A lot of you gave me nice tributes for my blogiversary, but I don’t know what to say to this one.
Wow, you can meet some weirdos in those personals. Blaster’s comment to that post is just awful.
The Emperor is sick! It’s time for a usurpation to wish him well.
Acidman has the naturalization quiz, and I have to say at least two of the questions he listed I didn’t know the answer to. So what kind of grade do you have to get to be an American?
Archive of entries posted on 10th July 2003
Crazy People, What My T-Shirt Can’t Do, Wussy Firearms, and the Presence of All Colors
Jennifer from Des Moines, Iowa writes:
Why does your blogroll keep “moving?” It is in a different order every time I skim it in the ridiculous hope I would somehow be worthy of linkage already. Rachel Lucas at the top is the only one I am sure stays put.
My blogroll does not move, as is evidenced by that Rachel Lucas is always at top. You probably just forgot the position of other blogs on the list and thought they moved. If you keep thinking blogs are changing position on my blogroll, immediately check yourself in to the nearest psychiatric ward.
Wesley Harding Warsaw, Indiana writes:
So far the Nuke the Moon T-Shirt can deflect bullets, make you knowledgeable of all things, ward off ninga attacks, spontaneously combust all things French, and make someone who is fat, appear less so, while a skinny person would presumably become invisible. Or at least less dimensional by one. All that begs the question; Is there anything The Shirt can’t do?
A Nuke the Moon t-shirt can not raise some one who has been dead for years (it only raises the recently dead), it can’t turn a Granny Smith apple into gold, it can’t destroy the sun, and it can’t allow you to see through more than 8″ of lead.
That’s all I know it can’t do so far.
Nate from Elmhurst, IL asks:
Why did the US military switch side arm from the amazingly cool Colt 1911 .45 Auto to the wussy Beretta 9mm? The Beretta is a good gun, don’t get me wrong, its just that it uses small, crappy metric ammo…they could at least use the Beretta that fires .40, couldn’t they?
I think the problem was that our military became too “kick ass”, and some measures had to be taken to make wars more challenging thus to keep our troops’ interest. One such measure was a weaker sidearm that can barely kill a Commie at all, forcing one to instead use strangling or his or her KaBar. If I were in the military, I’d just bring my own .45, but that’s just me. Someone might protest, but, then you’d have a .45 when they only had a 9mm, and who is going to win that argument?
Susie from Calcutta, Greenland writes:
I have heard that the color white is the presence of all colors, and the color
black is the absence of color…but when all my crayons melted into a big
puddle when I accidentally left them out in the sun, they were a sort of brownish
purple…..why is that?
Great question. The accepted belief that white is the presence of all colors was just racist propaganda made by the KKK. If it were true, then, if you wore a white shirt and got anything on it such as grape juice, then the shirt should become more white because your adding more color to it thus making it even whitier. But we all know it ain’t true. White is the absence of color, which is why we draw on white pieces of paper and not black ones. The true color of all colors together is the brownish purple you saw, also known as “blurple”. All hail blurple.
Please keep the questions coming, <a href=”mailto:THISISSPAMTHISISSPAMace you’re from, I’ll randomly select one.
I’m Not an Animal; I’m a Human Being!
Because of all that linkage yesterday, I’ve now (temporarily) made it into the
“Mortal Human” category in the Blogosphere Ecosystem. I’ve even passed my archnemesis fellow blogger Scrappleface in links. Hey, Scott Ott, you keep working on your humor and I’m sure one day you’ll have as many links as me.
There is now also rankings by traffic, but I had disabled my site meter so I look a bit pathetic on that ranking scale. I put it back up now, so I hopefully I can fix that.
Posse Power!
Whatever happened to the posse? Used to be whenever something went wrong, a group of angry people with guns would get together and take care of it. Nowadays, it always seems the answer is to sit on one’s lazy ass and either ignore it or call the police. Well, I’m tired of that; I think it’s time to bring back the posse.
Think of all the advantages to the posse:
* It’s an outdoor activity: Nothing like getting fresh air when walking around angry with guns.
* It involves exercise: Exercise comes in the form of walking– and sometimes punching and kicking.
*It involves brainwork: You have to figure out who the perpetrator is to a 55% degree of certainty before you rough him up, and that takes detective work.
* It helps you meet people in your community: Either from them joining the posse or you roughing them up.
* It’s an excuse to openly carry guns: Guns are cool.
A posse to me sounds like the American way: people taking things into their own hands. Well, next homeowner’s association meeting, I’m going to bring up the idea of the posse committee, which I will head. Something goes wrong in our neighborhood, people come talk to me and I’ll get together a group of considered citizens to handle it. Chair missing from the cabana? When we find out who took it, he’ll wish he had never been born. Someone trample through my neighbors prized begonias? One we take out his kneecaps, he won’t be trampling through anything no more. Something knock over a trashcan at night. Probably raccoons, but it could be ninjas. Better get the posse together.
I think I’ll take my shotgun, my .45, and my samurai sword (in case it is ninjas), and then I get a big group armed to the teeth and start questioning people.
“What do you know, kid?”
“I just learned my ABC’s today, mister.”
I pick the kid up by his collar. “Don’t get wise with me! What do you know about that trashcan getting knocked over last night?”
“You’re a mean and scary man!”
I squint my eyes. “You just think I’m mean and scary now.”
Man, that sounds so cool. And think of how great a posse will be in places where there is actual crime. Maybe I could write a book on posse etiquette to help other people start their own posse, putting forth rules on how to alternate who gets to do the roughing up so that no one feels left out (the main part of a posse is making friends). Why hasn’t anyone brought up this idea before? Oh yeah, because only I am super-smart enough to have thought of it.
Hey, I hear Saddam is still on the loose and worth 25 million dollars. Anyone interested in getting a posse together and go finding him?