Obama redecorated the Oval Office because he’s a thin, neat person who likes redecorating things — not that there’s anything wrong with that! — but one of the things he changed was to add a new rug with quotes on it. And on that, he mis-attributed a quote to Martin Luther King that was actually from abolitionist Theodore Parker. Not only that, but here are some of the other quotes on the rug:
“What are we going do? What are we going to do? Game over, man! Game over!” -Herbert Hoover
“Good, bad – I’m the guy with the gun.” – Harry Truman
“Get in my belly!” -William Howard Taft
“Are you going to do something or just stand there and bleed?” -Margaret Thatcher
“Relax, don’t do it.” -Calvin Coolidge
“You’re failing! What’s it with you and failure?” -Jimmy Carter’s mom
“One of these days – POW! Straight to the moon!” -John F. Kennedy
“Do or do not; there is no try.” -Confucius
“Why so serious?” -Richard Nixon
“If you can’t do something smart, do something right.” -George W. Bush
“Say hello to my little friend!” -Michael Bloomberg’s Friend
“I get up every morning and piss excellence!” -Ronald Reagan
“You better Czech yourself before you wreck yourself.” -President of the Czech Republic
“You shall not pass!” -Ted Kennedy’s Bar Examiner
“I know Kung Fu.” -Adolph Hitler
“Only the Sith speak in absolutes.” -Mother Teresa
“I don’t nothin’ ’bout birthin’ no babies!” -Margaret Sanger
“I’m getting too old for this @$%&.” -Strom Thurmond
“King Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.” – Benjamin Franklin
“Ever notice how you come across somebody once in a while you shouldn’t have f’ed with? That’s me.” – General General George S. Patton
“I ain’t got time to bleed.” – President William McKinley
“I AM BEOWULF!” – Gary Busey
“I could have killed ‘em all, I could kill you. In town you’re the law, out here it’s me. Don’t push it. Don’t push it or I’ll give you a war you won’t believe. Let it go. Let it go.” – General Matthew B. Ridgway to the Chinese
“I’ll make him an offer he can’t refuse.” – Tony Rezko
“Now I have
a machine guna battery on Dorchester Heights. Ho ho ho.” – President George Washington“This business will get out of control! It will get out of control and we’ll be lucky to live through it!” – Field Marshal Erwin Rommel
“Mr. Rezko, are you trying to seduce me? Because I like it!” – President Barack Obama
“I coulda been a contender! I coulda been somebody!” – George McGovern
“Badges? We ain’t got no stinking badges! We don’t need no badges! I don’t have to show you no stinking badges!” – The Government of the United States
“My name is FDR. She’s Eleanor. We rob banks.” – President Franklin Delano Roosevelt
“It’s alive! It’s alive!” – Nancy Pelosi
“If there’s a bustle in your hedgerow don’t be alarmed now, it’s just a spring clean for the May queen” – Barney Frank
Get these ##$^$ snakes off of my ##$%$#@ plane!!! – Any commercail pilot on a plane carrying James Carville
Oops! Did I do that? – Joey Biden
Fear my boomstick!! – Gen. Schwartzkopf
I’m all tore up about that man’s rights. – Donald Rumsfeld
Come here my pretty. – Hillary Clinton
“Yeah that’s the spot.” -Bill Clinton
“The law of supply and demand is not to be conned.” – Barack Obama (except by him)
“You win the war by making the other poor, dumb bastard die for his country.” Lyndon Johnson
“A fool and his money are soon parted.” – Harry Reid (“And Americans are such fools.”)
“No publicity is bad publicity” — Adolf Hitler
“Well, you know, no matter where you go, there you are.” — Ferdinand Magellan
“No one becomes depraved in a moment.” — Hugh Hefner
“Either that wallpaper goes or I do.” — Benedict Arnold
“I’ve had a wonderful time, but this wasn’t it.” — Anne Frank
“They ought to make butt-flavored cat food.” — Sir Walter Raleigh
“It is only by softening and disguising dead flesh by culinary preparation, that it is rendered susceptible of mastication or digestion; and that the sight of its bloody juices and raw horror does not excite intolerable loathing and disgust.” — Ronald McDonald
“One would like to stroke and caress human beings, but one dares not do so, because they bite.” — Michael Jackson
“Do nothing unless you must, and when you must act, hesitate.” — former FEMA chief Michael Brown
“‘Shelter,’ what a nice name for for a place where you polish your cat.” — Mother Theresa
“A single death is a tragedy. A million deaths is a statistic.” — Chuck Norris
“I drank what?” — Socrates
“I will unscrew your head and poop down your neck!” -Washington to Cornwallis
“Inconceivable.” Cornwallis to Washington
“FREEBIRD!” – Hellen Keller
“To infinity and beyond!” – James Madison on the federal deficit
“I love the smell of napalm in the morning… Smells like victory.” – William T. Sherman
“Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life son.” – Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
“Yippie-ki-yay, mother f***er” – Susan B. Anthony
* COUGH *
* COUGH * ~Monica Lewinski
“…down where your nuts hang – is always a little too tight….It’s just like riding a wire fence….leave me an inch from where the zipper (burps) ends, round, under my, back to my bunghole.” -Lyndon Baines Johnson
(It’s hard to beat what Johnson actually said.)
“I want the presidency so bad I can already taste the hors d’oeuvres.” Barack Obama
“Get used to disappointment.” -Sarah Palin
C’mon! You b@stards wanna live forever? ~ Kathleen Sebelius
Wait till they get a load of me — algore
You may never get rich! whoo! but it sure better than diggin a ditch, woa woa woa — teddy kennedy
I did not have sex with that woman — Roselyn Carter
“I find your lack of faith disturbing.” – Glenn Beck
“Stupid b**ch get away from it it’s my Loc-Nar!” – Michelle Obama at the dinner table.
