Nuke the News: Super Tuesday!

Posted on March 6, 2012 11:00 am

* It’s Super Tuesday! Super!

This is Idaho’s first year to caucus, so I think SarahK and I are going to go get registered as a Republican (Idaho didn’t used to have party registration) and participate. Who will I caucus for? I don’t think I can say because I’m like a journalist or something I need to pretend to not be biased. I am a journalist, right? Well, if I do something wrong, I’m sure someone will sue me to let me know.

So, anyone else participating in this Tuesday which is super? I really hope this primary is over soon because I want to focus on attacking Obama since I hate him. I mean… maybe I hate him. You wouldn’t know, since I’m not biased.

* Steny Hoyer says that Sandra Fluke should sue Rush Limbaugh for libel for implying she’s a slut. Do you ever find it disturbing that so many people in government are ignorant of the law and freedom of speech? I try not to worry about stuff like that. We can get so wound up about politics when so little of it directly affects us. I try to focus on more down to earth stuff like properly stocking my bomb shelter.

* It ends up that contraception isn’t the only thing Sandra Fluke wants private insurance to be forced to cover — she also thinks they should have to cover gender reassignment surgery. I could make some jokes about this at Fluke’s expense, but then the president might yell at me.

The Democrats are trying to portray Fluke as some poor college student, but she’s actually a 30-year-old weirdo activist. She’s probably never even had sex.

* Obama has said that he “has Israel’s back.” So Israel should go forth knowing full well knowing that Obama is behind them… actually, that would creep me out. I’d keep glancing back saying, “What are you up to, Obama?” I just don’t trust that guy. You really want him in front where you can see him. Then again, if he leads the charge against Iran for Israel, he might get to Iran first and warn them an attack is coming.

Actually, if I were Israel, I might just leave Obama out of it. Unless they’re problem is not enough contraception mandates.

* Leaked word is that Osama wasn’t buried at sea and the U.S. government might still have his body. What do you think they’re using it for? Hopefully not a cloned army of mini-Osamas. They probably have them in a lab somewhere for research purposes, but you know something is going to happen and then they’ll escape and it will be like Gremlins but with Osamas. No matter what they do, no matter how much they cry, always force-feed them bacon after midnight.

* Wisdom of the Day from Kurt Schlichter:

I don’t think Sandra Fluke is a “slut” – I think she’s a whiny moocher with fascist tendencies. If she was a slut I’d like her better.

Send to Kindle
1 Star (Hated it)2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (Awesome) (12 votes, average: 4.92 out of 5)

26 Responses to “Nuke the News: Super Tuesday!”

  1. Mxymaster says:

    I think testifying before Congress at the invitation of idiot Democrats makes you a public figure. Fluke should suck it up (and I’ll just leave that one there, because I am a Christian).

    My primary isn’t until April 24, because my state is run by a particularly virulent breed of morons. You cannot throw a brick while blindfolded in downtown Albany without hitting someone in a suit who should be in jail. But you ought to try, until you run out of bricks.

  2. Eric Praline says:

    Shouldn’t Stimpy Hoyer know (since he’s a “lawmaker” and all) that if defamation is spoken, it’s slander not libel?

  3. Iowa Jim says:

    so Israel should go forth knowing full well knowing that Obama is behind them… actually, that would creep me out. I’d keep glancing back saying, “What are you up to, Obama?” I just don’t trust that guy. You really want him in front where you can see him.

    “I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me.” – George S. Patton

  4. jw says:

    hoyer says “fluke should sue rush”. as glen reynolds says at instapundit,
    “discovery shoud be interesting.”

    puppy blender FTW

  5. CarolynthePregnant says:

    It’s a super kind of Tuesday here in Virginia. Sadly, the GOP here has this stupid loyalty oath and I haven’t seen if they’re actually enforcing making people sign it. If they are, I’m debating between signing it something creative (S. Crew You, Up Yours, etc) or just walking out. It’s only Romney and Paul on the ballot, anyway. Maybe if they try to get me to sign something I don’t like I can just cry, point to my pregnant belly, and demand they give me contraception the next time I vote?

  6. coldguy says:

    Obama supposedly has our back, and he’s been picking our pockets the whole time.

  7. blarg says:

    The Democrats are trying to portray Fluke as some poor college student, but she’s actually a 30-year-old weirdo activist.

    that sounds like a pretty accurate portrayal of college students. Sure a handful go there to get an education, but for the most part, it’s just a step on the entitlement ladder of your typical college student.

    Obama has said that he “has Israel’s back.”

    …an in a completely unrelated story, he’s been described as looking particularly “stabby” lately.

  8. EdthePastor says:

    Dang Myxmaster set the bar high with being Christian. Can’t think of a comment that I wouldn’t have to repent of later.

  9. storm1911 says:

    To tell the truth, Osama is alive and well living in the White House as Mid East policy advisor.

    It’s super duper Tuesday and I am writing in Cyborg Cloned Reagan. Even with oldtimers disease he was better off than the passal of idiots we have now.

  10. Mxymaster says:

    Thank you, Ed; that’s right about as good as High Praise!

  11. DesertElephant says:

    We had the Primary in AZ last Tuesday. And, sadly, the Republicans in my State went with Romney. Really? AZ? Romney? But, happy Caucusing. Or not, because you’re supposed to be impartial and junk.

  12. Obamaaintmymama says:

    I’d be happy to pay for Sandra Flukes’ contraception, since according to Darwin she shouldn’t be reproducing anyway.

