So now we find out that the VP debate moderator has a book praising Obama coming out, marking yet someone else in the media in the tank for the Democrats. Do you ever begin to wonder how Republican ever used to get elected at all back when they didn’t have any alternative media? Back when there was no blogs or radio or cable news and it was just the networks and the newspapers? I guess the Republican ideas are just that much appealing that they survive despite all the media being against them.
It’s like you’re hungry, and the Democrats are like, “Here; eat some crap. Yummy crap. Mmm.” The Republicans, on the other hand, have cheeseburgers. Sometimes they’re really good cheeseburgers you get at a sit-down restaurant that is like a steak between two slices of bread, but more often than not it’s just McDonald’s cheeseburgers. Occasionally, it’s like those White Castle burgers — but not the ones you get at the restaurant — the ones you get in the freezer section. They’re barely better than crap. And once I saw this cheeseburger that came in a can and just disgusted me to even look at it and, frankly, I’d rather eat crap than it (that’s Hagel).
Anyway, I’m getting off topic. The point is you’re hungry and the Democrats have crap for you to eat and the Republicans have cheeseburgers, and if they were put them side by side it’s pretty obvious you’d want the cheeseburger to eat — though maybe not that particular one that was sitting next to the crap (which leads into a discussion of bipartisanship which I’ll save for another day).
But the thing is, here’s what you’re constantly told in the media:
“Yay! Crap tastes so great! Everyone loves eating crap!”
“The new choice of smart people: Tasty tasty crap.”
“All the trendy Hollywood types are eating crap and they’re loving it.”
And if cheeseburgers gets a mention it’s like:
“News report: Cheeseburgers give you cancer. Scientist recommend eating crap instead.”
“Only stupid hillbillies like eating cheeseburgers when they could be eating yummy crap.”
“New scientific study explores why fear and mistrust causes some people to eat cheeseburgers when they have perfectly tasty crap to eat.”
And then in all the TV shows and movies everybody is eating crap and talking about how tasty it is, and anyone portrayed eating a cheeseburger is shown to be stupid or evil. Plus, we keep hearing about how all the countries in Europe have even stinkier crap and they just love eating it and make fun of us stupid cheeseburger-eating Americans.
Plus, everyone is now talking up this new crap that’s green in color. “You might have thought you didn’t like crap before, but you’ll love this new green crap! Everyone is going to eat it right up! Everyone loves it!”
So, you can see how some people might think, “Well, maybe I should try this crap instead of cheeseburger today. Maybe I’m just missing something.” Still, despite all the media attempts to confuse people, at the end of the day most people are going to say, “That’s crap and that’s a cheeseburger. I don’t eat crap; I eat cheeseburgers.”
And that’s why Republicans win.
Well… in other election years.
I’m hungry.
Sadly, this year’s GOP hamburger is made out of crap.
This might go down in history right next to the Twinkie Defense.
Well, Clinton loved cheeseburgers as President, but then, he had a Republican Congress for six out of eight years. Bill is going to seem like a Republican after Obama wins.
Seems like each time we’ve had both a Democrat President AND Congress, it’s been a disaster. FDR, Johnson, Carter…
As someone who lives in Nebraska, I think you were way to nice in your description of Hagel.
So if we are comparing Republicans to hamburgers, then I’m guessing McCain is your straight up McDonalds burger with out cheese. Palin would be more like Carls Jr. six dollar bacon burger.
And from the post Nancy Pelosi is like malaria. Harry Reid would just be your normal poo. Just sits there, does nothing and still stinks
alex keeton voice:
So Frank, just what are you trying to say here?
I, personally, prefer the cheeseburgers I make at home. I know what goes in there (including the unhealty stuff), and I can rest assured that if it turns out to be crap, it’s my fault. However, homemade is not an option in this case. All in all, I’d have to say I still prefer the ninety-nine cent McDonald’s double cheeseburger to a crap sandwich.
I cn haz poo?
Democrats are quite fond of coprophagia. Scientists believe it causes brain damage and trolling.
Don’t forget that the house and senate get to vote themselves pay raises. The more bread you have the less crap you have to eat!
An amazingly apt analogy that (theoretically) even the tiniest libtard brain can grasp. They’ll still grab a handful of colon leavings and gobble it down as if it were Fillet Mignon, but then its just plain stubbornness.
Bad news. Malkin has an article saying McCain is supporting the current Senate bailout bill full of earmarks:
McCain will support earmark-stuffed Senate Crap Sandwich
It’s ok. Republicans obviously enjoy their current diet! They also must enjoy getting kicked in the crotch over and over and over and over and over and over because they sure don’t want to fight back!
John McNumbnuts will have plenty of time to “discuss” all of this with “his close personal friends from the other side of the aisle” come November 7th, because he’s going to lose if he doesn’t start to fight!
Yeah, you can’t say you haven’t been warning us all along, ussjc.
Advice to McCain: You vote for that bailout with earmarks, and you’ve lost the election.
Advice to Palin: If you get that “worried look” on your face once during the debate, you’ve lost.
I guess James Carville wasn’t available to moderate the debate.
I can’t, in good conscience, vote for John McCain. He has made a career of helping the democrats write the rules, whether they were in the minority or majority at the time. He’s done his best to cut the legs out from the Republicans in the House throughout them helping to shoot down this awful bill.
Aside from the war on terrorism, he doesn’t stand for anything I believe in, and is far more concerned with pleasing liberals than conservatives. He’s a socialist like Obama, but the difference is, I don’t have to try to defend Obama.
