Useful IMAO Public Service Announcement: Be Careful Out There

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Florida man runs over 11-foot alligator with his truck after seeing it dragging his elderly neighbor into pond
The Blaze | April 23, 2024 | Carlos Garcia

The alligator released the man and went back into the pond.

The Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission … used the incident to remind residents in Florida that alligator mating season runs from May until June and attacks are more likely during that time. They cautioned residents to stay away from bodies of water, keep their pets on leashes, and never approach alligators.

On average, there are about seven unprovoked alligator attacks on humans every year in Florida. Very few attacks lead to fatalities, and most victims are male.

 

 

 

SI Swimsuit Madness : Round 4 Matches 103 & 104 : Results Round 4 Matches 101 & 102

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We have our round 4 matches concluding this week with round 5 looking good to start in May. May already? Where is 2024 going?

Results

Round 4 Match 101

Josephine Skriver 101 Defeats Irina Shayk 62

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Who do you prefer?
74 votes
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Round 4 Match 102

Paige Spiranac 126 Defeats Rose Bertram 65

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Who do you prefer?
78 votes
Vote

Round 4 Match 103

Lorena Duran vs Kate Bock

Lorena Duran

  • Round 1 Match 26 Defeated Maila Manuel 80-51
  • Round 2 Match 61 Lost to Lily Aldridge (T)75-75 156-170
  • Round 3 Match 77 Defeated Hyunjoo Hwang 119-42

VS

Kate Bock

  • Round 1 Match 20 Lost to Kate Upton 58-155
  • Round 2 Match 46 Defeated Jessica Aidi 212-14
  • Round 3 Match 78 Defeated Myla Dalbesio 106-62

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Who do you prefer?
63 votes
Vote

Round 4 Match 104

Natasha Barnard vs Sailor Brinkley-Cook

Natasha Barnard

  • Round 1 Match 29 Defeated Naomi Osaka 189-22
  • Round 2 Match 63 Lost to Paige Vanzant 87-125
  • Round 3 Match 79 Defeated Kelly Gale 109-63

VS

Sailor Brinkley-Cook

  • Round 1 Match 32 Defeated Saje Nicole 206-16
  • Round 2 Match 64 Lost to Robyn Lawley 53-134
  • Round 3 Match 80 Defeated Lacy Schnoor 95-67

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62 votes
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The Ghost of FrankJ

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Forwarded this email? Subscribe here for moreUnlock all this post by being a paid subscriber, supporting this little humor lab I call Frank Talk.Upgrade to paidSocial Security FAQ

All you need to know about the federal government’s retirement program

FRANK J. FLEMING

APR 23∙PREVIEW
 READ IN APP 
Social Security — it’s a lot of the federal budget and takes a lot out of our paychecks. But what is it exactly and does it really benefit us? To answer those questions, I made this FAQ.Social Security FAQ
Q. What is Social Security?
A. Social Security is a program started by Franklin Delano Roosevelt (a racist Communist) to fund people in their retirement.
Q. How does it work?
A. Money is taken out of every paycheck from your entire life to pay for it.
Q. And that money is invested?
A. No.
Q. Well, what is done with it?
A. It’s given to people receiving Social Security based on what they paid in.
Q. So, it’s a Ponzi scheme?
A. No, it’s not
.Q. How is it not a Ponzi scheme? Instead of any actual investments, it’s only solvent as long as more people keep paying into the system.
A. Charles Ponzi was never able to point a gun at millions of people and demand they keep paying into his schemes. If he could, he would have been able to keep the scheme going much, much longer.
Q. So it’s a Ponzi scheme where people are forced to pay into it even if they know it’s a Ponzi scheme?
A. I guess that’s fair. It’s a horrible scam, and everyone knows that, but it doesn’t matter because people still need to pay into it to not end up in prison.
Q. So, since the government can keep forcing people to pay into it, then it will keep paying out?
A. Oh, no. No no no. With people living longer, the ratio of people getting a payout versus those paying in will keep increasing. It’s expected by 2041 that Social Security will no longer be able to meet its current payout… which just happens to be the year I’ll first be eligible to get Social Security
.Q. So what can we do?
A. Revenge.
Q. Sorry, what?…
4

 

Photo Essay: I Do Have Fond Memories of This Show

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In case you haven’t noticed.

Ah, puberty.

There will never be another such series… thanks to wokeness.

Some guy’s 47-minute MaryAnn biography on YouTube says that Bob Denver lobbied the producers to change the lyrics “And The Rest” to “the Professor and MaryAnn” in the theme song. Good for him. Bob Denver even had the music re-recorded for the opening, and presented it as a done deal to Sherwood Schwartz. Tina Louise’s contract said she had to be mentioned last. It was literally in her contract. Weird.

