…it now plays any number of songs by Rage Against the Machine, since the federal government and the constitution is who Obama has been raging against since he got in.
The (Marine) Band no Longer Plays “Hail to the Chief” when Obama Walks in. The musicians find it too difficult to play their instruments while they’re doubled over on the floor in fits of laughter.
The Band no Longer Plays “Hail to the Chief” when Obama Walks in… because they were served legal notice that exclusive rights to its use had been secured by Elizabeth Warren.
The band no longer plays “Hail to the Chief” when Obama walks in…
…because they finally read the lyrics, and trombones lose much of their timbre when clogged with vomit.
The Marine band no longer plays “Hail to the Chief” when Obama walks in out of deference to Obama’s most recent comment: “You didn’t play that.” Administration officials are still unsure as to who actually did most recently play the well known piece of music. Vice Presedent Biden, when interviewed, stated that “Of course they (the Marine band) played the piece. They work for the government, right?” Other officials within the White House are not so sure. A source who wished to remain off the record stated that “… while it is true the Marines are techincally in the employment of the government, the individual musicians put in quite a bit of hard work and practice to achieve the level of skill required to perform in such a high-profile position. They could not have done any of that without the roads and bridges required to get to lessons, much less the time they spent with that plastic recorder thing in music class at public school. It’s a sticky situation that we just haven’t figure out how to present in a way that flows well on the teleprompter.” It appears that until the administration can cooridnate with their campaign and create a suitable narrative on the matter, any official Presedential function will procede without any official musical introduction.
The Band no Longer Plays “Hail to the Chief” when Obama Walks in… Since Michelle ordered beans be substituted for meat in the White House kitchen, the Chief of Staff decided it’s more appropriate to play “The Thunderer.”
The Band no Longer Plays “Hail to the Chief” when Obama Walks in… It’s election season, so has them play tunes that make him happy, like “The Washington Post” march. Or “The MSNBC” march. Or “The Countdown with Keith Olberman” march. Or “The Rachel Maddow Show” march…
…because they sold all the instruments to pay for Obamacare. The Marines did not bring their own instruments, because they can’t afford instruments on a GS-9 salary. They sing “Where in the world is Carmen San Diego?” a capella instead.
Correction: The Band no Longer Plays “Hail to the Chief” when Obama Walks in… It’s election season, so he has them play tunes that make him happy, like “The Washington Post” march. Or “The MSNBC” march. Or “The Countdown with Keith Olberman” march. Or “The Rachel Maddow Show” march…
they play The Benny Hill theme song while Janet Napolitano and her cronies suggestively chase their employees around in fast motion behind him with Bill taking up the rear of the chain brandishing a handful of cigars and Eric Holder staring longingly at the scene behind prison bars.
…because the previous musicians have been replaced by AFL-CIO union members who don’t actually know how to play any instruments…and, they can’t be fired.
because the Algonquin Tribe successfully received an injunction from the Ninth Circuit Court declaring the song racist and offensive to Native Americans. Defense Council’s attempt at mediation offering a bunch of shiny beads and disease-ridden blankets to dismiss the case was narrowly rejected.
The band no longer plays “Hail to the Chief” when Obama walks in… because the lyrics are offensive when translated into Michele’s native tongue of Klingon.
The Band no Longer Plays “Hail to the Chief” when Obama Walks in. With his poll numbers looking more and more grim, the Marine Band Director thought it’d be a better idea for them to keep an eye on the furniture and the mini bar.
The Band no Longer Plays “Hail to the Chief” when Obama Walks in… The President’s angry about the White House pantry being empty, so he’s making them play “Who Let the Dogs Out.”
The Band no Longer Plays “Hail to the Chief” when Obama Walks in… Instead, the trombonist solos comedy sound effects that better reflect his presidency. Wamp, wamp, waaaaa….
…because Obama has difficulties with the letter “I”, so when he saw it he thought it said Hail To The “Chef” …and, he’ll be damned if he’s making anybody a damn sammich.
The Band no Longer Plays “Hail to the Chief” when Obama Walks in… He likes to rub it in that he let gays openly serve in the military, so he has the Marine Band jump up and do the can-can routine from “La Cage Aux Folles.”
The Band no Longer Plays “Hail to the Chief” when Obama Walks in… Now they just sit there thinking how it’d be more honorable to be playing for tips outside of the D.C. Metro stations.
but because Joe threw a tantrum and insisted on accompanying the band on his shiny new Fisher Price My First Xylophone, that limited their repertoire to the first stanza of Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes.
