why didn’t they just get Joseph Gordon-Levitt to play young Will Smith?

I used to like Looper, but after The Last Jedi I now hate and it ruined time travel.

“What do you think of the Breaking Bad episode Ozymandias?”
“Perhaps the greatest episode of television ever.”
“You know, it was directed by Rian Johnson.”
“That episode ruined Breaking Bad. It was left up to those last two episode to get the series back on track.”

Just accept the fact that whoever wins the 2020 presidential election is going to be horrible and then you can enjoy the show.

summit of Trump and Jack talking about Twitter
“People keep asking me to add an edit button to help with typos and…”
“What’s a typo?”

No one has a right to a 4K TV. That’s why you can get one for like $250 on Amazon.

“Hi. I’m Capitalism. I could make health care and college really cheap if you’d just…”
“No! You’re mean and ugly! Go away!”
“Aww…”

So has anyone polled convicted rapists and murderers to find out who their preferred candidates are?

Scar sounds like a populist in the Lion King trailer.

Also, is the Lion King remake considered a “live action” movie? Looks like the whole thing is just really good CGI.

The Eric Swalwell candidacy seems pretty pointless. The only people who vote solely on the issue of gun control are gun owners.

I’m a big believer in science, but if they photograph the black hole, they could steal its soul.

I really don’t get chopsticks caught on in some parts of the world.
“Wow. This is really great way to eat food… except compared any other imaginable method.”

Avengers Endgame Spoiler:
They reverse the snap, restoring billions in future sequel profits to Disney

I love how many of the question answers on Amazon product pages are “SORRY. DON’T KNOW. IT WAS A GIFT.”

The picture of the black hole is about what I expected and I’m not disappointed because it’s a @#$& picture of a black hole.

Are they trying to imply the anti-Semite is a terrorist sympathizer?

All the politicians are so awful, you really have to work hard to distinguish yourself.

All 30 seasons of The Simpsons on Disney+ is a nice cherry on top, though it would be better if it were just 10 seasons.

“We’ve had some thoughts on how to improve Star Wars. One: Rose needs to be louder, angrier and have access to a time machine. Two: Whenever Rose is not on screen, all the other characters should be asking, ‘Where’s Rose?'”

Star Wars Episode IX: The Force Woke

I read this book Heads You Lose where two authors alternated writing chapters and kept stepping on each other’s plot points and undoing dramatic things in the previous chapter. That’s what the current Star Wars trilogy reminds me of.

Yes, I’m excited for the new Star Wars movie because I’m a SAP.

Star Wars Episode IX: Please Like Star Wars Again
Sure, as long as you pander to the most important person, me, the fan boy.

My son requested that I tell the world that he is only 5 and he got two outs in his tee-ball game tonight.

About the only time politicians are speaking the truth is when they’re calling each other awful.

The last political violence we had was Republicans being shot at on a ball field. Did we stop the dangerous criticisms that caused that?

They turned A Song of Ice and Fire into a TV series?

Today at a restaurant, I saw an African American man wearing a baseball cap with the Confederate flag and the word “REBEL” on the front. I’m probably too much of a Yankee to know what to make of that.

I assumed Tiger Woods always won the Masters — whatever exactly that is — since he’s the only golfer I know the name of.

“Here it is—the final Game of Thrones!”
the music plays and the competitors walk around the throne, waiting for the music to stop and their chance to seize it

Bernie Sanders defending getting rich from writing a book is just a reminder that, despite what people say, no one is actually against Capitalism.

Agreeing with Cher is an incitement to violence.

Oh, everyone is celebrating how Tiger Woods hit some ball into a hole while all our real problems go ignored. Like I guess Half Life 3 is never coming out and no one seems to want to do anything about it.

Like I guess Valve makes too much money selling other people’s games to even bother making a sequel to one of the greatest games of all time. Now that’s a failure of Capitalism.

We’ve seen this a number of times when people talk a good game about caring for the poor — Al Gore, Barack Obama, Bernie Sanders — but when you judge them by their actions, i.e., giving away their own money, they’re more “meh” about the poor.
It should be expected, as advocating for more government programs is actually the opposite of caring for the poor. It’s specifically saying “I want someone else to care about the poor so I can focus on my own things.”
We should be wise to this by now. These people don’t care. They want to spend other people’s money and be praised as caring for doing that, but deep down they only care about themselves and the power they get from looking like they’re doing things.

There’s going to be an extra long DuckTales Saturday to give it time to go over the Mueller report.

If history teaches us one thing, it’s that there once was something called the “Roman Empire.” But most people think history teaches us more than one thing.

Hello, Twitter. I would like to follow the topic on how Jack Dorsey is ruining Twitter.

