New York’s Mayor Bloomberg explained that his proposed large soda ban isn’t “taking away anybody’s right to do things, we’re simply forcing you to understand” what’s better for you.
Say… didn’t a British King try that with us once?
Archive of entries posted on 5th June 2012
Who Is the Oldest Moon Nuker?
In response to Frank [Happy Birthday Week!] confessing that he’s but a wet-behind-the-ears pup born in 1979, Moon Nuker 4of7 [High Praise!] asks:
Who is the oldest Moon Nuker?
Not by age, but by the number of Presidents you’ve lived under?
I’ll start: Eisenhower, Kennedy, Johnson, Nixon, Nixon, Ford, Carter, Reagan, Reagan, Bush, Clinton, Clinton, Bush, Bush, and the current occupant.
I can’t compete with that. I didn’t pop out until Johnson. My mom says I used to cry a lot back in those days. Probably because we had a Democrat President.
What about you guys?
UPDATE: While we’re at it, who’s the youngest pup in this here pound?
Wisconsin Election Open and (Hopefully) Gloating Thread
Apparently a win in Wisconsin will lead to the complete destruction of the Democrat Party… at least from how they’re acting about it. I mean, if they don’t have unions to forcefully take money from people for fundraising, what will they do?
UPDATE:
Despite exit polls being close, NBC is already calling it for Walker.
Begin gloating.
I’m sure glad the unions spent all that money for this big public effort to reaffirm what a great governor Walker is.
I Understand Obama Was Gravely Disappointed After Opening This Up
Bonus Link of the Day: Does Time Have the Guts to Run This Cover of Elizabeth Warren?
[High Praise! to Irritable Pundit]
I wonder if this was partly inspired by the Land-O-Lakes butter squaw?:
[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]
Link of the Day: The Wisconsin Recall Election for Dummies
[High Praise! to Keln]
You’ve been hearing a lot about the Wisconsin recall election, but what’s it all about? Keln explains it in terms so simple even a chanting hippy could understand it. If he didn’t have his fingers stuffed in his ears:
NOTE: I’m having a little difficulty with the direct link in Firefox. If you’re having a similar problem, go to the main page and scroll down to the June 4th entry.
[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]
Democrats Accuse GOP of Voter Rights Violations in Wisconsin
MILWAUKEE (AP) – As voting proceeds in the contentious Wisconsin recall elections, members of the Milwaukee Democratic Party claim that Republican “poll watchers” are interfering with dead people’s right to vote.
Milwaukee County Dem Chair Sachin Chheda said that Walker supporters can’t get through the day without “cheating.”
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“This latest lowlife sleaze comes on the heels of countless reports from around the state of various Republican dirty tricks on behalf of Walker,” Chheda said in a statement. “For instance, reports surfaced last weekend that Walker supporters are paying gravediggers to post Walker signs on fresh plots.”
“Even worse,” Chheda continued, “there are numerous accounts of so-called Republican ‘poll-watchers’ refusing to allow people to vote simply because they happened to be Metabolically-Challenged. That sort of blatant discrimination is simply unacceptable in a city less than 100 miles from Chicago, the birthplace of the Deceased-American Rights movement.”
“Besides,” concluded Chheda, “a lot of these voters aren’t really ‘dead-dead’. We have a large Norwegian population in this area, and many of them are simply pining for the fjords.”
A state GOP source dismissed the accusations, saying it was expected from Democrats who have made voter suppression claims part of their playbook.
“That’s just what they do, they’re simply setting the stage for a close election,” the source said. “The story doesn’t exist until they provide evidence. My grandmother’s been dead for 20 years, and she voted just fine. Although she voted for Joe McCarthy. Seems her dirt nap didn’t help her senility any.”
“Also,” continued the source, “These voters are NOT pining! They’ve passed on! These voters are no more! They have ceased to be! They’ve expired and gone to meet their maker! They’re stiffs! Bereft of life! They rest in peace! If Democrats hadn’t dragged them to the voting booth, they’d be pushing up the daisies! Their metabolic processes are now history! They’re off the twig! They’ve kicked the bucket, they’ve shuffled off their mortal coils, run down the curtain and joined the bleeding choir invisible!
“These,” concluded the source angrily, “ARE EX-VOTERS!”
Meanwhile, State Sen. Lena Taylor, D-Milwaukee, sent a letter to Government Accountability Board Director Kevin Kennedy asking for an investigation into the alleged suppressive activities, explaining that the Republicans “most likely stunned the voters just as they were waking up.”
“Norwegians stun easily,” said Taylor, “everybody knows that.”
[Ace IMAO Reporter Larsinkima [High Praise!] contributed to this story.]
lolfrank!
As part of Frank J Birthday Week here at IMAO, the regularly-scheduled lolterizt! round-up will be postponed until next week in order to bring you this special edition of lolfrank!
NOTE TO READERS: Hovering your mouse over the picture activates closed captioning for the l33t-speak/txtmsg impaired.
