Coco “the signing” Gorilla asks:
Do you want a piece of me?
Hey, you don’t intimidate me with your massive strength and your simple understanding of human language. You mess with me, and I’ll kill your cat.
Ken Nevin from a shack somewhere in Montana asks:
Is taking guns and ammo from de-activated foreigners considered “looting” the dead according to the Geneva convention? What if your gun is broke or they just have a better one? Would it be OK to trade?
Well, I’m no legal expert – actually my only experience in the legal realm was once punching a lawyer – but I’m pretty sure that if you shoot and kill someone, then all their stuff is yours. Fore’ners usually have crappy AK-47’s, though, so take them at your own risk.
Carridine from Funkytown, USA asks:
What is the “bright-light” reflex?
That’s the reflex Gizmo from the Gremlins has that causes him to scream, “Bright light! Bright light!” when he sees a light. Heh heh; let’s dunk him in water.
Brooks from Medical Lake, Washington writes:
I have been sharing your wonderful writings with some of my co-workers, which was just fine, but then one of told me that Aquaman was actually gay, which I don’t personally have a problem with, and even worse, French! (which I DO have a problem with.) Is this true?
Sounds true. To be honest, I’ve never read an Aquaman comic or even remember seeing an episode of Super Friends. So, does Aquaman actually fight villains or anything, or does he just swim around talking to fish (oh, that’s got to be some interesting conversations… not!).
George S. from Sixth Street, Austin, TX asks:
What is the Big Red Spot on Jupiter? It’s not some marketing gimmick by an Earth-bound company, is it?
I thought it might be some big marketing ploy by 7-Up too, so I built a probe in my backyard and launched it towards Jupiter to find out. We’ll just have to wait for it.
…
…
So, uh, how’s that local sports team?
….
…
You know, I’ve started to have thoughts about… Oh! It’s there. Let’s see what data it reports back.
Hmm… there is in fact a spot that is big and red. Seems to be some storm… but there is a radio signal coming from it. Let’s see…
Whoops, the probe just plunged right in there. I can still get some communication back. Wow, seems to be a voice on that radio signal:
“I am Zoloft, ancient demon who has been imprisoned in the red eternal storm of this giant planet. Your meddling has now freed me such that my wrath may once again go out about this universe. First, I will start with your pathetic planet, the one that is second orb from the sun. Muh ha ha ha!”
Heh heh, dumbass. He’s going to attack Venus. Anyway, there is your answer. 7-Up imprisoned an ancient demon there as some marketing ploy.
Please keep the questions coming, <a href=”mailto:THISISSPAMTHISISSPAMace you’re from, I’ll randomly select one.
I have noticed that two trans-dimensional beings/demons in your work have the names of well-known pharmecuetical products (e.g. Zoloft and Lipitor)… Is it a huge coincidence, or are the pharm companies (e.g. Pfizer, et al) communing with dark beings (as I’ve always somewhat suspected)?
Yay! First post in the list!(and second now…)
He’s not gay, I remember one comic where he got it on with this eskimo chick.
I didn’t know the Uncola was unholy. Thanks for the warning, Frank.
I think the evil Triumvirate of Dark Lords ™ could be rounded out nicely by Choraphor. The Evil Masters of Depression, High Cholesterol, and Herpes Outbreaks could unite for a pay-per-view five man, one dog, tag-team, cage match to the death versus Buck, Rumsfeld, and Chomps.
I know I’d pay to see that.
Aquaman may not be gay, but he sure as shooting had the lamest costume ever. What kind of “undersea king” wanders around in a orange shirt and green pants? What, was he some kind of underwater freakazoid leprechaun?
Oh, and it’s Koko, not coco.
The word is “furriners”, pronounced as it is spelled. And the Houston Astros purely kicked the ass of them Cincinnati Comminists, too.
“What is the “bright-light” reflex?”
It sounds like a toothpaste advertisement.
“Tea shadows on your tooth, milk toffee on your tongue. Don’t let the darkness gain you, Bright-light helps you fight the dull.
Bright-light, the reflex to enjoy a good day!
Bright-light the shine on you !”
🙂
Thanks for clearing that up for me Frank. I’d sure hate to have to give all that stuff back.
Listen, If Zoloft the drug is so effective, then why the hell is this demon going to destroy Venus? I mean, I only have urges to destroy Venus when I’m depressed or when I think I see French people on it. “If Zoloft is attacking Venus, It does not make sense!” {Johnny Cochran 13:25, Bullshiticus}
C’mon Frank, you’ve already dealt with the bright light reflex in a previous Frank Answers. You went to the Himilayas. Its the whatsis that causes the sun to make people sneeze. Perhaps you could point Carridine to that post.
I would, but I’m lazy.
Uh, is that 7-Up or the clever marketing ploy of a certain drug company?
“The bright light hurts, Mommy.”
“Shaddup and take your pill.”
Hmmm.
Well judging by most of the games I have played.
When you kill someone not only does all off their stuff become yours, but you also become stronger.
Bright-light, the light that hurts.
Yourah, mommy done.
Bright-light, and the pile gone !
Yourah, mommy flight.
Bright-light the tooth paste that gives you wings.
To not use with water.
🙂
i thought the red spot was a zit.
Actually, aquaman wears orange because that color is easier to see underwater. It is important for him to be seen by the other aquapeople. Why, i don’t know.
It’s important for Aquaman to be seen by the other aquapeople so they can avoid him.
Burn!
Burn!
Me?
IkkonoIshi is right. It was good old Fred Niche that said “That which does not kill us makes us stronger”. Also, anyone who has read ‘Elric of Melnibonie’ knows that if you have a cursed sword (Doomslayer) you get the power of everyone you kill.
Aquaman is not only straight, but he has a magical water hand given to him by the lady of the lake so he can fight dark sorcery mutant fish… and I’m really not making that up!
Yeah, now supposedly Aquaman is a badass. Riiiight.
I’m not afraid of Zoloft. He’s the Unvillain.
I would like to hear more about coco. Can she talk to other animals and tell you what is on there minds.What are her main interest.Does she watch tv.If so what does she think.What does she think of the human race.What kind of special food does she like.
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