Author Archive

Random Thoughts: Supreme Court, Peas, and Canada

Thursday, July 2, 2015 9:10 am

Ever notice how white liberals get extra irrational angry at conservatives who are minorities?

To advance on the issue of race, the left needs to focus more on their own racism than what they perceive as everyone else’s.

We wouldn’t need all these Supreme Court decisions if sweeping legislation wasn’t hastily scrawled in crayon.

So is the job of SCOTUS to proofread laws?

Peak stupid will be when schools reissue new history books that don’t include the Confederate flag.

They’ll tweak and adjust ACA until it works kind of like you’d tweak and adjust something you found in the toilet until it’s edible.

Now everyone’s got a right to the thing that no one agrees exactly what it is.

From a Christian perspective, Jesus was pretty clear on what God’s model for marriage is, but said nothing on what that means for government.

Obama: “I’m really happy this thing happened that I was cynically against like just a couple months ago.”

I see a lot of angry reactions. Strangely enough, most of it from supporters of gay marriage.

Is anyone seriously arguing polygamy will continue to be illegal? That would seem really incoherent.

The idea that the Constitution never means anything concrete or specific will continue to have implications in lots of fun areas.

If the right is looking for a victory, mentions of gun control sure got dropped pretty quickly.

Key to pronouncing town names in Texas: Think of the most obvious way to pronounce it. You’ve discovered how it’s not pronounced.

E.g., if you saw town called “Manor”, how would you pronounce it? WRONG!

I heard that in the olden days specially chosen people would read omens from animal entrails. It’s like an early Supreme Court.

The idea of inequality is that no matter what riches you get, you can’t enjoy it because someone else has more. And that person is greedy.

It would be neat if we had a constitution that meant concrete things that didn’t change based on who reads it.

Know who I blame? The Founding Fathers. Should have been more clear.

Man I feel smart now for that time Greece asked to borrow $20 from me and I said no.

No country elected math, but math still gets the final say about your spending.

The liberal Supreme Court justices are a bit like the NYT editorial board in that they’re intellectually incoherent and yet very predictable.

In contrast, Chief Justice Roberts is intellectually incoherent and unpredictable.

Now let’s take inventory of who changed their logos to rainbow color and prepare to get judgey of whoever changes back to normal first.

Apple app review process was more stressful than I thought. Theoretically, they can just ding you for anything.

Apple released their main reasons they reject apps. 42% was “other.” Not super helpful.

Anyway, I programmed an app. I also wrote a script for a video series. You’ll see both later this month.

Everyone focusing on microaggressions is allowing me to completely get away with all my nanoaggressions.

Ever tried dumping a bowl of peas on your NYTimes before reading it? Can’t hurt!

“We shoved as many peas as we could into Thomas Friedman’s mouth and now he sounds even smarter! Peas!”

“Instead of sprinkles, try peas on your ice cream. We’re not asking. We have a gun.”

“We buried Paul Krugman in a mountain of peas. He might be dead. We don’t know. Someone please stop us.”

#AskPOTUS What would you ask you?

Canada Day celebrate the first time the U.S. noticed there was this place called Canada above them. It’s happened six more times since.

“It’s like I’m in the U.S., but everything is slightly off in a creepy way. Is this the Twilight Zone?”
“No. Welcome to Canada!”

My 2yo son is really into Danger Mouse on Netflix. I had completely forgotten about that show.

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Random Thoughts: Gun Control and the Confederate Flag

Thursday, June 25, 2015 8:17 am

What is the gun control that keeps a person wanting to commit murder from getting one of the hundreds of millions of guns in this country?

I’m sorry, but saying “gun control” in response to a shooting like this make you an unserious person. There’s no logic to it.

It’s about the same as saying, “We need stricter laws against murder!”

I actually don’t see why I should care who is put on what bill. I use a debit card.

Maybe instead of repeating your same gun control arguments you should try reflecting on why most people keep rejecting them.

My 4yo beat me in her first try at Wii Bowling so I don’t feel like much of a father today :(

As soon as they know you have weakness, it’s all over.

Is anyone maintaining Stonehenge? What’s if it’s keeping sealed in an ancient evil?

I also never understood why would you want to fly a flag commemorating people who were whupped by a bunch of dandy Yankees?

New Metroid Prime!”
YAY!
“Four-player co-op.”
Nooooooooo!

Has any rapper ever tried having a normal name? “Hi, I’m Bob the rapper.” I’d give his music-like recordings a try.

They should make a Spider-man movie that reboots with a second actor halfway through.

Why would you need a Confederate flag for a Civil War reenactment? I don’t remember Captain America or Iron Man using a particular flag.

