Hillary Clinton has never actually been to Arkansas or any other American state that doesn’t touch one of the coastlines.

Hillary Clinton can’t tell the truth about anything without having extremely painful headaches.

Hillary’s favorite pastime is drowning puppies while orphans are forced to watch.

Hillary doesn’t smile — she bares her teeth.

Hillary Clinton lures in new voters with her gingerbread house.

Voldemort always insisted that Hillary be referred to as “She Who Must Not Be Named.”

Hillary Clinton’s main inspiration in politics is Skeletor.

Sensing her evil, dogs bark when in the presence of Hillary Clinton… as do toddlers.

When people are around Hillary Clinton, they are told to under no circumstances make eye contact with her. It’s not because she’s an arrogant bitch, though; it’s because that will instantly turn you to stone. Also, she’s an arrogant bitch.

One of the biggest complaints of Hillary’s campaign staff is the awful stench that comes from the flying monkeys’ cages.

Hillary Clinton is responsible for half the murders in D.C.

Hilery-cleenton is an old Native American phrase meaning “giant-thighed baby-eater.”

Hillary Clinton uses the empty space where her soul should be to keep her change.

When a pundit suggested that Hillary is in league with Satan, he was sued for slander… by Satan.

Hillary Clinton is the only presidential candidate that is mentioned in the Book of Revelation.