Links of the Day

Five more days left in the blogathon. Please go to either Michele, Meryl Yourish, or Laurence Simon and donate. They’re going to blog 24 hours straight in hopes to make enough money for a new ambulance to help out in Israel, and they need your support.
Rachel Lucas at her purest and angriest. A beautiful thing.
Some accuse John Hawkins of being sexist! I think the list of greatest figures was a good list, and, though no women were on it, each guy was given birth to by a woman at least. So women are involved in history; I mean, what do they want? Recognition?
I misspelled my name once in Wizbang’s comments. I get it. Ha ha. Now move on.
NOW!
RARR!
Now here is flattery.
A really great observation from jfielek.
I’ve now added the video of me doing aikido to the Peace Gallery. Now send me more pictures! More!


I don’t always have a lot of time each day to peruse the blogosphere, so don’t be afraid to send me a link to one of your posts if you think it’s especially worthy. Just don’t bug me too often (try to keep e-mails to once a week) or get too upset if I don’t use it.

Super Lucky Happy Fun Permalink Contest Number One Poll (You Vote Now!) and Questions for Group C (You Answer Now!)

Time to meet Group B.
Meet the Bloggers
Wince and Nod
* What is your preferred name as a blogger? Wince And Nod, or Wince for short.
* How long have you been blogging? Since Saturday, June 14, 2003, at 3:42 PM
* Description of Site: Slightly right of center with some reflections on life. I hope my site will be a safe place for liberals and conservatives to discuss
their views, but first they have to actually visit.
* Praise for Frank J. and IMAO: IMAO is the funniest site on the web. Even funnier than the Engrish site. In My World is a stitch. Plus you can read my review.
* What’s your favorite movie? A River Runs Through It
* Which Simpsons character do you most identify with? Ned Flanders, because I wear glasses, I’m usually a nice guy and I usually don’t cuss. (Nobody is as good as Ned Flanders.)
Tiger: Raggin’ & Rantin’
* What is your preferred name as a blogger? Tiger [Duh!]
* How long have you been blogging? since 4/4/03
* Description of Site: A place where you can see my inane thoughts and some other stuff
* Praise for Frank J. and IMAO: Frank is not a liberal assclown or a puppy blender, but uses those terms quite freely. Buck the Marine should do something about liberal assclowns who blend puppies. Frank has threatened to do me harm if I didn’t compete in this contest. My favorite post is this one, I guess.
* What’s your favorite movie? Tank Girl, I mean cute girls, power mad utility companies and Kangaroos, what more could you expect from a movie?
* Which Simpsons character do you most identify with? Although I have previously stated: It seems there is some part of me that has always wondered what it would be like to be Maggie Simpson’s pacifier, that was meant in jest. I guess if I was to identify with one, it would have to be Lenny, because I am usually in the background and no one notices me.
The Stormin’ Mormon
* What is your preferred name as a blogger? Nephi
* How long have you been blogging? Exactly 4 months
* Description of Site: My views of life, politics, and whatever I find interesting. More structure to come!
* Praise for Frank J. and IMAO: In My World: Whitehouse Hopes Democrats Don’t Flee to Canada (wink wink). Karl Rove is awesome!
* What’s your favorite movie? Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Which Simpsons character do you most identify with? The Comic Book Store Guy
The Wise Man Says
* What is your preferred name as a blogger? Dave
* How long have you been blogging? Umm… about 3 months.
* Description of site: It gives my conservative opinion on anything and everything I want to talk about.
* Praise for Frank J. and IMAO: You know how Jesus sits at the right hand of God? Frank J sits at the right hand of Jesus. How’s that for praise? Oh, and praising IMAO – well, anything that Frank J writes is, by the above definition, at least semi-divine. Therefore, IMAO is semi-divine or better. My favorite post? Gotta be an IMW…. Blood is Also Symbolic of Blood. That one’s pretty good. Especially the last line.
* What’s your favorite movie? Geez, you’re going to make me pick one? Um, okay… don’t rush me… The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly. Obviously, France is the Ugly. [Ed. That’s my favorite!]
* Which Simpsons character do you most identify with? Either Groundskeeper Willie, or Professor Frink. Depends on if I identify with my Scots side, or my Geek side.
Experimenting with Mental Exhibitionism
* What is your preferred name as a blogger? Pink Zebra
* How long have you been blogging? Almost a year.
* Description of site: It’s an experiment in progress.
* Praise for Frank J. and IMAO: Frank J. is funny in the same way that murderers are scary. I mean that in a good way.
*What’s your favorite movie? This is Spinal Tap