  13. CrustyB says:

    Kurt Schlichter, one of the few people I actually miss on Twitter. He was #caring.

    You and SarahK are registering as Republicans? Huh! And all this time I thought you two were conservatives.

  14. Elle T. says:

    Given what the Idaho Republicans are charging for the privilege of attending their caucus, I’m going out and doing volunteer work instead. I’ll give the money to the candidate I support so that he can spend it in a state that has a real primary.

  15. DamnCat says:

    My state has its primary in two weeks – a day widely referred to as “Meh Tuesday”.

  16. Monkey Faced Liberal says:

    FrankJ:

    Enjoy the caucus!

    I imagine that, what with all the enthusiasm you Republicans have regarding your sweet slate of exciting candidates, it should be quite raucous!

    By the way, I know you seem to think the majority of Americans are gun-toting, hippie punching, reality-denying wingnuts like yourself, but I suggest you, Mitt and the other right-wingers tone down the whole anti-immigrant rhetoric ASAP. And while you are at it, you might want to stop the whole “women who use contraception are sluts” meme as well.

    Because numbers like these just aren’t going to get you guys back in the White House. And they could even put all of Congress back into the Democrats hands.

    http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:http://www.usnews.com/opinion/blogs/laura-chapin/2012/03/06/rush-limbaugh-leads-republicans-right-into-social-issues-trap.

    Just a suggestion.

    Best Regards,

    Monkey Faced Liberal

    P.S. Recently a writer described the Republican base as “an excitable, overlapping assortment of Fox News friends, Limbaugh dittoheads, Tea Party animals, war whoopers, nativists, Christianist fundamentalists, à la carte Catholics (anti-abortion, yes; anti-torture, no), anti-Rooseveltians (Franklin and Theodore), global-warming denialists, post-Confederate white Southrons, creationists, birthers, market idolaters, Europe demonizers, and gun fetishists”

    How many of these categories do you qualify for? I count 12 out of of 15. Is that your count as well?

  17. NO_MO_BAMA says:

    Maybe Ms Fl^%k could get herself a “gender reassignment” (for free of course) that would solve many of her “problems”.

  18. CarolynthePregnant says:

    Dear Monkey-Faced Liberal,

    That’s anti-ILLEGAL immigrant. Carry on.

    Love,
    CarolynthePregnant

  19. NO_MO_BAMA says:

    Shouldn’t Stimpy Hoyer know (since he’s a “lawmaker” and all) that if defamation is spoken, it’s slander not libel?

    And he should know that when it’s the truth, it’s neither.

  20. seanmahair says:

    I know I’ve be AWOL for a while but isn’t “Monkey Faced Liberal” a oxymoron? No offense meant, just intellectual curiosity.

  21. zzyzx says:

    Looks like Rush is learning a hard, hard lesson…and one he should have already known. Nobody does sanctimonious, holier then thou, self righties indignation better then the liberals………nobody!

  22. zzyzx says:

    Once she graduates from law school Ms. Fluke has a bright future as a neighborhood organizer or a member of the Holder Justice Dept.

  23. CTCompromise says:

    * Leaked word is that Osama wasn’t buried at sea and the U.S. government might still have his body. What do you think they’re using it for?

    Sadly, whether the U.S. Gov does or does not have Osama’s body…at the very least, it was not dumped into a landfill, as the remains of many brave service men and women were by the U.S. Gov. I’m sure Osama’s remains were treated with a higher respect than that, no matter what happened to them. Our current “Powers That Be” are appalled and apologetic about the burning of some book which contained messages from spies. People are killing, rioting, holding demonstrations against what we did to the book, and the U.S.Gov. understands and sympathizes with their feelings. Maybe if we show those outraged masses more about how we treated our honored dead, they would realize that the book did not deserve to be treated better.

  24. 4of7 says:

    #20 – Seanmahair,
    I think its more of a Redundancy.
    An oxymoron is a figure of speech in which incongruous or contradictory terms
    appear side by side.
    Like clearly confused, or liberal fundamentalists.

    “A great deal of democratic enthusiasm descends from the ideas of people like Rousseau, who believed in democracy because they thought mankind so wise and good that everyone deserved a share in the government. The danger of defending democracy on those grounds is that they’re not true. . . I find that they’re not true without looking further than myself. I don’t deserve a share in governing a hen-roost, much less a nation. . . . The real reason for democracy is . . . Mankind is so fallen that no man can be trusted with unchecked power over his fellows. Aristotle said that some people were only fit to be slaves. I do not contradict him. But I reject slavery because I see no men fit to be masters.”
    – C.S. Lewis, “Equality”.

    “Courage is almost a contradiction in terms. It means a strong desire to live taking the form of a readiness to die. … A soldier surrounded by enemies, if he is to cut his way out, needs to combine a strong desire for living with a strange carelessness about dying. He must not merely cling to life, for then he will be a coward, and will not escape. He must not merely wait for death, for then he will be a suicide, and will not escape. He must seek his life in a spirit of furious indifference to it; he must desire life like water and yet drink death like wine.”
    – G.K. Chesterton, Orthodoxy.

  25. blarg says:

    apparently, one of the major advertiser’s that pulled out of Rush’s show proceeded to have a major drop in their stock price, a drop that was far greater than can be attributed to the generally down day the Dow had today – cutting off your nose to spite your face indeed.

  26. Les says:

    MFL — Yeah, we’re all very concerned about how we’re labeled by a guy who wrote Jimmy Carter’s “malaise speech.”

Leave a Reply

XHTML: You can use these tags: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>