I saw a liberal shouting mathematical axioms at a outlet on the wall.
“What are you doing, my idiot friend?” I asked.
“I’m speaking truth to power, man!” he answered, his left eye twitching.
“Aren’t you taking that a bit literally?”
“SHUT UP, FASCIST!” he screamed at me.
Of course, I was left with no choice but to punch him in his dumb monkey face. Still, it got me thinking: If liberals are speaking “truth to power,” then shouldn’t we conservatives be speaking lies to weakness? It’s worth a shot, at least. And who is the biggest source of weakness? Democrats, of course!
LIES TO TELL DEMOCRATS
“You know how you keep shouting that America has lost the war? You should keep doing that; Americans love that sort of thing.”
“This whole VTech shooting tragedy would be a great time to bring back the issue of gun control. That would be great for your party!”
“Pelosi is an attractive woman. She should release a swimsuit calendar.”
“I think Harry Reid admitting he doesn’t have a penis is a great idea. It would make him a sympathetic character.”
“Ted Kennedy has to be the most coherent speaker you guys have. He should really be out front representing you.”
“You should have DNC.org redirect to the Daily Kos. They’re totally mainstream and won’t alienate people at all.”
“Hillary needs to show more anger; that’s what people want from her.”
“That mouse trap is deactivated; go ahead and take the cheese.”
What are some other lies we can speak to weakness?