They all obviously think late-term abortions are horrific and just lack the moral courage to state it. If they thought there was nothing wrong with them, they wouldn’t be so weaselly.
In their defense, who honestly expects moral courage from a politician?

Americans trying to comprehend the stabbing crisis in the UK
“Why not just shoot them with your guns?”

Seems like all the focus on guns and knives is to avoid having to deal with the much more difficult root cause of violence that you have a bunch of people running around who for some reason want to stab and shoot people.

Don’t call Joe Biden “Creepy Uncle Joe.” That’s falling for a right-wing talking point. Instead call him “Gropey McHairSniffer.”

I got my KickStarter Bears Want to Kill You package from Ethan Nicolle! It wasn’t a scam! I have a softcover to show the kids and a fancy hardcover (and art) to keep their grubby hands away from.
I contributed some jokes for the book but Ethan Nicolle said they were so bad he didn’t use them and in fact he is now permanently less funny for having read them. Constructive criticism noted!

Million Dollar Idea: Give me a millions dollars, and I’ll tell it to you.

Genghis Khan, Ronald Reagan, and the planet Neptune are all part of a shared universe called “The Universe.”

Hey! Look! AOC did something hilariously stupid again!
chucks phone into the river

I think the minimum wage should be $0 an hour. No lower than that. No one should have to pay their employer to work.
Well, unless they want to. It’s a free country.

If I were a mad scientist, I think the first thing I’d make would be flying spiders. That would make them rue the day they crossed me!

My 8yo daughter just now: “Whatever job I get when I grow up, I want to be able to stay home a lot.”
And that’s why there’s a wage gap.

Let’s simplify this: Who is not running for president?

“You shouldn’t call people animals!”
Neil deGrasse Tyson twitches

The Pandemic Legacy board game is pretty thrilling. Win or lose, the board permanently changes and you keep moving on.
I unfortunately messed up our first game and didn’t know the rules were supposed to change halfway through (we played the whole game as regular Pandemic). We lost anyway. Beat January our second try (two tries per month) and aced February. Onto March!

I’ve thought about having bad opinions since good opinions don’t get enough attention on the internet.
Nope. Sorry. Can’t do it.

Enjoyed Mission Impossible Rogue Nation so much last weekend we’re going to watch Mission Impossible Fallout this weekend. Time to watch Tom Cruise jumping from stuff!

Being a member of the Impossible Mission Force sounds like a pretty sweet gig.
“Your mission, if you choose to accept it—“
“Decline.”
It’s government work, so you get paid the same whether you do anything or not.

“I’m you from 30 years in the future—2019. Ask me anything.”
“Where else have we gone in space?”
“Nowhere else.”
“Do people own robots?”
“Yes. They vacuum.”
“They do anything else?”
“Nothing else.”
“Well… what about video game systems?”
“They would blow your mind away.”
“Cool.”

My 3yo daughter wanted to play Frozen with me. She was going to be Princess Anna and I was to be the king.
She told me to go downstairs and die 🙁

The Christian concept of the soul is, morality-wise, a bit like humanity receiving alien technology thousands of years ago that we’re still trying to figure out. It’s the basis of much of western values — particularly human rights and the concept of equality.
There’s no logic to the idea that, at their core, all people are equal—certainly science and the concept of evolution don’t back that up. But it’s a Truth we as a society accept and is fundamental to how we interact.
The problem is we treat things like rights and equality as secular values, but fundamentally they are not. I wonder if they’ll last if the basis erodes. Of course, we don’t need to find that out.

Pretty much no game has used that IR sensor on the bottom of the right joy con, but I’m finding out from my daughter’s Nintendo Labo projects that it’s pretty powerful. It can even work as a video camera.

If it was really crummy service, I give a 20% tip based on the pre-tax total. And maybe I don’t round up a dollar.
Good, bad service — being a waiter is a job I would hate to do and I’m always just glad someone else is doing it.

I like how you can often tell who the Christian artists are because they are the ones who are relentlessly positive. I aim to be more Christian.

All of Bernie Sanders’s books were made in sweatshops. If anyone asked for more than ten cents an hour for gluing pages together, he’d beat them with a stick.

Remember when people used to be able to make coherent arguments instead of just mobbing and punishing anyone who disagreed with them?
Or maybe I’m just idealizing the past.

I fear a future where if you ask someone why racism is wrong, the only answer they’ll have is loud screaming.

The duty of each American is to keep idiots from getting power, but unfortunately the preferred method is to prop up some other idiot to try and get him or her power.

Trump’s Muslim ban wasn’t a Muslim ban but I can’t really get on people for calling it a Muslim ban since the one who first called it a Muslim ban was Trump, the big dummy.

Feels like more than tens years ago that I first saw Parks and Rec. I remember how my first child as a 1yo would stop whatever she was doing and start dancing whenever she heard the theme song. Once she was in the middle of crying and stopped instantly.

