Author Archive

Wisdom of the Day: Dance Crockett Drunks Friday Sword Strikes Hotline Intro

Friday, April 18, 2014 5:00 pm

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Soft Casualty

Friday, April 18, 2014 3:30 pm

Friend of IMAO, Mike Z. Williamson, has a free short story out set in his Freehold universe, so check it out.

So what good fiction have you guys been reading lately?

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Random Thoughts: Jeb Bush, Being Rational, and White Privilege

Friday, April 18, 2014 9:00 am

I think we’re on our way to “racist” becoming a meaningless epithet.

Jeb Bush may not run because of family issues, the main family issue being that his family is named “Bush.”

Hearing MMFA is in a conflict with SEIU over unionization, there is an urge to laugh and mock. There is no moral reason to resist this urge.

The left should spend less time arguing they’re the rational, reasonable ones and more time being rational and reasonable.

White privilege isn’t real; I tried jumping ahead of a bunch of minorities in line by yelling, “White privilege!” and it didn’t work at all.

I do get discounts at a lot of grocery stores just for being white, though. Or maybe it’s for having their savings card. I forget.

When whites are no longer the majority, we should team up with blacks to form a majority coalition and discriminate against the other races.

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Wisdom of the Day: Sofia Bird

Thursday, April 17, 2014 5:00 pm

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7 Questions with Frank J.

Thursday, April 17, 2014 2:30 pm

I have a profile up over at PJ Media about my influences as a fiction writer. Yes, I only have the one short story so far (and go read it if for some crazy reason you haven’t yet), but more is coming, I assure you.

So what do you all think of Liberty Island? I’m not always big on grouping by political persuasion where it’s not needed (such as in fiction writing), but it’s nice to have stories from authors you know don’t hate your guts because of your views on taxes, liberty, and small government.

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The Gospel According to Bloomberg

Thursday, April 17, 2014 12:19 pm

I have an article up at The Federalist: “The Gospel According to Bloomberg.” And I have to say, it’s a very Frank J. piece.

“We’ll just be frank with you,” said the Pharisees. “Maybe in one small coastal area of Israel you were actually the best possible prophet they could get — which is such a sad commentary that you’d think people should flee that place and not look back lest they turn into pillars of salt — but in middle Israel — you know, caravan-over country — everyone hates your guts. They think you’re an annoying, out-of-touch, arrogant little jerk. Do you understand?”

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Random Thoughts: Stolen Joke, Opposition to Abortion, and Mustaches

Thursday, April 17, 2014 9:00 am

How Frozen Should Have Ended is quite funny… because they stole my joke!

I’m the only possible person who could have come up with that joke.

I’d rant against income inequality for $25,000 a month.

Opposition to abortion stems from it involving ripping apart a tiny human. It’s not that hard to understand, really.

Pretending anything other than the dislike of ripping apart tiny humans is central to the opposition of abortion just makes you an idiot.

You can say, “I disagree that ripping apart tiny humans is a big deal,” but just understand that that’s central to the argument.

The main thing that distinguishes humans from the other apes is the ability to grow a mustache.

We’re going to spend $600 million on job training for the president? Will that be enough?

Evolution: “You may have thought dinosaurs were fearsome before, but now I’ve given them a few upgrades.”
*out walks a chicken*

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Random Thoughts: Bundy, Tax Collectors, and Being a Liberal

Wednesday, April 16, 2014 9:00 am

Not really sure why we need Vox’s explanatory journalism when we already have Media Matters and Jay Carney.

I had a Bachelors in Science, but then I got married.

I don’t really get the Bundy thing. Can’t he just hold his meetings of NO MA’AM somewhere else?

When the college tuition bubble bursts, we’ll have people holding up signs saying, “Will talk nonsense about race and gender for food.”

I consider the taxes taken from me as paying for my right to complain, and I will get my money’s worth.

The reason I like a mugger over a tax collector is that a mugger never acts like you’re supposed to thank him.

Steps to being a liberal:
1. Declare yourself the rational, reality-based one
2. Make only emotion-based arguments

There’s nothing sadder/cuter than an asylum for criminally insane babies.

Is there any good metric for measuring the military’a efficiency? Like dollars spent versus dollars of damage done?

So Mike Bloomberg knows as much about Christianity as he does about guns.