@rodney dill: There’s some good ‘uns here, but Vogon poetry is definitely worthy of a win.
The band no longer plays “Hail to the Chief” when Obama walks in…because Barack thought it would be more international if they played the Internationale.
Aw, Keln has already been through. Oh well, I’m going to do this anyway for posterity.
The band no longer plays “Hail to the Chief” when Obama walks in… They play “Entrance of the Gladiators”: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dAcaukw_26o
And they fired the band as you only need a calliope to play it.
Weird how that song has that title.
Also, bacon for CarolyntheMommy in comment 53!
but it does a great job with “Karma Chameleon”.
…they play The Internationale. Reference http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zk69e1Vcmvg
…they instead play “Na Na Hey Hey Kiss Him Goodbye” by Steam.
The Band no Longer Plays “Hail to the Chief” when Obama Walks in. Now they just play, “Aw, Hail No to the Chief.”
They play the theme from Shaft.
…it now plays any number of songs by Rage Against the Machine, since the federal government and the constitution is who Obama has been raging against since he got in.
The (Marine) Band no Longer Plays “Hail to the Chief” when Obama Walks in. The musicians find it too difficult to play their instruments while they’re doubled over on the floor in fits of laughter.
Inspired by Newsweek, they play “Hit the Road Jack.”
They prefer “My Boyfriend’s Back” while holding pictures of Romney and Ryan.
They play “Waltzing Matilda.” (to waltz matilda was to hit the road with a swag on your back, http://www.rogerclarke.com/WM/WMTerms.html)
The Band no Longer Plays “Hail to the Chief” when Obama Walks in… because they were served legal notice that exclusive rights to its use had been secured by Elizabeth Warren.
The band no longer plays “Hail to the Chief” when Obama walks in…
… because…um… ah…. RACIST
… because that’s now reserved for when Valerie Jarrett enters the oval office.
… and no one in the administration has figured out that it has been replaced with “Send in the clowns”
… because Reggie Love got performance anxiety from such a large audience.
… because they thought it might be offensive to Elizabeth Warren’s heritage
Woo Hoo by the 5,6,7,8’s
The band no longer plays “Hail to the Chief” when Obama walks in…
… because it was a part of Bill Clinton’s demands to pimp for Barry in Charlotte
… because it wasn’t in the band’s SEIU contract rider.
…because hail is cold, and cold is more-or-less synonymous with cool, and cool is a racist term to apply to Obama. Not to mention that hail is white!
Instead, now they play “Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head.”
…although if you look carefully, those aren’t raindrops…
The band no longer plays “Hail to the Chief” when Obama walks in…
…because they finally read the lyrics, and trombones lose much of their timbre when clogged with vomit.
The Marine band no longer plays “Hail to the Chief” when Obama walks in out of deference to Obama’s most recent comment: “You didn’t play that.” Administration officials are still unsure as to who actually did most recently play the well known piece of music. Vice Presedent Biden, when interviewed, stated that “Of course they (the Marine band) played the piece. They work for the government, right?” Other officials within the White House are not so sure. A source who wished to remain off the record stated that “… while it is true the Marines are techincally in the employment of the government, the individual musicians put in quite a bit of hard work and practice to achieve the level of skill required to perform in such a high-profile position. They could not have done any of that without the roads and bridges required to get to lessons, much less the time they spent with that plastic recorder thing in music class at public school. It’s a sticky situation that we just haven’t figure out how to present in a way that flows well on the teleprompter.” It appears that until the administration can cooridnate with their campaign and create a suitable narrative on the matter, any official Presedential function will procede without any official musical introduction.
The Band no Longer Plays “Hail to the Chief” when Obama Walks in… Since Michelle ordered beans be substituted for meat in the White House kitchen, the Chief of Staff decided it’s more appropriate to play “The Thunderer.”
♬
Get up in the morning, slaving for bread, sir,
so that more can go to the Fed.
For, for Obama’s right. Aah.
Get up in the morning, slaving for bread, sir,
so that more can go to the Fed.
For, for Obama’s right. Aah.
A wife and a kids, need universal health care.
‘More Taxes,’ he says, ‘I’ll need to receive.’
For, for Obama’s right. Aah.
credit him a-tear up, the bailout’s all gone.
