Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
President Obama walks into a bar…
Feel free to adjust who’s walking into the bar for your own convenience. For example, Hunter of Atomic Monkey Action Squad sent me this:
______________
Two Obama Czars walk into a bar.
The bartender says “Hey, we don’t serve Obama Czars here!”
The standing ovation and cheers don’t start to wane until after five full minutes, only to immediately resurge after several patrons yell out offers to buy rounds for everyone except the two Czars, who have long since fled. Years later, many people will look back on that night as one of the finest in their lives, and in fact several large families are able to trace their parents’ initial hook-up to that very event.
You’d think the second one would have ducked after the first hit it.
The first orders whiskey for the house, the second orders beer for the house. After the bartender finishes serving they tell him he has to pay for it as his fair share.
President Obama walks into a bar and orders a beer.
“Can I see some ID?” says the bartender.
“I’m the president!” says Obama. “Don’t you recognize me?”
“That’s nice,” says the bartender. “But I need to see some ID. This is a bar, not a polling place.”
-ls/cm
Two Obama Czars walk into a bar and order a couple of beers. They looked so down that the bar maid asked them what was the matter.
“Everyone thinks we’re idiots and don’t know what we’re doing!” said one.
“If only people would realize how super smart we really are!” said the other.
“Oh,” said the bar maid, “You guys have a lot of ‘book learning’ but need to get smarter on how the real world works. I just might have something to help you.”
“What is it?” they asked.
“Smart pills,” she replied. “I have some in the back and I’ll let you have some if you want.”
“Sure!”
So she went into the back and came out with a paper cup. In the cup were about a dozen dark little pellets which she offered to the Czars.
“Start off with one each,” she said.
They took one, swallowed them and chased them with a sip of beer.
“Feeling any smarter?” She asked.
“Not really.”
“Try another one.” she prompted and they again took and swallowed a pellet.
“Well?” she again asked.
“Nope” they replied.
“Well, keep going until they kick in.”
After the fifth pellet the one Czar smacks his lips and says, “You know what? These smart pills kinda taste like rat turds.”
“Ah,” she cried, “NOW you’re getting smarter!”
Obama walks into a bar and compliments the owner for creating jobs.
Two weeks later the bar closes and it’s owner files for bankruptcy.
President Obama walks into a bar and everyone gets up and leaves. I would.
Doh! I’m a doofus. I’ve been doing the “two Czars” instead of the president. OK, how about this one:
The President walks into a bar and orders an appletini. The bartender sees him and realizes that as long as he’s in the bar no one else would come in but realizes that he just can’t tell him to leave. Instead, he says, “Sure, that’ll be $75.”
“What?” asked Barry, “$75 for an appletini? That’s kinda steep isn’t it?”
“That’s what it costs.” said the bartender.
“Well,” said Obie, “the taxpayers are paying anyway…set me up.”
Grudgingly, the bartender mixed the drink and set it in front of the President. As the President sipped his drink the bartender started to feel a bit of a jerk so he figured he’s share some small talk.
“So,” said the bartender, “I’ve never seen you in here before.”
“And you probably won’t again at these prices!”
@Formerhostage
Obama walks into a bar and orders an Appletini. That will be $700 billion dollars says the bartender.
At these prices.. Obama says…. Give me one for Moochelle too.
…cause that’s what happens when you keep lowering it.
PresidentObama walks into a bar, bartender says: “Hey, you’re that f’ing guy who came in after Bush and ran the tab up to twice his and then said you had no money, I’m calling the cops!”He is rushed to the hospital with major head trauma. The ER doctor refuses to see him as Obama Care is Unconstitutional.
9. blarg
FTW!!!
The occupant walks into a bar, bit its okay he’s wearing his bucket.
The occupant walks into a bar, where the police act stupidly.
The occupant walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder with a dejected look, The bartender asks; “Whats wrong?”, the parrot says, “All I asked for was half a cracker!”
Obama Walks Into a Bar … because he was reading his teleprompter.
PresidentObama walks into a bar, and says to the bartender, “Give me six double vodkas.”The bartender says, “Wow, you must have had one hell of a day.”
“Yeah, I just found out my oldest son, who looks like Trayvon, is gay.”
The next day,
PresidentObama comes into the bar and asks for six more double vodkas. When the bartender asks what’s wrong, the man says, “I just found out that my youngest son,who also looks like Trayvon, is gay, too!”On the third day,
PresidentObama comes into the bar and orders another six double vodkas. The bartender says, “Jesus! Doesn’t anybody in your family like women?”The man downs the first drink and shakes his head, “Yeah, my wife, who looks like a Klingon !”
Obama walks into a bar….and is never seen or heard from again.
The End
God, how I love happy endings!
Obama walks into a bar and got a concussion. Mitt used the door and got a beer.
PresidentObama walks into a bar, orders 12 trillion shots and starts drinking them as fast as he can.The bartender asks, “Dang, why are you drinking so fast?”
PresidentObama says, “You would be drinking fast, too, if you had what I had.”The bartender asks, “What do you have?”
PresidentObama says, “75 cents.”Obama walks into a bar (bang!) and, for the in his adult life, he can legitimately use ‘my head’ and ‘smarts’ in the same sentence.
