Author Archive

Wisdom of the Day: Browser Government 8-Ball Wages Llamas Yellow

Friday, February 27, 2015 5:00 pm

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Random Thoughts: Net Neutrality and a White and Gold Dress

Friday, February 27, 2015 8:04 am

I thought it was disrespectful when my 1yo son said, “Cracker, please!” to me, but it ends up he wanted a cracker.

Working on pilot for show where Lucy Lawless plays character named Lucy who is leader of an anarchist group. Trying to think of name for it.
Maybe “Lucy No-Laws”
“Anne-archy” is another idea. Would have to change the main character’s name, though.

It’s done. Our house in Idaho is sold. Goodbye-daho.

Yes, bio needs updating. I’m now a Texan. I have a big hat and am working on a drawl.

You’re afraid in the future the internet will get slower, so you want the FCC in charge of it? What universe do you live in?

Must be hard to hear people quote “leading scientists” when you’re a trailing scientist. Let it motivate you to do some better sciencing.

So when is Texas planning to secede? Before April 15th, right?

Found an old Armageddon DVD. Fond memories of a time before I knew I supposed to hate Michael Bay.

I’m starting an organization where we nurse lame jokes back to health. Sometimes all it takes is a delivery by Norm MacDonald.

1. Government steps in to allegedly help consumers
2. Cronies go on regulatory board
3. Cronies crush competition and get rich off consumers

No one, no matter who they are, is above the llama.

I heard Scott Walker had a good speech at CPAC, but since he didn’t finish college, he only used one syllable words.

The Slap is a How I Met Your Mother spinoff, right?

My mom says she sees blue and black. Is she part of a flash mob playing a joke on everyone?
White and Gold Dress

Replicants are exactly like regular humans in almost all regards, but there is a subtle flaw in their ability to discern color…

“I’m going to irradiate all the gold in Ft. Knox, Mr. Bond.”
“You’re a fool, Goldfinger. There’s nothing in here but black bricks.”

Saw this weird color phenomenon where I was behind Niagara and everything went B&W. Just assumed colors don’t work all the time in Canada.

So is people not agreeing on colors a known phenomenon, or did we break the Matrix today?

It’s nice some people are taking a break from solving all the world’s problems to chastise people about caring about this dress thing.

Really? Black? You can’t see any yellow in it? You’re not making sense. Get some rest.

Some people who once saw blue and black now see white and gold. There is a cure. Don’t give up hope.

Gold does not become black! There is no color correction where gold becomes black! Stop lying and saying it isn’t gold!

This is some weird government experiment. You let them take over the internet, and now they’re using it to tear us apart. #Dress

“It may appear to be a white and gold dress, but if we color correct it, it’s now a much darker white and gold dress.”

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In 1000 Years, What Will Your Tax Bill Look Like?

Thursday, February 26, 2015 1:55 pm

At PJ Media, I take a look at what government will possibly look like in the future.

Now, anyone who knows how to use a calculator does not predict a great future for the U.S. government, but I’m not talking about specific governments here (like whether a thousand years from now there will still inexplicably be a Canada). I’m talking about the nature of government in general and how that might evolve.

Oh, and I also get to talk about my novel, Superego, in the discussion. Look how that worked out.

So what do you think the future of government is?

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Wisdom of the Day: Newsstand Extremist Carrot Man Underwood

Wednesday, February 25, 2015 5:00 pm

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Alien Gear Cloak Tuck 2.0 IWB Holster

Wednesday, February 25, 2015 11:00 am

So Alien Gear asked if I would like to try one of their holsters, and I said, “Yes. Yes please I would.” I’ve actually been meaning to try out an IWB holster for my 1911, so I got Alien Gear’s Cloak Tuck 2.0 IWB holster.

Gun not included.

Gun not included.