But who will cancel the cancellers?
Oh yeah. Each other.

If zombie Hitler rose from the grave, I’d hope the nation would unite to fight him, but people would probably be like “First we have to stop the Mexicans” or “Sure zombie Hitler is bad, but not as bad as someone who doesn’t like abortion!”

“Avengers Endgame is three hours, two minutes long.”
Thanos snaps his fingers
“It’s a lean 91 minutes.”

Watched Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald. Don’t get the subtitle. Seems like instead should have been “Who’s Credence?”
It was kind of awkward how it undid a few things from the previous movie right away at the beginning (Credence still alive; Newt’s No-Maj friend remembers everything). Still, I enjoyed it and am interested to see the next one.
BTW, I like “No-Maj” way better than “Muggle.” If you called me a muggle, you better know how to cast Reparo nose.
Don’t know what else to say about it. I like how Newt is a way different hero than Harry Potter. And I like how they have a regular No-Maj guy as one of the main characters.

I don’t get people arguing the Nazis weren’t socialist. They weren’t laissez-faire free marketers. They were Nazis. Of course they wanted control of the economy.

My reaction to Apple TV+ is that I really do not want more streaming services. I’m lucky if I can watch one one hour show a night, so I don’t need more services that will spend most of their time unused.
The thing is, it’s still not economical to just buy a la carte the shows I want to watch as they often cost $20 or more a season. That’s the cost of two month of Netflix for something that will last me a week or two.
If there were a way to rent a show (most shows I’ll only ever watch once), that would be best. Used to be able to do that through Netflix DVD, but that seems so archaic now.
Streaming services are never going to allow a digital rental of their shows, though. You already can’t rent movies through Amazon after they go to a streaming service (very irritating). They want you getting their subs.
I guess I’m going to have to do more of what I did with YouTube Red (is that still a thing?) to watch Cobra Kai — get the service for a month, and then cancel. That’s still usually half the price at least of buying the season.

No one has ever correctly used the phrase “begging the question” as that is a phrase people have only ever used incorrectly.

I got the new Apple AirPods but my wife laughs at me when I wear them 🙁

“Suffocation.”
looks confused
“No breathing.”
nods with understanding
“Don’t give a @#$% if I cut my arm, bleeding.”
looks confused again

I’m thinking of dividing all the Democratic presidential candidate into four categories: Terrible, Beyond Terrible, Not Completely Terrible, Andrew Yang

I don’t understand wokeness and I won’t let my kids near it.

Man, I love the Apple AirPods. I initially balked at the price when they first came out, but they are so convenient and make it so easy to switch between what device you’re listening too. Of course, what they’re most efficient at is making you look like a huge dork.

If you just want annoy law abiding gun owners while doing absolutely nothing to stop criminals, high-capacity magazine bans are your best bet.

Oh, NOW you’re deciding to notice Creepy Uncle Joe Biden.
People who only care about things when it’s politically convenient don’t care about things at all.

The traditional gender distribution of labor is that men do everything freeing up women to wear impractical clothing.

I’m behind on my Mission Impossible movies, so I just finally watched Rogue Nation. That was a solid, meat and potatoes action blockbuster. I don’t see how anyone could have any complaints about that one; you get your money’s worth.
There was something about the look of the main villain, though, that kept me expecting him to say “This is the part in Sprockets where we dance!”

Putting the AirPods correctly into their charge case is a puzzle I always get wrong the first try.

I hate April Fools. It filled with nothing but people complaining about lame April Fools jokes.

It does seem a bit unfair that with all the really dumb Congresspeople out there, how much focus AOC constantly gets. At some point it just feels like picking on her.

I’ve come up with the solution to all our transportation problems: a train that flies.

The most annoying thing about that AOC tweet is she had to make a comment about the price of croissants all about her silly politics instead of just doing some Seinfeld type rant.
“What’s the deal with the price of croissants? Are they flying first class from France?”

Offices have “bring your dog to work,” but working from home it’s become quite obvious why there isn’t bring your cat to work. Mine has decided my Macbook keyboard is a warm place to sleep and is constantly messing up my code. Much cat tossing going on.

We have the first visit from an occupational therapist for Winchester today. I don’t want to sound like I’m underestimating my son because he has Down syndrome, but two months old seems early to worry about him getting a job.
He’s doing well, though. He can grab things. Track objects with his eyes. Roll from his tummy to his back (though not the other way yet). These are all good skills. I don’t think he’s employable yet, but he’s getting there.
Got a scare. Occupational therapist suddenly said, “Have you heard of… elephant ears?” Ends up she was talking about a pillow, but I initially thought she was talking about a medical condition. “I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this, but your son has elephant ears. t’s not terminal, but he could end up in a movie directed by Tim Burton.”
Needless to say, his new nickname is “elephant ears.”