I don’t wanna end up in a socialist slide.*
For, for Obama’s right. Aah.
It’s getting warm, we have done some harm
The planet’s outta norm. Gore sounds the alarm.
For, O bama’s right. Aah.
(repeat last four)
For, for Obama’s right. Aah.
For, for Obama’s right. Aah.
For, for Obama’s right. Aah.
♬
(Israelites — Desmond Dekker)
Alternate lyrics (For, for Obama’s right. Aah. can be replaced with Poor, poor me, Obama’s blight)
Taxman – (Beatles)
. . . They now play “Comrade Barack” (http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/2347458/posts)
. . . They now play John Cage’s 4’53” and let Obama make the noise
. . . They now play “Hail to the Thief”
… Now, they play, “How Much is That Doggie in the Window?”
The Band no Longer Plays “Hail to the Chief” when Obama Walks in… It’s election season, so has them play tunes that make him happy, like “The Washington Post” march. Or “The MSNBC” march. Or “The Countdown with Keith Olberman” march. Or “The Rachel Maddow Show” march…
…because they sold all the instruments to pay for Obamacare. The Marines did not bring their own instruments, because they can’t afford instruments on a GS-9 salary. They sing “Where in the world is Carmen San Diego?” a capella instead.
Correction: The Band no Longer Plays “Hail to the Chief” when Obama Walks in… It’s election season, so he has them play tunes that make him happy, like “The Washington Post” march. Or “The MSNBC” march. Or “The Countdown with Keith Olberman” march. Or “The Rachel Maddow Show” march…
…because the theme has ‘morphed’ to Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood.
“…because they finally read the lyrics, and trombones lose much of their timbre when clogged with vomit.” -EJ
…I’m dying here.
[pause]
…I’m still dying here.
The band no longer plays Hail To The Chief when Obama walks in… because the song has been renamed Spark Up Tha Choom!
The band no longer plays “Hail to the Chief” when Obama walks in…
…because “Barack in the U.S.S.R.” is his favorite song
they’ve switched to an Al Jolson medley.
The band no longer plays “Hail to the Chief” when Obama walks in…
… because the lyrics are offensive when translated into Michele’s native tongue of Klingon
What does Barack say to Michele at dinner time…
You wok the dog and I’ll steam the vegitables
they just emit a long sustained blast of the brown noise so that his personal BS is washed out in the baseline level.
they play The Benny Hill theme song while Janet Napolitano and her cronies suggestively chase their employees around in fast motion behind him with Bill taking up the rear of the chain brandishing a handful of cigars and Eric Holder staring longingly at the scene behind prison bars.
They play Coolios Gangstas paradise
Been spending most their lives, living in the gangsta’s paradise
…because the previous musicians have been replaced by AFL-CIO union members who don’t actually know how to play any instruments…and, they can’t be fired.
because the Algonquin Tribe successfully received an injunction from the Ninth Circuit Court declaring the song racist and offensive to Native Americans. Defense Council’s attempt at mediation offering a bunch of shiny beads and disease-ridden blankets to dismiss the case was narrowly rejected.
Vogon poetry is read instead.
The band no longer plays “Hail to the Chief” when Obama walks in… they are too busy helping him get the window open.
http://rightsoup.com/obama-confused-on-difference-between-doors-windows/
The band no longer plays “Hail to the Chief” when Obama walks in… and instead play the theme song to “Pinky and the Brain”
Narf!!
…because “yackity sax” is just more appropriate.
The band no longer plays “Hail to the Chief” when Obama walks in… Now they play YCMA by the village people, or something by the OIHO players.
The band no longer plays “Hail to the Chief” when Obama walks in… Instead, the press corps lovingly serenades him with “Call Me Maybe.”
…They now alternate between “Back in the USSR” and “I’m a Material Girl”.
Instead they play “The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire. We don’t need no water let the MFer burn”
@phreshone says:
The band no longer plays “Hail to the Chief” when Obama walks in… because the lyrics are offensive when translated into Michele’s native tongue of Klingon.
Hey, I thought she was Wookie? RRRGGLLLRRRR!!!!
The Band no Longer Plays “Hail to the Chief” when Obama Walks in. With his poll numbers looking more and more grim, the Marine Band Director thought it’d be a better idea for them to keep an eye on the furniture and the mini bar.
The Band no Longer Plays “Hail to the Chief” when Obama Walks in… The President’s angry about the White House pantry being empty, so he’s making them play “Who Let the Dogs Out.”
