Archive of entries posted on 1st June 2004

Our Military XVI

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Sorry to have not done this feature in a while, but here are some explanations readers gave of why they joined the military. I plan to alternate between these and other stories in the future. I now have a lot of stories waiting to be posted, but, if you’d like to give your own explanation of why you joined the military or have a military story, please e-mail me with the subject “Military”. Thanks.

Alan Anderson writes:

Why I went in the Marines…by me
First I have to date myself, this was almost 44 full years ago..
Working class neighborhood, South Side of Chicago….
Uncles worked in the steels mills, set tile, nailed boards….
Old man, old country type guy worked in soap works, made a hell of a lot of soap, you start by cooking down a whooole lot of pig fat, stinks, plant runs 24/7.. Steel mills run 24/7..
Sherwin-Williams paint plant runs 24/7 stinks even worse than soap works..
Steel mills very hot, lot of fire, (they were not called “open hearth” for no reason) break back shoveling…Illinois Central Grand Central Yards very cold in Chicago winters..
None of the above really appeals to me, saw it all first hand, rather wash dishes
No urge to go to college, not a lot of money, old man doesn’t believe in college.. draft waiting unless I want to be a father at 19 oh oh no go with that option….
Late High School experiences show me that a life on the dark side is not for me..I always got caught..but in those days anything up to a Felony can be settled with a good beating and a threat to call the old man…
Wild Uncle Peter (I only knew family stories) killed in USAAF, North Atlantic, 1943.., Uncle Martin flew off carriers in the Pacific 1944-1945 after training on carriers in Lake Michigan, he very glad the Bomb dropped… whacked out cousin Brent wandering the world in submarines, since 1952, cold off North Korea…
Time to get out of town and bond with the crazy side of my family, Staff Sergeant recruiter asked “you sure you want four years??” Yep, why not….
What happened then???
Grew up fast…learned I was smarter than I thought…given a whole lot of responsibility when I was still a teenager..radios, airplanes, bombs, on my own on strange islands responsible for nine others and a boat full of gear before I was 20..
Had a ringside, sea borne, seat at the Kennedy-Johnson follies of 1962, 63, 64, and 65.. On my way to Cuba while Kennedy jerked around…on my way to VN before and after Kennedy Ok’d the hit on Diem.. sailing into Yokosuka the day Kennedy shot (good liberty and got drunk, quart of Gordons Gin 89 cents at the Navy NCO club if I remember correctly)..back to VN when Johnson finally managed to imitate his hero and Token Gulf blew up… up and down the Mekong, back up north, back south, listening to Armed Forces Radio report that Johnson was calling Goldwater a warmonger, HA…Politics time, can’t have any formal troop landings so soon after the election and over Christmas…on to Hong Kong, best eight day liberty of my life…back to States, on to North Carolina..can’t stand it…can’t get transferred “you been to VN can’t leave the States for a year OOPS revolution in Dominican Republic..you guys got to go,you know how to do it for real…”But Gunny you said” ..OK last time….watched Moran almost go blind on rot gut bootleg rum….beat the Airborne in by four days…Ha
Came within a week of re-enlisting.. Received my hiring letter for the Chicago Police Department four days before I was going to re-up…GI Bill very very good to me…couple of degrees and another 35 years of chasing another type of barbarian in another type of jungle…
Nothing I had to do for the rest of my life presented a problem which could not be solved or accommodated, the Corps gave me all the tools I would ever need…Other than my kids the best thing that ever happened to me..
Two great kids (one Army Major) five tremendous grandchildren. I am a happy man….