I’ve heard this conspiracy theory that Ruth Bader Ginsburg is still alive. If this were even remotely true, then, like with the Loch Ness monster or bigfoot, you’d expect lots of photographic evidence.

When thinking about ideals versus reality, I think about when my dad was a manager of a truck dealership and they needed to hire a new mechanic. A woman applied, and the owner balked at hiring her. My dad told him he couldn’t do that as that was discrimination.
So they hired her. And a month later she got pregnant and they already had to look for a replacement. Now, my dad was right: You can’t discriminate against a qualified applicant because of gender. At the same time, I doubt the owner came away from the incident enlightened.

CAPTAIN AMERICA: “Avengers, end game.”
unplugs the Xbox
CAPTAIN AMERICA: “It’s time to go punch Thanos.”
Not sure how they stretch that out for three hours.

My 5yo son asked me if the Star Wars people are real, and I explained to him what actors are. Right after, I realized I missed a great opportunity to imitate Harrison Ford.
“It’s true. All of it.”

If women actually got paid less for the exact same work, men would never get hired.

Is anyone working for gender equality on workplace deaths?

I try to ignore the dumb stuff. I try. But when you have a whole day of people inundating you with it, it’s hard.

I ordered Spider-Man into the Spiderverse. I asked my daughter if she liked seeing that in the the theater, and she said she just remembered that she wanted to see Wreck It Ralph 2 instead. I told her she’s what’s wrong with movies these days.

The left deciding they’re going to get rid of the Electoral College and change how Senate seats are appropriated reminds me of a Calvin and Hobbes comic where Calvin announced to his parents he was going to grow a beard.

For like two years I’ve been saying, “I’d like to get those AirPods, but at this point it’s probably best for the next gen.”

I’d joke that a boycott of Chick-fil-A might be great because then there will be a shorter line, but they’re very efficient at handling long lines.

My 3yo picked out a pink T-shirt with the Batman logo on it to wear today. She thought it was a butterfly 🙁

One of the points of a stable government is to protect your rights from reactionary politics.

Can’t you imagine what the U.S. would be like if the president could just suddenly pass a law because he thought he had a great idea?

Every politician tweeting positively about the New Zealand gun ban should end their tweet with “If it weren’t for that meddling Constitution…”

We’re a nation of spoiled rich kids complaining about how bad we have it.

Freedom of speech should not apply to whining. Whining is assault speech—it assaults my ears. It should be banned.

me as a conservative grifter
“I really care about the movement… OF CASH INTO MY BANK ACCOUNT!”
…
“Oops. I said the quiet part loud and the loud part quiet.”

I assume everyone knows when I’m referencing classic Simpsons episodes and won’t accuse me of joke theft. That would be like being accused of stealing from Shakespeare.

That was from that The Critic crossover episode. I remember Matt Groening took his name off that episode in protest, but it was a classic. That’s the episode “Boo-urns” comes from.

You can’t ban semiautos in the US. To even suggest it means you have no idea what you’re talking about.

The last president who tried packing the courts was the one who interned the Japanese.

“How can someone be anti-vaccine with the thoroughly documented huge huge benefits of vaccines?”
goes on to argue against capitalism

I’m for keeping the Electoral College, but if the Dems got rid of it and the next election the Republican walloped them in the popular vote, that would be pretty hilarious.
“Where did all these Republicans in California come from?!”

I was 23 when I started blogging, and I wrote only silly stuff about politics because I thought I was too young to be lecturing people. Now I’m months away from forty and am married and have four kids and am all like, “Quiet, everyone; I have wisdom to impart!”

March Madness makes me wish I were at all into NCAA basketball. It sounds fun.

Instead of coming up with BS reasons to boycott Chick-fil-A like “it donates to the Salvation Army,” wouldn’t it be more honest to skip to the chase and just boycott them for being run by Christians?

Trump walks out of the White House into federal marshals
“What’s going on?”
they slap cuffs on him
“Mueller report is out. It’s over. You’re going to prison for Russia related reasons.”
Trump wrestles free to shout behind him
“Run!”
Putin scrambles over a WH fence

Pence staring longingly at the chair behind the Oval Office desk
“So… what do you think is in that report?”

The no indictments is great news. Now we can all sleep soundly knowing Trump is an honest man who has done nothing wrong.
What do we want to obsess on next?

Politics is hilarious fun right now if you can just manage to honestly not care one way or another.

With the amount we spent on the Mueller report, we could have given free healthcare to every poor family in America.
No time to fact-check; just retweet.

“There are no indictments and no sealed indictments.”
Mueller calls Trump into his office
“You’re under double secret indictment.”

