I’m Exactly Like Reagan

Reagan liked the same gun I do:

Morris also tells the story of how Reagan bought a pistol in Iowa: He “did acquire a 1934 Walther PPK .380 pocket-sized police pistol early in his stay in Des Moines and kept it lovingly the rest of his life. He even toted it in his briefcase as president.”

If .380 is good for Reagan, it’s good enough for me. I got my PPK back from the gunsmith and will be heading to the range to try it out and fire my Kel-Tec .380 again. Expect a range report.

“Those Americans Weren’t Kidding About the Smell”

By popular demand… Caption Contest!

Whoever best captions the obvious chemistry between Schroeder and Chriac wins marginal recognition by me.

Speak It, Brother

I’ve yet to read any of the Harry Potter books, marginally enjoyed the first movie, was entertained by the second, and really liked the third, but I’m glad I’m not the only one who had a problem with this.

Well, He Didn’t Like Them Either

Though Ronald Reagan is beloved by most Americans, liberals really really hated the guy. Why? Here are the best reasons I could figure out:
TOP TEN REASONS LIBERALS HATED RONALD REAGAN
10. When Reagan spoke, he really connected with the American public who tended to throw rocks when liberals spoke.
9. They were constantly embarrassed by how all the times he appeared on T.V. caused them to wet their pants.
8. Reagan’s war on drugs caused hippies to get beat twice as much as usual.
7. They never made as much money as they wanted to make during the “decade of greed.”
6. Reagan’s looking at issues in black and whites made the liberal elites’ lengthy thesis on grays much less popular.
5. Numerous times Reagan invited liberal for policies discussions and then just trapped the liberals in his oval office while he beat them with a bat.
4. Reagan just never understood that, despite millions dead and oppressed, the Soviet Union had really good intentions.
3. During the economic boom of the eighties, the liberals had to constantly hold their hand over their ears and yell, “La! La! Not listening!” to keep from having their economic views objectively disproved.
2. There was some suspicion he dyed his hair.
And the number one reason liberals hated Ronald Reagan…
He was optimistic for the future of the United States of America, their least favorite nation.

All That’s Left is to Free Their Captors (If You Know What I Mean)

Hooray!

Honoring the Gipper

Ronald Reagan kicked so much ass throughout the years that he deserves his memory to be honored. In the spirit of Reagan, our tributes to him should show optimism to the future or help continue the fight against tyrrany.
One idea I have is a Horrors of Communism Memorial. I’ve been to the Holocaust Memorial and it’s quite a chilling thing. While the Holocaust Memorial is a solemn reminder of the depravity people are capable of, a Communism Memorial would not only feature the violence of the past but also the violence of today’s Communist regimes. It would help remind people why the fight needs to continue today. I think Reagan would approve of that.
Other ideas to honor Reagan:
* Put Reagan on Mount Rushmore: He should go up there with the other greats. I’m not sure if there is room, though, so we may have to carve over one of those already up there. We can’t touch Teddy or Lincoln since they’re Republicans, so my vote goes for Thomas “let’s solve problems with embargos” Jefferson.
* The Reagan Raygun: Since he was a big proponent of a missile shield, let’s finally complete SDI and have a laser named after him that can shoot missiles out of the sky, shoot missile off of the ground, shoot the heads off of people, etc.
* A Giant Among Men: Reagan’s legacy will never be forgotten if we make a fifty-story robot of him that has glowing red eyes and breathes fire. It can stomp through jungles and the primitives there will begin to worship Reagan as the god of death.
* This Bean is For You: How about special editon Jelly Belly jellybeans in honor of Ronald Reagan with special jelly bean names like Commie-killer cinnamon, Gernada Grape, and a mystery flavor called “I do not recall.” And they can just have the good beans this time and none of those filler ones no one likes like coconut and toasted marshmellow (if you actually like those flavors, then get off my site!).
* The Way of the Ancients: Make his tomb a giant pyramid for all to see. Make sure it curses all liberals who enter it… or touch it… or look at it… or hear of it. Come to think of it, let’s just curse all liberals in Reagan’s memory.
* It’s All in Good Fun: Make February 6th, Reagan’s birthday, National Beat a Hippie for the Gipper Day. You can just see Reagan smiling down upon us as some freaky long hairs get their learning at the end of a fist.
* Mass Exodus: Reagan didn’t like Democrats, so a great way to honor him would be to get them all out of elected office. This can be done either with the ballot box or pitch forks and torches.
* Fight the Good Fight: The best way to honor Reagan’s memory would be to continue to fight for what’s right in America and all other countries. In every action in every day, whether those actions be big or small, we should strive for a freer world, never forgetting the hardships of those who got us here or the hardships that will be needed to continue to perserve our way of life.
Okay, that last one was kind of sappy, but I miss Reagan and want to make sure his legacy continues.
If you have your own ideas for ways to honor Reagan’s memory, whether serious or humorous, put them in the comments section.