Author Archive

Wisdom of the Day: Salads Hamas Mermaids

Wednesday, July 23, 2014 5:00 pm

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Random Thoughts: Halbig and Hamas

Wednesday, July 23, 2014 9:00 am

Democrats write horrible law, pass it, and it’s so badly written it gets torn apart in courts, yet somehow I know this is GOP’s fault.

Starting to wonder if there was a flaw to the plan to have a bunch of incompetents jam through a law that affects large portion of economy.

Remember: When you have the government do something big, you only have idiots and sociopaths at your disposal. No mythical smart people.

By far, the smartest thing in our government is our bombs.

If the court ruling makes you angry at anyone other than the idiots who wrote the law, you’re a rather useless person.

Does the 5 second rule apply to any beats you’ve dropped?

Has Hamas tried not launching rockets at Israel? I really think that could be a big part of the problem.

What does Obama need all these fundraisers for? “I can’t crappily jam together unworkable laws without your support.”

My Coke says I’m supposed to share it with “Bort.”

Got first pass of my book, and I’m supposed to mark with a colored pencil the errors and send back. Seems low-tech.

Actually, I can scan the pages I mark with colored pencil and email back, so there’s that.

Only found a few formatting mistakes. The words – written by me – are superb, though.

“We think you might have incriminating emails about targeting political opponents.”
“Whoops. Scratched my hard drive.”
“Seems legit.”

I looked it up, and hard drive scratches are actually pretty common… though mainly among people trying to destroy their hard drive.

Israel would like Hamas to not launch rockets at them and Hamas would like Israel to not have Jews. Hopefully they can work out a compromise.

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Wisdom of the Day: Starbucks Feminists Word KKK

Tuesday, July 22, 2014 5:00 pm

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Random Thoughts: Obama, FOX News, and Robocop

Tuesday, July 22, 2014 9:00 am

Read through the 1st pass for the layout of my Punch Your Inner Hippie book. You guys are so lucky you’re going to get to read it.

We need like a leader of the free world.

Maybe if we were a better country Obama would be more interested in helping us.

Is “Money good” a mission or a vision statement?

People should be less angry at FOX News and more angry and the horribly biased left-wing news that spawned it from necessity.

Where do I go to protest if I don’t think enough of Hamas is being killed?

You watch the original Robocop movie, you think, “Wow. They were pretty optimistic about the future of Detroit.”

What corporation would buy Detroit now? Not even Yahoo would buy it.

If you’re wondering what president’s up to, I’m friends with him on Facebook and it’s just constant requests for more lives on Candy Crush.

I thought that Robocop joke had to have been done before, which is a sign of either a really good joke or that you stole it.

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Wisdom of the Day: Gum Joker Fast Issues Stones

Monday, July 21, 2014 5:00 pm

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Random Thoughts: Indie Fiction, Grammar, and Suffragettes

Monday, July 21, 2014 9:00 am

For clarity, indie fiction isn’t fiction about Indiana Jones. Don’t have the rights to him. Plus, property a bit damaged after fridge nuking.

I guess indie fiction is fiction by those who aren’t established authors. I guess I’m kinda an established author, but not in fiction.

If you’ve read my non-fiction books, basically everything is made up in those because I hate research, but still not technically fiction.

Superego will be my first fiction book (and first book from Liberty Island) — first book where I acknowledge everything is made up.

I always have fewer respect for anyone who uses improper grammar.

What if modern feminists could go back in time and tell suffragettes about the plight of having to pay for own $10 abortion pill.

If anyone else says humans use only 10% of their brains, Science! will hit you with a meteor.

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The Final Hours

Saturday, July 19, 2014 10:52 am

We’re to the last few hours of the Liberty Island PubSlush campaign, so contribute if you haven’t yet and support conservative and indie fiction. They have a special now that any pledge $100 or over get a Liberty Island polo or t-shirt, and any pledge $15 or over is entered to win an iPad mini or Kindle Fire HDX. And any pledge $5 or more will get Superego, my first novel. Is there any prize better than that? No, there is not.

So contribute and support me and other conservatives fighting in the culture war. It’s the least you can do if you’re not some sort of Communist who hates America and freedom and science fiction.

