Senator Leahy wants to investigate former president Bush and is going to call it the “truth commission.” Could he come up with a more Orwellian name? I would have thought we learned from the Patriot Act to just call things what they are so people are less suspicious. So we can call this the “Since We Have No Answers to Actual Problems, Let’s Distract Everyone with a Big Show Trial of Bush Commission”. Now people won’t be suspicious.

I’m starting to think David Frum is just a couple steps away from being Andrew Sullivan’s coblogger at TrueConservatives.com. He’s become whiny and acts like a little goober, and that’s not how real conservatives are. Real conservatives never whine. The focus of real conservative should instead be awesomeness and kick-assery. If Frum wants to get back to his conservative roots, he should try designing a giant Mecha for battling liberals. That would be awesome! It would try and then engage liberals intellectually, and when it inevitably fails, it would crush them with its giant robot feet!

So Frum better watch his whininess or his own creation could turn on him!

As you all know, the challenges of today’s military requires dinosaurs with rocket launchers on them. First, we’ll need dinosaur DNA. One way to get that is from finding some fossilized DNA, but no luck on that so far. If there was CSI: Cretaceous Period, there would be no convictions. So scientists are looking to a more available source of dinosaur DNA: the chicken.

The chicken in its current form is woefully unable to support a rocket launcher, but DNA is a lot like poorly written code where function calls are commented out but the functions are still there even though they’re never used. So scientists are going to hack the chicken as its embryo develops and call the unused functions like “Grow Dino-Tail” and “Grow Dino-Claws” and before you know it, they’ll have a Tyrannosaurus Rex that’s still genetically a chicken. Then they just need to mount a rocket launcher on it. Easy peasy.

Man, I wonder what problems they had 65.5 million years ago that things were too harsh for a T-Rex survive but perfectly fine for a chicken. Obviously the problem wasn’t having something to mount rocket launchers on.

(hat tip to Dave Barry — and I should note that “Devolved Chicken” would be a great name for a rock band)