Author Archive

The Most Trying Time America Has Ever Faced

Friday, November 28, 2014 10:52 am

I have a column in the Washington Times on how this is the most trying time America has ever faced.

We’re like a TV series that’s in its ninth season after peaking way back in Season Five, and we don’t have any good stories left and are just limping along with middling ratings — and the only reason we’re still around is that everything else out there is garbage. Who knows how much longer we can last? We’re running out of money, we’re letting the government bloat and allowing our freedoms to slip away, and eventually we’re just going to collapse. It would be like if Superman easily fights comets and alien menaces and then dies from morbid obesity.

Read. Share. Discuss. Buy my book.

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Back to New Normal

Wednesday, November 26, 2014 9:53 am

I’m finally getting settled in Austin in my new job, so starting next week, I’m going to try to get to regular blog posts again… and not just ones urging you to buy my book (or my next one).

That said, have some of you not bought my book yet? If so, how can you look at your friends and family with the intense shame you have inside? You need to repent by buying lots of copies of my book (it’s the perfect stocking stuffer!).

And here’s me talking to Matt Lewis of the Daily Caller. And next week (December 2nd), I’ll be on Dennis Miller’s radio show (thanks, Harvey). You may know him from playing a radio show host in Joe Dirt. He did such a good job at it, he went on to host a real radio show. Quite a story. Anyway, lucky it’s radio I talk to him on so you can’t see me constantly furrowing my brow at the references he throws at me. That interview is not to be missed.

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Weekend Reading, Listening, Activity

Saturday, November 22, 2014 1:48 pm

So what’s the second greatest country in the world? Go to my PJ Media column to find why it would be scary if we ever had to care.

And you can go here to listen to me on On the Money with Charles Ortel.

And if you still need more to do, make sure to write up an online review of my hilarious new book. If you read it and tell me to my face you’ve ever read a funnier book, I’ll strangle you for being a liar.

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Leader of the Conservative Counter-Culture

Friday, November 21, 2014 9:32 am

So David Bernstein named me one of the new leaders of the conservative counter-culture. Of course, he part of Liberty Island which is publishing my upcoming novel (“What! Another book Frnak is going to nag us to buy!), but it’s still probably true.

Also making the list is my new employer, Emergent Order. And here’s a new EconPop from them about The Treasure of Sierra Madre, subjective value, and Humphrey Bogart’s scraggly beard:

And, as always, buy my book! And buy my other book… But we’ll get to that later.

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Frank In Studio

Wednesday, November 19, 2014 9:32 am

Here I am on Dana Loesch’s show on Blaze TV. I am awesome.

This has been a very tiring, exciting time for me with the move, starting a new job as a full-time writer at Emergent Order, my book release, and now my first in studio TV appearance — one in which I wasn’t an awkward, stuttering mess. Anyway, thank you, blog readers, for all your support.

Now buy and review my book.

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The Scientific Explanation for Punching Hippies

Tuesday, November 18, 2014 9:31 am

Still working on promoting Punch Your Inner Hippie. I have a few more radio appearances, such as the Michael Medved show on Friday. Also, I hope to have a clip of my appearance on Dana on Blaze TV soon. I don’t know if you saw it, but I was awesome. Watching it, I don’t understand how I’m not a movie star yet.

Anyway, Moe Lane from RedState has up an interview with me. And at PJ Media, they have up an excerpt of the book talking about Bob punching a gorilla and the scientific explanation of why punching hippies makes them less annoying.

And if you’ve finished reading the book, please do me a solid and write an online review. If we’re going to turn this country around, we need to spread the word about my book. We have to defeat as many inner hippies as possible.

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Artisanal Humor

Friday, November 14, 2014 8:52 am

So how is the book reading going? Hopefully you Luddites who insist on print have your copies by now. Actually, I guess there is an advantage to this book being in print as you can toss it at someone and yell, “Read this, hippie!”

I hope you all appreciate the hand-crafted humor of the book. I go through each and every paragraph of the book to make sure there is something funny. There should not be a stretch of more than two or three sentences without a good joke. That’s my guarantee to you: No slow, boring parts.

Anyway, doing a number more radio interviews today, and my interview in studio with Dana Loesch will air I believe at 6pm ET tonight on BlazeTV. Do not miss it. In fact, just go and turn on BlazeTV and read and re-read my book until it airs.

And once you’re done reading my book, make sure to write a short review online. Did I tell all you IMAO readers that you’re the best Americans? No? That’s because you won’t be until you read my book.