The first sentence of the Mueller report has been leaked: “We’ve ended our witch hunt with this conclusion: Witches aren’t real.”

Trump has been president for two years now and the country hasn’t burnt down or anything. Maybe we need to worry a bit less about who is president.

Man, Spider-Man into the Spiderverse is so good. Really solid hero’s journey plus an animation style like nothing else.

I still don’t get why Miles Morales doesn’t share his father’s last name. It’s like the writers wanted to emphasize he’s part Latino but didn’t know or care that didn’t make sense.

Had a random memory about my first experience with fire ants. As a kid, I got an ant farm. It wasn’t until I received the ants in the mail that I was informed they were red stinging ants. Never forgot the instructions they came with. “If any escape, destroy by stamping.”
Instructions were also to put the ants in the fridge for a while before transferring them to the farm so they’d be docile and wouldn’t swarm and attack you.
I forget how, but an ant did escape. I carefully retrieved it with plastic tweezers and put it back in the farm. When a creature is placed under my care, I don’t destroy by stamping.

Woo hoo! I’m no longer the “I don’t understand why you exist” parent. I’m now the fun parent.

So William Barr has released the conclusions of the Mueller report and they are:
* No collusion
* No obstruction
* Everyone who thought Trump did something illegal with the Russians is dumb and smells bad
Not a big Trump fan, but that’s quite an exoneration.

Trump is now a scandal-free president. He hasn’t even worn a tan suit.

Now would be the perfect time for Trump to start colluding with Russia.

What I love is how all us kids going to see Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey totally got the Ingmar Bergman reference central to the movie.

Michael Avenatti was the Democrats’ only serious hope in 2020. Now it’s all down to Andrew Yang.

There are not many trains left in this country which is too bad as driving a train seems like a pretty sweet gig.
“This makes the train go forward and this stops it and… that’s it. That’s all there is.”

The trailer plus the reported run time for Avengers Endgame isn’t making me excited for it. It looks like it will be two and a half hours of the remaining Avengers brooding and being sad and maybe a half hour of punching Thanos.

Mueller approaches Trump
“In my report I prove your collusion! I’ll make sure you get the maximum sentence: 3 weeks!”
Trump slips Mueller a 20
Mueller rips up the report
“I mean, no evidence of collusion!”
stares greedily at 20
“I’m getting 20 things at the dollar store!”

sees guy in a bat costume punching a mugger
“That’s the world’s greatest detective.”

I never believed the whole Jussie Smollett thing. The name sounds obviously made up.

The Senate just voted that they’re okay with the world ending in 12 years… which is the most realistic plan to take care of the national debt.

“Here’s my moron bill made by idiots.”
“We’ll vote on the bill to make you look like idiots and morons.”
“We will not vote for the bill then.”
“Zounds. Foiled.”

Over three hours? Sounds like Avengers Endgame could use Thanos as an editor.

ANNOUNCER: “The first astronaut emerges to set foot on Mars, and it’s a woman!”
“This is a small step–”
ANNOUNCER: “Now the main event: The first man on Mars!”
male astronaut jumps past the woman, landing with both feet
“Nailed it!”
turns to woman
“Mars is the red planet.”

Everyone’s ideas to fix this country are TERRIBLE. Just leave it alone so hopefully it won’t get worse.

Ooh. I have an idea: Anonymous tweets. Tweets to everyone who follows you, but with no name attached.
Wait. Is the goal to fix twitter or make it worse because I’m not sure what I’m doing.

Does the ACLU twitter feed reflect the views of the entire organization or are they just letting some 20yo intern have at it?

I honestly don’t get the Beto thing. He’s a bland, rich white guy with no notable accomplishments. It seems like there has to be a hundred other people he’s completely interchangeable with.

Why Beto? Why not that drooling Kennedy who gave the SOTU response a while back?

Britain, you have to get over your irrational fear of knives. You can’t be a civilized society and freak out about stone age technology.

Don’t know why people are acting like it’s spoilers to reveal that Tony makes it back to join the rest of the Avengers. Of course they’re going to reunite before the finale. Not having that would be like not having a reunion of Han, Luke, and Leia in the new Star Wars trilogy.

I’ve really been making fun of Beto, but when I look at the rest of the Democratic field, I’m like, “Eh. He’s not so bad.”

I think for the best clarity, we should tie voting right to gun rights. Someone you wouldn’t trust with a gun, you shouldn’t trust with a vote. If we’re okay with 16 year olds owning handguns, then yeah, let them vote.

This is definitely a time to talk about Islamophobia, but since the incident took place in another country that already has strict gun laws, you might want to give your default NRA rhetoric a rest.

