To summarize the past week, in retaliation for the puppy blender’s blatant ignoring of my blogiversary, my readers sent out spontaneous hate mail to Glenn Reynolds. He then blatantly didn’t link to me again, calling you, my readers, spambots!
I decided to ignore that – no reason to start a war – but then I had an innocent scientific experiment to test out Google. If you google for “puppy blender” + instapundit, Instapundit.com is one of the top hits even though puppy blender only appears in links to him. So, I theorized that if a lot of us linked to Instapundit with one word that is always on his page (liberal) and one that isn’t (assclown), he would become the top hit for “liberal assclown”.
My best guess is that Glenn Reynolds, using his vast evil powers, got to Google first and made them change their linking rules for him, because it hasn’t worked at all. Instead, Glenn Reynolds, with the help of his droog Wizbang, countered with something more insidious. Just go to Google and type in “liberal assclown” and hit the “I’m Feeling Lucky” button to see what I’m talking about. Glenn Reynolds even changed the permalink to me on his page to point to that, further adding to his policy of not linking to me. (BTW: Anyone who doesn’t want to keep the “liberal assclown” link on their page should feel under no obligation to do so)
I must hold back the anger, though, for my enemies are cunning, and thus I must be even more so. It’s time for some real plotting. So, now I’ll just pull out my copy of Sun-Tzu and…
…there! Got him! I couldn’t concentrate with that fly buzzing around. Now let’s get to the heart of the matter: analyzing the enemy.
But, before I go on, I think it’s a good idea to first point people to this news article. Anyway…
What I Already Know
* He gets his energy from drinking shakes made by putting a puppy in a blender.
* He either worships hobos and murders Satan or vice versa.
* He is a Commie spy who does the robot dance.
* Once, so drunk with power, he struck me, the beloved Frank J.!
* He is actually a heterosexual.
I did some further investigation on him, though, and found some new facts:
Facts About Glenn Reynolds
* His mother was a jackal.
* His father was Satan… or, at least, a guy named “Stan”.
* He was born Glenda Reynolds, but legally changed his name after his sex change operation.
* Was drawn to blogging as a way to selectively control information given to a brainwashed few.
* His primary interest in nanotechnology is using it to infect the human population and control their minds.
* He wants free access to Mars so he can run his evil empire from there.
* He may be a ninja or at least a ninja sympathizer.
* His original site URL was instalinsmemoryiamapundit.com, but he later abbreviated it to instapundit.com so people could remember it easier.
* His goal is to have One Blog to rule them all, One Blog to find them, One Blog to bring them all and in the darkness bind them.
* He once grew a long beard to show solidarity with the Taliban, but ended up shaving it because it itched too much.
* He spends all his free time obsessing on how he can destroy and undermine my site.
Likes
* Evil
* Chaos
* Communism
* Monkeys
* The robot dance
* Frenchmen
* The blood of the innocent
Dislikes
* Unblended puppies
* Humanity
* Linking to IMAO
* Jesus
* America
Weaknesses
* Sunlight
* Holy Water
* The biting satire of Frank J.
* A katana wielded by a samurai of true honor
* Chocolate
Also, I guess we should take a look at his flunky, Wizbang.
Facts About Kevin of Wizbang
* Is the illegitimate child of Glenn Reynolds.
* Is controlled by Glenn Reynolds nanotechnology so that he hates all things good and IMAO.
* Kevin is actually an acronym for Kills Elderly Vacationers in Instapundit’s Name.
Weaknesses
* Bullets
* Knives
* Having head submerged underwater for long periods of time
So how do I take on the enemy? Do I first attack his weaker lackeys, or do I go for the big man himself and let his limbs whither up and die after the head has been severed?
Oh… I have a plan now…
Muh ha ha ha ha!
Unfortunately, secrecy will be crucial for this one; I have no idea how many more Instapundit loyalists lurk in the darkness. You’ll all just have to wait for it. And, Glenn Reynolds, if you are reading – and I know you are – just know that humiliation and defeat is waiting for you.
Instapundo delenda est!
The Enemy
Wow! Glenn sounds good to me! Glenn/Kevin 2004!
Oops, wrong blog…
Blessed Be
Frnak has a long post in praise of Glenn Reynolds and Kevin of Wizbang. Go read it!…
So now yer saying that Glenn Reynolds and Andrew Sullivan are the same person? Is there no limit to that guy’s deception?!
The pings and arrows of outrageous linkage
I was gonna use that line in my last post, but it was too good for a throwaway, so I started a new post for it. Now I have to link things. Sigh. Pixy Misa points out that Frnak has…
Obsession
I predict that the first Blogger-based movie will be a remake of “My Dinner With Andre” but with Frank J. and Glenn Reynolds….
The pings and arrows of outrageous linkage
I was gonna use that line in my last post, but it was too good for a throwaway, so I started a new post for it. Now I have to link things. Sigh. Pixy Misa points out that Frnak has…
That is the scariest picture I have ever seen…..(and I once saw a picture of Al Gore…..)
What Does Kevin Stand For?