I know it’s a big controversy, but does Hillary really need to get her Confederate flag tattoo lasered off? It’s pretty faded at her age.

The Confederate flag has become a symbol of people against banning the Confederate flag.

I’ve never actually seen Gone with the Wind. I guess I missed my chance.

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Top 10 Ways to Convince People You’re Right and They’re Wrong

Monday, June 22, 2015 11:00 am

Are you tired of other people being wrong all the time? Over at PJ Media, I rank all the different ways of convincing people to think like you, i.e., think correctly.

The internet is nifty. You can communicate and share information with people across the world instantly. There’s just one big problem with all this open discussion: Not everyone’s opinion is the same as mine.

Read. Enjoy. Discuss.

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Random Thoughts: Clowns, Dolezal, and Jeb!

Wednesday, June 17, 2015 8:23 am

Can’t wait for October 21st, because then hopefully we’ll stop getting those false “Today is the day Marty McFly went to future” posts.

I just don’t get college these days. It seems like there has to be a lot cheaper ways to become obnoxiously stupid.

Eventually so many things will be declared offensive that only hate mongers will spend any moment of the day not angry about something.

We’re coming up with new things to be offended by at a much quicker rate than we’re retiring old things. This is not sustainable.

What’s a scientific term that refers to whether a majority of a human’s cells contain a Y chromosome?

Someone needs to guy-splain to Vox that they’re a bunch of clowns.

We have a clown culture growing in this country, led by things such as Vox. That’s not acceptable.

Does Twitter need a new CEO? Because I use Twitter.

We need a word that means “non-avian dinosaurs and their marine and flying reptile contemporaries that are all now extinct”.

Race is much more of a social construct than gender. #RachelDolezal

Is it wrong to call people on Twitter idiots when they self-identify as smart?

You ever get this feeling the president ain’t that great at being a leader?

Man, we have some weird gnats to choke on lately.

My 4yo daughter wanted me to wear a cape and save her from a dragon, so I had to lecture her on the damsel in distress trope.

Got an unopened but empty can of Coke in a 24 pack. Did they share it without asking us?
Empty Coke

The Jeb Bush logo reminds me of the Boise public library.
CHduoZGUcAAPGxn

This brand names seems like it’s trying way too hard. You’re friggin’ soap and water, dude.
CHesnBmUAAA78Mr

“The heavens will weep at our bubbles!”

I actually don’t have strong feelings on JEB!!!11!!1!!eleventy!1!! as a candidate.

Show is Game of Thrones show spoiling book 6 now? Or will they wildly diverge now? Or am I foolish to think another book is ever coming?

I thought Oldboy was going to be about a young Gary Oldman, but that wasn’t it at all.

My guess at the end of Game of Thrones would be Daenerys suddenly falling down a staircase and dying.

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Wisdom of the Day: Prank Copyright Care Fireman Gramma Shakespeare Swap

Wednesday, June 10, 2015 5:00 pm

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Random Thoughts: Metric System and Being Offended

Wednesday, June 10, 2015 7:40 am

I appreciate the metric system as a scientist. I loathe it as a writer.

Community season six finale was one of the all time best. Hope we get a season seven (movie continuation of shows are always weird).

You can favorite your own tweets? This changes everything!

The ultimate goal of Social Justice Warriors is to find a bigot more hateful and closed-minded than themselves.

So Facebook conveniently keeps a tally of how many friends wished you happy birthday. What am I supposed to do with that?

The right bombing the Middle East created ISIS, but the left being insufferable jackasses created the right.

In a free society, there is no question that citizens are allowed to have guns. It’s only debatable whether the government should have any.

Aw, man. Looks like I need to upgrade my computer if I want to play the new Batman game. Stupid next gen.

Went to this really cheap Chinese food restaurant. You couldn’t get sweet & sour; you had to pick one or the other.

My iPad 3 keeps freezing and crashing when downloading or updating apps (perhaps any big downloads). Anyone else experience this?

Yeah, I know I need a new iPad. Those iPad Airs make an iPad 3 look like a clunky iPad 1.

Did Lego Minecraft with my daughter, but hard to tell we followed directions versus putting it together randomly.
Buttercup and Lego Minecraft

Lego Minecraft is basically Lego Legos. It’s Lego Inception.

The NYT’s political commentary could be replaced with “Republicans bad. Democrats good.” written over and over and you’d be just as informed.

I’m so progressive that I’m offended by more things before breakfast than you’ve been offended by all month.

I’m so progressive, I’ve found things in a sensory deprivation chamber to be offended by.

I’m so progressive, that if a tree falls in the woods and on one is there to hear it, I’m still offended.

