I guess should comment some on who’s looking more likely to be the Democrat’s presidential nominee: John Kerry. But what’s the best way to make fun of a haughty, French-looking Senator from Massachusetts who – by the way – served in Vietnam? Any ideas? I was thinking of making fun of his hair.
The status quo must be preserved even if the whole world must be upheaved in the process!
You could have him drop the f-bomb in inappropriate places. Example:
Reporter: Senator Kerry, I noticed that a strand of your hair seems to be out of place. Any comments?
Kerry: When I sat down to comb my hair today, did I know that I would f***k it up so badly? I don’t think anyone knew. This never happened when I was serving in Vietnam.
Don’t for the fact that he married into money. Mine that nugget Frank!
Reporter: Senator Kerry, how do you keep every hair in place?
Kerry: When I served in Vietnam, my hair was a mess because of the jungle-like humidity.
Now I use the “Something About Mary” hair gel and it’s really done wonders for me! I wish Dennis Kucinich would stop trying to touch my hair though!
Follow the ketchup!! Follow the ketchup!!!
Follow the ketchup!! Follow the ketchup!!!
It is kind of weird how his wife kept the name of her ex-husband…
Served in Viet Nam did he? Didn’t Jane Fonda go to Viet Nam…
what about his mis-shapen head? Or his blood hound looking face? You could have big lines of drool hanging down from the corners of his mouth that would sway and stick to people near him. Give him terets so he Woofs. Vietnam just ain’t funny to me but you’ll find a way Frank.
Don’t overlook the comic potential of his wife. According to Michelle Malkin (http://www.townhall.com/columnists/michellemalkin/mm20040128.shtml) she might be the next to have a Howeird Dean moment.
Imagine John Effin’ Kerry having to ask her for an advance on his allowance so that he can buy sandwiches for his staff…
“But buttercup…”
“Don’t ‘but buttercup’ me! Allowance day is Friday! Don’t blame me because you’re out of money. I wasn’t the one who just ‘had to have’ the latest nintendo game!”
“X-Box!”
“Whatever! No means no! If you don’t like it then go get a….a….oh what do they call it?”
“You mean a job?”
“Yes, that’s it. Get a job!”
“This never happended to me in Viet Nam!”
Hey, Former Hostage, that was cute. I can see Frank J writing your name on his “People to Hurt” list right now.
You’ve gotta use the `nam thing. He tries to play to the pro-war crowd by bragging that he served in vietnam, and to the anti-war crowd, by saying that he burned his medals. But that made him look bad to the people who support the war, so he started claiming that he had burned someone else’s medals 😛
I miss making fun of Dean, do we really have to make fun of Kerry just cause he’s likely to win?
Liberty,
thanks but it wasn’t to hard to do. I just basically transcribed the conversation I had with my 9-year old last week changed “…happens to all my friends” to the VietNam gag and added the job thing.
I lioke doing it this way:
http://www.quibbles-n-bits.com/archives/week_2004_01_25.html#002133
Surely we must make mention of his apparent Botox treatment. Botox and Intox, the MA senatorial tag team!
BOTOX!
Botox I say.
Well, he DID serve in Vietnam…
Yeah, I’d go with the Botox. Or that he looks like Jay Leno w/o the chin.
The amazing thing to me is how someone with that alleged face can marry not one but two heiresses and claim to understand the problems of the little guy.
John Effing Kerry. He made his money the old-fashioned way. Married it.
One word Frank: Lerch.
Viet Nam – isn’t that the quagmire that the French pulled out of just in time, leaving us to finish the job? Now if Mr. Kerry’s father had pulled out in time, it’d be a different story.
Re: Kerry speaking out of both sides of his mouth at (almost) the same time.
Below link is to Noam Schieber, Jan 29 “The New Republic”
http://www.tnr.com/etc.mhtml?pid=1261
Consider this “Notebook” item from TNR’s March 25, 1991 issue, which ran under the headline “Same Senator, Same Constituent”:
“Thank you for contacting me to express your opposition … to the early use of military force by the US against Iraq. I share your concerns. On January 11, I voted in favor of a resolution that would have insisted that economic sanctions be given more time to work and against a resolution giving the president the immediate authority to go to war.”
–letter from Senator John Kerry to Wallace Carter of Newton Centre, Massachusetts, dated January 22 [1991]
“Thank you very much for contacting me to express your support for the actions of President Bush in response to the Iraqi invasion of Kuwait. From the outset of the invasion, I have strongly and unequivocally supported President Bush’s response to the crisis and the policy goals he has established with our military deployment in the Persian Gulf.”
–Senator Kerry to Wallace Carter, January 31 [1991]
Frank,
sorry to be nit-picky but it should be:
“Setting Sights on Kerry”
As in “sight alignment, sight picture, exhale, hold, squeeze.”
photoshop him giving a campaign speech wearing a beret and a striped t-shirt.
Hostage,
I noticed the error, and then decided it was a pun (I’m setting my website on Kerry).
It’s not a bug – it’s a feature!
The only way to work John Kerry in is as a hippie, a la Tommy Chong’s privileged background from “Up in Smoke”.
http://tastymanatees.com/archives/000167.html
“It’s not a bug – it’s a feature!”
Oh…yeah….right! Who do you think I am…Peter Arnett.
Overheard Hanoi-John whining:
“Just because “Tessie-Catsup” doesn’t trust me…Terry McAwful is also making me sign a pre-nupt agreement.