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Wisdom of the Day: Dillo Birch Vox Dog Jail Baby

Friday, July 18, 2014 5:00 pm

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Random Thoughts: Girl-Thor, Ukraine, and Palestinians

Friday, July 18, 2014 9:00 am

Imagine a boot stamping on a human face — forever. But that face has government-guaranteed health care. #ProgressiveUtopia

So how much will the new Thor get paid by the Avengers versus what they paid the previous one?

I’m a regular Houdini when it comes to Chinese finger traps.

“Anyone think Obama was a bit hyped in 2008? Not saying I regret my vote, but I’m pretty disappointed.” -Biden, probably

“Mr. President, a passenger plane was shot down over Ukraine.”
“That’s awful! Was anyone on it supposed to attend one of my fundraisers?”

To make things even more progressive, girl-Thor and black Captain America are going to gay marry each other.

Q. What do you call a zucchini that grows underwater?
A. Aquarium-cchini!

People understand big comic book change ups are temporary, right? The only thing more unstoppable in comics than Superman is status quo.

Remember when Dick Grayson was Batman for like two years? No. We already forgot that.

“We will successfully land a rocket on Israel and bring no one back alive.” -Palestinian JFK

We Americans aren’t as tough as we used to be, but still most kids can build basic wood cabin and survive for days in the wilds of Minecraft.

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Wisdom of the Day: Adventurous Superman Facebook Drink Interview Juggalo

Thursday, July 17, 2014 5:00 pm

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Random Thoughts: Derringers!

Thursday, July 17, 2014 9:00 am

The 5 most dangerous letters in my first name:
1. F
2. k
3. n
4. r
5. Derringers

Don’t tell Rolling Stone, but I’m designing a new, high-capacity Derringer. THREE shots.

Wonder if we’ll see a Derringer resurgence, appearing in the inner city instead of just in disputes over poker in saloons.

The genius of the article was after the first 4, you’re like, “What guns are left?” but Rolling Stone found one more you weren’t expecting.

Palestinians just want to launch rockets at Israel in peace.

I remember way back in 2002, one of my very first blog posts was making fun of Arafat. He’s dead now. I get results.

“I know what you’re thinking: ‘Did he fire two shots or only one?’ Being this is a Derringer, the 5th deadliest gun…”

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Wisdom of the Day: Palestinians Dog Pillows Letter Buzzfeed Wand

Wednesday, July 16, 2014 5:00 pm

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Random Thoughts: Nuclear Weapons, Girl-Thor, and Most Dangerous Guns

Wednesday, July 16, 2014 9:00 am

I think I’m going to go by the Twitter rule that if you don’t have anything funny to say, then don’t say anything at all.
…D’oh!

If we got rid of all of our nuclear weapons, then what would we do if we needed to nuke something? Seems shortsighted.

But what do Vikings think of girl Thor?

I guess I’m really out of it; I know almost none of the songs from Weird Al’s latest polka medley.

I have to give to Rolling Stone for having a headline “5 most dangerous guns” and the article being far dumber than one could imagine.

In an era of tired stupidity on guns, Rolling Stone hit us with brand new, almost brilliant stupidity. Bravo.

Apparently gun control is so unpopular that the only ones left pushing for it are the ones not sure what a gun is.

If you think girl-Thor is going to blow people’s minds, I got a great idea: cat-Wolverine. Wolverine is now a cat. Let’s talk, Marvel.

Why is making Thor a girl a big deal? They once made him a frog. A male frog, though.

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Culture Warrior

Tuesday, July 15, 2014 11:30 am

We’re to the last few days of the Liberty Island PubSlush campaign.

Now, we all talk about wanting a country where more people respected freedom, but too much of the battle is done in politics which is like trying to drag people along with us. We want people to happily go down the path of liberty, and for that, we need to fight on the battleground of culture. And that’s what I’m doing now; I’m out there in the trenches, writing novels and stories and getting ready for the culture war. And so are others like me. Well, not just like me. I think I’ve kind carved out my own unique niche. It would be weird to find someone just like me. He might then be the evil Jrank F., fighting on behalf of the left. Hopefully that’s not true.

