No more hot teacher/student sex!
Bloginator has no shame, and neither do I.
Banagor has a lengthy analysis of my Nuke the Moon essay. Sure I meant it seriously.
Kids sound awful (look for “Three Days to Vacation”). When I have kids one day, I hope they’ll have some sort of drug to make them behave. Otherwise, I’ll have to make one myself.
Now for ranting.
Some people seem to have trouble understanding the intent of this site (and you better watch yourself, Wind Rider, or the next “exploitive spectacle” will be to replace you on the blogroll :). Just to be clear, no, I do not hate Glenn Reynolds. He runs a great site. Sure, I wish he would link to me more often, but I’m probably just not his cup of tea, and that’s okay. Still, I find it funny ranting against him because it’s mainly one sided. If he starts to pay me too much attention, it will ruin the fun.
As for the the permalink contest, I thought only a few people were going to want to play, but instead I got 39. I thought about randomly selecting a few, but I thought that wasn’t fair. Instead, I came up with this drawn out idea so that each blog has a chance in the spotlight, making the focus the contest and not the prize. It’s not like this is easy work for me people, but some have to complain.
“Boo-hoo! Describing my blog and answering one question is too hard! Waa! I just want my bottle!”
I’m sorry, okay! I just wanted to let everyone have a chance to gets some links to their site, but I guess that was wrong of me. Why don’t you just nail me to a cross, already!
Sorry, I just spent this whole weekend in the office, and Frank is tired and cranky. Anyway, to prove I can still arbitrarily add people to my blogroll if I feel like it, I’ve now added The Truth Laid Bear since I’m always using his ecosystem to confirm my own vanity. I’ve also added Wizbang, as one should keep their friends close, and their enemies closer (plus, he is technically now one of my biggest referrers).
Reminder, for those who are still in the game, the current poll close tomorrow morning as I also hand out the new short answer question for Group B. You can’t win if you don’t play. Also, as always, there will be my regular weekday morning humor post (In My World™ on Mondays and Wednesdays, as always) in addition to the contest posting.
Also, for those who really do want to take me down a notch, you’ll have that opportunity in the next contest–

I don’t always have a lot of time each day to peruse the blogosphere, so don’t be afraid to send me a link to one of your posts if you think it’s especially worthy. Just don’t bug me too often (try to keep e-mails to once a week) or get too upset if I don’t use it.

To summarize the past week, in retaliation for the puppy blender’s blatant ignoring of my blogiversary, my readers sent out spontaneous hate mail to Glenn Reynolds. He then blatantly didn’t link to me again, calling you, my readers, spambots!
I decided to ignore that – no reason to start a war – but then I had an innocent scientific experiment to test out Google. If you google for “puppy blender” + instapundit, Instapundit.com is one of the top hits even though puppy blender only appears in links to him. So, I theorized that if a lot of us linked to Instapundit with one word that is always on his page (liberal) and one that isn’t (assclown), he would become the top hit for “liberal assclown”.
My best guess is that Glenn Reynolds, using his vast evil powers, got to Google first and made them change their linking rules for him, because it hasn’t worked at all. Instead, Glenn Reynolds, with the help of his droog Wizbang, countered with something more insidious. Just go to Google and type in “liberal assclown” and hit the “I’m Feeling Lucky” button to see what I’m talking about. Glenn Reynolds even changed the permalink to me on his page to point to that, further adding to his policy of not linking to me. (BTW: Anyone who doesn’t want to keep the “liberal assclown” link on their page should feel under no obligation to do so)
I must hold back the anger, though, for my enemies are cunning, and thus I must be even more so. It’s time for some real plotting. So, now I’ll just pull out my copy of Sun-Tzu and…
…there! Got him! I couldn’t concentrate with that fly buzzing around. Now let’s get to the heart of the matter: analyzing the enemy.
But, before I go on, I think it’s a good idea to first point people to this news article. Anyway…
What I Already Know
* He gets his energy from drinking shakes made by putting a puppy in a blender.
* He either worships hobos and murders Satan or vice versa.
* He is a Commie spy who does the robot dance.
* Once, so drunk with power, he struck me, the beloved Frank J.!
* He is actually a heterosexual.
I did some further investigation on him, though, and found some new facts:
Facts About Glenn Reynolds
* His mother was a jackal.
* His father was Satan… or, at least, a guy named “Stan”.
* He was born Glenda Reynolds, but legally changed his name after his sex change operation.
* Was drawn to blogging as a way to selectively control information given to a brainwashed few.
* His primary interest in nanotechnology is using it to infect the human population and control their minds.
* He wants free access to Mars so he can run his evil empire from there.
* He may be a ninja or at least a ninja sympathizer.
* His original site URL was instalinsmemoryiamapundit.com, but he later abbreviated it to instapundit.com so people could remember it easier.
* His goal is to have One Blog to rule them all, One Blog to find them, One Blog to bring them all and in the darkness bind them.
* He once grew a long beard to show solidarity with the Taliban, but ended up shaving it because it itched too much.
* He spends all his free time obsessing on how he can destroy and undermine my site.
Likes
* Evil
* Chaos
* Communism
* Monkeys
* The robot dance
* Frenchmen
* The blood of the innocent
Dislikes
* Unblended puppies
* Humanity
* Linking to IMAO
* Jesus
* America
Weaknesses
* Sunlight
* Holy Water
* The biting satire of Frank J.
* A katana wielded by a samurai of true honor
* Chocolate
Also, I guess we should take a look at his flunky, Wizbang.
Facts About Kevin of Wizbang
* Is the illegitimate child of Glenn Reynolds.
* Is controlled by Glenn Reynolds nanotechnology so that he hates all things good and IMAO.
* Kevin is actually an acronym for Kills Elderly Vacationers in Instapundit’s Name.
Weaknesses
* Bullets
* Knives
* Having head submerged underwater for long periods of time
So how do I take on the enemy? Do I first attack his weaker lackeys, or do I go for the big man himself and let his limbs whither up and die after the head has been severed?
Oh… I have a plan now…
Muh ha ha ha ha!
Unfortunately, secrecy will be crucial for this one; I have no idea how many more Instapundit loyalists lurk in the darkness. You’ll all just have to wait for it. And, Glenn Reynolds, if you are reading – and I know you are – just know that humiliation and defeat is waiting for you.
Instapundo delenda est!

The Enemy