* Which Simpsons character do you most identify with? Ummm, I don’t have a television so I don’t watch the Simpsons, but this quiz says I’m most like some character named Professor Frink.
Serenity’s Journal
* What is your preferred name as a blogger? Serenity
* How long have you been blogging? 3.5 months
* Description of site: It’s gray and purple and has lots of words strung together and flung upon it.
* Praise for Frank J. and IMAO: Frank J is jolly jack splendid. Favorite post is the, “I hate Michael Moore” entry.
* What’s your favorite movie? I don’t have a favorite but will give examples of movies I really like: One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, Blazing Saddles, and Monty Python-Search for the Holy Grail.
* Which Simpsons character do you most identify with? Bart
Oridnary Galoot did not get answers in on time.
Here are their repsonses to the question in random order (revealing who wrote which is means for disqualification):
QUESTION: Describe how bombing Paris will help Uganda’s economy.
ANSWER 1: A loud cheer will erupt, “Paris is burning!” and millions of people will race to the streets all over the world to party. The next morning, gallons upon gallons of Uganda coffee and tons of Uganda sugar will be needed to revitalize everyone. This process will be repeated for years as there is no such thing as, “Celebrating too much after Paris falls.” While everyone is happy and drunk, a contest will emerge to rename the, “Paris Club debt relief” and all proceeds will go to Uganda. This will be cause for another great celebration and the festivities will continue for another 100 years.
ANSWER 2: Since coffee is Uganda’s main export, bombing Paris would cause a decrease in demand for the coffee it imports from India, repackages and sells to Vietnamese restaurants in the United States where it is brewed and mixed with sweetened, condensed milk to make Vietnamese coffee. The resulting destabilization of the global coffee market, the world’s second-most widely traded commodity, would inevitably work to Uganda’s economic favor as soon as Donald Rumsfield finds out that Vietnam (the world’s second largest exporter of coffee) STILL hasn’t been blown off the map yet. Uganda’s only rival in dominating the world coffee market would then be, Brazil, currently the number one exporter of coffee and also a country which not only blatantly harbors monkeys but continues to discover new species of them within its own borders. Clearly, something will be done about Brazil before Uganda’s economy completely implodes.
ANSWER 3: Drunk with ambition and crazed by syphilis, Idi Amin decided that the path to riches and world power would be for Uganda to surpass France as the greatest wine producer. By kidnapping the greatest French grape growers, Idi was able to make Ugandan vineyards the envy of Africa. Foreseeing his own downfall and eventual demise, Amin had long ago arranged a secret cloning project. Now his clone is poised to bring their plot to fruition by bombing Paris, making Entebbe the wine-making capital of the world.
ANSWER 4: Bombing Paris would ideally result in the elimination of the French Government. As such, French farms would no longer be subsidized, allowing Ugandan goods to be more competitive. France’s clout in the EU would also be destroyed, paving the way for removal of importation bans on Genetically Modified Foods making genetic modification a profitable investment for Uganda. As Ugandan scientists exploit their new freedom they will develop superior strains of mutant celery capable of intimidating neighbors into paying tribute. Sadly, these mutant vegitables may not be able to conquer France itself, as the French Army may suddenly become competent with the removal of the government.
ANSWER 5: Bombing Paris will create thousands of jobs in the cleaning up of the residue and ashes (and blood and guts, and the slaughter of any remaining bad French people, which will be all of them because we will convince the good ones to immigrate to the US or to Britain before we bomb them). We will hire Ugandans to do this, thus pumping millions into their economy.
ANSWER 6: I suspect that if we flew over Paris and shoved a million Ugandans out of airplanes, the economy of Uganda would immediately improve. Paris would be a bloody mess.
There are the answers.
PLACE YOUR BETS NOW!
POLL CLOSED (results here)
Poll closes 24 hours (or so) after the time of this post.
And now, next round of questions! (you must have entered previously and be listed in the proper group to participate)
GROUP C QUESTIONS:
What is the name of your site?
What is your preferred name as a blogger?
How long have you been blogging?
Give a brief description of your site.
Briefly praise Frank J. and IMAO. Name favorite post.
What’s your favorite movie?
Which Simpsons character do you most identify with?
SHORT ANSWER QUESTION: In 200 words or less, name your least favorite species of monkey and explain why you dislike that monkey.
Answers are due to me within 24 hours of this post. Godspeed.