A nun, a priest, an Irishman, a Scotsman, a rabbi and a blonde and
PresidentObama walk into a bar.The bartender looks at them and asks, “Is this some kind of joke?”
@blarg = awesome!
@plentyobailouts = half a cracker, oh man that’s a good one!
Obama walks into a bar…and Jay Carney immediately makes a statement that it was the bar that walked into Obama.
PresidentObama walks into a bar, bartender says: “Hey, you’re the food stamp president, we don’t take food stamps.”PresidentObama walks into a bar with three of his administration “pals.” Combined, the three pals order:* An Irish Car Bomb
* A Bloody Mary
* A Duck Fart
Who are his “pals?”
President Obama walks into a bar and says to the bartender, “I want a 12-year-old scotch, and don’t try to fool me because I can tell the difference.”
The bartender is skeptical and decides to try to trick the president with a 5-year-old scotch. The president takes a sip, scowls, and says, “Hey bartender! This crap is 5-year-old scotch.I told you that I wanted a 12-year-old.”
The bartender won’t give up and tries once more, this time with an 8-year-old scotch. The president takes a sip, grimaces, and says, “Bartender, I do not want 8-year-old scotch like this filth. Give me a 12-year-old scotch or I’ll leave!”
Impressed, the bartender gives him the 12-year-old scotch on the house. The president takes a sip and sighs, “Ah, now that’s the real thing.”
Vice President Biden, who is stinking drunk has been watching all this with great interest. He stumbles over and sets a glass down in front of the president and says, “Hey, I think that’s really a big effing deal what you can do. Try this one.”
The president takes a sip and immediately spits out the liquid and cries, “Yechhh! This stuff tastes like piss!”
The vice president’s eyes light up and he says, “So how old am I?”
PresidentObama and a Cambridge cop walk into a bar and order a beer, hot blond bartender says ” ok, but no acting stupidly.”The next day:
BOSTON — A popular eastern Massachusetts
coffee chainbar known for its bubbly, attractive teenage staff is facing a federal discrimination investigation.The president walks into a bar and orders one shot. Then he looks into his shirt pocket and orders another shot. After he finishes, he looks into his shirt pocket again and orders another shot. The bartender is curious and asks him, “Every time you order a shot, you look in your shirt pocket. Why?” The president replies, “I have a picture of my wife in my pocket and when she starts to look good, I go home.”
Obama and a horse walk into a bar.
The bartender looks at the horse and says “why the long face?”
Obama says “Ms. Parker’s just sad because Anna Wintour raised more money than she did.”
Obama walks into a bar,
The bartender says “hey Mr. President, do you want the government special”
Obama says “What’s the government special?”
Bartender “You order a beer, everyone else pays for champaign and I serve you some warm horsepiss”
Obama walks into a bar with his entire cabinet who all sit down at the biggest table in the place. Obama goes to the bar orders 3 beers, 2 white wines, 1 gin & tonic, 4 shots of whiskey and a coke. The bartender says “You want a tray with all that?” Obama replies “No thanks, I have enough to carry as it is.”
And all of the jobs flee, screaming in terror.
ETA if Michelle is there too, the bartender hides the bar nuts.
PresidentObama walks into a bar and the bartender says “Hey, you look like the guy who ate a dog, GTFO!!Joe Biden walks into a bra …because he’s Joe Biden -God love him.
/ I swear -the words ‘first time’ was there when I hit preview in my previous comment.
President Obama walks into a BAR… because there’s no way he could pass it.
President for United States Obama and Latvian fishmonger walk in bar. Each is carry dog and salami. Eat salami first.
President for United States Obama walk in bar and give my Babushka rubber crutch. Obama has so funny joke! She fall and break hip and roll into Potomac river. But HA! Joke on you Obama! She not dying! She live many year and become great drain on family resource.
While campaining for her…President Obama and Elizabeth Warren walk into a bar and sat down for a couple of beers. A few minutes later, a secret service agent walked in and said,
“Who owns the big black dog outside?”
“I do”, President Obama replied. “Why?”
The agent replied, “You better take care of him. He¹s almost dead from the heat.”
The president and Elizabeth Warren rushed outside and found Bo leaning against a fire hydrent, panting. They got him some water and soon he was looking better, but he was still panting.
The president said, “Elizabeth, run around Bo as fast as you can and see if the breeze makes him feel any better.
Elizabeth replied, “Sure, Mr. President,” and began running around and around Bo as fast as she could. The president returned to the bar to finish his beer.
A few minutes later, another secret service agent came into the bar and asked, “Who owns that big black dog outside?”
“I do,” the president said, “What’s wrong with him this time?”
“Nothin’,” the agent said, “But you left your Injun runnin’.”
Obama walks into a Boston bar and says. “Thank you for Youkilis.”
The crowd boos.
You can’t make this shit up!
End of joke. Nothing else is needed to make it funny.
President Obama walks into a bar and starts drinking heavily. November is only about 4 months away, and he already knows he’s losing the election.
Not funny, but I smiled.
I missed an obvious follow-up:
Bill Clinton intentionally walks into a bra …because he’s Bill Clinton *giggity*
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