Real quick, because I’m up too late trying to write the posts for tomorrow.
Jim decides to encourage my wrath. He might think it’s funny now…
Semi-celebrity Britney Gallivan, who has folded a piece of paper 12 times, visits my comments section to dispute my assertion that an executive order can only be folded 7 times. Well, she’s the expert.
Remember, linking to me on your front page tomorrow is MANDATORY. When you link, remind others of its critical nature to link to me.
Archive of entries posted on 8th July 2003
Frank Answers: Gratuitous Linkage, Neocons, and T-Shirts That Scare the French
Dave from
Will you give me gratuitous linkage in return for a promise upon my honor of gratuitous linkage on 9 July? Or do I have to bribe you more directly, such as by buying a Nuke the Moon T-Shirt?
No, linking to me tomorrow is expected of all blogs and will win you no special favor. There is only punishment for those who don’t comply. Buying a Nuke the Moon t-shirt and sending in a pic for the Peace Gallery does get you gratuitous linkage, though.
Johnny from Podunk, TN (Go to BFE, hang a left) writes:
I checked my “Funk and Wagnels” and could not find the word Neocon. I was curious because it sounds something like Comic-Con, or maybe has something to do with a past criminal record. I think I knew what it meant when I had my “Nuke the Moon” shirt on, but it’s in the wash now. Could you clear the air for me?
The exact definition of Neocon (short for neo-conservative) is “dirty Jew”. They are the ones who are tricking Bush into wars for the benefit of Israel. Jooooos!!!
Sean Riley from Sydney, Australia writes:
The Peace Gallery has done a brilliant job of highlighting the wonderful applications of the Nuke the Moon t-shirt. In particular, the power to get French people to surrender to me has appeal. It’s always a nice ego boost. That said, are you absolutely certain that, well, any t-shirt wouldn’t have the same effect? Have you done any studies on the matter?
To be honest, probably most shirts from ThoseShirts.com will cause the French to surrender, as will many variety of dogs, a few types some types of hats, and a German accent, but the Nuke the Moon shirt is especially good at it, it’s aura of power even causing some French to drop dead in fear. In one study, someone was sent walking through Paris wear a Nuke the Moon t-shirt, and, for that day, spontaneous combustion of Frenchman increased by 1000%. Other, more inferior shirts, though, could actually attract French to you and make you think French or hippy thoughts, so you really have to be careful. If I were you, I would only wear the Nuke the Moon shirt to be on the safe side.
BTW, it also deflects bullets.
Please keep the questions coming, <a href=”mailto:THISISSPAMTHISISSPAMace you’re from, I’ll randomly select one.
If It Can’t be Solved by Kill’n Foreigners, It Can’t be Solved
I haven’t said much about the conflict in Iraq in a while, as there isn’t much that is funny about the current situation where the troops are getting attacked every day through guerilla tactics. In response, President Bush told the terrorists, “Bring it on!” and this made the Democrats whine like all ‘ell. So, to get some comment on this situation, I turned to Buck the Marine:
Hi, Buck the Marine here. Getting some stability in Iraq will probably not be an easy thing as there are still many foreigners in Iraq who are alive who shouldn’t be. They think they can attack American troops, and that is a big miscalculation on their part – considering, of course, that the foreigners like not being dead. Some people think we can stop them if we can prove Saddam is all blowed up. You see, Saddam is a really evil man – he’s like extra-foreign – and making sure he’s dead would be very helpful to peace and discourage his supporters. Well, while I think it would be great to kill Saddam (just as I think it’s great to kill any evil foreigner), I also believe that attacks can be stopped without it. Personally, I’ve never known a diplomatic situation that can’t be solved be killing more foreigners, and I think that’s just what we have to do here. Just like, if a dog does something bad such as chewing up a shoe, getting on the furniture, or failing to bite a hippy, you would train him by hitting him on the nose with a rolled up newspaper, you train foreigners from doing something bad by kill’n ’em. Eventually, they will say, “By doing this bad thing, Americans kill us, so we should stop.” Now, it’s now easy to train foreigners, as it takes time, energy, bullets, and stabbing, but it’s worth the effort to help keep our troops safe.
Some people are angry at Bush for telling the bad guys to, “Bring it on,” but that seems perfectly fine to me. We don’t like the foreigners hiding around and waiting to attack us; instead, we like them out in the open where we can kill them good. Currently, many troops are going days without a chance to kill foreigners, and that is hard on their morale. Now, personally, I wouldn’t have said things exactly the way Bush did; what I usually yell out to foreigners is “You die now!” or, to be more clear, “You die now ’cause you foreign!” That’s just me, though, and everyone has their own style of dealing with evil foreigners.
Anyway, God please watch over our troops out there and keep them safe, and, if it so pleases You, smite a foreigner or two. But don’t kill too many; that’s our job. Ooh-rah!