The Supreme Court has one opening so far, and maybe soon -two.
For those of you who don’t know, the job of a Supreme Court Justice is to consider a law and rule whether it is constitutional. They do this by following a very specific process:
1. Look at the laws created by the people.
2. Look at the will of the people.
and
3. Do whatever you feel like doing.
So if number three is the final step then why not nominate the IMAO gang. Is there any reason why we couldn’t serve on the Supreme Court? Aside from Frank J’s various felonies and the fact none of us are qualified?
Here I present to you..
THE IMAO SCOTUS Candidates.

Candidate: SarahK
Good: Girly candidate replacing a girly candidate. Would encourage
take your gun to work laws.
Bad: Would put an end to all the baby killin’
Worse: Supreme Court justices would have to “pick up after themselves.”
Verdict: Good potential. Would be valuable assets at SCOTUS karaoke night.
Fun Moment–
SarahK: Guys, before the press conference starts.. can you tell me honestly — Does this robe make me look fat?
(Ten minutes of awkward silence)
**
Candidate: Frank J — Leader of the Blogosphere.
Good: Would see if Roe Versus Wade involves monkeys or ninjas.
Bad: Not as girly as SarahK.
Worse: Would eventually figure out a way to sell SCOTUS t-shirts.
Verdict: Consider- but only if he offers discount coupons. Must be willing to deal with the Frank J. temperament.
Fun Moment–
Scalia: Frank J, I read your dissenting opinion and I had a few questions.
Frank J. You’re wasting my time. GET OUT!
Scalia: OW. You didn’t have to throw the stapler.
FrankJ. Didn’t you read my opinion on Stapler versus Forehead?
**
Candidate: Kevin aka Cadet Happy — Photoshopper Supreme
Good: Only IMAO blogger who has law degree.
Bad: The SCOTUS is no place for people who know the law.
Worse: Has never joined an ACLU lawsuit.
Verdict: The constitution and the law have no place in making legal decisions. What’s next — using Common Sense?
Fun Moment–
Newscaster. In today’s news. Justice Cadet Happy offered his opinion plus pictures of David Souter from when he secretly had the body of a dog. We now go to exclusive pictures.
**
Candidate: Harvey:
Good: Has been known to express conservative views.
Bad: Starred in a sex video called — Sailors gone wild.
Worse: You can find them at your local video rental show. With Harvey autographing copies.
Verdict: Although the court has a shortage of white guys with beards, Harvey’s history and writing, keeps him off the bench.
Fun Moment
Okay, I will now hear arguments from both of these very hot lawyers. Please turn on your music, step up to the pole, and show me what you got–
**
Candidate: Scott — Podcast Producer
Good: Quiet guy.
Bad: Too quiet.
Worse: Would edit the constitution to “give it more punch”
Verdict: Nobody trusts the quite guy. He’s the one you live next to and freaks out — killing everybody — which could be a big advantage if a Republican President can choose the replacements.
**
Candidate: Space Monkey
Good: Being from Alabama, he would get votes in the South.
Bad: He’d still have a hard time winning.
Worse: Monkey poo.
Verdict: Perfect stealth candidate.
Fun moment at confirmation hearings.
Senator Kennedy: I hear that you might lean to the right?
Space Monkey: [Starts throwing poo]. Who do you think you are? Are you
insulting me? I thought the Senate was no longer a witch trial — I guess it just opened under new management!!
(Standing ovation from the Left)
**
Candidate: RightWingDuck.
Good: Mexican. Helps with the minority quota. If he calls in sick, grab another Mexican at Home Depot.
Bad: His green card looks a lot like a bus pass.
Worse: Three convictions for human smuggling.
Verdict: The Duck has good potential. However, his ‘political incorrectness’ would keep him from getting along with the other judges.
Ducky: I want to deliver my arguments in rap. Thomas, lay down a beat.
Thomas: I really don’t think that would be appropriate.
Ducky: Fine, I’ll get Souter. Hey, Dave, didn’t I see your head on a
dog? Doesn’t matter. You’re still cool. Hey, why don’t you lay down a beat–
**
So hurry and cast your votes today. If not, see if you can find yourself a write in ballot.