Ryan presents: “Lunch with wife – corrected”
CAUTION: Rated “Family Guy/South Park” due to adult themes.
Take a hippie-punch at fame by creating your own IMAO-worthy video at Xtranormal (“If you can type, you can make movies“). Send a link to harvolson-at-gmail.com and I’ll give it a look. If it’s PG-13 and doesn’t suck too terribly bad, I’ll post it and let the readers throw roses and/or tomatoes at you.
Flash photography is soon going to be banned from the National Archive. Basically, Congress and the President were getting tired of every timed they claimed one of their programs in Constitutional, someone would snap a picture of the Constitution and show them they were wrong. So without photos is it will be like:
CONGRESS: What I’m doing is like totally Constitutional.
CITIZEN: No it isn’t! I just saw the Constitution and what you’re doing is wrong.
CONGRESS: You’re probably just remembering the Constitution wrong.
CITIZEN: No. I’d show you a picture of it, but the people at the National Archives threatened to yell at me. Maybe you can just go over there with me and I can show you.
CONGRESS: Nah, I’m too busy. Guards, have this man executed for dissension.
CITIZEN: You can’t have guards execute me! That’s not Constitutional!
CONGRESS: You can’t prove that.
The State of the Union address is tonight, and President Obama has a bit of a problem since the state of our union isn’t exactly… well… good. What exactly is Obama supposed to say? “It sucks, and a lot of it is because I don’t know what the hell I’m doing.” Plus, Obama is on prime time TV talking like all the time, so what could he possibly have left to say?
Still, I like being helpful, so here’s what I think Obama should say:
“Hey, America, what’s up? So, what do you all think the state of the union is? I think it’s awesome, except for one thing: It’s full of whiners.
“I think things are doing pretty well here. Ever look at like poor countries in Africa? We’re doing like way better than any of them — light years better. Or look at Haiti; doing way better than Haiti. Pretty nice here, actually; we got like food and TV and stuff. Still, everyone is complaining and like, ‘I don’t have enough money, and I’m unemployed! Waaah!’ I have a clear message for you: Shut up. No one cares. Raise your hand if you’re dead. No hands? See, could be a lot worse.
“Still, everyone is all yelling at me and like, ‘You’re a socialist! You’re recklessly spending all our money!’ Hey, do I go to your job and criticize you? I don’t even know what you; I don’t even care really. A lot of you don’t even have jobs to criticize, so shut up.
“And then there are those who think I’m a failure because a guy almost exploded his underwear. What was I supposed to do there? I ain’t checking everybody’s underwear; I ain’t some perv. You be a perv and do it.
“So, I think I’m doing pretty well — a B+ job — and you all are just a bunch of stupid whiners. Well, I don’t bow to you — I bow to foreign monarchs, but not you — so shut up. I hate you all.”
Obama has announced a Democrats freeze in Congress and won’t be adding any new Democrats in the foreseeable future.
I wish I could be more like my dog and enjoy the simple things in life like biting children.
Sign of the time? An e-mailers who always goes on about Obama’s birth certificate has finally gone back to the subject of illegal immigration.
I’m guessing O’Keefe’s latest effort will get mainstream attention quicker.
Wow, conservatives really turn on their own quickly when they do something inexcusable.
Liberals don’t care when they’re heroes leave women to die at the bottom of a river; why are we so worked up over wiretapping? I think it’s standards that held us back all these years.
So what exactly is so interesting about Mary Landrieau that’s worth committing a felony over?
Mass Effect 2! I’ll support whichever political party will get more time to play videogames.
I accused Obama of being a Keynesian and got called a birther.
It’s not the Stone Age anymore; there’s no reason I should have to have the disk in my computer to play the game.
Someone calling themselves “Ellie Light” is getting the same pro-Obama letter to the editor published in newspapers all across the country, but claims to have a different home town in each one.
Anyone else notice that it’s an anagram for “I legit? Hell!”?
This week, That One. Next week, terrorists. Submit for either at lolterizt@gmail.com
Meanwhile, pass ’em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don’t be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.
NOTE TO READERS: Hovering your mouse over the picture activates closed captioning for the l33t-speak/txtmsg impaired.
From The Real Barry Soetero:
Picture from Meredyth, caption by me (Harvey):
My favorites from the submissions using last edition’s uncaptioned picture:
From Adam:
From Arnie:
From Chuck:
From DamnCat:
From Hal:
From Jason:
From Mark:
From me (Harvey):
From Robert:
From SAJ:
From tanstaafl44:
From zappatrust:
From Will:
This week’s uncaptioned picture for you to play with:
That One has a blank sign. Help him out by filling it in with the appropriate words:
PRODUCTION NOTES:
#1: When creating lolbama! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.
