Democrats are going crazy from the latest poll numbers showing Bush got a huge bounce from the convention and want to slime the president in anyway possible and somehow prop up John F’n Kerry. How can you tell if they’ve completely lost it? I’ll tell you:
TOP TEN SIGNS THE DEMOCRATS HAVE GONE COMPLETELY CRAZY IN REACTION TO THE POLLS
10. Strategy for debates: Answer every question with “I served in Vietnam!”
9. Instead of comparing Bush to Hitler, they try to prove he actually is him in disguise.
8. They give up on the Kerry campaign and start working fulltime on the “Bush Stole the Election!” campaign.
7. Elephants are found mysteriously murdered throughout the nation’s zoos (or, alternatively, Democrats are found mysteriously stomped to death in Elephant pens throughout the nation while others are mistakenly placed in cages in the monkey house).
6. Kerry’s campaign staff is replaced with the smartest animal of all – dolphins. Kerry’s campaign become much more focused on procuring fish than usual.
5. Find Bush’s permanent record for more dirt. “Do you want someone who was ‘sometimes disruptive’ to be your president?”
4. Since the $1000 haircut didn’t seem to help John Kerry, they try a $2000 haircut.
3. They try to use VP candidate John Edwards’s talking to the dead powers to get the support of John F. Kennedy.
2. Since Michael Moore hasn’t seemed to influence enough people, they keep feeding him whole pigs to make him larger and thus even more influential.
And the number one sign the Democrats have gone completely crazy in reaction to the polls–
To be honest, I think most went insane sometime during the primary when they thought Kerry was “electable.”
Yep, they’re getting silly.
9. Instead of comparing Bush to Hitler, they try to prove he actually is him.
wouldn’t that depend on what the definition of “is” is?
I think no. 2 is potentially very dangerous.
If Moore gets much larger, the intense gravity could cause him to collapse into a singularity and suck the entire world into an alternate universe.
Now, I don’t know much about alternate universes, but one that exists in Moore’s Black Hole would have to stink.
“Kerry’s campaign staff is replaced with the smartest animal of all – dolphins.”
Of course, to control the dolphins we would need to turn to Aquaman trumpet fanfare. Doesn’t seem so useless now, does he? DOES HE?
ahh..see this is the stuff I have been missing…welcome back funny man.
Uh,
Kerry was electable?
When was that? How did I miss it? Gosh, I guess working 3rd shift I really miss out on the important stuff…. (You all know that if I mention I work 3rd shift one more time that is about 1/100th of how many times that is how many times it has been mentioned that JF’nK has served in Vietnam right?)
Or is that 1/1000th? Either way it is one too many times.. I really need to start working daylight hours again.
G’night all, going to bed now before my train of thought completely disconnects from the track…
Too late… Zzzzz….
also watch for the democrats to demand a pre-emptive recount.
Here’s some more:
+ Pose with guns as much as possible.
+ Point out that it’s rumored that Bush enjoyed cocaine.
+ Point out that there are record gaps from back in Bush’s National Guard days.
+ Point out that Kerry served in Vietnam, while Bush and Cheney did not.
+ Pose with guns some more. Make jokes about using them at the debates.
+ Begin to make veiled references to bringing troups back from Iraq soon, then get off the topic fast.
+ Point out that the deficit is big big big.
+ Pose with a gun or two. Banned ones are ok to pose with provided you put your hand over the pistol-grip portion/photoshop it out.
+ Have your friends in the media alter “Oooos” to “Booos”.
+ Have your friends in the media run a nonstop barrage of stories like this, this, and this.
lol!
check out this for more dem funnies:
pastbagel.com
lou
Another one:
– Claim that we spent too much on the war (200 billion that could have been s[spent for health care, midnight basketball, underwater basketweaving, studying the hump-back snaildarter, etc.)
after saying on Meet the Depressed on August 10th. 2003 that we need to spend whatever it takes, billions, to make sure we win in Iraq.
Can he flip-flop anymore on any issue? Sheesh!
Our company spent 10.1 million dollars on health care last year. We made 18 million. You do the math. We need some serious reform, not more socialism.
Don’t you want to send Kerry & Edwards to France, where they belong?
I could give a 2×2 lime green Megablok worth of care about whether countries like us or not. Leaders lead, not by conducting polls, as Arnold said. Hubba hubba dubba dubba.
Okay, there are still many who suffer from serious forms of being a Democrat (Hey! Zell is a Democrat! I think he is almost cured!) so in the interest of public service and peace on earth and good will to all etc. we have to find the cure for this serious illness, then vaccinate all new babies born so they don’t catch the dreaded L disease, or D disease, or John Kerry’s Disease, or whatever we are going to call it. First, nominate Frank J. for the nobel prize in medicine for discovering the insidious thing in the first place and alerting all of us to its horrible mind-numbing destructiveness. Then what people? Tie in chairs and force feed Rush 3 hours daily until cured? We need to clone Chomps and give away one cute Chomps puppy to every one afflicted, then no restraints will be necessary … Hey! Chomps needs his own t-shirt babe, then he can make lots of little Chomps, cloning is evil, anyway … help me out here …
i heart #5!
“Sometimes disruptive” – Ha! Wait until they get to “Eats paste.”
You forgot one that’s actually occurred, Frank.
Get James Carville to suggest in the most annoying and extreme terms that the GOP drugged Zell Miller before his speech at the Convention!
Or the DNC could stage a fight between Kerry and Aquaman… Naaaah! Aquaman might win!
Ooops! I think I recognize a squashed and flattened Jamie Gorelick ozzing from between the toes of a mysteriously murdered Pacyderm!
Jack.
“2. Since Michael Moore hasn’t seemed to influence enough people, they keep feeding him whole pigs to make him larger and thus even more influential.”
You know that’s probably a bad plan. Moore is probably the least influential famous person pound for pound since President Taft
May I trade one of my pigs for one of your dolphins? Much obliged.
“Instead of comparing Bush to Hitler, they try to prove he actually is him in disguise.”
Yeah, because, has anybody actually seen them together?