“Good news, Buck; you’re going to Liberia,” Rumsfeld announced.
“Time for for’ner kill’n! Ooh-rah!” Buck exclaimed, “So I’m one of the thousands of Marines going over there.”
“Yeah, about that,” Rumsfled said, his expression getting serious, “We told the U.N. we were going to send thousands, but we’re too busy in the Middle East to dedicate that many Marines there. So, we’re just sending you. I’m sure you can handle it.”
“Well, who am I supposed to kill?”
“I dunno; I honestly haven’t been following the news about Liberia. Mad Arab, you know who Buck is supposed to kill.”
“Yeah, it’s simple,” General John Abizaid said, “Just find some crowded area, stand up on a platform where everyone can see you, and yell, ‘Hey! Look at me! I’m an American!’ while waving your arms in the air. Whoever shoots at you, they’re the bad foreigners. Kill them.”
Buck thought about that. “Sounds simple.”
“And if you see President Charles Taylor,” Gen. Abizaid continued, “Tell him he’s an ass and he should get out of office.”
“I think I can remember that.”
“There’s also the U.N. there.”
“Should I kill them too?”
Rumsfeld and Gen. Abizaid thought about this for a while. “Nah, they might be useful,” Rumsfeld finally said, “Just kill any foreigners that looks evil. And you can take Chomps with you; he could use the exercise.” Rumsfeld looked to Chomps who was lying on the ground asleep. “Hey, Chomps, what do you think of foreigners?”
Chomps sprung to his feet growling and randomly snapping at the air. Chomps did like foreigners.
“That’s my boy.”
Chomps kept violently attacking the dirt, clawing at it with his feet and the biting the ground while growling. He hated foreign soil.
“I know how you feel, Chomps, but we have to keep our mind on the mission. They’re are lots of foreign people out there who need a kill’n, and it ain’t going to happen without our help.”
Buck ventured into the nearby town where many citizens watched. “Hello, I’m Buck the Marine, from America. I’ve come to help some of you for’ners and kill others. If you are a for’ner I’m supposed to kill, please signal by attacking me violently.”
Most of the people just stared at them, but then some gunfire erupted and everyone fled the streets. Buck rolled for cover and returned fire at the one building it was coming from. Chomps ran towards the building and attacked his foundation, and soon the whole building collapsed.
“We’re supposed to be avoiding collateral damage, Chomps,” Buck scolded him.
Chomps just spat out a piece of cement.
Walking a little further into town, Buck soon caught glimpse of a tank. He knocked on its side. “Hello! Anybody in there?”
“Yes,” answered a voice, “We’re the U.N. We’re observing.”
“But there’s people get’n killed out there,” Buck protested, “Shouldn’t you help them.”
“No,” answered the voice, “It’s nice and safe inside this tank. If we were to come out and help people or do anything useful, we’d be going against everything the U.N. stands for.”
“Crazy for’ners,” Buck muttered, “How can you watch evil happening and not want to kill bad people. I just don’ts understand it, right, Chomps?” Buck looked to his side, and saw Chomps wasn’t there. Instead, Chomps was on top of the tank tearing off the hatch with his teeth. He then jumped down into the tank and there was a lot of screaming. Soon Chomps emerged again, sporting a big, slobbery smile and a blue helmet.
“Silly dog,” Buck laughed, “Now take off that helmet.” Buck reached for it, but Chomps started growling. “Fine; keep it. You can be the U.N. representative. Now where do we go next?”
Buck surveyed the area, and then noticed a dark street from which a chilled wind of foreignness blew down. He readied his rifle and prepared to embark. “Now let’s start kill’n for’ners until the for’ners we haven’t killed look happy. Ooh-rah!”
TO BE CONTINUED…
(i.e. do to poor planning, I didn’t set aside enough time to write a full story)
Like this:
Like Loading...