“Roads? Where we’re going, we don’t need roads.” – Ray LaHood
“Don’t cross the streams.” – Anyone to Barney Frank
“Someday, someone like me is going to kill you, and your whole f***’n’ family!” – Andrew Jackson to the British
“If it bleeds, we can kill it.” – John Maynard Keynes.
“Is your heart… Black” – Harry Reid to Stephanie Meyer
“Black as Midnight, Black as Pitch. Blacker than the foulest Witch.” – Stephanie Meyer to Harry Reid
“I’m Gumby Dammit!” Joe Biden
“You shouldn’t fear God…you should fear me.” – Dick Cheney
“Don’t make me call the boss!” – Pope Benedict XVI to Nancy Pilosi
“Please stop punching me in the face.” – Every hippie to Fred Thompson
“Hell no.” – Fred Thompson to every hippie
“Unfortunately for you, I’m employee of the f’ing century!” – Zombie Reagan to Obama
“Red is positive, black is negative, and make sure his balls are wet.” – Abraham Lincoln
“‘Scuse me while I kiss the sky.” – Heinrich Himmler
“‘Scuse me while I kiss this guy.” – Ernst Röhm
“Does this look infected?” ~ Al Gore
“I’m the king of the world.” – Baraq Obuma
“A man’s gotta know his limitations.” – Sarah Palin
“Human population must be decreased!” ~ James Lee
“You’re welcome.” ~ Montgomery County Police sniper
How about some true quotes that he could have used?
Government is like a baby. An alimentary canal with a big appetite at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other.
— Ronald Reagan
Folk who don’t know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.
— Milton Berle
Recession is when your neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours. And recovery is when Jimmy Carter loses his.
— Ronald Reagan (During 1980 presidential campaign)
Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
— P. J. ORourke
The taxpayers are sending congressmen on expensive trips abroad. It might be worth it except they keep coming back!
— Will Rogers
Government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidise it.
— Ronald Reagan
The difference between golf and government is that in golf you can’t improve your lie.
— George Deukmejian
A tip o’ the hat to plentyobailouts but I think it should have read….I did not have sex with that woman — Janet Reno
“You’re excited?!? Feel these nipples!!!” – Harry Reid after passage of Obamacare
“Your name is Toby.” – Robert Byrd upon meeting Obama
or how about…
“I did not have sex with that woman.” – Barney Frank
“Guilty as sin and free as a bird” – take your pick
“Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach him how to scam the welfare system and he eats free for a lifetime” Josef Obama
“I must break you.” – Obama
“Go for it.” – Jan Brewer
You know what’s gonna be popular in 2013? Small matching lawn statues of Obama holding a lantern.
“Japanese submarine slammed two torpedoes into our side, Chief. We was comin’ back from the island of Tinian to Leyte… just delivered the bomb. The Hiroshima bomb. Eleven hundred men went into the water. Vessel went down in 12 minutes. Didn’t see the first shark for about a half an hour. Tiger. 13-footer. You know how you know that when you’re in the water, Chief? You tell by looking from the dorsal to the tail. What we didn’t know, was our bomb mission had been so secret, no distress signal had been sent. They didn’t even list us overdue for a week. Very first light, Chief, sharks come cruisin’, so we formed ourselves into tight groups. You know, it was kinda like old squares in the battle like you see in the calendar named “The Battle of Waterloo” and the idea was: shark comes to the nearest man, that man he starts poundin’ and hollerin’ and screamin’ and sometimes the shark go away… but sometimes he wouldn’t go away. Sometimes that shark he looks right into ya. Right into your eyes. And, you know, the thing about a shark… he’s got lifeless eyes. Black eyes. Like a doll’s eyes. When he comes at ya, doesn’t seem to be living… until he bites ya, and those black eyes roll over white and then… ah then you hear that terrible high-pitched screamin’. The ocean turns red, and despite all the poundin’ and the hollerin’, they all come in and they… rip you to pieces. You know by the end of that first dawn, lost a hundred men. I don’t know how many sharks, maybe a thousand. I know how many men, they averaged six an hour. On Thursday morning, Chief, I bumped into a friend of mine, Herbie Robinson from Cleveland. Baseball player. Boatswain’s mate. I thought he was asleep. I reached over to wake him up. Bobbed up, down in the water just like a kinda top. Upended. Well, he’d been bitten in half below the waist. Noon, the fifth day, Mr. Hooper, a Lockheed Ventura saw us. He swung in low and he saw us… he was a young pilot, a lot younger than Mr. Hooper. Anyway, he saw us and he come in low and three hours later a big fat PBY comes down and starts to pick us up. You know that was the time I was most frightened… waitin’ for my turn. I’ll never put on a lifejacket again. So, eleven hundred men went in the water; 316 men come out and the sharks took the rest, June the 29th, 1945. Anyway, we delivered the bomb.”
– Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
“What we have here. . .is failure to commun’cate.” – Abraham Lincoln
“Did you hear that! That was my head! I’m so wasted!!” – George Washington
“Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.” – Robert Gibbs’ Dad
I did not have sex with that woman, Ms. Lewinski – Designer of the Chevy Volt when asked to explain himself.
Hilarious as always. And Jimmy Carter’s mother was Miss Lillian, you young thing.
“Why don’t you just lie there and bleed awhile before you taste some real pain.” – Ronald Reagan to Walter Mondale, November 1984