Ok, so gravatars (those little pictures next to comments) are sooooo 2002, but things come slowly to this website, as you will no doubt have gathered from the 1999-era layout. Anyway, if you go here: http://en.gravatar.com/ and upload a picture, and then sign your comments with the same e-mail you used to register at gravatar.com with, your gravatar will show up next to your comment. Hopefully they’ll be a bit bigger in the future, once someone figures out how to accomplish that.
Failed cosmonaut Lance Bass is reportedly furious that failed pop star Clay Aiken chose to come out of the closet the same day that Bass began his comeback in the season premier of Dancing With The Stars. Bass, previous holder of the record for “World’s Worst Kept Secret,” famously outed himself several years ago. “It’s sad,” vented Bass, “that this bitchy queen took it upon himself to steal my headlines in my moment of triumph–I’m going to go home, have a good cry, and bite my pillow.” Bass joined the current season of Dancing With The Stars to promote gay marriage rights, and to “make up, in some small way” for the years of horrendous pop music that he and his N’Sync bandmates inflicted on the public. “I’m particularly saddened for the poor souls who followed us around the country, going to multiple concerts, dancing and singing along to the soulless tripe we pushed out. We made the Backstreet Boys look like the Beatles–we were pitiful, just pitiful . . .”
Click me
I think it’s a good idea that McCain is postponing his campaign to go do work because I think it comes out of our federal tax dollars to pay him to be a Senator so he should probably do that from time to time. Then again, because of him taking public funds for his campaign, I guess we’re actually paying him more to campaign.
Anyway, this being a crisis and all, maybe Biden should head back to D.C. too. Biden’s been in the Senate for forever, so he might actually know a thing or two that’s useful. Plus, he’s absolutely no use on the campaign trail.
I think it’s good of Obama to keep campaigning. With serious work to do, the last thing the Senate needs is Obama skipping around asking questions like “What’s a stock?” and “How many pennies are in a dollar?” Seriously, between starting in the Senate in 2005 and his presidential campaign, Obama has only worked as a Senator for maybe a couple weeks. What possible use could he be? He can just vote “Unpresent” for this.
Being the governor of Alaska, Palin isn’t needed for all this, so she should go ahead and debate Obama on Friday. That’s seems a bit more fair than having him debate McCain, anyway. McCain could eventually debate Biden to make up for that, but who the hell would care to watch that?
One last note: I think the first thing McCain should do when he gets to Washington is knock that doddering old fart Reid to the ground. Just like with using a keyboard, I’m sure knocking Reid to the ground will be harder for McCain that it would be for us, but I’m sure he can manage it anyway.
If you’re wondering what liberals write at their blogs, look at this post by Josh Marshall that I found linked to at Hot Air. Here’s the post in its entirety:
Deep Thought
Why did Bush ruin the country?
Now, the obvious answer is “To annoy Josh Marshall,” but why would President Bush be after Josh like that? We all know Bush spies on everyone, so he’s probably knows of the wicked things Josh does under his covers and decided to punish him for it.
That’s just one theory. As hard to believe as it is, it may not have to do with Josh Marshall at all. It’s possible Bush decided to ruin the country in vengeance for not reelecting his father.
But this is all assuming Bush did it on purpose. Maybe he just didn’t see the dry clean only tag on the country. Or maybe he had no idea not to leave the country by the heater after it gets wet. Or possibly he either didn’t notice or didn’t know what it meant when the change oil light appeared on the country.
So, what’s your answer to Josh Marshall’s question?
“I bet this will fix the economy!” President Bush fervently wrote out his new plan, but then his desk caught fire. “Aww! I just screwed things up even more! Why am I always doing that?”
He grabbed one of his five fire extinguishers the staff always made him keep on hand and put out his desk. He turned to Dick Cheney who was entering the office. “Where’s my economy guy?”
“He’s fled.”
Bush shrugged. “Well, I did hire him because he was smart.” He put the empty fire extinguisher in his “Stuff to Throw at Harry Reid’s Head” box. “So what’s the plan now, Dick?”
“You just need to get the Congress to pass your $700 billion bailout plan.” Cheney rubbed his hands together greedily.
Bush kept a suspicious eye on Cheney as he sat back at his charred desk. “And then what?”
“That money will then be split up and sent to different corporations to help fix the economy.”
“But really…”
Cheney laughed evilly, the only kind of way he laughed. “All the corporations the money goes to will be shell corporations of Halliburton. Halliburton will recollect the $700 billion and then we’ll flee with it to Mexico. We’ll then use the funds to start a new government there.”
“Doesn’t Mexico already have a government?”
“Eh… considers your definition of ‘government’.”
Bush thought about it for a moment. “Well, at least we have a plan.”
So is it really true that a lot of the undecided in this presidential election are made up of forgetful racists? Liberals are constantly accusing McCain of hiding things in his ad that remind people that Obama is black, which means if that’s a valid strategy there are people out there who are about to vote for Obama only because they forgot his race.
FORGETFUL RACIST: “I can’t wait to vote for Obama!”
MCCAIN AD: “Obama is a community organizer!”
FORGETFUL RACIST: “Wait… community organizer is a codeword for black! Obama is black! I hate black people! I’m not voting for Obama! Ooh… a penny!”
Not that I want to help racists, but wouldn’t it be easier for forgetful racists to just emulate the guy from Memento and carry around labeled Polaroids of all the candidates so he can remember what their races are in the voting booth?
