“Mr. President, you have the first opening statement.”
“The future for America is bright. If we stay the course, we will become an economic and military superpower of unimaginable size. The path to that future will be paved with crushed Commie skulls.
“Well, to put thing simplest, the economy is growing, the Soviets are scared of us, and you’d have to be a retard to elect the goofball standing next to me.”
“Mr. Mondale,” the moderator prompted.
“I plan to make hard choices for America if needed. I won’t be afraid of raising taxes if needed…”
“That’s it; I’m just going to sleep through this one,” Reagan exclaimed.
“Mr. President, you’re not allowed to interrupt during the opening statements,” the moderator said. “Mr. President? Hmm… apparently the President is asleep.”
“Polls show you won that debate,” Vice-President Bush said while holding up a newspaper, “Even thought you slept through it.”
“Next time I’m bringing a pillow,” Reagan remarked as he sat in his chair in the Oval Office. “By the way, who is the grinning idiot behind you?”
“That’s my son, George Jr.,” Bush said, “We call him ‘Dubya’.”
“It sure is fancy in here!” Dubya exclaimed.
“He hopes to be either a politician or a gas station attendant one day,” Bush said proudly.
“God help us all if he achieves either,” Reagan remarked.
“Maybe you could give my son some advice,” Bush suggested.
“If you want to be a good politician, son,” Reagan told Dubya, “You need to stand by your principles no matter what. You can’t let whiny liberals push you around and keep you from being focused on what’s important. Also, if you ever see a Commie, you need to wallop him good.”
“Thanks, President Reagan!” Dubya yelled and then left the office.
“Probably should have beat that kid more when he was younger,” Reagan whispered to Bush, “So what’s next?”
“Mikhail Gorbachev is here to see you,” Bush stated.
“Send the Commie bastard in,” Reagan ordered.
Bush left the room and then Gorbachev entered while clutching his eye. “Someone just punched me!”
“Quit your whining, Gorby!” Reagan commanded. “So is your evil dictatorship about to collapse or not?”
“You underestimate the power of the Soviet Union!” Gorbachev declared, “We will not bow to your commands! We will not…”
“It may be ‘Morning in America’,” Reagan interrupted as he stood up and approached Gorbachev, but it’s lights out for you!” He then grabbed Gorbachev and smashed his head through the wall.
“Not again!” Bush yelled as he ran into the room, “We’re trying to keep the deficit down, and all this drywall repair isn’t helping!”
“Defeating Communism is more important than deficits,” Reagan said, “Now what?”
“That scary man – your Middle East Envoy – is here to see you,” Bush answered.
Reagan sat back down at his desk. “I’ve been waiting for his report.”
Donald Rumsfeld marched into the office and threw a folder down in front of Reagan. “Here are my conclusions on the Middle East.”
Reagan opened the folder. “Well, just one page. Let’s see what is says…” Reagan put on his reading glasses. “Kill them all.” He looked to Rumsfeld and handed him the piece of paper. “Are you sure you don’t want to add anything to this?”
Rumsfeld thought for a moment. He then pulled out a pen and wrote on the paper before handing it back.
Reagan looked it over. “Kill them all… now!” He turned back to Rumsfeld. “Thank you for your input, Mr. Rumsfeld.”
“There’s a Commie stuck in your wall, you know,” Rumsfeld remarked.
“I was redecorating,” Reagan answered.
“I don’t like it.”
“Neither do I. Could you toss it in the dumpster on your way out?”
“Sure,” Rumsfeld answered. He then pulled Gorbachev out of the wall and dragged him from the office.
“That man just scares me,” Bush remarked.
“That’s because you’re a wimp,” Reagan answered.
“There’s a lot to be worried about,” Bush said, “It’s going to be a battle for reelection and…”
“Have a little faith, George,” Reagan interrupted, “No one is going to vote for that idiot from Minnesota and his lady friend. We’ll then keep this economy growing, destroy communism, increase our defense, and make an America so strong that it can not be torn down again… even if some lecherous hillbilly somehow slithers is way into the office sometime in the future.”
“Sounds good to me,” Bush remarked, “and hopefully I can continue your legacy.”
Reagan grunted. “Whatever. I’m going to get a T.V. tray and eat dinner while watching the Cosby Show. Yell for me if someone needs me to hit the button.”
Thank you Mr. Reagan for all the opportunities I have today, and God bless.
Thanks Frank – my sentiments exactly!!!
…and may Ted Rall roast in hell.
“Yell for me if someone needs me to hit the button.”
that’s hilarious.
A fitting tribute – good job Frankenmeister.
That was fantastic. I can imagine a little GWB running around the White House, just amazed at it all. And of course Reagan and Rummy were great.
Man, I hate it when I wake up and it’s back in the eighties again. I hated surfing the internet in full color in ’83 (seemed like every other site was porn.)
I’m going to set my alarm for 2004 and go back to bed.
“I’m redecorating”!!
Hillarious!!
Out-franken-standing! The is one of the best RR tributes yet. I truly believe the guy in this picture would crack up reading it. Well done, Frank, you ronin, you.
–“even if some lecherous hillbilly somehow slithers is way into the office sometime in the future.”