Kills Elderly Vacationers in Instapundit’s Name? My evil secret has been revealed. In my defense, have you seen the ones in black socks and white tennis shoes? Who could not be driven homicidal by that fashion no no? Even these…
Sweet Baby Jesus!
Frank, knock it off already. I have enjoyed your blog but you’re going off the deep end. Jealous of Glenn’s traffic? Too bad. I’m surprised he’s keping you on his blogroll at all.
Hey seafarious…lighten up will you? That’s the reason IMAO is referred to as a “humor site”, because it’s funny. If Glenn is as thin-skinned as you’re making him out to be, then I’ll use your phrase: Too bad.
Jarred
http://thinkaboutit.mirrorz.com
Spork: You beat me to it. Are Glenn and Andrew merely two sides of the same evil? Tomax and Xamot, perhaps?
Well now we know….
And knowing IS half the battle….
oh I can’t resist:
YO JOE!!!
Uh Frank,
Did you actually read the article?
This is the 9th Circuit here. These clowns get overturned more often than a pancake.
Ooops. Sorry about the fudged HTML.
The picture is scarring, but Reynolds does not like the French, he says they have plotted in the Iraq war which seems to be a political conspiracy with the democrats against the conservatives and Bush.
Is that a reason why your plotting againsts Instapundit messed up, perhaps because you shared the same evil blind opinions against… all French.
BTW Frank, I wonder from where the hate for all French comes from, because I keep on reading such an horror, especially from girls since you made your advize, that I still not believe they are the same Americans I though American were.
Maybe, that was your plotting though, against the French, or for any other reason.
You look pretty ridicoulous with your revenge, and I still wonder when will be the next In My World… Your blog is becoming the exclusivity of a few other blogs, when your readers are still waiting for the real stories they like.
I think that is your weakness, you point your finger on a few people and you forget that if you get so many readers it is not because of the people you are pointing your finger on, but because your readers keep reading you because you are a good writer making sane and funny stories.
You should try to not change in making sane and funny stories, that would be revigorous to not change, because the permalink competition is quite a bore.
Or maybe, you should change your tittle back to “Political musing of a dump smart guy”, which you are, before “Unfair, unbalanced, unmedicated” do transform you definitivelly. I have never liked this tittle, but I feel it becomes an evil bad definition which is making your blog… that is too bad.
Regards,
Opps, That post does only correct the last ones. Aelfheld as forgotten something in his script.
don’t listen to them, Frank; great post! if only my schemes were so well researched i might have some readers!
By the way, Glenn Reynolds is linking to Rachel Lucas, who hates the French, so you have common friends who hate the French… (well, I miss of proves, it seems that Rachel has deleted the most hateful post she has written about the France liberation, making a comparison between the French of 1945 and the French of 2003, remade with Jennifer who made a comparison between the French of 1800 and the French of 2003)
That should reconciliate you with Reynolds, since you FRANK J., don’t have any more French friend. Tell him that you don’t have any more French friend, and I am sure he will link to you.
The French are the unity of the American people…
Muh ha ha ha ha!
Nothing better than a good Crusade against Evil!
Just be careful of the nanotechnology-programmed, ninja monkeys from Mars. You just know he has to have some.
Wha? Uh, Amphitryon, investez-vous in a sense of humor?
Oh, and considering that last post, some coherence lessons?
Sam,
English isn’t Amphitryon’s first language, so cut her some slack.
Amphitryon,
My regular humor will continue during the week, one funny post each weekday morning (In My World™ on Mondays and Wednesdays as always). If there are posts people don’t like, they can skip over them.
aelfheld,
Mess up my comments section again, and you end up on the enemies list after Wizbang 🙂
Sam, I could “invest” in some humor, but I have not the sufficient funds for that. Maybe I should marry one of the golden boy’s the Chirac branch sent to me, but I am not a Chirac follower, so I am designed to be poor. It is probably why I lack of the humor needed in here, when I spend my days on some stupid DU believes, which I am publically the only mid-civilian to follow… in here.
As to answer to your correction question, we usually say: “N’avez-vous aucun sens de l’humour ?” which means “Don’t you have any sense of the humor ?” quite simillarly.
To answer, no I don’t have any sense of the humor, because, it is in my IQ test, the “linguistic intelligence” is not compatible with the “logical intelligence”. So, as I am a “visual-mathematician”, said by the IQ test, I am a bear, quite following first its emotions.
Clearly, that’s genetical, I cannot have humor. BTW, I have made my IQ test to understand why I did not have humor. Though.
Anyway, I love Frank’s humor, as long as he really makes humor with his own funny In My World stories. The French debate is a discriminative debate, it is like just saying all Irish are “bastards”, this is based on some powership believes, relayed with some religious believes, and for the only purpose to ridicule anyone who is white, who works hard, who wants to gain results on his work, but which the ideological entities reduce to noting with their insults to keep feeling strong and powered. Those are only discriminative words, but when gerally said, it starts to hurt.
When I think of it, I just realize that being French living in America and having children in America is the most motheless thing a mother could do to her children, because all their life they would be bastards in the country of freedom.