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EconPop – The Economics of Cast Away

Thursday, June 4, 2015 11:00 am

New EconPop from Emergent Order, this time on Cast Away and specilization:

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Wisdom of the Day: Zebra Hillary Coroner Patriot Pineapple Bruce Swords Chips

Wednesday, June 3, 2015 5:00 pm

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Random Thoughts: FIFA and Patriot Act

Wednesday, June 3, 2015 7:56 am

What is it about trains that makes them objects of endless fascination to small children and Democrats?

Texas sure has some interesting weather. Time to swim around the tornadoes on my way to work.

Anytime I watched a soccer game and saw all the people pretending to be excited by it, I said, “This has to be a scam of some sort.”

It’s good we have Bernie Sanders in the race for people looking for someone even older and less relevant than Hillary.

I’m bought a house in Texas. And I did it with a conventional loan this time like I’m a big boy.

Of course FIFA is corrupt. The reason we get all those boring 0-0 scores is because both teams are being paid to throw the game.

I’m looking forward to Pataki versus Sanders in the general election.

So how hard would it be to make it so you could hold the iPhone in portrait but it films in landscape?

Decided I’m going to die in Austin because I’m definitely never moving again.

Is Patriot Act where Whoopi Goldberg joined the Army to hide out from the mob?

Why does Siri always change the subject when I ask if she’s spying on me for the NSA?

At this point it would be easier if you announce if you’re not running for president. BTW, I have no announcement to make.

“I would like to take this opportunity to officially launch my campaign for president.” -Hillary in the first presidential debate

Reminder: You don’t get to choose whether criminals are armed. Only whether law abiding people are.

The whole investigation started when the FBI asked who was in charge of FIFA and thought they were given a clearly made up name.

People need to get better at sorting out when it’s society oppressing them and when it’s reality.

There’s little in this life I love as much as the extra syllable my 4yo daughter puts in “hamburger.”

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Is Vanilla Ice Cream the Downfall of the U.S.?

Wednesday, May 27, 2015 11:00 am

I have a piece at PJ Media about how the existence of vanilla ice cream possibly shows a weakness that could destroy our country.

Now, I’m not saying I don’t like vanilla ice cream. It’s a perfectly fine treat by itself. What makes it so baffling, though, is that other flavors of ice cream exist.

Read. Enjoy. Discuss.

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Wisdom of the Day: Offended Baby Draper Breaking Congress Interview Talking Beaches

Tuesday, May 26, 2015 5:00 pm

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Random Thoughts: Supergirl and Letterman

Tuesday, May 26, 2015 7:52 am

So who are your top 25 GOP presidential primary candidates?

What I get from the Supergirl trailer controversy is that it’s not feminist to include things known to appeal to women.

I’d watch if they have over the top misogynist Superman. “Should call you Supper-girl, because you should be in the kitchen making my supper!”

The left feel they have a right to wield racism and sexism for the cause of “social justice.”

“Why’d you stop watching Game of Thrones?”
“Rape, murder, arson, and rape.”
“You said rape twice.
“I don’t like rape.”

Google Docs red-lined “Doctor” and asked “Did you mean ‘Docter’?” Did I go crazy?

My 2yo son bit me when I refused to help him with an iPad game. I admire his passion.

I used to stay up late and watch Letterman and then change channels to Conan. Haven’t watched any late night in ages, though.

My 4yo never gets my 80s movie references.

Surprised people settled where there are tornadoes. You’d think they’d take it as a signal to leave when the wind turns into a giant monster.

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Mad Men and Biker Gangs

Monday, May 18, 2015 8:06 am

So was the Black Widow movie sketch on SNL making fun of sexism or making fun of women for liking dumb romantic comedies over action movies?

Jeb Bush is the Schrödinger’s Cat of Iraq invasion.

If you’re upset about Mad Men ending, at least you have it’s spinoff to look forward to: Mad Max.

We obviously need to ban motorcycles. Smart Car drivers never form gangs.

The last Mad Men episode I saw was the one from the first season with the hobo. Will I be able to follow the finale?

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Wisdom of the Day: Zoo Boomerangs Noodles Funeral Dishwasher Twitter Congress

Thursday, May 14, 2015 5:00 pm

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Random Thoughts: Blaming Obama and Trains

Thursday, May 14, 2015 8:14 am

There’s a lengthy review of my novel Superego at the SF magazine Perihelion.

Have some of you not bought my novel yet? Because that’s just weird.

The football throw guy cheated! He couldn’t throw the football as good as he throwed it!

How is all this police stuff news to everyone? If you ever watched an episode of Cops, they randomly murder like two people in each one.

I don’t follow as many women as men on Twitter, but in real life I stare at women more than men if that counts for anything.

