Robots and Cops

Some people are raising money to put up a Robocop statue in Detroit. This is awesome idea. Some people are against it, but I don’t know why. What exactly does Detroit have going for it right now? It’s city motto is, “Get out while you still can!” And the sign at the city limit says, “Now leaving Detroit. Don’t look back or you’ll turn into a pillar of salt.” Right now it’s an awful hellhole of a city, but with a Robocop statue it would be an awful hellhole of a city plus an awesome Robocop statue. And maybe the statue could be robotic and automatically point its gun at anyone who comes near while yelling, “Freeze, dirtbag!”

So how are we on designing actual robot cops? Robots have mastered vacuuming, but I don’t know if they’re up to police work yet. Still, robot cops would sure make the show Cops more interesting (is that still on the air?). And as Batman observed, criminals are a cowardly, superstitious lot, so maybe our robot cops should also be bats. And so they don’t have to keep coming back to the police station to charge, maybe they can power themselves by eating human faces. Little robot bats that eat human faces — now there’s the way to a crime-free futuristic utopia.

18 Comments

  1. “Still, robot cops would sure make the show Cops more interesting… ”

    Sorry, I can’t watch Cops. In most cases, I find myself rooting for the shirtless, toothless drunk guy rather than the cops who are more concerned with exerting authority and “taking control of the situation” than ever exercising the option of leaving those things alone that really don’t need cop interference.

  2. Yes, Cops is still on the air and why aren’t you watching it?

    Son of Bob, most of the cops on Cops seem like decent blokes. The worst cases of interference by law enforcement are never televised. No, Janet Reno would smash the cameras like an angry baseball manager.

  3. This could start a whole new avenue for tourism in Detroit – catering to the sci-fi fan convention crowd. They will soon have the Robocop statue and they already have the genuine post-apocalyptic scenery. Toss up a few street signs like “Forbidden Zone Parkway” and “Zombie Crossing” and you’ve practically got yourself a geek tractor beam.

  4. I still watch Cops. In fact, I’ll watch pretty much anything in which the perp goes to jail at the end. For great justice! I say. Robot cops and the bonus show might be good or bad. It all depends on who writes the requirements for said robot programming. We might get cool face eating robots, or we could get dull Miranda rights reading robots.

  5. The sheeple of detroit do not want anything they cannot smoke or hock.

    Even robocops would run out of ammo.

    I understand they have erected the staue 3 times, but it leaves while it still can.

  6. Scary Evil Monkey volunteers to eet deh eyeballz uv teh stoopid neokon heelbillee JOOOS an turn deh eyeballz intoo poo
    an fling it at teh rest uv dem stoopid neokon heelbillee JOOOS.

    As to the RoboCop statue, “I’d buy that for a dollar!”

  7. I think the kindest thing we can do to Detroit is nuke it. Sure, the Canadians across the lake will moan and groan about “radioactive fallout” and the intense blast of heat coming across the lake. What crybabies!

    Nuke The Motown!

  8. Little robot bats that eat human faces …

    With AXES!!!

    “Freeze or I’ll chop your head off! Then I’ll Bite you and turn you into a vampire! Then I’ll eat your face off!”

    Win The Future, baby, Win The Future!

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