WASHINGTON (AP) – Barack Obama today is reeling from accusations that the Democratic presidential hopeful habitually indulges in the peculiar fetish of dressing gerbils in lederhosen. Spokesmen for the campaign deny the accusation.
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“This is the craziest thing I’ve ever heard,” said Obama spokesman Bill Burton. “Mr. Obama is a respected Senator and has never – I repeat, NEVER – forced any domesticated rodent to don festive Bavarian attire.”
In his book, “Dreams from My Father”, Obama did admit to having once dressed a kitten in a tutu, but dismissed the incident as “youthful experimentation” which did not continue into his adult years.
Some, however, believe that Obama’s forays into the seamy world of mammalian fashionalia was not put away with his childhood toys. David Freddoso noted in his book, “The Case Against Barack Obama”, that many of Obama’s adult associates were animal-dressers. “Unrepentant domestic terrorist William Ayers – ferrets in fezzes… Black liberation theologist Reverend Jeremiah Wright – white cats in Klan hats… Money-laundering political influence peddler Tony Rezko – badgers in burkas… with friends like these to help him feel ‘normal’, Obama’s oft-disclaimed penchant for putting gerbils in lederhosen seemed a natural outlet for relieving the tension of the campaign trail.”
Obama neighbor and dangerously crazed extreme right-wing cartoonist Chris Muir claims to be an eye-witness to Obama’s bestial haberdashery. “I was rooting through Barack’s garbage, hoping to find some old pizza crusts or something – web cartooning don’t pay squat, and I was SO hungry – when this little rat-thing runs squeaking across the lawn like something out of the Stephen King version of ‘The Sound of Music’. I got my camera and snapped a picture. I’ll trade it to ya for some Ramen noodles. I’m SO hungry.”
Burton claims the picture is a fake. “You call this proof? This isn’t even a GOOD fake! Look at this thing! The lederhosen are DRAWN on! What kind of pathetically retarded moron would believe this is real?”
MoveOn.org spokesman Adam Green announced that his organization has started a petition to have Obama removed from the Democratic presidential ticket and replaced by Hillary Clinton. “We can’t condone the forced costuming of subservient companion animals,” said Green. “When Hillary used to make Bill dress up as Little Bo Peep, at least it was consensual.”
Mentioning this type of story is something that has no place in this campaign.
In case you don’t know what I’m talking about, apparently Obama likes to dress gerbils in Lederhosen. Some say that this sort of depravity should disqualify him from being President.
As good people, we shouldn’t spread these types of rumors, specifically Obama’s predilection for molesting small animals.
I’ll be back later with my panel to discuss how the revelations of Obama’s insane gerbil fetish will impact the campaign.
I wonder if Obama’s named his gerbil “Joseph”?
My spokesman doesn’t speak for Me. That statement was just another error by My staff.
I can unequivocally state for the record that I am proud of My sexual liasons with lederhosen-clad gerbils, and that this is perfectally normal behavior for members of the Democrat Party.
Now, if you will excuse Me, I must get back to Lemmiwinks.
Gerbils in lederhosen: “Sig Heil!”
In a related story, you can actually kill a hippie by punching them in the face. http://www.wnbc.com/news/17387598/detail.html
Why I can’t post comments on other IMAO pages?
What a hateful Gerbiphobe you are, Frank J…umm, I mean Harvey!
You are really showing your ignorance and bias toward the Gerbil community. Questioning why gerbils choose to wear lederhosen is equivalent to asking why lesbians wear birkenstocks. It is an important part of the lifestyle they choose…I mean, are born into.
Don’t be a hater…accept all forms of deviancy without asking questions. That’s the liberal way.
Lemmiwinks! Nooooo!
“Mr. Garrison, Chef says he has a problem with you being a homosexual.”
“No I didn’t! I said he was a Sick Queer!”
Dressing them up in lederhosen?
I’m outraged!
I knew it! I knew Obama was a gerbil dresser. Everytime I see those beady eyes I see a closet gerbil dresser. I bet Michelle’s into it too. And he dresses ’em in lederhosen? Man, what a sicko! He probably makes them drink beer and sing German Octoberfest beer drinking songs too.
Where the hell is PETA on this???
I can’t wait to use this when I get a push-poll call from an Obama supporter.