Peace Gallery Upate

Odai and Qusai are dead, and no U.S. fatalities in the fire fight! It’s time to celebrate! How better than a big update to the Peace Gallery?
We have four more personal pages, including an armed babe, a man with my favorite weapons of mass destruction, a heavily armed parrot, and the most lovely woman in the blogosphere, Rachel Lucas. Plus, there are three more entries for Chomps. None are wearing the shirt, but, if you get a look at them, you can see why no one tried to put one on them.
I’ll have another update later tonight with the video of me doing an aikido throw, but I first want to get my poll up and the questions for Group C.
UPDATE: The video is now added. Now get me more pictures!

Instapundo Delenda Est: Admiration for the Enemy

My website keeps going down; probably the work of the puppy blender. It seems to have to do with SQL thingamajig, and, if anyone has some advice, I would appreciate it.
I have to admire the Enemy’s subtlety; I missed this item yesterday. Yet again he links to something for the sole purpose of defaming me without actually mentioning me. He has style, I’ll give him that.
As for Chaos Overlord, he won himself his first Instalanche and a place on my enemies list.
Enemies List:
Instapundit
Wizbang
Chaos Central
This further taunting does not hasten my plans, though. This next strike will take patience and timing.
Patience…
UPDATE: Now’s he’s linked to this post to show solidarity with Howard Dean and to make this post look idiotic. For those of you who have missed the history of Glenn Reynold’s attacks on me and his evil, click here.

Jennifer Answers: Plastic Explosives and He-Man
Frank Answers: The Breast Way to Get Ahead

Jennifer said that she loved Frank Answers™ and was wondering if a guest blogger could fill in while I’m busy. Be careful what you wish for. Maybe I’ll have some other guess bloggers help me out later.
Jennifer Answers
Red Mist, Certified Flight Instructor, Computer Support, Airsoft/Firearms Enthsiast, from Grand Forks, ND writes:
Why is C4 called “plastic explosives”? Or is it pronounced “pla-steek”? Doh,
that sounds like a French word. I mean, in the movies (haha) it always looks
like a silly puddy-like substance that can be molded into different shapes.
Plastic isn’t squishy like that! Why not call it “puddy explosives”?