But Bob countered that *his* contract said he could be billed anywhere he wanted, and said “Now I choose to be billed last.” (24 minutes into the video.) Sherwood objected (and threatened to cancel season 2), but Bob Denver said “What’s right is right.” So they asked Tina Louise, and she said “Absolutely. It’s only fair.”

Again I say, “Ah, puberty.” What wouldn’t anyone do for MaryAnn?

And why do they always have this look when in the room with Oppo?

“Don’t worry, Oppo. It happens to everyone.”

“Oppo? Oppo! Whoops!! Yuck.”

“Is he still . . . ?”

“Well, he tore through these, so…”

Only 2 Things I Want, When I Die and Go to Heaven:

3

 

 

 

Oh No! Not Yarrow’s Spiny Lizards!

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How many seas must a white dove fly? Before she sleeps in the sand?

Too Hot for a Lizard? Climate Change Quickens the Pace of Extinction
CBS News | April 19, 2024 | David Schechter, Grace Manthey, Haley Rush, Tracy J. Wholf, Chance Horner

BISBEE, Ariz. — Boots dusty, lungs heaving, Dr. John Wiens searched the boulders of a desolate Arizona mountaintop for the last survivors of a 3-million-year-old lizard population — then said the words that both confirmed his life’s work and broke his heart.

“They’re not there,” he said. “It seems like the species is now extinct.”

The loss of plant and animal species on Earth is happening at a speed never seen in human history, according to the United Nations. That includes the likely extinction of the lizards Wiens has studied for 10 years — the population of Yarrow’s spiny lizards found in the Mule Mountains of southern Arizona. . . . “It’s catastrophic.”

“As human beings, in the developed world, we all sort of have some responsibility for this,” Wiens said.

… And when his “foundation” gets a grant in ten years because he’s discovered another Yarrow’s spiny lizard — with his boots dusty, and lungs heaving — will a retraction be published?

Couldn’t he be looking for missing hikers, instead?

You keep using that word, “catastrophic” . . .

. . . . . . . . . .

Ode To the Authors:

David Schechter is a Shrek director;

Grace Manthey thinks they is a him —

Haley Rush shot someone on Baldwin’s movie set ,

Tracy J. Wholf huffington puffed, but no piggies yet,

Chance Horney’s a good pseudonym.

 

Cool Story

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We’ll have to sift through our interns to see if there’s any she-nanigans going on.

Riley Weston: the Screenwriter Who Successfully Pretended to Be a Teenager
Far Out Magazine | Sat 13 April 2024 | Aimee Ferrier

Hollywood is rife with problems …

… preventative anti-wrinkle creams are marketed to us before we’ve even hit 25 …

… Unbelievably, Maggie Gyllenhaal once revealed that she was told that, at age 37, she was “too old” to play a 55-year-old man’s love interest in a film.

… In the 1990s, Riley Weston caused a scandal when she posed as a teenager to get a job, successfully becoming part of the writing crew for Matt Reeves’ show Felicity.

… Changing her name from Kimberlee Seaman to Riley Weston, she told people she was 19 when she was actually 32.

… Weston managed to trick everyone around her, fabricating documents, using phrases popular with teenagers, and even bringing her mother to work with her on occasion. She did all she could to appear as though she was a recent high school graduate, convincing everyone to the point that she even guest-starred in Felicity as a teenage character.

I can see being fooled. Genetics.

 

WTF?

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Yeah, another Muzzie.

Sydney is rocked by another stabbing rampage with a priest and worshippers attacked at Christ the Good Shepherd Church in Wakeley
Daily Mail (Australia/UK) | 15th April 2024 | Max Aitchinson

A bishop and three worshippers have been attacked in another stabbing rampage to rock Sydney, as riot police have been called in to quell mounting tensions in the city’s west.

Bishop Mar Mari Emmanuel was preaching at Christ The Good Shepherd Church in Wakeley in Sydney’s west on Monday just after 7pm when a man dressed in black walked up to the altar and allegedly stabbed him multiple times.

{“Allegedly”?}

Horrifying footage of the incident, which was being broadcast live on the church’s YouTube page, shows Bishop Emmanuel look up in astonishment as the attacker suddenly rains down blows on his face and head.

The alleged attack has sparked unrest outside the church as hundreds gathered in protest, hurling bottles and bricks at a hastily-erected police barrier as chants of ‘an eye for an eye’ could be heard.