Archive of entries posted on 11th July 2003

Links of the Day

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Rachel Lucas seems to have a huge obsession with her dog. I think the dog might make a great Chomps, but she needs to look a lot angrier. Maybe she could tape Sunny’s lips up to make it look like she is growling.
Oh yeah, today is link to people who linked to me day, via Technorati.
Laurence Simon damns me to hell, even thought I am kind to blogs with less links than mine like his and Scrappleface (I’m ranked 19 today, even above Rachel Lucas and John Hawkins; I wonder how long that will last).
Windrider thinks I do entertainment and art reviews. Huh? Anyway, that’s a weird page he found.
Hoplites has more natrulization questions. I like his answer to 21.
Acidman has his own comments on the concept of posses.
Jason contemplates fanfiction of my In My World™ segments, but basically those are fanfiction of the current administration.
Tim has not read my Nuke the Moon essay. Go tell him to.
BTW, I have a video of me using aikido on someone. It was taken with my digital camera (i.e. it has no sound) and I’ve gotten it down to a nice little 200kB file, but it’s sideways and I would like to remove the last few frames of the video. Anyone know how to fix it for me?
UPDATE: Blaster fixed the video for me. Maybe I should add in some over the top sound effects, though.

Frank Answers: Coco the Gorilla, Looting the Dead, the Bright Light Reflex, Aquaman is a Gay Frenchman, and Jupiter’s Red Spot

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Coco “the signing” Gorilla asks:
Do you want a piece of me?
Hey, you don’t intimidate me with your massive strength and your simple understanding of human language. You mess with me, and I’ll kill your cat.
Ken Nevin from a shack somewhere in Montana asks:
Is taking guns and ammo from de-activated foreigners considered “looting” the dead according to the Geneva convention? What if your gun is broke or they just have a better one? Would it be OK to trade?
Well, I’m no legal expert – actually my only experience in the legal realm was once punching a lawyer – but I’m pretty sure that if you shoot and kill someone, then all their stuff is yours. Fore’ners usually have crappy AK-47’s, though, so take them at your own risk.
Carridine from Funkytown, USA asks:
What is the “bright-light” reflex?
That’s the reflex Gizmo from the Gremlins has that causes him to scream, “Bright light! Bright light!” when he sees a light. Heh heh; let’s dunk him in water.
Brooks from Medical Lake, Washington writes:
I have been sharing your wonderful writings with some of my co-workers, which was just fine, but then one of told me that Aquaman was actually gay, which I don’t personally have a problem with, and even worse, French! (which I DO have a problem with.) Is this true?
Sounds true. To be honest, I’ve never read an Aquaman comic or even remember seeing an episode of Super Friends. So, does Aquaman actually fight villains or anything, or does he just swim around talking to fish (oh, that’s got to be some interesting conversations… not!).
George S. from Sixth Street, Austin, TX asks:
What is the Big Red Spot on Jupiter? It’s not some marketing gimmick by an Earth-bound company, is it?
I thought it might be some big marketing ploy by 7-Up too, so I built a probe in my backyard and launched it towards Jupiter to find out. We’ll just have to wait for it.
…
…
So, uh, how’s that local sports team?
….
…
You know, I’ve started to have thoughts about… Oh! It’s there. Let’s see what data it reports back.
Hmm… there is in fact a spot that is big and red. Seems to be some storm… but there is a radio signal coming from it. Let’s see…
Whoops, the probe just plunged right in there. I can still get some communication back. Wow, seems to be a voice on that radio signal:

“I am Zoloft, ancient demon who has been imprisoned in the red eternal storm of this giant planet. Your meddling has now freed me such that my wrath may once again go out about this universe. First, I will start with your pathetic planet, the one that is second orb from the sun. Muh ha ha ha!”

Heh heh, dumbass. He’s going to attack Venus. Anyway, there is your answer. 7-Up imprisoned an ancient demon there as some marketing ploy.

Please keep the questions coming, <a href=”mailto:THISISSPAMTHISISSPAMace you’re from, I’ll randomly select one.

Frank Advice for Democrats to Win the Presidency

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Wow, watching the race for Democrat presidential candidate is exciting as anyone could win… even crazy nutjobs! Now the Democrats will decide whether they will send up some moderate to be trounced by Bush or some peacenik liberal to be supremely trounced by Bush. It’s just part of human nature to root for the underdog at times, so I’m going to give the Democrats some advice for actually winning the presidency next year.

* Murder the Clintons: The Clintons are going to try to suck all the oxygen out of the room so that no other Democrats can be popular. They want you to lose in 2004 so Hillary can run in 2008. Kill them both… and Terry McAuliffe as well. Do it secretly so as not to anger your base, or do it publicly to win some independents and Republicans (“Hey, them Democrats ain’t so bad; they murdered those Clintons good!”).
* Taint the water supply with LSD: LSD will make people paranoid and irrational, and thus more likely to vote for a Democrat… or a Libertarian.
* Make it so that convicts can vote: Thieves and murderers tend to lean towards the Democrats, plus they’ll be sure to vote for you if you promise pardons. I might even like the idea to suddenly saturate America with criminals; that will make more support for my posse initiative.
* Murder President Bush: He’s too popular, so kill him. Maybe then you can run against the more vulnerable Dick “Ah! My Chest!” Cheney. Of course, it could backfire, and you could be running against a Rumsfeld/Rice ticket who will seek vengeance.
* Defeat all terrorism: Get some guns and some mercenaries and quickly go out and defeat all terrorism. With national security no longer an issue, people will begin to worry about piddling crap again that are the Democrats’ main issues.
* Change the rules: Quickly change the Constitution so that the president is decided by a disco dance competition. Could also backfire.
* Add and remove states: Make fun of the South until they secede again. There goes a lot of votes for Bush. Now get Canada to join (“We like Democrats, eh.”).
* Confuse seniors: Whoever is the Democrat candidate, legally change his name to George Bush to confuse people.
* Whine. Whine. Whine: Whatever happens, go with your strengths.

There you go, Demoncrap Democrats. Best of luck, and may the most weasely win.
NOTE TO ANY GOVERNMENT TYPES WHO MAY ENCOUNTER THIS SATIRE: We here at IMAO (meaning me) certainly do not actually endorse the assassination of President Bush (hell I voted for him and plan on doing so again). I also do not endorse the assassination of the Clintons or McAulife; they should only be killed after due process of law.