Amphitryon responds to me and Courtney about ambitious women vs. the stay at home mom.
NRO pointed out who has to be the most idiotic political staffer in existence, and Emperor Misha I gives him a damn good fisking.
The Dissident Frogman points out a big insult to those who died at Normandy, and Rachel Lucas has a few choice words. Give ’em ‘ell for me.
Archive of entries posted on 1st July 2003
Frank Answers: Donkey Kong, Mountain Lions, and Mindless Eradication
Bill (AKA Graumagus) from Poplar Grove, IL writes:
The Nintendo company makes video games that feature a brave, immigrant plumber as a hero valiantly fighting the monkey menace in some of their wares. In others the evil Donkey Kong and his extended bastard family are falsely touted as the good guys. Is there a schism in the Nintendo management between those who are slaves to the simian conspiracy and those who are fighting for good? Or is the entire company evil incarnate, with Mario used as a pawn to lull the anti-monkey consumers into buying games, creating more funding for their fiendish plots?
My father had a great saying about trusting the Japanese: “Don’t trust the Japanese.” Now, I can’t say I’m completely sure of all the details of the japanese-italian-simian consipracy with its extreme anti-turtle bent, but I know I’m suspicious as all ‘ell. I just say keep an eye on Pearl Harbor and watch lots of anime looking for hidden messages.
Ryan from Colorado asks:
Any ideas how I can get the town council to let me have a Mountain Lion to take care of all the pesky prairie dogs running around my condo complex, oh, and the kids running around the parking lot too?
Just argue that prairie dogs and annoying kids are plentiful, while mountain lions are quite endangered. You’ll be able to get a whole bunch of annoying environmentalists behind you with that argument. So now you may be saying, “But I don’t want to get near any annoying environmentalists!” Well, once you have the mountain lion, you sic him on them. And they can’t fight back or they’d be harming nature. Stupid, mauled environmentalists.
Bob from Dufeldorf, HA writes:
One of my mind-numbed liberal friends recently presented me with this
inane question: What possible benefit would come from mindlessly
eradicating an entire group of beings? Fortunately, I knew that you would have an answer.
Exterminate him, and the rest of your liberal friends. And do it mindlessly. The answer will come to them in their eradication.
Please keep the questions coming, <a href=”mailto:THISISSPAMTHISISSPAMace you’re from, I’ll randomly select one.
Know Thy Enemy: Hurricanes
Hurricane Bill has been downgraded to a tropical depression, so, just after the nick of time, here’s some info on hurricanes. I have lived in Florida for over two years now, which, though I’ve never actually seen a hurricane, makes me qualified to talk about them from all the second-hand information I’ve heard. So, without further ado:
FUN FACT ABOUT HURRICANES
* Hurricanes involve wind… and rain too, I think.
* Hurricanes only attack near the coastline, because further inland is ruled by the tornados who don’t take kindly to other weather anomalies moving in on their territory.
* The main differences between a hurricane, a tropical storm, and a depression are their spellings and pronunciations.
* Jerry Fallwell says hurricanes are caused by too many people being homosexuals, so stop it already, guys; those storm windows look hard to put up.
* I talked to some guy who said he shot a hurricane with a .45, but that didn’t stop it. A .44 magnum probably will, then.
* A true samurai should be able to stand down a hurricane and defeat it with one mighty stroke of his blade. I won’t do it though, because it might mess up my sword.
* I just saw this movie Zaitoichi about a blind samurai, and it was really cool.
* I’ve strayed off topic.
* When a hurricane attacks, most people will flee inland, which will mean the beaches will be nice and empty for those of us who aren’t a bunch of pussies.
* Hurricanes used to always be given female names because hurricanes are destructive, random, and capricious, just like women. That custom was stopped, though, when women got all whiny and moody about it.
* No one is sure what causes a hurricane, but it comes from the sea so the most likely candidates are Poseidon, sea monkeys, or France. We should do a preemptive strike against all of them.
* A hurricane, unlike the platypus, does not lay eggs.
* If a hurricane charges you, just strike it on the nose to ward it away.
* In a fight between a hurricane and Aquaman, Aquaman would end up stuck in some power lines somewhere with no fish to talk to.
* In Mexico, Aquaman is known as Hombre del Agua.
* I’ve gone off topic again.
* This arab guy I met told me that hurricanes are just a Zionist conpiracy to run up insurance costs. Joooos!!
* Most times we’ll have plenty of notice for a hurricane because it will storm in right off the sea. Sometimes, though, it will sneak in wearing a hat and a trench coat. If you see someone in a hat and a trench coat, pull them off and shout, “Aha! A hurricane!” Most of the time, it will actually be some guy and you’ll look pretty stupid, but, if one time it actually is a hurricane, people will be like, “Wow! You’re smart.”
* All hurricanes want is attention, so the best defense is to just ignore them, even if it rips off the roof of your house.
* I once thought I saw a hurricane, but it ended up that it was a gopher.
* That was sort of on topic.