As Frank noted earlier today:
It’s kind of exciting to think of what crazy, desperate things Obama will do as we get closer to November.
Being a certified Moon-Nukin’ excitement-junkie, I can agree with Frank about the high thrill quotient on this activity:
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1) Televised addresses to the nation will feature an effeminate bandleader sidekick and a pause for a hilarious Top 10 List.
2) A $3 donation not only gets you a chance to have dinner with the President, you also get a free “Joe Biden’s Hilarious Uncensored Bloopers” DVD.
3) At the Daytona Coke Zero 400, NASCAR fans will be aghast as Obama’s #2012 car bursts into flame at the starting line, as Chevy Volts are wont to do.
4) During Rose Garden appearance, performs a series of MindFreaking illusions with Criss Angel. Ends up hospitalized after the “Cutting the Deficit in Half” trick goes tragically awry.
5) Briefly manages to keep up with the Kardashians, but eventually runs out of antibiotics.
6) Learns to play bongos, occupies White House.
7) Announces that Seal Team Six has tracked down, shot, and dumped into the sea the REAL killer of Nicole Brown Simpson.
8) After Obama misses a morning security briefing, an extended search of the West Wing turns up only a worn-down rock-hammer and a poster of Raquel Welch.
9) Blames Bush for authorizing “unilateral” invasion of Canada, issues formal apology, and announces the immediate withdrawal of all Wallendas.
10) Accompanied by his two robot pals, Obama begins sitting in the front row during every Romney appearance and riffing his way through Mitt’s speeches.
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Two predictions for the Democrat Convention: Obama will sing Al Green again, and Christina Aguilera will be the first to turn her chair around.
Make offer to Democrats that if they vote absentee early they will get, absolutely free, a second ballot to use.
Get a lifesize cutout of Rachel Phelps and with each district he wins he will remove part of her clothing.
Obama’s way too uncool to MST3K a Romney speech.
Notice how I avoided racism there by calling him uncool.
Uses “human microphones” for his acceptance speech at the Democrat convention; asks delegates to respond to his speech with
“up twinkles” and “down twinkles”.
Picks Keith Olbermann as his VP candidate, after Rosie O’Donnell, Ed Schultz, and Janeane Garofalo turn him down.
Obama’s strategy is divide and conquer. He’s seeking the college student demographic with Occupy. He’s gone after blacks with the Zimmerman affair. He’s gone after women with the “war on women.” He’s gone after gays with the: “my best friend is gay and I’m just going leave it at that…” speech. He’s gone after Hispanics with the “we’re not going to deport you!” decision.
What’s left? Well, there’s the Brony crowd. He might make a speech agreeing that if a man wants to wear a unicorn-horn and prance around in diaphanous lingerie, that’s entirely his prerogative. Obama might go after the Mantyhose demographic by showing up for a speech showing off a sleek pair of Legs@trade;. He could go after
the Pentecostals if only he’d wrap a rattle-snake around his neck.
Oh if only he’d wrap a rattlesnake around his neck! He could go after the pot-heads by doing a spot with Cheech & Chong, promising a grow-lamp in every garage and a bag of Cheetos in every cupboard. Obama could go after the serial killer and/or rapist crowd by holding some kind of raffle contest with the winner flown first-class to a big Occupy gathering, and equipped with a bottle of vodka and a generous supply of roofies.
@Iowa Jim: Oooooo, that’s rich. How about if he goes the full route and replaces TOTUS with two people who shout at him what he’s supposed to say?
Maybe our president should take up the violin. He could “fiddle while the US burns”. There a precedent for that and he’s a lawyer so they like that kind of thing.
He could learn a new song.
Burmashave –
Excellent idea! Wish I’d thought of it myself!
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# 4 is currently preparing it’s speech for it’s hall of fame induction.