For my seventh birthday, my parents hired a clown. My friends and I were all in the backyard watching the clown make balloon animals while my dad cooked burgers on the grill. There was a problem with the grill, though, and the clown caught fire. The clown just kept running and screaming… running and screaming… and eventually my mom grabbed me and took me inside. Ever since then I’ve been afraid of backyards.
I like clowns. I think they get a lot of crap because some wimpy brats are scared of them. How feeble — being scared of a clown! Suck it up, brats!
But no, we are witnessing a cultural movement to enable coulrophobia and general wimpiness in toddlers.
It’s just sick.
This explains a lot.
🙂
I have just two questions:
Why didn’t he just use the fake flower water squirter in his lapel to put himself out?
Is there a possible Obama allegory here?
This made me spew. Funniest damn thing I’ve heard all day.
My favorite clown.
Read it again using “Deep thoughts with Jack Handey” voice and it’s even funnier.
Then there was this girl who was scared of flies~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~until one night she opened one.
John Wayne Gacy, the murderer of 33 young men and boys, was the Killer Clown. He threw alot of “block parties” and probably cooked some burgers, but apparently, and unfortunately, never caught himself on fire.
What’s relevant, or at least vaguely interesting, is that Gacy was involved to a degree in the Cook County (Chicago) Democratic Party.
We don’t need no stinkin’ clowns! SAY YES TO WOLVERINES!!!
After watching the clown video (which was classic, especially the “get back in your mouse” line), I found this video…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FHiTV3saJCw&NR=1
The title alone says so much about these newspapers that we hitherto only suspected.
Why is a burning clown so funny? I think it’s our love-hate relationship with someone trying too hard to amuse us who is both succeeding and suffering at the same time. Like Obama trying to be funny at that dinner a couple weeks before the election.
Suck it up, Frank! Confront your fears! Destroy them! Salt their fields! A fear of clowns is the last thing you need right now.
Wait, I read too fast. You’re afraid of backyards? Well, then salt your backyard! That should help. The yard had it coming!
If you salt the yard it’ll keep the slugs and garden gnomes out. Have you ever seen a garden gnome?… those things are Evul! Yeah, they’re always smiling but it because they are planning your DEATH. Like your President Elect….. I wonder if salting your yard will keep liberals out?
Flaming clowns are usually funny.
You got a clown on fire for your birthday? Man, I never get anything that good…
I’ve seen Barney Frank on TV many times and I’ve never laughed even ONCE, so I’ll have to differ with you on this one.
I think a mime getting run over by a riding lawnmower would would brighten my day, though.
If it was a naked female clown, you’d probably be Ok. I’d find someone to sue for sending you the wrong clown. I don’t think there are any statutes of limitation in effect here. After all, Murders and Pedophiles get off Scott Free all the time because their Moms made them eat broccoli on a Thursday when they were 2…
You think that was bad Frank. My mom invited this clown over on HER birthday: http://www.ouchytheclown.com/prodom.shtml
Ever since then I’m afraid to wear my leather jockstrap.
Sounds like the ultimate birthday celebration, good food, friends, a clown catching fire.
There isn’t enough room on the internets for me to list all of the bad things in the world that could befall clowns.
I’m with Bart Simpson:
“Can’t sleep, clowns will eat me.”
Clowns are all buggerers of small boys!
Say what you want about clowns, they’re still a few notches above politicians and lawyers.
Flaming Clowns Wow. The clowns around here only do balloon animals.
I think my wife has that fear of backyards thing, at least when it comes to mowing ours.
She must also be afraid of dirty dishes. Perhaps there was some unfortunate incident with a plate spinner.
I hate clowns, and I have since I was a little kid. Their distorted faces, their Kennedy noses, their bizarre attraction to children.
I say…
Let the Clown Roast begin!
Was this clown named John Wayne Gasey ? And was one of the party games for all you kids to be blindfolded and eat tasty marshmellow fluff out of the clowns magic squeaky rubber weiner dog ?