Archive of entries posted on 26th June 2012

Democrats Are REALLY Hoping You Don’t See This Denny’s Commercial

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This commercial is pure evil, because not only does it celebrate large quantities of delicious food heavily laden with scrumptious fat and/or sugar that are being sold at unreasonably low prices in a quest for unfair profits, it’s also a shameless, in-so-many-words reminder of why every other country on the planet should be groveling at America’s feet, begging forgiveness for their idiot socialist ways:


[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #56,870)

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UPDATE: Linked by I’m a Man, I’m 41.

UPDATE: Linked by Liberal Whoppers

Not Actually a Picture of Obama, Just a Metaphor

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[via Very Demotivational]

You’ve Been Judged!

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Keln of Nuking Politics picked his favorite punchlines to “Obama likes golf SO much…”

Click here to see if you made the cut.

If you did, you should probably email him about becoming a guest blogger there.

If you didn’t, he’s got another straight line for you to practice on.

Keep trying. No one likes a quitter.

Obama Parody Video: The Least Interesting Man in the World

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A companion piece to “The Most Arrogant Man in the World“.


[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #16,597)

Not sure which one I like better. I’d give ’em both a good, solid B+.

Top 10 Reasons Obama Claimed Executive Privilege Instead of Releasing the Fast and Furious Documents

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(A Guest-Post by Jimmy [High Praise! He said he couldn’t write funny stuff except in comments, so I challenged him to write a Top 10 List)
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If you’re like me (even though you’re not), you’re probably still wondering just WHY our President would hide behind Executive Privilege in this Fast and Furious mess. Because of my advanced, multi-disciplined years, I have some special, wise, Irish insight into this – plus, Harvey threatened to excommunicate me from the Brotherhood of Moon Nukering Bacon Eaters if I didn’t try! (Edited w/suggestions from Harvey.)

#10: The Occupy Wall Street protesters will stand by his decision!

#9: The only White House copy machine blew-up. When they tried to fix it, it burnt-up, including the original documents.

#8: Hillary Clinton is involved and the order came down from The First Black President.

#7: Our national image is at stake. Releasing the documents would implicate Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi and Hillary Clinton in unnatural acts.

#6: BO peed on them on the Oval Office floor forcing the President to euthanize him on the White House grill. Pee stains need removing.

#5: Too many invasive species who vote were sent up from Mexico in return for weapons. Let’s get our priorities straight, okay?

#4: The White House garden is infested with tics from China and they’re biting the children. Executive Privilege – for the children!

#3: Michelle has a tic bite on her mouth and now would not be a good time.

#2: Eric Holder started crying at a Cabinet meeting and they ran out of tissues. Now the documents are too tear-stained to read.

and the number one reason Obama claimed Executive Privilege is:

#1: He actually WANTS to hear an answer to the question, “What did the President know, and when did he know it?” since he’s also been wondering that since taking office.
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See? I knew he could do it.

Ok, now everybody chime in and make Jimmy feel bad by leaving the obvious ones that he missed in the comments.

Link of the Day: This WILL Give You Nightmares – US Debt Visualized in $100 Bills

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[High Praise! to Travelwise42]

US Debt Visualized in $100 Bills

I’m assuming the chick in the red dress on the $47 million couch is just another media attempt to distract from the economy during an election year.

The image of Lady Liberty craning her neck upwards at the stacks of cash will push Red Dress straight out of your head, though.

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

lolterizt! Part 160

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ANNOUNCEMENT: I’m putting lolterizt! on indefinite hiatus and promoting lolbama! to a weekly feature. Figure we’ve only got a few more months to kick the bozo around, and we might as well kick while the kickin’s good.
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This week terrorists, next week That One. Submit your entries to lolterizt@gmail.com

Meanwhile, pass ’em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don’t be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.

NOTE TO READERS: Hovering your mouse over the picture activates closed captioning for the l33t-speak/txtmsg impaired.


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My favorites from the submissions using last edition’s uncaptioned picture:

From Arik:

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From Arik:

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From DamnCat:

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From Travelwise42:

An uncaptioned lolbama! picture for you to play with:

I’m saying DamnCat for his encyclopedic knowledge of Negro spirituals.

What say you?

PRODUCTION NOTES:
#1: When creating lolterizt! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.

#2: Standard image size for these posts is 350px wide by whatever high. If you can have your images 350px wide before you caption them, I won’t end up shrinking your captions into illegibility when I re-size the images.

MAKE YOUR OWN: The free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.

STYLE NOTE: Short captions are usually better. Your goal is 10 words or less, with humor value tending to increase exponentially as the number of words approaches 1.

HAT TIP: Brian of Snapped Shot‘s magnificent EvilFeed – the world’s best source for ripe-for-captioning terrorist photos.

Send your submissions to lolterizt@gmail.com and – if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad – I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.

Wisdom of the Day: Racism Sorkin Petting Hitler

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From Orwell Force:

I can’t believe racism has gotten so out of control in this country that there are actually people that disagree with me politically.

From Josh Weinstein:

Hey, Supreme Court, if I wanted a bunch of opinions dumped on me all at once I’d watch an Aaron Sorkin show.