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Wisdom of the Day: Prison Thrones Doctor Hand

Tuesday, April 15, 2014 5:00 pm

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There’s No Such Thing as “Scientists”

Tuesday, April 15, 2014 11:30 am

In my new PJ Media column, I argue there are no such thing as scientists, and we should stop using the word.

It’s like if you wanted music for your wedding, and someone came up to you and said, “I know a guy. He’s a musician.”

“What instrument does he play?”

“He’s a musician.”

“Is he any good?”

“He’s a musician.”

You see, when other occupations are vaguely described, we know to ask questions, but because we have blind faith in science, such reason is lost when we hear the term “scientist.” Which is why I’m arguing that for the sake of better scientific understanding, we should get rid of the word and simply replace it with “some guy.”

Rand Simberg also has out recently a column on a similar subject, “We Are All Scientist”.

So, what do you think? Are scientist made up, or have you seen one before? Am I a scientist? How can I be sure? Is there a test I can take to prove it one way or another?

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Random Thoughts: Game of Thrones and Rich People Against Income Inequality

Tuesday, April 15, 2014 9:00 am

That Joffrey chap seemed pretty awful, but at least he never tried to mess with Westeros’s health care.

There’s so many characters in GoT and it’s often hard to distinguish them. For instance, there’s 3 different guys in it named Bob Sacamano.

According to a poll, 35% say Obama is mixed race, 22% say he’s black, and 43% say he’s an idiot.

Sad day for Arya/Joffrey shippers.

The secret to all the weird stuff in the Resident Evil games is to realize that everyone in it is constantly munching on “herbs.”

So has the Game of Thrones TV series gotten to the part with the creator of the ice wall, Elsa, or is that spoilers?

GoT TV show watchers won’t have to worry about spoilers after this season since there’s nothing in books 4 or 5 worth spoiling.

Bet people are going to be happy we never shut down Gitmo when they start discussing where to send that Dutch girl.

You will find little in this universe more dishonest than rich people denouncing income inequality.

“One Weird Trick to Make People Think You’re Weird and Tricky”

Marty McFly should’ve disappeared as soon as he ran into his parents in the past; alter timing even slightly, completely different children.

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Wisdom of the Day: Human Pics Clowns Couples Worked

Monday, April 14, 2014 5:00 pm

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Random Thoughts: Dumb + Angry and Soviet Propaganda

Monday, April 14, 2014 9:00 am

A functional media’s political coverage would be nothing but constant reminders that all politicians are idiots who shouldn’t be trusted.

7 million signed up for Obamacare – 6 million lost coverage =/= 40 million without coverage now insured

There I go, foolishly trying to apply math to a government program.

I did a reverse Colbert shtick promoting my book “Obama: The Greatest President in the History of Everything.” It’s surprisingly easy.

Well, easy compared to when I tried to do radio interviews straight and could never think of what to say.

So if you run a country, you get a free portrait painted by George W. Bush?

So when do you start being an adult? 40?

So far “explanatory journalism” just seems like a new varnish on soulless, partisan hackery.

If you’re upset about Condi and how she increased surveillance, there’s a really bad current president you should pay attention to.

A lot of election strategy can be explained with this simple equation: Dumb + Angry = Votes

When you see a new outrage, ask yourself: “If this a real issue or primarily to get dumb people angry?” It’s almost always the latter.

Oh, and when I say “dumb people,” I really just mean “people.”

When it comes to politics, we’re all idiots.

I don’t think it’s rational to have an irrational faith in there being a rational explanation to everything, but people are irrational.

I’m still waiting for Harry Reid to tell me what’s the connection between Heartbleed and the Koch brothers.

Three words that can fix Article III of the Constitution: “No Stevens allowed.”

Can you believe whether or not our rights will be infringed lay on the opinion of that boob? What idiocy led to this?

How in the world did the makers of automobiles think of the need for glove storage before the need for cup holders?

Maybe I should leverage my video game skills to make my profile sound better. “Achievement-winning columnist.”

Putting up Soviet propaganda posters in your home is a lot like putting up Nazi propaganda posters except it’s just as bad.

When did we decide that the millions killed by Nazis is the epitome of evil but the millions killed by Communists is kinda cute?

Great minds think alike; mediocre minds are nearly indistinguishable.