Luckily, ordnance is my true area of expertise. First of all, you don’t
need to worry about C4 being some Frenchy firecracker…it is mostly made in
the good ol’ U.S. of A. Therefore it goes without saying that it is an
extremely powerful explosive. Another benefit is its remarkable stability,
so you don’t need to concern yourself that it will go off at an inopportune
moment. C4 is primarily a military explosive, requires a detonator, and has
a soft, dough-like texture. Best of all, a little bit will go a long
way–your wallet will like that!
But hey, you didn’t ask for a sales pitch here. You want to know why it’s
called “plastic” rather than “puddy” explosives. I assume you mean “putty,”
which will make my answer easier. Basically, you can blame Ralph Nader for
the whole thing. Back in the 60s there was concern that labeling explosives
with the word “putty” would confuse children. There they’d be at
Woolworth’s thinking a box of putty explosives was a whole ton of Silly
Putty fun. The next thing you know, there are kid-bits all over the place.
I call it “thinning the herd,” but Mr. Nader called it “dangerous.” So he
got on his consumer-protection high horse and raised a stink. Lawmakers
agreed, and we needed a nice, generic, not-fun word to use. “Plastic” it
was.
hlh from Detroit, Delaware asks:
Why is it “He-Man and the Masters of the Universe”? Who are the Masters of the Universe, and why is He-Man excluded from sharing the umbrella of their title?
I never watched He-Man. It was the 80s and I had better things to do…like
watch MTV and tease my hair until it was a foot high. My brother was
Skeletor for Halloween one year, though, so I picked up a little bit.
I think you could say the Masters of the Universe were kind of He-Man’s
Cabinet. They included his sidekicks, allies, and girlfriend. To help you
understand this analogy, I will list some of the characters and their human
counterparts:
He-Man (He-Man) = President Bush
Teela (He-Man’s girlfriend) = Laura Bush
She-Ra (He-Man’s kick-ass sister)= Condi Rice
Orko (He-Man’s goofy sidekick) = Dick Cheney
Battle Cat (He-Man’s tiger, duh) = Donald Rumsfeld
Skeletor (He-Man’s nemesis) = Helen Thomas
I hope that was helpful. Like I said, I never watched that show.
Frank Answers
Susie from East Orange, Moldavia asks:
If I send you a picture of my breasts, can I skip the “short essay” part of the
contest?

I’d have to see the picture first (and it should be tastefully done) before I can answer that. But won’t you feel you’ve lost something by skipping the mental challenge of the Frank short answer question? You could always try both, anyway 🙂


Please keep the questions coming, <a href=”mailto:THISISSPAMTHISISSPAMace you’re from, I’ll randomly select one.

Updates Later

It’s doubtful I’ll have time for Frank Answers™ today, but, I have all the answers for Group B in and the poll will go up tonight as well as the questions for Group C (here’s the original list if anyone has forgot where they stand). Plus, I plan on getting the Peace Gallery updated as well, hopefully including that video of me doing aikido. See y’all later; I have some mind-numbing work to do.

If I Were President: Address to the Democrats on the Subject of the Veracity of Statements from the State of the Union

Sixteen fking words, and I swear to God I’ll beat anyone like a rented mule who mentions it again. You Democrats are so goddamn useless I can’t believe it. We’re trying to fight terrorists over here, and you sts are just blindly groping for something to whine about. We’re trying to do serious work over here, and all you are is in the way. So, know what? Get the hell out. Yeah, that right, flee to Canada or France or something, you weenies. I know America is supposed to be open to all people, but I don’t think the founding father ever envisioned their country having this many whiny bitches.
We defeat an evil dictator, free oppressed people, and make the world a safer place, and your response is to focus on one statement that could or could not be true and had nothing to do with the vote to war that had happened months earlier. My God, are you people useless. And you might actually have Howard Dean as you candidate against me, you fking nutjobs.
Know what? In the middle of planning my next move to make the word safer, I’m also going to shove a new tax cut down your throats called the “Only For the Super Rich” tax cut, which, for once, will be just a tax cut only for the rich like you always bitch about. And I’m just going to do it to because you impotent f
ks can’t stop me. And I’m going to keep doing things like that until you weasels finally just pack up and leave. There are terrorists out there – bad people breathing air like you and me – and it’s a disgrace and I want to end it. But it’s pretty damn hard when I have to deal with all this piddling crap from you jackasses. For pete’s sake, why don’t you just go the extra mile and join al Qaeda, for as much use as you are to our nation’s security. Hell, you could bog them down; you might actually be finally doing the country a service.
But no, you’re going to stay here and gripe about sixteen words because that is all the fk you partisan sts have. Well, guess what? I got another sixteen words for you: Fk you and the horses you rode in on, you cksucking, mother fking pieces of st.
Thank you, and God bless.