…because “chief” does not fully pay homage to The One. His Imperial Highness, maybe. Lord, perhaps. But, “chief”? Not nearly.
…because there’s only one chief in Michelle’s house, and it ain’t Barack.
The Band no Longer Plays “Hail to the Chief” when Obama Walks in… Instead, the trombonist solos comedy sound effects that better reflect his presidency. Wamp, wamp, waaaaa….
…because Obama has difficulties with the letter “I”, so when he saw it he thought it said Hail To The “Chef” …and, he’ll be damned if he’s making anybody a damn sammich.
Wait ….. really? I’m the first to say it’s, “If I Only Had a Brain”?
The Band no Longer Plays “Hail to the Chief” when Obama Walks in… He likes to rub it in that he let gays openly serve in the military, so he has the Marine Band jump up and do the can-can routine from “La Cage Aux Folles.”
Barack Hussein is full of crap
E I E I O
There’s 57 States on his map
E I E I O
With a smug look here
and a bad plan there
Here a look
there “plan”
Hey this guy’s a jerk man
Barack Hussein is full of crap
E I E I O
This guy said Romney wasn’t called ‘felon’
E I E I O
There’s nothing worthwhile in his melon
E I E I O
With some BS here
and a cop out there
Here some BS
there a cop out
All he does is whine and pout
Barack Hussein is full of crap
E I E I O
He told us all we “didn’t build that”
E I E I O
That’s because he an a$$hat
E I E I O
He’s insulted us here
and called us terrorist there
Insulted here
Name-called there
Let’s kick him outta there fair and square
Barack Hussein is full of crap
E I E I O!!!!!!!
…they play “Enter the Gladiators”. And not, mind you, because the band thinks of Obama as a warrior.
The Band no Longer Plays “Hail to the Chief” when Obama Walks in… Now they just sit there thinking how it’d be more honorable to be playing for tips outside of the D.C. Metro stations.
…but, they will continue to play his favorite song, “It’s Raining Men”, when he’s ready to leave.
now they play “ahab the arab”
now they play “eve of destruction”
Now it is just a single trombonist playing that “whaa whaa” sound.
but because Joe threw a tantrum and insisted on accompanying the band on his shiny new Fisher Price My First Xylophone, that limited their repertoire to the first stanza of Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes.
Send in …. the clowns…. don’t bother, they’re heeeeeere.
… they play “How Much Is That Doggie In The Window” … on kazoos due to the cutbacks in military expenditures.
Scott, I hadn’t read the comments when I posted mine. GMTA? Or, sumpin’.
…An Imam chants verses from the Koran instead.
…they now play a funeral dirge.
…since he can’t hear it anyway with that bucket on his head.
…instead they do Pink Floyd’s “Money.”
but now Reverend Wright’s gospel choir sings I Wanna Be Adored, by The Stone Roses.
but, due to military budget cuts, the band has been replaced with Bill Clinton playing “I Might Like You Better if we Slept Together” on his sax.
but now Obama just fiddles while America burns.
because the first thing Obama says when he walks into a room is “Don’t Bogart that joint”.
but oddly they do when Elizabeth Warren is with him.
… because they already played it when the teleprompter was being set up.
They play the imperial march on an accordion.
@rodney dill: There’s some good ‘uns here, but Vogon poetry is definitely worthy of a win.
The band no longer plays “Hail to the Chief” when Obama walks in…because Barack thought it would be more international if they played the Internationale.
… they play “Taps”. The President hates it, but Valerie finds it funny, so it stays.
… now they play The March of the Winkies from the Wizard of Oz.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nx8-J66yawM&feature=endscreen&NR=1
and someone’s been leaving buckets of water around the White House for some inexplicable reason.
Oh wait, this version is shorter, and funnier.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lhRVs6E5yF8&feature=related
@Burmashave: Thanks.
As you guys keep getting better at this, you’re making it harder and harder for me to pick winners.
Bacon to all of you. But there can be only one. Well, five, but one overall winner.
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Aw, Keln has already been through. Oh well, I’m going to do this anyway for posterity.
The band no longer plays “Hail to the Chief” when Obama walks in… They play “Entrance of the Gladiators”:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dAcaukw_26o
And they fired the band as you only need a calliope to play it.
Weird how that song has that title.
Also, bacon for CarolyntheMommy in comment 53!