From Arik:
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From Arik:
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From Arik:
From Arik:
[The reference is at 1:52, but the whole video’s worth a watch]
From Arik:
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From Arik:
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From Arik:
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From Arik:
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From Arik:
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From Arik:
From Les of Brick Moon:
From Mark:
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From Mxymaster:
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From Travelwise42:
Bonus video from Storm1911, who thinks the driver/pilot looks like Frank J. (before the rhinoplasty):
Once again, the uncaptioned lolterizt! picture for you to play with for next week:
And an uncaptioned lolbama for 2 weeks hence [High Praise! to silaS marreD]:
Toss-up between Arik for knowing way too many Weird Al songs, and Mxymaster for watching too much Saturday morning TV in the 70’s.
What say you?
PRODUCTION NOTES:
#1: When creating lolbama! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.
#2: Standard image size for these posts is 350px wide by whatever high. If you can have your images 350px wide before you caption them, I won’t end up shrinking your captions into illegibility when I re-size the images.
MAKE YOUR OWN: The free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.
STYLE NOTE: Short captions are usually better. Your goal is 10 words or less, with humor value tending to increase exponentially as the number of words approaches 1.
Send your submissions to lolterizt@gmail.com and – if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad – I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.
Wisdom of the Day: For Health
From Philip Klein:
Is it too much of an inconvenience for people to eat 10 White Castles rather than one Whopper in the name of health?
Less Than 24 Hours to Go, Obama Finally Picks a Candidate in Wisconsin Recall
At 4pm yesterday:
“It’s Election Day in Wisconsin tomorrow, and I’m standing by Tom Barrett. He’d make an outstanding governor.”
As an alternative to getting an endorsement from Obama, I think I’d rather be kissed by Don Corleone.
Remembrance of My Life: The Moon
I remember as a child looking up at the night sky with my father beside me. I pointed up at the moon and said, “Look at that? Why does it mock us so?”
“No one knows,” my father answered, “We planted a flag upon it, but it still shows no obedience.”
I looked up at the terrible glowing rock. “I think it’s threatening us.”
“Perhaps so.”
“Then why don’t we do anything about it?”
My father thought a moment. “Because of the Democrats. They want us to appease the moon. And appease the Soviets. And they will use that weakness against us. Perhaps the moon and the Soviets might team up and attack us together. I don’t know if we’re prepared for lunar Commies.”
“Well, I won’t appease them or the moon.” I glared up at our natural satellite. “One day I will do something to the moon to show that we dominate it and that we fear nothing!”
My father patted me on the head. “Ha. You are stupid and a child. Now let us do our nightly preparation for a Commie invasion and then watch Family Ties.”
Today, the moon still mocks us. Every night, Buttercup points up at the sky and says, “Moon!”
And I say to her, “Yes, I know. It frightens me too. But one day… one day we will show it.” No matter how dark things get in our nation’s problems, we must never forget the threat of the moon. And one day still we will do something about it.
Nuke the News: Coming Up with an Attack
* It’s the Wisconsin recall election today. Scott Walker is expected to win it easily and the once powerful unions are expected to be humiliated (which is on their path to being forgotten). Obama is trying to stay away from this mess to not get the stink of failure on him (he has enough of his own failure to deal with), so all he did was write one tweet in support of the Democrat running against Walker. Yep, that’s all the attention the unions were able to get out of the president: about ten seconds worth. And in the end, this recall should be an expensive effort by the unions that results in a very public affirmation of the governor who is fighting against them. Fun times. Let’s just hope November is this much fun.
* Obama is really struggling to come up with a good line of attack against Romney. They went after the supposed weird stuff like how Romney treated his dog, but that just led to people seeing how much weirder Obama is. They went after Romney’s association with Bain, but that just showed how he actually has business experience unlike Obama. And they went after is record in Massachusetts, which just showed he has a much better record than Obama has. I think they’re going to try the extremist route next, but I just expect that to show how much more out of the mainstream Obama and his friends are. Considering Obama’s record, attacking is the only option they have, but they just have to find a good one. Maybe if they search around they’ll find that Romney once killed someone… but then we’d probably find out that Obama killed and ate someone. Maybe they should start marketing Obama for his comedy opportunities. I’ll certainly miss him for that.
* In Japan, they’re working on special goggles to make cookies look bigger and plain biscuits look tasty to help people lost weight. That seems like the long way around things; can’t they just have the goggles make people look thinner?
* Since I read stuff, I figure I might as well mention what I’m reading so you can be like me. In fiction, I’m reading Darkship Thieves
In non-fiction, I’m reading The Everlasting Man
In video games, I’m still playing Mass Effect 3
Random Thoughts: Predictions of the Future
You hear about the restaurant franchise made by a cabal or rich powerful people? It’s called the Bilderbergs’ Build-A-Burger.
To argue Romney had a bad jobs record in MA is to say that a bad jobs record looks much much better than Obama’s record.
Whatever the future holds for our country, I’m sure it will be nothing anyone predicted. So make sure to predict all the worst case stuff.
For birthday, Five Guys and Thor RiffTrax. Oh yeah.