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The Punching Continues

Thursday, November 13, 2014 9:28 am

In case you missed it here, was my appearance on America’s Forum on NewsmaxTV:

I also did a bunch of radio shows yesterday; I’ll see if I can get audio of any of them. Today, I’m headed to Dallas to be on Dana Loesch’s who on Blaze (which I think will air tomorrow).

So how are you enjoying Punch Your Inner Hippie? Has it helped you achieve greatness yet? Have you bought a copy for all your friends so they’ll still be worthy to be your friends? Have you sucker-punched a gorilla?

Anyway, when you finish reading it, make sure to write a review. We need to spread the word and help transform America into a less entitled, more independent place. We need to all punch our inner hippies.

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How Have Your Lives Changed?

Wednesday, November 12, 2014 9:05 am

So Punch Your Inner Hippie has been out a day now. It took me a number of months to write the book, but I assume it reads quicker than that. Anyway, I’m hoping to hear back from you on how my book has changed your life and what you’ve achieved thanks to its advice. Also, there aren’t any reviews for it yet on Amazon and Barnes & Noble, and wouldn’t you like to be the very first person to review my book? You could put that on your resume.

So anyway, keep reading. Keep telling all your friends about it. If you don’t have friends, tell random passersby. Just run up to them and shout about it. And then write some reviews. And tell me here you favorite lines and favorite parts of the book.

You have an assignment. Don’t be a hippie. Get to it.

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The Ultimate Book

Tuesday, November 11, 2014 9:09 am

It has happened! The greatest book ever, Punch Your Inner Hippie, is out! You can download it now in ebook form or get it at a bookstore (and if a bookstore doesn’t have it, raise hell — make everyone there regret they ever sold book).

And this the ultimate book. The one book that tells you how to defeat the root cause of failure by beating to a pulp the hippie inside you. When you follow my advice, you will be unstoppable — like a speeding train without brakes.

And what good timing for it to come out on Veterans Day. Because veterans put their lives on the line for your freedom. Similarly, I wrote a book hoping to get money. Those are both actions. That’s a way they are the same.

So buy a copy. And then another as backup. And pester your friends to buy one. And if you like it, write a review online. If you didn’t like it, find a ditch to die in.

And if you won’t do it for me or for yourself, do it for my kids. They’re very poor. I mean, I live comfortably, but they don’t seem very good at earning money. Look at this photo from October 31st when they didn’t even have proper clothes to wear.

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Plus, I just moved, and the proper housewarming gift is to buy that person’s book.

So, this is it. This is when we turn this country around by following my advice and beating the hippies inside us. Are you excited? You should be excited.

BUY MY BOOK!

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Tomorrow It Arrives

Monday, November 10, 2014 8:37 am

So I’m sort of moved in in Austin. We have a rent house, and we have electricity… but nothing else. Stupid utilities is closed on weekends, so we couldn’t get running water. And gas and internet is still to come. But hey, an address; that’s a start.

Anywho, moves are expensive, and my book comes out tomorrow which can hopefully help with that. I’ll be doing plenty of interviews this next week (hopefully being able to take a shower at some point), and I already have an interview about Punch Your Inner Hippie at Townhall. Anyway, make sure to buy a copy of my book and tell all your friends to buy one. And even your enemies. Especially your enemies if you have move enemies than friends.

And things are really cool at Emergent Order. Hopefully I’ll have some neat stuff to show you in the near future… when I get settled. And having running water. And heat for the cold nights.

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Homeless

Wednesday, November 5, 2014 9:22 am

Hey, sorry not to be blogging. I’m living in a hotel looking for a rent house. Ends up we’re having some trouble as people label my dog an “aggressive breed.” So dog racism is alive and well.

But we should get things sorted out soon and I’ll try to get back to a new normal and blogging. And next Tuesday my new book comes out, so you’ll probably being hearing about that. And I have a cool new group I’m working with at Emergent Order, and hopefully I’ll have some stuff to show you soon.

BTW, was there an election yesterday? Is Wendy Davis my new governors?

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Frank Move Update

Wednesday, October 29, 2014 9:21 pm

Was supposed to leave for Texas this morning, but 18 month old son had a 102 fever, one cat’s foot was broken (long story short, I installed new blinds poorly), and there was still some work left to do in the house. But God-willing, tomorrow morning we leave for Austin. That’s me, SarahK, two small kids, two cats and a dog in a little SUV toting a trailer.

Anyway, one of these days I’ll get to Texas and start my cool new job at Emergent Order. And hopefully stop neglecting this blog so much. Keep us in your prayers.