UPDATE: Alan wants to add that his eighteen year old neice reports to Marine Corps, Parris Island, in October, so let’s wish her luck and God’s protection.
LCpl Baisley, USMC, writes:

The draft should be a no-go. I would not want to be fighting along side of some one who does not want to be there. as far as the comment about only poor people joining up the military, I am gonna have to disagree, just about all of my buddies come from regular middle class, there are even a few rich ones here and there. I definitely did not come from a poor family and had plenty of options. I joined because I wanted to serve my country and kill people who don’t like it. And I went with the Marines, because if you are going into the service, then why not be the best. Just thought i would share that.
Semper Fi

Bob Trapp (LibertyBob):

I joined the Army because it was a little more profitable than the cult I had been running. No, I’m serious. My late teens were a bit on the, uh, abnormal side. If I hadn’t had this damned virus in my heart I’d be retiring as an officer in intelligence here in a few years. Based on this I must say viruses suck.
I had my dreams of earning respect the easy way and having all the uniform groupies chase after me. Instead, I got to be a loser who got kicked out for what was, at the time, an unidentified illness. (The technology to diagnose the problem didn’t become available till later, or most doctors are morons.)
I always recommend military service. Sure, it’s a good way for the poor to better their lot in life, but it’s also a good way for those who have money to become respectable.

Brian Dunbar writes:

Honestly?
So there I was, a middle class suburban white kid. Everyone, but everyone I knew was going to college, somewhere. I just couldn’t see wasting the money (mom and dads) and the time (mine). Too well off for a financial scholarship, too indifferent to grades for an academic ride.
And anyway, by my Junior year I’d pretty much had my mind made up on the service, and the Marines called to me. Patriotism, sure. But mostly a change to DO something strange and exotic.
Tulsa, Oklahoma is a lot of things, but exotic it’s not.
Did I mention that no one in what passed for a social set in High School joined up? The ones you’d expect did – the kids who majored in Shop or Vo-Tech, of course. The thugs. And me. I don’t think any of the ‘college track’ kids even considered ROTC.
And damn it sure was different.

Mission Transition

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It’s only until the end of this month until the government in Iraq will be handed over to the Iraqis. Since there is no June 31st, it’s impossible to delay it another day. So, to help make sure things work out, I’ve decided to give my unsolicited advice on the topic.
FRANK TIPS TO A SMOOTH TRANSITION ON JUNE 30TH
* Terrorists could sure ruin a transition, so, just before June 30th, go on a huge terrorist killing spree. Then put their heads on pikes outside the transition ceremony. Then, any terrorists left will see that and be scared, because people don’t like their heads on pikes.
* Chase the monkeys out of the capitol building. I know from experience that it’s hard to make budget decisions while being bitten by monkeys.
* Make sure to vacuum up all the Cheetos in the offices.
* The strings on any puppets you put as head of government should be as invisible as possible.
* Actually, instead of a puppet government, consider a muppet government.
* Hand over security to Iraqis with well wishes, not a sarcastically stated, “Good luck, suckers!”
* Make sure not to leave any naked prisoner pyramids lying around.
* It’s not enough that you’ve changed the Saddam rape rooms to beer storage; also re-label the door.
* Keep one palace as the American embassy. Come on; we deserve it.
* It usual for any occupying force to use the government building for amateur porn; just make sure to take all equipment with you when you leave… unless the Iraqis request it.
* Make sure who you hand the keys over to are the real new Iraq governing council and not terrorists in disguise. This can be found out by casually asking them, “So, after this ceremony is over, to do you want to blow up innocent men, women, and children?”
* If you find anymore WMD’s, hand ’em over; it’s theirs now.
* It’s time to challenge the ninjas who have been threatening you to one final kung fu battle on the 29th to get that out of the way.
* It doesn’t matter how a family of alligators took up residence in the cafeteria; just get rid of them because the Iraqis are going to notice.
* I don’t care what your friend Doug says; serving pork chops at the transition ceremony is not funny, dude.
* When helping the Iraqis with elections, make sure the ballots are clear so they don’t come under rule of Pat Buchanan.
* Remember to take your car keys off the key ring before handing the keys to government buildings over.
* Though security should mainly be handled by the Iraqis now, do leave a few Marines to help out… and maybe Aquaman.
* Try to leave things in the best condition as you can for when the Iraqis take over so it’s a smooth and peaceful transition, but, just in case, as soon as the transition ceremony is over, get the hell out of there as quick as you can.