Good way to end my 4yo’s questions and not look like bad guy:
“Why can’t I have ice cream for breakfast?”
“Because of a law President Obama passed.”

I keep confusing Liberty Mutual with the robot insurance people.

I think it would be really symbolic of our times if we increased funding for trains and took it out of space exploration.

Could Google make a self-driving train? Sounds a million times easier than a self-driving car.

I think we should just keep invading Iraq until we get it right.

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Time to Not Get Excited for 2016

Monday, May 11, 2015 11:00 am

I have a column at PJ Media on how best to approach the coming presidential election.

We Republicans have a big field of younger, newer candidates — a few with actual accomplishments to tout. There’s a lot for the right to get excited about.

Let’s not fall for it.

Read. Enjoy. Discuss.

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Random Thoughts: Black Widow, Britain, and Semicolons

Monday, May 11, 2015 8:12 am

Not much of a feminist, but it was disturbing how much emphasis there was in the Avengers movie on Black Widow making all the men sandwiches.

Not much of a feminist, but not sure about the scene where it’s revealed it’s the Black Widow’s time of the month and she out-rages the Hulk.

Not much of a feminist, but I’m not sure about that scene in Avengers where the Black Widow is disabled by a math question.

Britain has elections? I thought they just had joust tournaments to pick a new king.

Going back to JavaScript and C#, Swift has convinced me that semicolons are annoying and unnecessary.

I mean in programming; in writing, I love semicolons!

Remember when forgetting a semicolon led to the most cryptic errors? Now IDE’s are like “You forgot a semicolon.”

But if the IDE’s know where semicolons should be, just proves they aren’t really necessary in the first place.

I think a good solution to the poll problems in the British election is to label all future polling with “For entertainment purposes only.”

My almost 2yo has started asking “Why?” when I tell him to do something. Hey, buddy, you don’t have enough a vocabulary for reasoning.

It’s like when I ask him a question and he pauses to think of the answer. How many file folders could he possibly have to search through?

He know like maybe 100 words. How inefficient would his search engine have to be to need to think about anything?

There a word yet for news sites that are “satirical” but no one ever links to them because they’re funny but only because they got duped?

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Wisdom of the Day: Memory English Leo Gun Heroin Restaurants Outgunned Chameleon Cop

Thursday, May 7, 2015 5:00 pm

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Random Thoughts: The Simpsons, Hillary, and Mocking Religion

Thursday, May 7, 2015 8:07 am

It’s safe to say humanity in general is a good thing. I mean, dog’s really like us, and how could they and their wagging tails be wrong?

Ever since he killed off Anya like that, I don’t care what bad things happen to Joss Whedon.

I might like robocalls from politicians if it sounded like an actual robot was calling me — like Soundwave from the Decepticons.

The left seem determined to root out any liberalism left in its ranks.

At this point, I’m unlikely to watch a new episode of The Simpsons until the finale, so I’m looking forward to that.

What I’m most looking forward to is my kids being old enough to watch the first ten seasons with them.

“Classic Itchy & Scratchy! …What else is on?” That was me about 20 season into The Simpsons.

You can draw Jesus all you want and no one will try to murder you. Draw Jesus today!

Is it still considered a vegan meal if you stole it from a herbivore you murdered?

Hipsters celebrate Cinco de Aioli.

I was going to make fun of everyone doing those overdone “Cinco de Mayo/Mayonnaise” jokes, but then I thought of a good one.

The great thing about Hillary Clinton as a presidential candidate is that everyone already knows not to trust her.

The more disappointed you are by the winning presidential candidate, the less you’ll be let down later.

We all agree everyone should have the freedom to mock Islam — or any other religion or belief system — and not be murdered? Right?

In the new Community eps, I’m really liking the character Frankie and how she doesn’t quite exist in the same universe as the show.

In a way, she’s like an Abed in that she sorts breaks the fourth wall, but she does it as outsider instead of insider. #Community

I guess I should read the Constitution. Is there a version illustrated with GIFs from Firefly?

I’m just waiting for the grittier, more realistic reboot of Grimace. Related: What the hell is Grimace?

As a wise man once told me: “Don’t worry what Grimace is. Just be glad he’s on our side.”

Can we at least all agree that getting worked up over a non-Muslim drawing Muhammad is really stupid?

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A Long Time Until Now

Monday, May 4, 2015 11:00 am

Michael Z. Williamson, friend of IMAO, has a new novel premiering in hardcover today, A Long Time Until Now.

It’s about ten soldiers getting stuck in the stone age. Here’s an article on the research Williamson did for this novel. I’ve started reading the novel and it’s really cool — very realistic and detailed. So check it out if you’re looking for something to read after the previous novel you read.

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