#2: Standard image size for these posts is 350px wide by whatever high. If you can have your images 350px wide before you caption them, I won’t end up shrinking your captions into illegibility when I re-size the images.
MAKE YOUR OWN: The free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.
STYLE NOTE: Short captions are usually better. Your goal is 10 words or less, with humor value tending to increase exponentially as the number of words approaches 1.
Send your submissions to lolterizt@gmail.com and – if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad – I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.
Wax Tadpole presents: “Hippie Alert!”
Take a hippie-punch at fame by creating your own IMAO-worthy video at Xtranormal (“If you can type, you can make movies“). Send a link to harvolson-at-gmail.com and I’ll give it a look. If it’s PG-13 and doesn’t suck too terribly bad, I’ll post it and let the readers throw roses and/or tomatoes at you.
That’s right: Chimps are now making movies.
If you were afraid that the revolution wouldn’t be televised when the apes takeover, now it will be.
I don’t expect this to go very far, though, because the chimps will soon be blackballed for not being union. Still, I’m going to be trigger happy next time I see a camera thinking it might be a chimp.
John Hawkins of Right Wing News did a poll of right-wing bloggers on current choice of Republican candidate for 2012, and the results are not too surprising. I don’t expect Fred Thompson to run again and no one currently mentioned is really lighting a fire under me, though. I’d kinda like a Cheney — preferably Dick Cheney but another Cheney will do. Dick Cheney already has so much fun batting Obama around on issues of national security, it would be fun to see that for a whole campaign. People don’t like Dick Cheney, though, but after the huge failure of Obama I think people will know the folly of electing a likable president.
Obama skipped out on jury duty he was like:
OBAMA: I’m the president. I’m doing important stuff.
COURT: No you’re not. You’re just screwing around.
OBAMA: I have a State of the Union address to deliver Wednesday.
COURT: You’re on TV talking all the friggin’ time. No one cares anymore.
OBAMA: Jury duty sounds boring! You go away! I’m the president!
COURT: I know it sounds hard, but you’re actually qualified for this job. You just have to sit and listen to the arguments and–
OBAMA: I can’t listen to other people. It’s a medical condition. I have a doctor’s note. I can only talk myself. If you try to make me sit in a room and not speak, my brain will explode.
COURT: That sounds made up.
OBAMA: You sound made up!
COURT: You’re not getting out of this.
OBAMA: Yes I am! I don’t every do anything I don’t want to! Like all my campaign promises!
Non-Muslims aren’t allowed in Mecca, but what about robots?
Obama could get a lot more people to watch SOTU if he made the announcement for the new Apple tablet.
Life is fun. Still, I wouldn’t get too attached to it.
Obama says he now might be able to find some time to work on the economy in between his pet projects.
Why can’t we make satellites that can get their signals indoors? I don’t care if it will kill small birds.
What should I get my wife for Valentine’s Day? Do you think she’ll like nunchucks?
Everybody on the internet, just chill for a sec. Dude.
In my new Pajamas Media column, I look into what exactly are we worried about if Jesus or the Bible gets referenced by our troops in the Middle East and whether there might be a strategic advantage to that.
Honorable Senator and professional grumpy old man Arlen Specter angrily told Congresswoman Michele Bachmann to “act like a lady” when she interrupted him during a radio talk show interview.
I ain’t Miss Manners, but that seems a little inappropriate for a discussion between duly elected Congresscritters.
Wonder what’s prodding old Switchin’ Specter’s irritable bowels to get him in such a huff?
I speculate thusly:
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* Not used to having women talk back to him. Heck, he’s still getting used to the notion of pushbuttons on his telephone.
* Kids on his lawn again, and him not sitting in his favorite yellin’ chair.
* Feeling conflicted – yeah, Kennedy’s seat went to a Republican, but at least their ain’t some broad sitting in it.
* Hates that every new invention starts with a lower case “i”. Misses the days when the prefix “electro” was cat’s pajamas.
* Still upset that Barbara Boxer got called “ma’am“, instead of the proper honorific, “Little Missy”.
* Wet Depends
* Bachmann is a German name, and it’s just too soon to start trusting the Krauts again.
* Really, really misses Rosebud.
* Not barefoot – fine. Not pregnant – fine. Couldn’t she have at least called that radio show from her kitchen?
* Once jilted by a flapper named “Michele”
Anyone else care to venture a guess?