Great post!
I’m glad you put it in a way that even crap-eating sheep can understand.
Mmmmm, cheesburgery goodneeeeess…
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Five minutes later he’ll give another speech about how much he despises earmarks. He doesn’t want my vote, does he?
I actually re-registered with no Party affiliation after McCain and Kyl and most of the other AZ reps in the House and Senate, WHO REPRESENT BORDER STATES!!!!!, tried to ram amnesty down our throats. I’d felt betrayed by the party for a while, but after that, I knew my party had truly left me, so after 11 years of membership, I jumped ship.
This year, I’m either voting for Bob Barr or writing in FRED!
Hopefully, when Obama wins, he will be just another lousy choice that damages the country through ignorance, socialist theory and egomania like most politicians.
In my more paranoid moments (fed by the Obamanations cultists actions like that creepy kids sing along in the previous posting) I wonder if this is the one person, one vote, last time election.
Has a cult of personality EVER turned out to be a good thing?
The Dems are also very good at taking the Republicans digested cheeseburgers, or CRAP, spinning it into their idea and taking credit for its tastiness.
Yeah its not like FNC is the propaganda machine for the Bush Administration.
Two candidates, one cup.
#20 Sogomon Says:
I would really like one of you astroturfers to answer a simple question for all of us out here in Rubeland.
Do you favor the Cubs or the White Sox?
I’m super excited about Ifill or whatever her name. She’s a terrific moderator.
Cubs!
Somebody needs to tell McCain that this campaign is his to lose. ussjc, you’re exactly right. He needs to start pounding hard on Obama’s flaws, retarded policies, and his choice of friends/mentors.
Maybe the problem is that there are so many Obama targets he doesn’t know which one to shoot at first. He better pick one soon and unleash.
And they name the crap things like – Nature’s Fudge, Backside Bungles, and Shiny Happy Thing That Isn’t Really Shiny and Happy
Do you ever begin to wonder how Republican ever used to get elected at all back when they didn’t have any alternative media?
Um, Frank, they mostly didn’t. The first mass media (radio) came in around 1930, and the “alternative” media came in around 2000. Those 70 years were largely dominated by Democrats, or might as well be Democrats (domestically) such as Eisenhower and Nixon. The only major exception is Reagan, and, first, he didn’t govern nearly as conservatively (again, domestically) as you think — his only real legacy is a massive tax cut, which had already started gradually as people got just completely fed up with marginal rates in the 70% region — and, second, he came to office in a wave of revulsion over Democratic limp-wristedness under Carter, with his God-damned “turn down the thermostat and wear a sweater,” gas rationing, the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan to which he responded by manfully boycotting the Olympics — and, for all I know, holding his breath until he turned blue — and, finally the Iranian hostage outrage.
Even then, it was a close election, and Reagan had the enormous advantage of being from California, so he began with California’s 55 EVs, and the “Reagan Democrats” who helped elect him were the tough sons of bitches who came through the Depression and served in the Second World War, or Korea — and they’re mostly dead now, replaced by a younger generation who thinks “sacrifice” is giving up your cell phone. The major exception is the chunk of them now in Iraq. When they come of political age, you might see some changes.
In the meantime, we could do a lot of good by amending the Constitution to restrict the right to vote at age 18 to those who are employed or in the armed forces, i.e. in the real world.
Excellent point there Carl, excellent point.
This one gets a 5.
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Hey, John Connor, are there any terminators in Chicago?
I can’t, in good conscience, vote for John McCain.
That’s cool, but could you try voting for him without a good conscience?
Carl,
Even better. Restrict the vote to people who hold jobs and pay taxes, period. If you cut out college students (the majority of which are mind controlled by socialist professors) and illegal aliens / welfare addicts (who vote democrat to give themselves raises), this cuts the liberal vote down by half. I also think we need to test potential voters on their understanding of the candidate’s policies; if we did, neither of the current nominees would be representing their parties. If nothing else, a simple IQ test. Make voters prove they have an IQ of at least 95 (which would keep all the liberals from voting in the first place). In Nevada, we’ve tried to push showing a driver’s license to vote, but the libs squealed. “Racism!”, because illegals wouldn’t be able to vote, nor dead people, nor people voting twice (once in each district). After all. look at who we have now (Heir Reid). If we had such a policy several years ago, Reid wouldn’t be “gracing the halls of congress” as we speak.
I’m John McCain and I’m suspending my campaign to go to Washington and break this log jam! I will get the congressional Republicans to vote for this bill or my name isn’t John Skippy McCain! My opponent, who happens to be a close personal friend of mine from across the aisle, will join me as we work arm-in-arm to take tax payer money to bail out the Wall Street and Banking Bigs who have donated oh so many dollars to our campaigns over the years. We will sell this as a taxpayer bailout…wink…wink…wink…but as long as we take care of the big money donors (which rhymes with Boner…LOL) we are assured that large checks will continue to flow into our campaign war chests…Muahahahahahahahah!
***Breaking***
AP Washington, DC – John McCain arrived today in the nation’s capital but got his dongle stuck in a door jamb on the way to the Log Inn where he booked a room for one night. “Since you’re stuck here, Senator, how far is the old Log Inn?” asked ussjimmycarter from the Miniapolis Daily Mosquito. “About six inches, I think,” grunted the Senator.
How is this not a Spacemonkey post??? This post IFOC.