I thought steampunks were bullies who hang out in saunas.

“Ha! More like FAUX News!” -clever person who is probably very informed about current events

Communism is a great idea if you don’t like capitalism, economic inequality, or people in general.

We’re all going to die from global warming somewhere between 10 and 500,000,000 years from now.

Probably should just find another planet — one that’s not so whiny.

When in journalism school do they teach you how to pick appropriate animated GIFs?

The easiest way to beat a T. Rex is to get it in some venue where it’s forced to stick to Marquess of Queensberry rules.

“Grandfather, everyone had clocks on the wall like this?”
“They were needed way back when since TV shows only came on at certain times.”

The new Doctor Who is quite good, but the first season is a bit of a barrier to entry.

Don’t think I really got into the series until the 6th episode which introduced the Daleks.

I was really just starting to like Christopher Eccleston’s doctor when he departs the series. Hard to beat David Tennant, though (though Matt Smith makes an admirable try).

Actually, I really like Matt Smith’s more alien portrayal of him, but I am looking forward to the next to finally get an older Doctor.

In 6th season now. Apparently everything Steven Moffat pens is pure gold (goes for Sherlock, too).

Well, when wife and I run out of new episodes, there will still be 26 seasons of classic Doctor Who to check out.

Mad Men is still going? You’d think they’d be caught up to present day by now.

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Can You Write a Better Bedtime Story than the USDA?

Saturday, April 12, 2014 1:12 pm

Liberty Island has a new story contest. Their previous one was “Can You Write Better Than Maureen Dowd?” (the answer is “Yes,” BTW). This one is in reaction to the USDA releasing a kids book to promote approved dietary standards, so now Liberty Island is accepting 400-1000 word stories in the form of federally approved children’s books. Sounds like fun; I might write one if I get some time.

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Wisdom of the Day: IRS Sebelius Deadline

Friday, April 11, 2014 5:00 pm

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Random Thoughts: Women’s Work, Vox, and Sebelius

Friday, April 11, 2014 9:00 am

If you really can get away with paying women 23% less for the exact same work, why does anyone hire men?

The after-lunch coffee is one of the most important coffees of the day.

When will the left admit that the reason they have so much extra hate for Condoleezza Rice is because she’s black?

Big stock market crash yesterday out of fear Sebelius is going into the private sector.

Luckily, the damage Sebelius did cost us only 77% as much as a male incompetent.

There should be an article on Vox explaining what’s the difference between them and OFA.

Where do I get a more detailed description of what the Heartbleed exploit is because so far I haven’t been able to get anyone’s passwords.

“Explanatory journalism” is such an unwieldy phrase; why doesn’t Vox just say “spin”?

Now Sebelius will be free to help vulnerable Democrats campaign on Obamacare.

Kathleen Sebelius was the Secretary of HHS? And here I just assumed it was a deranged hobo.

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Wisdom of the Day: Archie Germs Estimate Assistant Snorks

Thursday, April 10, 2014 5:00 pm

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Random Thoughts: Captain America, Archie, and Unequal Pay

Thursday, April 10, 2014 9:00 am

It would be a great idea for a moisturizing cream to do a Captain America 2 tie-in. “Hail Hydration”

I always make fun of Obama for having no accomplishments, but it sounds like he finally hunted down and killed Archie.

So do they have even one actual example of a man and woman doing equal work but getting paid differently?

Being a Christian is like being in a movie where you got spoilers that everything turns out all right in the end.

If you buy into the 77% statistic Obama keeps lying about, you’re an idiot and deserve to be paid less.

To equalize things, Obama’s bill would have given every woman a 23% raise (a woman did the math).

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Wisdom of the Day: Hangin’ Democrats Stewart Homeless Towels

Wednesday, April 9, 2014 5:00 pm

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Random Thoughts: Programming People and Feminism

Wednesday, April 9, 2014 9:00 am

Reportedly, it took God billions of years tinkering around with programming before he finally got a creature to say, “Hello world.”

No, wait, it was just six days. Bet He did most of it on the fifth day’s night, too.

How do you tell if your baby is putting his mouth on everything out of curiosity or if he has rabies and is attacking everything?

“I would theoretically treat a woman with respect if one would ever talk to me.”

Sorry, but I need sammiches more than I need feminism.

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