With my size, I might be pushing it trying to conceal a full-size 1911 (but I like it so much!), but I really liked the holster. It’s hard plastic that protects the gun, but it’s a nice soft material on the part that goes up against the body. And clips worked great at keeping the holster in place. It really was surprisingly comfortable. And I could kinda pull it off with an untucked shirt or jacket.

So cool holster and I recommend it. You can see here what guns it’s available for.

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Random Thoughts: Tolerance, Obama’s Love, and Passwords

Wednesday, February 25, 2015 8:12 am

Remember how Obama made a big deal of not wearing a flag pin in the 2008 primary and then started wearing it in the general? Good times.

Learned a new thing about The Princess Bride in first minute of listening to Audible version of As You Wish: How to pronounce “Elwes.”

I wasn’t even close all these years, I assumed it was one syllable.

So Neil Patrick Harris is getting hate for the single funny joke he had at the Oscars? Poor guy.

We’re going to run out of ways to not offend people. As a white, heterosexual, cisgender male, I’m committing a hate crime just by existing.

When the progressive direction is toward being humorless, puritanical scolds, maybe “progressive” isn’t the best term.

Can we all at least agree there are things President Obama hates more than America?

We can’t even imagine the things our children will one day be offended by.

That’s a good question. Anyone have a particular actor in mind for Rico when reading Superego?

It’s weird how raccoons evolved masks to hide their identities from predators.

I reprogrammed the replicator to respond to “Earl Grey tea hot” with “Shut up, baldy!” Everyone had a good laugh. A few were court-martialed.

The country should love President Obama whether he loves us back or not.

Apparently some people still haven’t heard I have a science fiction novel out. I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned it.

Got 1 negative review of my novel so far; it’s on Audible. Pretty sure that guy’s a freak, though. Everyone loves me.

If you’d like to say good things about Superego, make sure to put that on internet like Amazon. If you want to say bad things, hide in shame.

New Q for Republicans: If there was button to get unlimited organic kale at cost of destroying America, do you think Obama would press it?

“Obama is busy eating a waffle. A train is headed for U.S. Button to divert train next to Obama. Would Obama pause eating to push button?”

So is there one actual example of a woman getting paid less for same work as a man, or is this all theoretical?

The USPS site has the most convoluted password requirements I’ve ever seen. I’m trying to order stamps, not launch nuclear missiles.

RE USPS password: To require a special character but have a very limited list of allowable special characters seems to add insecurity.

They only allow 13 special characters, and you know at least one of them is in the password. Head start right there.

Funny. Any time I see Alec Baldwin I now think of his portrayal in The Big Bang and like him better.

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Wisdom of the Day: Writers Aquaman Starbucks Updog Carpet Kill Levine Academy Oscar

Monday, February 23, 2015 5:00 pm

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If You Needed More Convincing

Monday, February 23, 2015 11:00 am

I did an author video about me and my novel Superego. I even start it with a Troy McClure.

Also, Moe Lane named Superego “Book of the Week.”

Hope everyone is enjoying my novel. It’s quite a new thing for me, and it’s just exciting that anyone likes it.

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Random Thoughts: Aquaman, Patriotism, and the Oscars

Monday, February 23, 2015 8:08 am

This probably wasn’t Obama’s first choice of a country to be president of, but I think he really likes his job.

“All the fish say I look tough and cool.” -Aquaman

This is the kind of hair you get when any criticism of your leaders leads to execution.
Kim Jung Un Hair

“Wow. Cool shirt, Aquaman. It’s too bad you’re completely useless it most situations.”

“Batman doesn’t have superpowers. How do I rank below Batman?”
“Talking to fish is considered worse than no superpowers.”

“Ever notice how Clark Kent is never around when Superman appears? Wait! He must be scared of Superman because he’s really Lex Luthor!”

“This is why I hate this country.” -President Obama on being told what Giuliani said

There are two things the left hates:
1. Patriotism
2. Having their patriotism questioned

“I see you are eating food. Did you know that I enjoy eating food as well?” -dogs

So happy people are liking Superego. Brand new for me entertaining people with suspense and drama and not just humor.