74% on RottenTomatoes for Triple Frontier? That’s certainly good enough for a “free” movie.
Hey, I enjoyed Orc Cop.

I never know what to say when there is senseless tragedy — especially when perpetrated by hate and evil. We need to not just respect but cherish all people and all lives. There is no greater cause.

As kids get older, they need their dad less. I can’t wait until they’re college-age and need to be coddled like infants again.

It happens with every generation. As you go from teenager to adult, you learn to lighten up and have some fun and now you’re the one telling teenagers to stop being such humorless scolds.

I’m okay with banning guns as long as it’s the government that disarms first.
I lost all my guns in a boating accident, so it wouldn’t affect me anyway.

That Anning guy seems unbelievably horrible, but that kid who hit him with an egg while holding up a phone to film it doesn’t seem like someone fighting bigotry but instead like a self-aggrandizing twit trying to make everything about him. How about people just not be terrible?

So much of the anger today is performative. It’s like with that Chelsea thing; they claim they’re doing it out of concern for others but the point is to get it on video and prop yourself up. It stems from selfishness, not caring and concern.

Anytime I rant like this, there’s always a mocking voice in the back of my head going, “Ooh. Look at you. The only rational, reasonable person left. Why can’t everyone be like you?”

Women need eyeshadow because otherwise men are like, “Hey, woman, do you not have ridges around your eyes that block the light and make shadows?” and they get self-conscious.

Being a woman sounds so complicated. Being a man is much simpler. If I don’t understand something, I punch it.
Men also don’t have all those cumbersome emotions. Except for rage.

Does anyone think they would have been a smarter voter back when they were 16?

It’s a bit sad watching the Force Awakens now. All that potential for the story and characters, but you know The Last Jedi just stomps all over it.
What I’m most mad about is Finn. He’s the most interesting new character—no analog from original trilogy—and I was excited to see where his character arc would go in the next movie. But the answer was nowhere. He’d go on a wild goose chase from which no one would learn anything.
One day I’ll stop ranting about The Last Jedi. I won’t live forever.

I don’t think I’d make a good journalist. I have integrity and I’m sometimes aware of and acknowledge my own biases.

Wanted to see if there was anything to Trump’s statement about Google and China. Unfortunately the first article I went to was at Gizmodo written by some left-wing idiot that made me less informed for having read it. Those tech/pop sites are the worst when the topic is political.
The antidote to Trump is not opposing blather written with zero self-reflection and absolute certainty.

Teenagers are dumb. A smart teenager is one who is marginally aware he’s an impulsive idiot.
The only teenager I would trust with voting would be one who’d say, “But I’m too stupid to vote.”

Hit the racist with an egg. Punch the “nazi.” Do whatever you want to whomever you decide are bad people. I’m sure this attitude will only affect the powerful and no one more vulnerable.
People love this pose of “caring,” but they’re just narcissists satisfying their id.

The primary purpose of the AR-15 is to expose people who don’t understand how rights work.

I consider “pro-life” more of an aspiration than a political position. It’s the idea of seeing value in everyone — absolutely everyone — and of never looking at human life as an obstacle or inconvenience to be worked around. We all fail that ideal at times.
Unfortunately there are numerous issues on both the right and left which treat various groups of people as inconveniences or obstacles — and sometimes literally as garbage. This erodes the soul.
When one loses respect for life, the rest of our political system falls. If life isn’t something special to be cherished in everyone, then the concept of equality and rights begins to crumble.
That’s why we always have to examine ourselves and how we are thinking about others. Some people may seem like a burden at times, but they’re a burden in the sense that a bar of gold is a burden to carry. And people are worth far more than gold.

Isn’t celebrating being Irish like a microaggression now?

I’m going to buy a copy of Spider-Man into the Spiderverse when it comes out this next week. I’m like an activist for that movie and feel I need to support it.
I always get the DVD/Blu-ray/digital combo. The DVD is for the kids in the car and the digital for watching in HD at home. Don’t know what the Blu-ray is for.

Standards are really dropping. With Obama, he had to at least be a Senator for a couple weeks before they made him a presidential candidate. With Beto, he lost to the Zodiac Killer, and everyone is like “This is the man. This is the man to lead this country.”

If you think racism is a thing of the past, look at how the Democratic field is filled with accomplished women and minorities but as soon as a guy shows up who’s only accomplishment is being a white male, everyone flocks to him.

I remember this SNL sketch where Norm MacDonald played Larry King and just shouted out all these inane observations. That’s what Andrew Yang’s twitter feed reminds me of.
In other words, he’s currently my favorite for the 2020 Dem nom.

It’s time for sensible gun control. No one should be allowed to own more than 43 AR-15s. Unless they really think they need them.

