Global Stuff Happening

John Holdren, director of the White House Office of Science and Technology Policy, thinks environmentalists should stop talking about “global warming” and instead call it “global climate disruption” — probably because people keep making fun of environmentalists when things don’t get warmer and it’s hurting their feelings. I got an even better vague term, though: Global stuff happening.

“All our activity is causing global stuff happening, and only anti-science troglodytes would claim stuff isn’t happening because Science! can definitively prove that stuff does happen. Just look at these test tubes. There’s stuff happening right there!”

That should help accomplish whatever it it environmentalists are trying to do… though I guess I forget what that is. They don’t want people driving cars or something. But have they thought of making giant robots part of the environmental message? “We need giant robots to combat stuff happening globally!” That’s the sort of message people could really get behind. It could make you rich!

16 Comments

  1. I guess the people that want to ban internal combustion engined automobiles because of the pollution they produce just don’t realize that the auto

    replaced the horse. The horse had its own pollution production problem – knee deep if the roads weren’t swept frequently.

  2. I think I see a Nobel Prize in someone’s future. Perhaps, there is an Oscar also. I would suggest carefully edited episodes of “Jackass” would be helpful in proving to the proles that something is happening.

  3. The imaginary debate is over and it’s now “settled science”. There is Global Stuff happening. And, to do my part, I’ve replaced all of my incandescent light bulbs with much higher wattage incandescent light bulbs, because every one of us can make a difference.

  4. Sure does, zzyzx! Gimme, gimme a few dollars to stop stuff from happening, well, to apply for a grant to prove that stuff is happening and to finance research trips to Greenland and Antartica Hawai’i and New Zealand to raise awareness and money and slideshows and documentaries and money. THEN stuff will stop happening, in 100 years.
    If not, sue me.

    RE: Giant Robots…
    Bring ’em on.
    In Council Bluffs. Iowa,
    we destroy giant robots and mount
    their rusty carcasses on our bridges
    as a warning to the next evil plot of Science!-tists .

    Or maybe that was a horrible waste of $3+Million on art! , I dunno.

  5. Gore and his criminal buddies pretty well coined ‘global warming” (and “planetary emergency”) to to reinforce that fact he’s a dickhead) so it needs to be stapled to all those liberal/progrssive foreheads. Toward that end I can (for a moderate fee as I’ve run out of Canadian Government Grant Money and am not allowed to re-apply for 2 months) offer the use of the now clean and sober former coked up Monkeys that you sent to us that we detoxed a month ago. Now they’re just sitting around in their cages smoking and drinking Jolt cola. We can train them to handle a stapler and let them loose on the progressives. For the special cases like Gore, Reid and Pelosi I can train a couple of the monkeys in the use of a tattoo needle gun. I’m not sure how good the tattoo would be what with the now sober monkey with shaking hands from the caffeine cola and with a smoke hanging out of it’s mouth going a little nuts with the needler and the ink but we will try.

  6. As usual, libs, progressives and the like ignore things they can do something about, because they don’t want to do what needs to be done, only to focus on something they actually can’t do anything about. That way they look all noble instead of doing something that might send their sycophants up in flames.

    How in Heaven’s name do they think they can manage the climate when they can’t manage:
    Heath Care
    Fanny Mae
    Freddy Mac
    Social Security
    Immigration
    Education
    Terrorism
    and on
    and on
    and on…………..

    Why not focus on things we can improve and let the earth, Gaia or God sort out the climate, since nothing we do is going to have an effect anyway? Control and power, always the same answer.

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