Writing novel way different than blogging. I’m used to write something, get instant feedback instead of waiting years until some sees it.

No one actually believes President Obama loves America, but we all know it’s rude to point out. Come on, jerks.

“You settled on president. I settled on country to be president of. Let’s just be civil with each other.” -President Obama

Alien Gear ( sent me this cool IWB holster to try out. I had to supply the gun, though.
Alien Gear Holster

Pretty comfy, actually. Plastic around the gun, about this nice soft material on the part that actually presses against you.

Did you hear how Bloomberg is trying to make it that every gun has to come with a trigger warning?

What’s happening? We’re doubting whether Obama is a Christian? But I wasn’t done doubting whether he loves this country.

Superego’s page now has that “x many reviewers made a similar statement” section. Does an algorithm generate that?

This past year I watched some old westerns and the first couple seasons of Supernatural on Netflix. Any of that get nominated for an Oscar?

Wow. The opening number isn’t even over and the Oscars have already gone long.

I didn’t even know they did a movie spinoff of Iron Man 2.

I’m tired of all these stuck up rich people. Is Downton Abbey still on tonight?

When is the special effects category with the one movie I saw?

Sorry. I’m morally obligated to plug my novel a few times per day because it’s awesome.

Women only think pay inequality is a thing because they’re bad at math.

Do people not understand how markets work? If you really could pay women less for same work, men would never get jobs.

Ever hear of the Oscar curse where any actor who wins an Oscar has to sit through next year’s Oscars?

I can’t believe my wife is emasculating me by making me watch the Oscars instead of Downton Abbey… I mean a sports game.

Glad they didn’t have applause during “in memoriam.” It’s not nice when they applaud loudly for some, saying, “I’m glad he’s dead!”

Abe Vigoda will never be on in memoriam. He will outlive the Oscars.

People are still doing that rap music? I thought that was just a 90s thing.

Why doesn’t any winner ever say, “Haha, losers! I out acted you! Eat it!”?

Heard a lot of mixed things about Birdman. *sighs* Guess I’ll check it out.

Wes Anderson doesn’t need an Academy Award for best picture. They can eventually just give him a lifetime whimsy award.

Hollywood doesn’t love America.

So now all American Sniper is getting is the love of the general public and hundreds and hundreds of millions of dollars?

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Wisdom of the Day: Autocorrect Cold Hippie Gravy ISIS Cat

Friday, February 20, 2015 5:00 pm

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Rejected Superego Taglines

Friday, February 20, 2015 11:00 am

Did a lot of brainstorming on the tagline for Superego. The one we used actually came from my editor, Adam Bellow.

“Can a genetically engineered psychopath grow a conscience, get the girl, and save the galaxy? Two out of three ain’t bad.”

I think it’s pretty great — thought, arguably, Rico doesn’t accomplish any of those things by the end of the book.

Still, I thought I had some good other ideas for taglines. Here’s some I came up with.


He’s become a hero. He’s fallen in love. For a sociopathic, genetically engineered killer, it’s been a bad day.

He’s a sociopath. He’s a killer. He’s not the worst thing out there.

In a universe of thugs, murderers, and terrorists, he’s one of them.

He was born without a conscience, but does he have a soul?

Born without a conscience. Genetically engineered to be a killer. In other words, he’s got a bit of a social problem.

Rico had a happy, simple life as a sociopathic, genetically engineered, intergalactic hitman, but then something had to mess it up.

All he wants is to go back to his old life of killing for money.

Love. Morality. Companionship. These were the nuisances Rico had avoided. Until now.

Just because he’s a remorseless killing machine doesn’t mean he has to be the bad guy.

He might be a sociopathic, genetically engineered killer, but he’s still trying to grow as a person.

She’s a rogue cop. He’s a psychopathic, interstellar hitman pretending to be a rogue cop. Love’s complicated.