By the way, the “Merde in France” site is maintained by a French (at least his name sounds French) who feels so poor himself, that he makes rude stories to please the poor Americans. That’s British humor, and Brits hate France, so the Independence day of America does not really mean anything, except that there will be an other one when the Brits hand on America, will need the French to be back. That’s life you’ll say. I should say that’s power in a world made of money.
It’s been days since I’ve been able to get Instapundit to open. Damn you, fight fair!
Okey, Frank, I probably have missed something.
Amphitryon – I wouldn’t worry about your kids all that much, if they’re born in America, they’re Americans. And the chiding of the French isn’t, as far as I can tell, directed at people of French ethnicity, but rather the behavior of the country called France, i.e. the government and the majority who supports said government.
Much like ‘Goddamn those Iraqis’ isn’t actually directed at every person who’s an Iraqi, or ‘the North Koreans are a threat’ doesn’t mean that every North Korean is a threat.
Anyway, my first post about the lack of a sense of humor was aimed at your apparent misunderstanding of the IMAO/Instapundit ‘feud’, not your disapproval of the France-bashing. All in all, try to not take things too seriously, after all, Rumsfeld isn’t THAT homicidal either. At least not in public 🙂
The second post was out of line, my apologies.
Uh, Frank. That ruling only applies to the 9th Circuit. But you don’t live in the 9th Circuit.
To quote a great American philosopher: “D’oh!“
Sam
Perhaps you are right, but I am blogging only because of the war, I am a “French” supporter of the war, I have followed it hour after hour, minutes after minutes, and I remember most of the comments of the soldiers who were at war (young soldiers for who it was the first war). The war was led by the military, and out of concern of anybody who did demonstrate against the war. They were out the subject and out any polemical debate.
After the war, anybody started to go on his own word making jokes about the WMD, the Iraki and the French, but those are civilian jokes in the contest of the war. When I see soldiers riding dunkeys for the Iraqi feeling they are close to them, I feel disgust for the American soldiers, because they are have a very, very hard time. And where I feel more disgust, is when American civilian do not make any effort for the time of the American soldiers be easier, for the common understanding between the American military people, the American civilian people and the other people be easier.
Two days after Baghdad felt, Blair was questioning on the newspapers weather he would be re-elected, because the victory was a FREEDOM victory, an American victory, made on the believes for America. They have messed up in any relations that American had with any else people and when I look at the news, I would just say: look at the mess now. Did not you feel better during the war with your friends (also hidden), while those friends did not ask you for power but for Freedom, victory and peace. Personaly, as a French (who hates France, but born in France anyway) I did not expected anything from America that to win on the war, what they have done, but what they still have to do.
I do not condemn Frank in here for any of his humor, but I personally hope that he still can make humor out of the French debate (even Irish), because that’s too bad, and he knows the reasons why. Half the militaries in Iraq were not born in America. They give their lives to become American, be proud being American and have American children. There parents are foreigners, and they have become the foreigners of their parents. If that’s humor, then there is two Americas, because the civilians are missing something on the real manner the after war can be managed and won.
And when I hear the American soldiers calling for the UN help, I’ll just say YOU, American, you are also the UN help your “brothers” are expecting, because they make many efforts for the tolerence which is not relayed with your humor. The debate on the French hate is pueril and vain, but more, it annihilates any good and healthy friendship relation to try to be helpful to those who are actually facing the death in Iraq.
The war is over, not in my head.
Killer line (assuming you still want this kind of feedback):
George
Thanks, George, that’s the kind of feedback I always love.
Well, I still think you’re funny, Frank.
I really don’t see what these guys are getting all worked up about unless they’re getting death threats or hacker attacks as a result of your campaign to show the world the evils of Instapundit. And since I doubt that’s happening… I must only conclude that Mr. Reynolds and his minions are galled by your resistance to their evil ways and will stop at nothing to destroy and discredit you. Fight the good fight, oh Frank of IMAO! I salute your brave reistance against the forces of darkness and foreign-ness! ; )
-Flakbait
I heard Reynolds committed a piscatorial act on a boat that was flying the U.S. flag.
http://www.rain.org/~rcurtis/politics.html
Glenn may like the robot dance, but there’s another to prove if he’s indeed evil. If he can actually pull off the Charlie Brown with any sense of rhtyhm, then we’ll know he’s entirely nanotechnology and not human.
True confession: Frank J., you are making me jealous! I wish that my blog site could be the target of a hate campaign – I don’t profess to be a pundit of anything, like Glenn Reynolds, and have a more solid claim to being certifiably crazy!;) Besides, if you can direct traffic to my site, it will increase the chances of my being able to sell it for a ridiculously inflated price.
Frank,
You wound me, sir. I aspired for greater things. 😉
CAPTION CONTEST-WITH A TWIST
Enough with the blog wars, already. I’m getting tired of this, this, and frankly (no pun itended), this. So, inspired by this, let’s just have…
War! Uh! Good God y’all!
So, Frank over at IMAO has declared war on The Enemy due to puppy blenderage (among other heinous crimes. Remember, puppy blending is bad. And icky. Really hard to clean the blood and gore out of the blender when you’re done. Not to mention the fact th…
I just can’t shut my pie hole.