So what was I saying? Oh yeah, there’s me and other conservatives out there getting ready to fight on the side of culture, and you can support us by helping Liberty Island get its start so it can be a proper publishing house. So give to the PubSlush campaign and choose from lots of different rewards. And as long as you give at least $5, you will get my first novel. And as a new special reward, if you give $35 or more, you’ll get a signed copy of my novel Superego along with whatever reward you signed up for. And my novel will be epic. Think of that: a 100,000 words written by me. Can you imagine what they’ll be? No, you can’t. Only I could imagine that. And only I could write that novel. Scifi action adventure with a punch of humor. It’s unimaginable how entertained you will be. I envy you. Until I remember I’m me.

So give to the campaign and spread the word. And remember: $35 or more gets a signed copy of Superego along with whatever reward you sign up for. And you only have until Friday to join in. So, let’s hit the $25,000 goal. And let’s win this culture war for the soul of America and liberty.

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Random Thoughts: Israel, Errors, and Superman

Tuesday, July 15, 2014 9:00 am

Maybe they honestly thought Israel liked having rockets fired at them.

“No no no. We’re the Manson Family political wing.”

Good rule of debugging: A really esoteric sounding compiler error usually means a really simple mistake.

I remember when C compilers used to spit out the most complex sounding errors if you ever forgot a semicolon on a line.

You only have until Friday to give to the Liberty Island PubSlush campaign and get rewards (like my novel).

Originally, Superman worked at a newspaper so he could hear about things as they happened. Nowadays, he’d just be a dork on Twitter.

Just saying the name “Jack Bauer” renders lesser terrorists unconscious.

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Wisdom of the Day: Fist Murder Shell Young Germany

Monday, July 14, 2014 5:00 pm

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Random Thoughts: Israel, Minecraft, and World Cup

Monday, July 14, 2014 9:00 am

I’m guessing hearing about the GOP Convention was the tipping point for LeBron.

People are firing missiles into Israel and there is some sort of debate whether to murder the crap out of those people? I don’t get that.

If people are firing missiles into your country, it’s irresponsible to not murder the crap out of them.

Minecraft for iOS finally got the infinite worlds update. I had no interest in it without that.

I bought Minecraft for PC back when it was in alpha. Tell today’s kids that and they’ll act like you worked on the Apollo missions.

Once on a plane I sat next to a guy who worked on the Apollo missions (the unused escape system). That was awesome.

If Palestinians hunted down and murdered the crap out of people firing rockets at Israel, Israel wouldn’t have to.

What’s the best case scenario the guys firing rockets at Israel are hoping for? They’ll hit weak spot and it’ll blow up like the Death Star?

Finally listened to the song “MacArthur Park.” It is unbelievably awful. Could only get through two instances of the chorus.

I don’t care how long they took to bake it; I could not take it.

How in the world did that hit number 2 in the late 60s? Drugs doesn’t even explain it.

I just can’t imagine any state of mind where I could take that song seriously.

Wait, the guy singing that awful MacArthur Park song is Dumbledore? Man, that song baffles me on so many levels.

We’re to the best teams of the World Cup, so we’re now watching the very best players not score goals.

That was the last game of the World Cup? But I wasn’t done making fun of soccer!

Whoops. I got kickboxing confused with box-kicking. I’m a champion box-kicker.

Realized I need to hunt down original edition of Star Wars movies before daughter old enough to watch them or she’ll never hear “Yub Nub.”

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It’s IMAO’s 12th Blogiversary!

Friday, July 11, 2014 11:00 am

…Or it was, two days ago.

I’m just the worst blogger lately, aren’t I. Well, things are very much in flux for me. At least I’ve got some other writing stuff going on, like my books coming out (and the crowdfunding for Liberty Island which will be publishing my first novel has now passed $10,000).

So, what are your fond IMAO memories of the past dozen years? I remember when I had more time for blogging. Well, perhaps again one day.

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Random Thoughts: Perry, Coolness, and Vox

Friday, July 11, 2014 10:01 am

If the job of the president is to help make jobs and secure the border, is Rick Perry more our president than Obama?

Don’t listen to kids who tell you if you smoke marijuana or if you impeach Obama you’ll be cool.

“I’m a hyper-partisan liberal with the intelligence of a ferret; perhaps Vox can explain this to me!”

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Wisdom of the Day: Batman Right Kidneys City

Thursday, July 10, 2014 5:00 pm

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