Interstellar hitman. Psychopath. Hero?

Genetically engineered to be a psychopath, why would he choose to be a hero?

Love is complicated. Killing is simple.

He used to be such a content psychopath.

Just because he’s a psychopath doesn’t mean he has to be the bad guy.

Kill the right people, they mistake you for a hero.

Love makes you crazy, but he’s already a psychopath.

Anyway, as always, buy my book. It’s gotten a good sales start and made it into the top 100 science fiction on Amazon, and hopefully I can keep it going. So read it, tell everyone about it, write a review on Amazon, and I’ll keep working on the next novel.

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Random Thoughts: Scott Walker, Netflix, and Science Fiction

Friday, February 20, 2015 8:45 am

I don’t know about the administration’s theory on ISIS. Getting a job didn’t keep President Obama from being a sociopath.

A fun thing to do if you ever met Scott Walker is to keep quoting the Iliad just to confuse him since he never graduated college.

Wait, was the Iliad the one where Grendel blinds the cyclops?

A better president that Obama would be a white noise machine. Then every time the president gave a long speech, people would calm down.

For the first time in my daughter’s life, we have cable TV in the house. Now realizing huge advantage of Netflix: no toy commercials.

Superego is now ranked in the Space Opera category. Apparently, it’s a very competitive category.

Writing a space opera is not easy. I’m not very familiar with Italian. But if you have a dream, you make it happen.

Science fiction much much more competitive area than political humor. Who knew?

Well, thanks to everyone who bought Superego so far! Hope you all really enjoy it. I just aim to not be boring.

You’re probably asking, “How do I help Superego’s Amazon rank?” It’s simple and I’ll explain it to you: You purchase a copy.

I’m just so happy to have anyone reading my novel. Reminds me of the same feeling I had when I first cracked 100 unique visitors on my blog.

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The Superior Man

Thursday, February 19, 2015 11:00 am

There’s a review of my novel, Superego, at Taki Magazine. So do you think there is an advantage to being a psychopath? Not having to worry about social niceties or guilt? Of course, that’s basically what the story in Superego explores. Actually, a fun subplot in it somewhat related to current events is you get to see a psychopath would deal with terrorists.

Hope everyone is enjoying my novel. Everyone bought it, right? Because it is mandatory to own.

BTW, if you liked it, make sure to write an Amazon review. Everyone who does will be entered in a drawing to win my love and regard.

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Random Thoughts: My Novel and ISIS Jobs

Thursday, February 19, 2015 8:23 am

“Audible: Because reading is for poor people.”

You have to be curious what a novel written by me would be like. It’s like reading 3000 tweets of mine in a row.

Actually, that sounds really tedious. Forget that.

Superego is a action adventure with tons of twists and turns, and you know it has to be exciting because I have a very short attention span.

There’s also some themes on morality, redemption, what it means to be human — but mainly cool stuff and action and exciting things.

And it’s edited. Really really edited. Me without grammar errors. Can you imagine? That’s at least worth a nickel a gander.

Anyway, when you give Superego a read, I would love to hear what you think. Unless you don’t like it. No one cares what you think, then.

Someone needs to update my Wikipedia page. Whose job is that?

Yes, new territory for me: a novel with actual, serious drama in it. But I’ve wanted to be a novelist long before I started blogging.

Don’t know if this administration will stop ISIS, but I’m pretty confident they’re keeping an eye on the cast of Duck Dynasty.

“Hi, ISIS, we’ll pay you minimum wage for this new job. It’s called ‘not killing people.’ It’s full time work.”

“Which Ukraine are we talking about?”
“THE Ukraine.”

If ISIS wants jobs, don’t they get to stamp license plates in hell or something?

And I’m telling you about my novel to benefit me. I’m just really afraid you’re going to miss out if you don’t get a copy.

