Author Archive

Random Thoughts: North Korea, Self-Esteem, and Dogs

Friday, December 19, 2014 8:27 am

You can’t write humor about assassinating awful dictators? Well, there goes my TV series pitch.

Hollywood, I think understand the sort of things you want. My pitch: Chia Pets, the Movie. That will be one millions dollars, please.

So how is The Interview worse than Team America? Or are we just more cowardly now?

How do you even justify still being a Communist country these days? “Don’t you want to join the powerhouses Cuba, Vietnam, and North Korea?”

Whose dumb idea was it to give kids self-esteem? I say no self-esteem until you have a job and are living on your own.

Remember when 30 Rock made fun of North Korea. Would that not fly now?

Did a table read of some scripts are worked on. I now have a job where that sort of thing happens.

I guess working as a programmer, we could have done table reads of scripts, but not many people can make Python come alive.

Anyway, working on something really really cool. Can’t wait for everyone to see it, but that will probably be months from now.

“What’s going on is beyond my comprehension, but perhaps it will all become clear if I tilt my head 15 degrees to the right.” -dogs

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Wisdom of the Day: Cartel Novel Larry OK Culinary Hanks

Wednesday, December 17, 2014 5:00 pm

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Random Thoughts: Jeb Bush and Frank J. 2016

Wednesday, December 17, 2014 8:12 am

Obviously Jeb more qualified to be president than Hillary. He has two former presidents in his immediate family while Hillary only has one.

Can I just write a check out to “Not Jeb”?

I’m joking. I’d rather burn my money than willingly give it to a politician. At least I’d get warmth out of that deal.

Reminder: I’m now old enough to be president. If elected, I’ll just quietly cash my check each week and leave you all alone.

Would anyone mind if the State of the Union Address was just a single tweet?

My measure of being a successful president would be most people not being able to identify me.

Don’t worry: The government has a national Bush reserve for if we’re ever threatened of running out of Bushes to run for president.

A good slogan for Jeb in the primaries would be “Resign to your fate.”

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Wisdom of the Day: Hedge Girlfriend Game Scaring Pencil

Monday, December 15, 2014 5:00 pm

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Competition!

Monday, December 15, 2014 11:00 am

Friend of IMAO Mike Z. Williamson has a new book out — but this time it’s political humor. That means it’s competing against my book. So when you buy it, buy my book too to keep things balanced.

No, wait, buy two copies of mine.

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Random Thoughts: Serial and the ACA

Monday, December 15, 2014 8:36 am

The one thing I didn’t get from all the talk about Serial is that it’s non-fiction.

BTW, now that I have a decent-sized commute, I’m getting into the world of podcasts and audiobooks. Recommendations welcome.

Man, I have not been following politics very closely lately. When does Wendy Davis take over as my governor?

As an aspiring fiction writer, I was completely intimidated by Serial when I thought it was fiction. “Such imaginative details!”

“And how’d they get such naturalistic performances out of all these different voice actors?”

I did a “die-in” protest in my bed this morning.

While it’s true that “everything dies,” I still don’t get why Obama made that the slogan for the Affordable Care Act.

Maybe someone should host a big international debate on whether Muslims should murder people or not because I’d like to hear both sides.

Shouldn’t we be moving on from killing people because of weird beliefs in God to killing people because of weird beliefs in economics and science?

Waterboarding Gremlins just makes more of them.

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EconPop – It’s a Wonderful Life

Saturday, December 13, 2014 11:27 am

It’s a new EconPop on It’s a Wonderful Life and banking — and this one I actually participated in making a wee bit.

Know I haven’t been blogging much, but I’ve been working on a lot of cool stuff with Emergent Order and will plenty to show you in the future.

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Wisdom of the Day: Candy Biden Caveman Shooter

Wednesday, December 10, 2014 5:00 pm

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Random Thoughts: Humility, Starbucks, and Torture

Wednesday, December 10, 2014 8:30 am

For me, humility is pretty hard. Takes a lot of effort not to not feel superior to everyone. At least I try to be humble, unlike others.

Is it just me, or do Starbucks cups and lids have a decently high failure rate in keeping a watertight seal? Need more innovation there.

Torture is one of those things we’re against in the abstract but okay with in specific cases.

“Should we torture people?”
“Absolutely not.”
“Should we torture Khalid Sheikh Mohammed?”
“Oh yeah. Go to town on him.”

“I don’t like how police are behaving so I’m going to riot and burn stuff until you want even more police.”