–Damn funny!!!!
–A little hard on both Bush’s, though… ah, well… such is your world!!
–P.S. Thank God Rummy was there… if only the President had listened to him back then!!
Drywall Be Damned!
IMAO: In My World: A Better Tomorrow If he’s not the funniest guy with blog and an arsenal, show me who is better….
“Mikhail Gorbachev is here to see you,” Bush stated.
“Send the Commie bastard in,” Reagan ordered.
Oh, this is priceless. Great job, Frank!
That was awesome, Frank, satire and tribute all in one… LMAO.
I’m quite sure President Reagan would have laughed himself silly while reading this piece…I can’t think of any higher compliment.
Viva Reagan!!!!!!
Easy on the Bush Sr. wimp thing until you’ve flow 58 attack missions in WWII against the Japanese.
http://www.history.navy.mil/faqs/faq10-3.htm
Serious Humor
Frank J., the Official Blogosphere Funny Man, has posted probably his bestest, funniest piece yet. It’s a new edition of “In My World” that takes place in the Reagan White House and this is one you definitely don’t want to…
Not again!” Bush yelled as he ran into the room, “We’re trying to keep the deficit down, and all this drywall repair isn’t helping!”
“Defeating Communism is more important than deficits,” Reagan said, “Now what?”
Amen, brother!
“Yell for me if someone needs me to hit the button.”
That has to be one of the best one-liners you have ever written. I had tears in my eyes laughing through the entire post.
LMAO @ “It sure is fancy in here!” Dubya exclaimed.
…GW is getting it done, but Reagan was in a class by himself. Viva Reagan!!!!
(BTW: I was trying to think up a really deragatory name for Ted Rall, but I couldn’t think up anything more deragatory than “Ted Rall”.)
In know what you mean Paleo. The best I came up with was that dog-blowing slut ted rall.
Bush left the room and then Gorbachev entered while clutching his eye. “Someone just punched me!”
This is where it all began! I bet Dubya was a little cutie-pie too!
This brings up an interesting option.
Remove Ronnys brain from his body, scrape off the ahlzeimers (sp) and place it in the vacant hole where dubyas should be!
Then cut off his head and put it on a giant cyborg body!
And feed him rumsfelts heart so he’ll get his tasty courage!
Then send Roboreagarumsfelbush to iraq and he’ll take care of it!
Then get the super president to give us all milk and giant cookies!
(except for kerry, he’s not allowed to eat them anymore)
“Kill them all….now”…thats funny.
I really think Reagan would be honored by this…
Nice work frank, and a fitting addition to all the tribute I’ve taken in over the past few days.
I think the ideal follow up to this would be for the ghost of Reagan to visit W in the White House, to give him praise and some grandfatherly-type advice. It would also be fun to see Reagan’s spirit commenting on what went down (pun intended) during the Klinton years.
“Have a little faith, George,” Reagan interrupted, “No one is going to vote for that idiot from Minnesota and his lady friend. We’ll then keep this economy growing, destroy communism, increase our defense, and make an America so strong that it can not be torn down again… even if some lecherous hillbilly somehow slithers is way into the office sometime in the future.”
that is great….
hey Icarus GWB has a brain afterall he flew some dangerous planes he has done a great job so don’t crack down on him too hard…not perfect and the classic was when in response to mesharaff he said
“ummmmm…..ummmm…i don’t think i know what that means…ummmmm…”
hehe -GO GW!!!!!!!!!!!
As for followup IMWs, I’m still waiting for either a.) Reagan conversing with Jebediah the Marine or those two along with John Wayne making a special trip to Commie Hell, or b.) a Robo-Reagan, similar to Robo-Patton.
>
Definately… being a torpedo bomber pilot definately required a large set. But did he serve in Vietnam? ::whistle::
Funny funny!
Frank J “Remembers”
“The future for America is bright. If we stay the course, we will become an economic and military superpower of unimaginable size. The path to that future will be paved with crushed Commie skulls.” — Ronald Reagan…
Frank J “Remembers”
“The future for America is bright. If we stay the course, we will become an economic and military superpower of unimaginable size. The path to that future will be paved with crushed Commie skulls.”– Ronald Reagan…
Frank J “Remembers”
“The future for America is bright. If we stay the course, we will become an economic and military superpower of unimaginable size. The path to that future will be paved with crushed Commie skulls.” — Ronald Reagan…
Frank J “Remembers”
“The future for America is bright. If we stay the course, we will become an economic and military superpower of unimaginable size. The path to that future will be paved with crushed Commie skulls.” — Ronald Reagan…
Frank J “Remembers”
“The future for America is bright. If we stay the course, we will become an economic and military superpower of unimaginable size. The path to that future will be paved with crushed Commie skulls.”– Ronald Reagan…
One of your finest, Frank!
‘Kill them all…. now!’
Priceless!
Loved it! And Re: the link in slimedog’s posting- pic of President Reagan is even a little Frank J.-like.
Lots of brown-nosing in the comments, fellows, although the bit with Gorby rubbing his eye was good.
That was really good Frank!
“The path to that future will be paved with crushed Commie skulls.”
There ought to be an IMAO line of bumper stickers, starting with that one right there.