All the excitement, all the twists and turns – you don’t want to miss that. Real roller coaster ride. Be sad to not experience it.

I’m just looking out for you. Because I’m a great guy. And an even better writer.

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Wisdom of the Day: Hat Neighbor Horror Items Waffles

Wednesday, February 18, 2015 5:00 pm

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Superego FAQ

Wednesday, February 18, 2015 11:00 am

My first novel, Superego, is out! This is a big deal; I wanted to be novelist well before I even started blogging. And this should be the first novel of many more.

Anyway, it’s published by Liberty Island and is available in ebook, of course, but also paperback if you’re a Luddite. There’s and even a very well done audio version by Audible Studios, so “I’m illiterate!” is not an excuse not to experience the great story I wrote.

Anyway, I figured you all would have some questions, so I wrote an FAQ on my novel.


Q. What is Superego about?
A. It’s a heartwarming story about a genetically engineered, psychotic hitman, Rico, who is completely incapable of feeling guilt or remorse for his actions — killing someone means nothing more to him than tying his shoe. On a new job, he accidentally ends up a hero while pretending to be a police officer and then finds himself falling for a female detective. And as things don’t go as planned with the job, Rico begins to reexamine his life. And he has lots of wacky misadventures, as a psychotic hitman is wont to do.

Q. Is it a comedy?
A. It’s not a comedy. Though people say there’s a lot of humor in it. Rico is a fun guy, despite his anti-social nature.

Q. How did you write it?
A. With a keyboard. You hit a letter on it, and then the corresponding letter appears on the computer screen. The internals of it all is a bit more complicated than that. If you’re curious to learn more, look up ASCII characters.

Q. What inspired you to write this?
A. People keep saying science fiction needs to be more inclusive, and I guess I got tired of all the portrayals of the psychotic hitman as a villain.

Q. So what are the themes in this book?
A. Probably the main one is morality. I take a look at morality by constructing a character who has no practical use for it. He feels no guilt for his actions, and because he works for a criminal syndicate larger than most governments, he also usually faces no legal retribution. Some other themes that are explored is there is a little bit on religion, government, the concept of civility, redemption, and what makes someone a human being.

Q. This sounds heavy.
A. It’s not. There’s just a bit of philosophical backdrop to glue together action scenes and all the twists and turns. I have a very short attention span; I’d put myself to sleep if I tried to be preachy. What I want is a book where stuff is constantly happening and the reader is unsure what’s going to happen next.

Q. Does this book pass the Bechdel Test?
A. It’s first person perspective from a male character, but there are a number of named female characters and they do converse with each other. And I think at least part of those conversations aren’t about Rico or another male character, so it might pass. So, yes, it’s a very feminist book.

Q. I want to know what cool stuff is in this book. Are there explosions?
A. Yes.

Q. Gun fights?
A. Yes.

Q. Ninjas?
A. No.

Q. Dual .45s?
A. Yes.

Q. Katanas?
A. No.

Q. What happens if I don’t enjoy this book?
A. Seek a mental health care professional. There is something wrong with you.

Q. Are there plans for a sequel?
A. Yes. I already have a bunch of ideas for a sequel or two, including plenty of new twists.

Q. Are you ever going to blog more?
A. Hey, if you want me to write more, you need to support my paid writing.

Q. I really enjoyed Superego. What should I do now?
A. Tell all your friends about it. And write a review on Amazon and similar sites. If you do that, I will be your best friend.

Q. Will we hang out all the time?
A. I didn’t say I’d be the friend you’d hang out with the most. I said I’d be your best friend. That means if you were to rank your friends by quality, I would be number one. How could I not be?

Q. One last time, why should I buy your novel?
A. It’s a fun, fast-paced action adventure, and it’s written by me. Aren’t you even curious what a whole novel written by me would be like. How could that not be mind-blowing?

If you have any questions not covered here, put them in the comments and I will answer them. Unless there are spoilers. Spoiler are bad. Except on cars. They make cars look like they’re fast.

