Sheryl Crow demands a limit on toilet paper.
But that doesn’t mean she can’t sing about the glory days or a roll-a-pottybreak, right?
I would have given you all of my roll
but there’s someone who’s being a butthole
and she’s taking almost all that I’ve got
but if you want, I’ll try to wipe again
baby I’ll try to wipe again but I know
The first butt is the deepest, baby I know
The first butt is the deepest
’cause when it comes to switching rolls, she’s cursed
when it comes to leaving seats up, he’s worst
but when it comes to leaving floaters, she’s first
that’s how I know
The first butt is the deepest, baby I know
The first butt is the deepest
I still want you by my toilet’s side
just to help me dry the tears that I’ve cried
cause I’m sure gonna get some two-ply
and if you want, I’ll try to wipe again
but baby, I’ll try to wipe again, but I know
The first butt is the deepest, baby I know
The first butt is the deepest
’cause when it comes to switching rolls, she’s cursed
when it comes to leaving seats up, he’s worst
but when it comes to leaving floaters, she’s first
that’s how I know
The first butt is the deepest, baby I know
The first butt is the deepest
Pretty sure I busted my gut laughing at this one! 😀
She’s right behind the Dixie Chicks on my “I’ll never buy another one of their songs” as well as deleted from the ol’ i tunes library. Anybody that shallow and ignorant doesn’t deserve my money.
Thanks. Now I have that stupid song stuck in my head, and I never liked her music anyway.
One square of tp is barely enough to wipe the tears from my eyes after laughing about Crow’s idea.
Since Sheryl Crow has the global warming problem solved now, will Al Gore just go away?
When are we going to find out that Crow uses 20 times the toilet paper of the average American?
I’m sure she purchases “TP offsets” to make up for it.
And you thought Laurence was “full of crap”…
Seriously, she’s so full of s**t that she needs the industrial-sized reams of TP. If she wants to help the environment so damn badly, maybe she ought to think of how much diesel fuel tour busses & equipment semi trucks use for a tour. Or how much electricity is needed for just one concert.
Not to mention the flagrant noise pollution that is the hallmark of her music.
I’m sure she pays Al Gore’s company for carbon offsets to make up for her personal over use of energy. Besides, conservation is just for the peasantry.
Dammit!
The hippies just got me to switch from a predominantly animal-based diet to veggies and grains, thus increasing my toilet usage, and now they want me to do more with less?
After all, broccoli is just little trees–brussels sprouts are hedges–how come it’s okay to eat THEM and not okay to use wood pulp to…well, you all know what it’s for without me getting all graphic.
Actually, I was wondering when the TP topic would be raised. I guess when you don’t eat and weigh 90lbs soaking wet you can tell others what to do in the bathroom.
Incidently, isn’t Sheryl Crow on tour promoting hair color? And doesn’t that go down the drain? I’m sure that sh*t isn’t good for the environment.
…I’m just sayin’…
Sorry folks, I haven’t figured out how to link stuff yet. But here’s the ingredients for the Revlon Colorist Crow is pimping:
Ingredients:
Water Aqua , Hydrogen Peroxide , Cetearyl Alcohol , Ceteareth-20 , Steareth-10 Allyl Ether/Acrylates Copolymer , Amodimethicone , Sodium Lauryl Sulfate , C11-15 Pareth-7 , Laureth-9 , Glycerin , Trideceth-12 , Disodium Phosphate , Phosphoric Acid , Trimethylsiloxysilicate , Cyclopentasiloxane , Methylparaben , EDTA , Water Aqua , Oleic Acid , Cetearyl Alcohol , Ethanolamine , Propylene Glycol , Cocos Nucifera Oil Coconut , Ammonium Hydroxide , Aminopropyl Phenyl Trimethicone , Oleth-20 , Fragrance Parfum , Hydrolyzed Wheat Protein , Hypnea Musciformis Extract , Gellidiela Acerosa Extract , Sargassum Filipendula Extract , Sorbitol , Polyquaternium-10 , Sodium Benzotriazolyl Butylphenol Sulfonate , Buteth-3 , Tributyl Citrate , C10-40 Isoalkylamidopropylethyldimonium Ethosulfat , Dipropylene Glycol , Polysorbate 60 , Steareth-21 , Ammonium Lauryl Sulfate , Tetrasodium EDTA , Erythorbic Acid , Sodium Sulfite , Citronellol , P-Phenylenediamine , P-Aminophenol , Resorcinol , 2-Methylresorcinol , M-Aminophenol , 4-Amino-2-Hydroxytoluene , Mica CI 77019 , Titanium Dioxide CI 77891 , Water Aqua , Cetearyl Alcohol , Glycerin , Cetyl Alcohol , Behentrimonium Chloride , Oleyl Alcohol , Dicaprylyl Ether , Panthenol , Mangifera Indica Seed Butter Mango , Simmondsia Chinensis Seed Oil Jojoba , Cholesteryl Oleyl Carbonate , Cholesteryl Chloride , Cholesteryl Nonanoate , Sodium Benzotriazolyl Butylphenol Sulfonate , Tributyl Citrate , Buteth-3 , C10-40 Isoalkylamidopropylethyldimonium Ethosulfat , Behentrimonium Methosulfate , Amodimethicone , Trideceth-12 , Hydroxyethylcellulose , Cetrimonium Chloride , Polyquaternium-10 , Isopropyl Alcohol , Citric Acid , Fragrance Parfum , Butylphenyl Methylpropional , Hexyl Cinnamal , Methylparaben , Propylparaben , Methylisothiazolinone , Methylchloroisothiazolinone , Basic Brown 16 , Basic Yellow 57 , Basic Blue 99 , Mica CI 77019 , Titanium Dioxide CI 77891
No wonder that brook trout tasted like Brooke Shields.
I clicked on the “printable version” of the story, and printed it out. Now I have something to use when that one square proves insufficient.
If she gets her way, the old sears catalog will become relevant once again!
I figured I’d just drag my arse across the lawn, like a wormy poodle, and that would be ONE STEP FURTHER then they’d dare to propose.
HA! Take that, you wannabe left-handed arse-wipers!
“Never shake hands with an environmentalist.”
“Never shake hands with an environmentalist.”
I would. After my friends’ pitbull tore off his arm.
Dang, I don’t know any Shrill Cow songs. If I knew any, I might have a little fun reworking the lyrics.
So she wants to take a stand against toilet paper. Gotta’ give the gal points for originality, but somehow I find that a little short sighted. In fact, I openly dispute the notion that a world that doesn’t wipe is a better place.
Just wait until she’s old and incontinent. Only than will she recognize what a little bitch she really is.
Instead of using toilet paper, Sheryl can come over a lick my a–. I’m sure she wouldn’t mind, after doing similar things to get a record contract.
A commenter on another blog was pretty sure that Sheryl “One Wipe” Crow didn’t actually use TP at all!
She just kinda scooted her butt across the carpet…