“Let’s assault whomever we think are bad people. Let’s pack the courts. Let’s ban speech we think is bad.”
They want 16yos to vote, but it seems like the left is already full of teenagers who can’t think past next week.

Devin Nunes is suing his own mom?

Sure, we’ll get rid of the Electoral College and the Senate. We’ll just have two thirds of the state vote to…
Oh.

I’ve a couple times thought about dunking on a Andrew Yang tweet but then decided I’d feel too bad afterwards.

I’ve started watching the Expanse and also reading the first book from the series at the same time. They call the moon “Luna” in it, which I know I’ve seen in other scifi. Makes sense that at some point it would get confusing for our moon to just be called “the moon.”

Another Trump term sounds fun, but a number of the Democrats sound fun too (Yang-mentum!). I’m excited for 2020!

If you’re talking about a cloud computing game streaming service, you better address latency in the first paragraph because that’s all I’m wondering about.

They all have terrible ideas, so vote for whichever candidate you think will be least effective in implementing them.

Who is it sexism against that you can’t pick a prince from a classic Disney movie out of a lineup? They’re all basically interchangeable.
Prince Charming from Snow White has no other characterization than his name. I don’t even remember the names of the ones from Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty–they’re inconsequential. I think Prince Eric from The Little Mermaid likes sailing.
The prince (does he have a name–and why isn’t he king?) from Beauty and the Beast has a character arc, but it’s he’s a mean beast to he’s a nice beast. He’s uninteresting when he’s no longer a beast.
Aladdin has characterization — but a big point of the plot is he’s a fake prince. If Simba counts (again, kind of a king) he’s also about the only one who gets good characterization (it’s the female in that one who is forgettable).
They play with this trope in Frozen. No one suspects the blank slate prince to be the bad guy (especially since he’s saves Elsa earlier for no other reason than to fool us, the audience).
Anyway, just thought it was interesting. I guess a reason for it is girls want to be princesses, but no boys want to be princes (they want to astronauts or firemen). Why spend time on the character no one cares about.

If there was a way to tackle climate change without anyone having to change any of their habits, it would make a lot of people angry.

Maybe one of the reasons for the rise in anti-Semitism is that there’s no mention of the Holocaust in the Harry Potter books and thus young people don’t know anything about it.

I guess the Dems are giving up on calling out Trump’s bigotry for 2020 because that would take too much house cleaning on their own side.

What if there was a billionaire, Jewish baby? The Dems would go nuts! That’s a combination of everything they hate!

With the Democrats full on embracing socialism and antisemitism, it’s hard not to think “Nazi,” so they should probably emphasize that their love of infanticide is colorblind.

We’ll soon look back wistfully on the days when the two political parties were just dumpster fires.

The Democrats don’t care about bigotry. They care about partisanship. If condemning bigotry doesn’t help them or hinder Republicans, it’s inconsequential to them. In the same vein, if Republicans find out railing about bigotry helps them political, they’ll never shut up about it.

I’m not the most knowledgeable person on foreign affairs, but yeah, why would someone from Somalia even care about Israel?

Why are they only condemning the hate of Pacific Islanders? Is it okay to hate Atlantic Islanders?

Democrats are the worst. And that’s quite an accomplishment because Republicans are pretty horrible.

It seems like it’s hard to have a child with Down syndrome and not become at least a little bit of an activist. You just want everyone to have love and respect.

Good news, everyone! Apparently no one is actually that worried about bigotry—at least it’s not a bigger concern than partisanship—so it can’t be that big of a problem.

I’d like to see Captain Marvel, but I’ve got four kids—one a newborn—so the logistics needed for getting to the theater is too much effort for a mid to lower tier Marvel movie. I can barely get out to see the ones everyone raves about.
I didn’t see Black Panther until I was able to rent it off Amazon Video. Made me feel like a racist.

There was a legitimate fear that the election of Trump would empower bigots, but I never imagined the biggest surge would be within the Democratic Party.

8yo daughter watches Captain Marvel trailer
“So it has a GIRL superhero? And she fights bad guys just like any boy?”
patting her on the head “Yep, pure scifi.”

Why are there never honest antisemites?

I got called “coach” today! My son’s tee-ball team is short-staffed so I helped out in the game. “Coach” has to be the greatest honorific after “dad.”
I don’t know anything about baseball. But I can ineptly heard 4 and 5 year olds into a batting lineup as good as anyone else.

Why are these fresh new faces already as blatant a liar as old man Harry Reid? I thought you had to work your way up to being that shameless.
I always thought the progression was you believe in something when you first get to Congress and then you get more cynical, but these people don’t seem to have anywhere to go down.

The way people seem to be covering for antisemitism is to demonstrate they can be hateful in other ways as well.

Who named vitamins A, B, C, D, and E? Was it 5pm on a Friday?