And buy Superego now!

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Random Thoughts: SNL, Record Players, and ISIS

Wednesday, February 18, 2015 8:25 am

Is anyone going to arrest George W. Bush soon? The statute of limitations is running out on illegal wars.

Ever notice how Alabama kinda sounds like it’s the Islamic version of Obama?

Happy Presidents Day! Be thankful for presidents. Without them, bureaucrats would go feral and attack us.

So was it 40 years from when SNL started, or 40 years from when it was last funny? Bazinga!

Apple is making a car. They’re also making a gun called Apple Payback.

For people who want to humanize terrorists, it would be nice if ISIS would throw them a bone or two.

Hadn’t checked out a book from library in over a decade, and now there is new feeling: guilt. Author doesn’t get royalties for this.

Kids these days get a lot more Mickey Mouse than we used to. When I was young, I remember a new thing with Mickey in it being pretty rare.

Just for reference, I’m “I remember having a record player when I was four” old.

I remember marveling at a CD player like it was scifi. My kids will probably regard a DVD player the way I do a record player.

Some people don’t have Netflix?

How much student debt does ISIS have? Could that be the cause?

“For the Poltergeist remake, how should we update the script?”
“Make the TV the little girl presses against 16:9.”
“Alright. Ready to film.”

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Wisdom of the Day: Education Water Alive Shades Laughs

Monday, February 16, 2015 5:00 pm

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Random Thoughts: College and Stupid, Racist Stories

Monday, February 16, 2015 8:05 am

But without Jon Stewart, who will gently massage our biases?

Anyone actually watch NBC News? Does anyone know for certain Brian Williams actually works for them?

The new Hitman movie looks kind of neat. I thought the first attempt at a Hitman movie was pretty forgettable.

Shouldn’t you assume someone who made a successful career without going to college is smarter than the average person who went to college?

We’re beginning to treat a college degree like a baptism, as if there’s some moral difference in having one.

Full Disclosure: I have a college degree and am very very smart.

I have a useful degree in electrical engineer, but I really don’t see why it should take 4 years to learn enough to get a job in that field.

For so much of the education system, we should start over from scratch and ask, “What exactly are we trying to accomplish here?”

I learned a couple useful things in college that help me as an engineer today. I didn’t $100,000 worth of things.

Only a tiny fraction of my useable knowledge came from college and was blown away by what I learned my first year on the job.

Computer programming is one of the more useful degrees, but really seems like a year of basics followed by apprenticeship would be better.

If the point of college is to give you knowledge and skills you’ll need for a job, even the best schools really suck at that.

I don’t anything about becoming a doctor or a lawyer, but four years of college to learn tech skills is idiotic.

Tech degrees are different. If someone has a masters, you get wary. If they have a doctorate, you assume they can’t do anything practical.

I will teach my dog to wag his tail when evolution is mentioned and then he will be a smart dog.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg also found out that when you drink enough, the Constitution talks to you and tells you what it really means.

I got a one star review for the Audible version of my novel. “stupid and a little racist.” That’s not a good review!

Best I can tell, my story is racist because Islam gets mentioned in it and Islam is now a race.

And he didn’t like the action scenes? Everyone else liked the action scenes. The guy must be a weirdo.

I got some good advice early on: If anyone is ever critical of your work, obsess on that criticism until you tire yourself out.

Anyway, I just want to counter this libel. My story is not stupid or racist. Your face is stupid and racist.

Anyway, promotion for my novel Superego starts soon, so expect to hear a lot more about it. And it is awesome.


I haven’t tired myself out yet.

And the female characters weren’t goofy! Again, you’re mistaking things for your face!

My favorite SNL sketch is the one where the guy is like, “I’m Doug, and I’m outta heeeere.”

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Wisdom of the Day: Ball Music Zelda Hurt Old Blindfold

Thursday, February 12, 2015 5:00 pm

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