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Wisdom of the Day: Ultron Father Feminist Avengers Clues Murderer Cat Win Tombstone Isolating

Friday, October 24, 2014 5:00 pm

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Random Thoughts: Feminism, Avengers, and Ebola

Friday, October 24, 2014 9:20 am

Just a reminder: The left only care about women, racism, or anything else in so much as it helps their partisan politics.

All their feminism will get immediately chucked out the window if they have a chance to humiliate a conservative woman.

About half my thoughts today are of that Avengers trailer. And about all my thoughts are in that James Spader voice.

When they say they can no longer detect the Ebola virus in someone, how do we know it hasn’t evolved a stealth mode?

Okay, I’m finally going to have to ask: What’s google?

Is a GamerGate used to keep out gamers or to keep out other people who might pester you while you’re gaming?

I wish people of all races and ethnicities could have white privilege.

Giuliani knew that when you crack down on small crimes, like broken windows, you keep Ebola from getting in the city.

Today is the last day of my engineering job. Bittersweet. I’m going to pray for something to break so I can debug it.

Wow, lots of stuff going on in NYC. Never have anything that interesting happening in Boise.

The most important things about Ebola is not to panic. Like if you think you might have Ebola, that’s no reason to cancel bowling plans.

I shouldn’t make fun of the doctor. Bravery-wise I don’t stand up very well against a guy who went to Africa to treat Ebola patients.

Are we sure there is a CDC? Like someone called their number and made sure someone answered?

We really need to work on our not panicking. We need to get that down soon or we’re all going to die.

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Wisdom of the Day: Carpet Conformist Dentist Bus Mall Day Ouija Avengers

Thursday, October 23, 2014 5:00 pm

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Random Thoughts: Photo ID, Islam, and Ultron

Thursday, October 23, 2014 9:13 am

Oh, little girls dropping f-bombs for feminism. Great idea, because the one problem with feminism is it’s not angry enough.

When a disaster happens, I’m always afraid of getting caught in the stampede of people racing to lecture everyone not to overreact.

Is the reason they ask for a photo ID when you go through security at an airport to keep minorities off planes? If so, I’m against that.

All those against #GamerGate want to do is hatefully dismiss large groups of people and suffer no consequences. For social justice.

Why so many shooters and such who are recent converts to Islam? They aren’t saving “don’t murder people” for advanced Islam, are they?

It could be the party with a long history of voter fraud claiming voter fraud never happens is why voter ID has 70% support.

As a child, I was always deathly afraid of the boogie man coming out of my closet in the middle of the night and starting a dance party.

So I watched the Avengers Age of Ultron trailer, and it looks sorta, well– GAHH!! I CAN’T WAIT! I WANT TO WATCH IT RIGHT NOW!!!

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Wisdom of the Day: U2 Girls Moon Zelwegger Men Twitter Black iPhone

Wednesday, October 22, 2014 5:00 pm

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Ebola Czar’s Top 10 Tips

Wednesday, October 22, 2014 11:00 am

New video from Crowder.

Wash your hands.

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Random Thoughts: 80s Kid, Renee Zellweger, and the Palins

Wednesday, October 22, 2014 9:23 am

As an 80s kid, I am kinda curious what it’s like to have a booming economy while I’m an adult.

Here’s how much of an 80s kid I am: I once got a programmable robot for Christmas.

While we’re calling out people with rape allegations against them that get ignored, don’t forget the husband of a likely presidential candidate.

Has Wendy Davis asked Mark Pryor about interracial marriage?

“Hmm. I don’t know what’s wrong with him. We ruled out A through D bola.”

Why is everyone freaking out over how Renee Zellweger looks? How can we even be sure that’s her?

If you visit Alaska, most like you’re going to get punched in the face by a Palin. But you deal with it because the place is gorgeous.

If the left can get some dirt on the Palins, they’ll finally feel better for their loss in 2008.

If the problems African Americans have could be solved by voting for Democrats, shouldn’t they have been solved decades ago?

You have 90%+ African Americans voting for Democrats. Who are you fooling thinking you’ll get change by increasing that number?

Seems there should be a more even vote split for African Americans between party that doesn’t care about them and the one that’s failed them.

Hey, it’s copies of my book (out Nov. 11th)!

I always use humor to make a point. The main point I’m usually making is that I think I’m very clever.

I always remember the Jay Leno-era Doritos slogan of “Crunch all you want; we’ll make more!” It left a deep impression in me.

Don’t get all the chiding about talking about Renee Zellweger. Are we all supposed to pretend we weren’t shocked to find her unrecognizable?

And it’s not that she looks bad or anything. It’s just like “The part of Renee Zellweger is now being played by…”

“Need to investigate this ourselves. Doubt a masked vigilante will help us – a laughable notion in our present day city.”
-quote from Gotham

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