Dave from
Will you give me gratuitous linkage in return for a promise upon my honor of gratuitous linkage on 9 July? Or do I have to bribe you more directly, such as by buying a Nuke the Moon T-Shirt?
No, linking to me tomorrow is expected of all blogs and will win you no special favor. There is only punishment for those who don’t comply. Buying a Nuke the Moon t-shirt and sending in a pic for the Peace Gallery does get you gratuitous linkage, though.
Johnny from Podunk, TN (Go to BFE, hang a left) writes:
I checked my “Funk and Wagnels” and could not find the word Neocon. I was curious because it sounds something like Comic-Con, or maybe has something to do with a past criminal record. I think I knew what it meant when I had my “Nuke the Moon” shirt on, but it’s in the wash now. Could you clear the air for me?
The exact definition of Neocon (short for neo-conservative) is “dirty Jew”. They are the ones who are tricking Bush into wars for the benefit of Israel. Jooooos!!!
Sean Riley from Sydney, Australia writes:
The Peace Gallery has done a brilliant job of highlighting the wonderful applications of the Nuke the Moon t-shirt. In particular, the power to get French people to surrender to me has appeal. It’s always a nice ego boost. That said, are you absolutely certain that, well, any t-shirt wouldn’t have the same effect? Have you done any studies on the matter?
To be honest, probably most shirts from ThoseShirts.com will cause the French to surrender, as will many variety of dogs, a few types some types of hats, and a German accent, but the Nuke the Moon shirt is especially good at it, it’s aura of power even causing some French to drop dead in fear. In one study, someone was sent walking through Paris wear a Nuke the Moon t-shirt, and, for that day, spontaneous combustion of Frenchman increased by 1000%. Other, more inferior shirts, though, could actually attract French to you and make you think French or hippy thoughts, so you really have to be careful. If I were you, I would only wear the Nuke the Moon shirt to be on the safe side.
BTW, it also deflects bullets.
Please keep the questions coming, <a href=”mailto:THISISSPAMTHISISSPAMace you’re from, I’ll randomly select one.
I think I have a pair of bunny slippers that the French surrendered to once.
Bunny slippers? Heck, I had a ballerina’s tutu that struck such horror in Paris that the French were falling down on their hands and knees when I held it up!
Muahaha! Watch as Frenchpersons surrender to the linkage! Thanks, Frank J, for the NOT gratuitous NOT linkage. Homage will be paid, and maybe some week soon I’ll get around to the purchase of a Nuke The Moon T-Shirt.
Boy am I glad you straightened me out!
“Jooooos!!!”
I’ve been snickering for 10 minutes now.
Johnny
Frank:
I need your help before Saturday. My sister is coming into town and wants to see where I work.
When I first moved to Atlanta my sister asked what I did for a living and I was so ashamed of the truth that I made up a lie about finding a job as the piano player in a Dunwoody whorehouse.
I’m ashamed to admit it but I’m really the head waiter at the most exclusive French restuarant here in Atlanta. I really don’t want to disappoint my sister, she now thinks I’ve got a decent job doing something I can be proud of and if she finds out the truth she may never talk to me again.
Should I come clean and confess the French connection in my life or should I just leave town before she gets here?
J.
I think I can handle this one…
First of all, your name is suspect. Jean, if you pronounce it like “gene” you’re okay, if not… well, she probably knows you have a French influence in your life. Now, if you pronounce it like Jean as in Jean-Jacket and not Jean as in Jean-Mark Douche-Baguette all the time then you can probably make the lie work. On a side note if you pronounce your name in the French manner for your employers you should be ashamed of yourself and get back to your American roots before it’s too late.
I’m sure the Dunwoody whorehouse would be happy to hire you if you quit your current job with the truffle hustling Frenchmen. Most whorehouses are quite American and patriotic and would be happy to help you out.
Alternatively, she’s your sister, there are plenty of fish in the sea… you could always ditch her and get a younger one. Just a suggestion.
I wonder what would happen if I sent my “What Part of Y’all Don’t You Understand?” shirt over there.
I’d have to Send it of course because if I ever did go there, I’d have to wear my “NTm” shirt just to watch them esssplode!.
OZ,
I just remembered that “Jean” is another form of “John”. Should I be concerned or what? Now that I think of it, they don’t mention “Jean” in the Bible, so I figure I’m okay.
O fount of wisdom, who knows all, sees all, and tells very little:
I would like to ask you and/or your readers for some input on an essay or short story I have in mind. It’s about inmates who take over the asylum and get much further than McMurphyy did in “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.”:)
Fortunately, the prefrontal lobotomy has fallen out of favor, but not before thousands of hapless patients were turned into unfeeling vegetables. When I serve as facilitator for a support group, I find humor to be highly beneficial. On the other hand, the psychiatrists and therapists who are nominally in charge of therapy groups take themselves too seriously. Traditionally characters like these are prime targets for satire.
I get weary of reading the usual crap that passes for psychiatric humor. In my never-ending search for fresh material, I think I’ve heard them all. My standard method of dealing with that is to write some new essays or stories, and here’s your opportunity to become part of the solution, maybe even share credit for co-authorship.
This type of request should not be surprising for someone whose personal Web site is:
http://www.ColoradoPsycho.com
Will someone please tell me how to find, “from”, Dave’s location, on the map?
Serenity, I wondered the same thing.
Probably should have put a disclaimer about the deflecting bullets bit. Something like “Only Metaphorical or retorical kinds of bullets. Not the spiraling, leaden ones that will bore through your flesh and inflict grevious arm on your vital organs”
One cannot be too careful in any event. Even “bulletproof” vests don’t stop all rounds, and they certainly don’t work for knives, as some Darwin Award candidates have learned to their sorrow.