It takes quite a bit of googling and research to realize I’m famous.

One of the problems with the Swift programming language is often when googling for information on it, I get result about Taylor Swift.

Waterboard someone enough and they’ll admit it’s not torture.

You made 24 a hit show and suddenly you’re against torture? Whatever, America.

Resident Evil 4 is a good example of how good story and writing have absolutely nothing to do with good gameplay.

“Everyone other than me is an idiot.” -basis for most of progressive legislation

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Random Thoughts: Christmas Xcode Writer Soccer Liable

Tuesday, December 9, 2014 8:27 am

Merry Christmas! And happy other holidays we inflate in importance for multicultural reasons because they’re near Christmas!

Okay, the Playgrounds in Xcode 6 are pretty cool. All IDEs should have something like that.

Yes, I am now a full-time writer, but I also might do some iOS apps. I write code and prose. I’m a double-threat.

Cultural Difference: In a BBC comedy not knowing about soccer was meant to make characters look unmanly while that means opposite here.

I’m going to hack people’s Twitter accounts and add to their bios “I’m legally liable for the words and actions of anyone I RT.”

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Wisdom of the Day: Atoms Wolf Clowns

Monday, December 8, 2014 5:00 pm

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Random Thoughts: Death Swift Library Fool

Monday, December 8, 2014 8:20 am

“I don’t believe in the death penalty; I just believe in passing lots of arbitrary laws that people with guns will sometimes kill over.”

Why have I been spending an hour trying to get a substring in Swift?! Why is that like landing a space shuttle?!

“Your dishonesty about what books you have on hand have turned this truthbrary into a library.”

“You’ve heard it said ‘Condemn the fool.’ But I say ‘Pity the fool.'” -Mr. T as Jesus

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Wisdom of the Day: Balloon Hack Kettle Poinsettia

Friday, December 5, 2014 5:00 pm

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Random Thoughts: Organic Violent Republic

Friday, December 5, 2014 8:34 am

A modern day apocryphal Marie Antoinette would say, “Let them eat non-GMO organic.”

When you criminalize non-violent actions, people will be killed for non-violent actions.

“We now cut from our coverage of Eric Garner to go to the new top story in white people news: The New Republic masthead.”

Oh, it’s fun to make fun of white people. I hope they’re always around.

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Wisdom of the Day: Coffee Cops Movie

Thursday, December 4, 2014 5:00 pm

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Special Needs: A Holocaust

Thursday, December 4, 2014 11:00 am

A non-funny, but important video from Steven Crowder:

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Random Thoughts: Eric Garner

Thursday, December 4, 2014 8:16 am

The biggest nonsense about the Obama daughters criticism scandal is that anyone cares about the dignity of a turkey pardoning ceremony.

If you want to show dignity for the office of the president, don’t pardon turkeys in big ceremonies.

So basically NYC cops can choke you to death over 75 cents?

If Bloomberg got his way, people would also be strangled to death over selling large sodas.

Body cameras on police officers will allow us to get even more righteously angry when cops aren’t indicted.

Another reminder that before you propose a law, ask if you’re willing to kill someone over this. Because that happens. #EricGarner

Obama: “Let this be a lesson: Pay your Obamacare tax or I’ll have police strangle you.”

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Wisdom of the Day: Christmas Finch Miles Kissing Iron

Wednesday, December 3, 2014 5:00 pm

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Random Thoughts: Clamshell and Swords

Wednesday, December 3, 2014 8:33 am

Man, I want to finally see Guardians of the Galaxy. Trying to decide if I $20 want to see it or can wait to rent next Tuesday.

I try to save my outrage for things like mass slaughter, but I tend to use it up on clamshell packaging.

Maybe you’re under constant threat because you’re a jerk who hangs swords over people’s heads, Dionysius.

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Listen to Frank

Tuesday, December 2, 2014 9:00 am

So, I was all making my triumphant return to blogging this week, but I don’t have like any random thoughts today. None. Here, let me try.

Asparagus.

No, that doesn’t really count as a whole thought.

Anywho, I’m on The Dennis Miller Show today, so make sure to listen to that. Does he find me funny? If so, that’s something I could probably put on my resume.

And, as always, buy my book. And tell everyone about it. And write a review.

Oh, and I guess my novel, Superego, is actually out today for buying as a digital copy. I wasn’t ready to start promoting that yet, but it’s pretty awesome and I think everyone is going to enjoy it. More to come.

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