From lauren ashley bishop:

i wish there was a petting zoo just for fat dogs called heavy petting

From Damien Fahey:

I worry that guys who hold elevator doors open to finish conversations are going to be late for their Worse Than Hitler award ceremonies.

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UPDATE: Linked by Tai-Chi Policy

Straight Line of the Day: Obama Walks Into a Bar

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Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

President Obama walks into a bar…

Feel free to adjust who’s walking into the bar for your own convenience. For example, Hunter of Atomic Monkey Action Squad sent me this:
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Two Obama Czars walk into a bar.

The bartender says “Hey, we don’t serve Obama Czars here!”

The standing ovation and cheers don’t start to wane until after five full minutes, only to immediately resurge after several patrons yell out offers to buy rounds for everyone except the two Czars, who have long since fled. Years later, many people will look back on that night as one of the finest in their lives, and in fact several large families are able to trace their parents’ initial hook-up to that very event.

New Advanced Hole-Making Technology

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Every day we constantly need to put holes in things. Paper, plastics, wild animals — the things needing holes are endless. You could spend your whole day running up to things and putting holes in them. And some things that need holes in them, like criminals, are dangerous to get near. Well, what if I told you that there was a new technology that can not only quickly and easily makes holes in anything but can also do so at a distance? It sounds too good to be true, but it’s not. Let me introduce The Gun™.

It makes holes!

With it’s patented long-distance, hole-punching technology, The Gun™ can make holes in anything you want and at a distance. You can sit comfortably in your chair and put holes in cloth, metal, badgers, and Communists from a safe distance. And it can make any size hole you want such as standard sizes like .45 inches or metric sizes like 9mm.

But what if you need lots of holes in something and you need them all made quickly? Then check out the new semi-automatic The Gun™ which can make holes in rapid succession.

Lots of holes quickly!

But let’s say the thing you need a hole in is very far away such as a hundred yards away or more. I guess you’ll still have to drive over to it to make a hole. Wrong! The Gun™ also has a special extra long distance version. You can make a hole in anything up to a mile away.

Extra long distance hole making action!

So stop running up to things and putting holes in them with a knife like a fool. Buy yourself The Gun™ today and sit back and relax and let The Gun™ do all the hole-making work.

The Gun™: It makes holes!

Simple Green Job Rorschach Test

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[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #302,046)

So… using an excavator to drag some plastic thing around in circles, while a couple guys ride said plastic thing like some sort of weird combination jet-ski & dune-buggy.

This appears to have taken place in Russia, and Russians are crazy, so no explanation necessary beyond that.

BUT…

If this had taken place in America, would this have counted as a green job?

I’m going to say yes, because it involved creating something – specifically, “fun” – using the friction and inertia of naturally-occurring ocean water.

UPDATE: per Jeremy in the comments, these are Poles. I had no idea they were as crazy as Russians.

Nothing Is Happening Until Thursday

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So the Supreme Court decision on Obamacare comes Thursday, so it’s kinds of pointless to talk about anything political until that meteor hits. Still, I need to blog about something or Harvey will yell at me. I guess we can plan on gloating if Obamacare is overturned. I was just going to be really obnoxious online, but then I was thinking that maybe some of the left will be so depressed they’ll turn off their computers and curl up in bed and weep quietly. So we’re going to have to find where those liberals live, knock on their doors, and then gloat to their faces about how they destroyed their Democrat majority over a bill that got struck down as unconstitutional. I’m also working on my gloating dance. I want it to be really obnoxious-looking and annoying. I’ll probably have some robot moves in it.

Man, if Obamacare gets struck down, it will be like Christmas. But better than Christmas. It’s like a Christmas where a little boy squeals with glee at getting the exact toy he wanted. But you hate that little boy so much because he’s a super annoying obnoxious goober, and now you get to smash that toy in front of him while he cries and sobs and you laugh and laugh and laugh.

We’ll have to make it a national holiday. Make the Left Weep Day or something.

How Obama Thinks Jobs Are Created

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According to a report by the National Renewable Energy Laboratory, Obama spent $9 BILLION of “green jobs” stimulus money to create a whopping total of 910 jobs.

Remember back when a “job” was something business-owners created to help MAKE money?

Random Thoughts: Waiting for Thursday

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Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday get out of the way I don’t care about you now!

This pontification goes over the head of the average citizen who would just look at the Constitution and say, “I don’t see that in there.”

Just found out that my super quiet new office computer has a solid state hard drive. And now I’m worried it thinks it’s better than me.

Scholars have all their precedent saying why Obamacare should be upheld; there’s just the stupid text of the Constitution still in the way.

What are we going to gloat about until Thursday?

Remember when Al Gore tried to steal the election? Instead of exile as punishment, Dubya kept him around to be his dancing fool.

I don’t get the worry about money in politics. Even with $80 billion, they couldn’t convince me to vote Obama. Unless they gave it to me.

Actually, I’ll sell my vote on Obama for $50. I’m in Idaho; it won’t matter.

So the president took away knives and forks from Latinos at a luncheon with him? Isn’t he afraid they’d just sharpen spoons?

One of the greatest tragedies from guns is how few people know how to properly throw a knife anymore.

My knowledge of Sorkin is that I really liked The Social Network and that Sports Night got good when it got less preachy.

A lot of Sorkin’s schtick seems to be about portraying a macho liberal. Only in fiction.