When people are acting unbelievably horrible, I think sadness is a better response than anger. Everyone is getting angry—especially the people acting horribly.

Things on Twitter matter. The funny jokes we share that brighten people’s day—that matters. When I shared my son has Down syndrome and I heard from so many other stories—that mattered. But all the outrages of the day and everyone expressing how angry they are—that doesn’t matter.

I’m on a parenting high. My oldest daughter had a completely different attitude in her softball game today (and hit a double), and I think it was because of the dad speech I gave her after her last game. We dads love to hear ourselves talk, but it’s usually to so little effect.

I always take people ranting against capitalism in the same vein as people ranting about how technology has ruined society. Despite their words, no one ever decides to live like the Amish.
Well, I guess the Amish do.

Raise the voting age to forty. I turn forty later this year, and I feel like I finally have enough wisdom about politics to make a good choice (I’ve stopped voting).

The people who run Walmart care about the poor an order of magnitude more than Warren because they get rich meeting the poor’s needs while all Warren wants are votes which she can get without materially benefiting anyone.
A vote is rather worthless compared to a dollar. You have to actually benefit someone to get their dollars—otherwise they’ll realize rather quickly they’re being scammed. Not so for a vote.

Thinking another economic system could lift as many people out of poverty as capitalism is like thinking a Barbie Power Wheel could beat a Ferrari in a race with a little bit of tweaking.

Q. Why is Vic Sage’s dog really annoying when he argues online?
A. Because he’s always “begging the Question.”
This is clever, but you might need to google it.

I don’t care for today’s pop music, but I guess the kids of every generation get their music called over-produced, soulless tripe.

“Resurrect the past. Use necromancy if you have to.” —probable line from Episode IX trailer

I didn’t realize it, but there’s yet to be a live action film adaptation of a video game that’s gotten a fresh rating (over 60%) on RottenTomatoes. There’s been a few that were profitable, but none very good. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_films_based_on_video_games
I remember the first few were bafflingly horrible, like Super Mario Bros and Street Fighter (saw both in the theater). Mortal Kombat—an Enter the Dragon rip-off with fantasy elements—was the first watchable one and is considered the best one ever going by Metacritic score.
(and who can forget the theme song with the scream of “Mortal Kombat!”?)
The live action video game adaptations with the highest RottenTomatoes score are the last two, Tomb Raider (51%) and Rampage (53%), and no really seemed to care for either.
Anyway, just thought it interesting that no one has cracked the code of how to make a movie from a video game and not make it terrible. Next up: Detective Pikachu. Considered more of a Pokémon movie, though; don’t know how many people played Detective Pikachu.
I was a little surprised that Super Mario Bros was the very first video game adaptation. I don’t know what they were trying to do with that movie, but you have to give them some credit for not playing it safe with one of the most famous franchises in the world.

If I had a billion dollars and people were all like “We hate billionaires!” to me, I’d have my robot army crush their bones. That’ll show them for having contempt. Contempt for all my money.

People who would never watch Tucker Carlson or FOX News have found more reasons to never watch.

Did Tucker Carlson say anything so bad it makes him worse than people searching through old transcripts trying to find things to be outraged about? Unless he was full on “Hitler did nothing wrong!”, I doubt it.

I think we’d all feel cheated if we got through the Trump presidency without a hilarious impeachment spectacle.

What were they going to impeach him for? General Trumpery?

When I look back on life before kids, it seems simple, easy, carefree, hollow, small.

Seriously, though, the people pushing for impeaching Trump, what are they going to impeach him for? Something something Russia?

If you can come with a solid high crime or misdemeanor (like perjury with Clinton), have at it I say! But right now it just seems like they think they can impeach him because they really really don’t like him.

You’re morally suspect if you even read the article or listened to the audio to find out what you’re supposed to be outraged about. Stop playing that game.

I don’t know how people even keep up. Does everyone get an emailer each day stating “Here is who we intensely hate today and claim to have always hated.”?

To me, the falsest note in the Aladdin trailer is not the blue Will Smith but the Jafar. No menace. Just sounds like they had a stand in do a quick line reads while they’re waiting to cast the part.

I’ve yet to see one of these Disney live-action remakes. I’m sure they’re perfectly cromulent movies, but there’s just something so cynical about the whole venture.

I propose that the federal government is too big and needs to be broken up. If elected president, I will divide it into at least fifty smaller pieces.

I spent a ton of money on a premium college and it was dumb. Go to a cheaper state college. Especially if you’re trying to learn something useful, like engineering.
Programming is probably one of the degrees you’ll get the best return on, but it should really be taught at a trade school.
I have to say though, I think my goal of getting into MIT (the smart college every knows about) really did motivate me to do well in high school.
I didn’t get into MIT, but I did good.