Archive of entries posted on 21st June 2012

Is This the Most Delusional Fantasy Ever Uttered by a Democrat?

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If not, it comes close.

First, this quote via CNN:

On Sunday, April 29, it will be exactly three years since the U.S. Senate passed a budget.

Now Democrat Senator Claire McCaskill:


[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #36,803)

“This is Fox News and a talking point by the political right that we haven’t passed a budget. We not only passed one, for the first time it’s in law, signed by the President, and we must follow it, and it is bringing down spending and it is bringing down the number of federal employees.”

And it created jobs! And electric cars! And every house is powered by windmills! And healthcare is free! And Social Security is solvent forever! Rainbows! Unicorns! And magic talking frogs with funny little hats!

Ya know, I used to wonder what strange world these liberals come from, but now I’m thinking I may have found their particular cross-dimensional opposite-land:


[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #419,145)

Government Nightmare – What if the Obama Administration Made Tents?

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Saw this at There, I Fixed It:


[Vimeo direct link]

I love this thing. It’s like poetry in tent form. It has a geodesic frame which you spend about 60 seconds pumping up, and it automatically pulls the rest of the tent into shape. No fiddling with tent poles.

Sure beats this mess.

Which puts me in mind of Romney comparing the cumbersome 33-page government change-of-address form to the simplicity of the Wawa touch-screen ordering system.

So, if the Obama administration were to “create a better tent for all Americans”, how would that work out, exactly?

I speculate thusly:
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1) Give design contract to deserving minority (at least 1/32 Native American)

2) Prop up company with $500 million loan guarantee

3) Slight delay for bankruptcy proceedings.

4) Give contract to second company, brag about jobs created by “innovative public-private partnership”.

5) Reject original design as “not green enough”. Insist tent come equipped with “flexible solar panels”.

6) Arrange second “innovative public-private partnership” with another company to invent flexible solar panels.

7) After flexible solar-panel company goes bankrupt, say “screw the solar panels” and just steal Heimplanet’s inflatable tent design, but make the air-pump battery-powered so that handless people can use it, i.e. American’s with Disabilities Act compliant.

8) Sell the tent for twice what Heimplanet does. Accuse Heimplanet of selling their product at “anti-competitive prices” and “undercutting the market”. Conduct extensive federal investigation that drives Heimplanet into bankruptcy.

9) After a rash of “inexplicable” battery fires, “innovative public-private partnership” company is sued into bankruptcy.

10) Cancel project. Blame Bush
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Maybe Obama Should Try This Simple Technique for Handling Iran

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[High Praise! to Scott Meyer of Basic Instructions]

Considering Iran’s policy on homosexuality is “Don’t Tell or Don’t Live”, I think having Obama shout “I LOVE YOU!! YOU’RE ADORABLE!!” at Ahmadinejad would creep him out sufficiently to make him rethink his nuclear program.

Can’t be any less effective than sanctions.

Video Parody: Obama – The Most Arrogant Man in the World

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If you’re not familiar with the Dos Equis “Most Interesting Man in the World” commercials, watch this:


[YouTube direct link]

Now you can fully enjoy the subtleties and nuances of this Obama-related parody from Never Yet Melted:


[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #106,627)

Link of the Day: Are You Conservative? Are You Funny? Here’s Your Big Break

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[High Praise! to Keln]

Over at Nuking Politics, Keln noticed something that I’ve mentioned before: there’s a dearth of written humor in the right-wing blogosphere.

Well, he intends to do something about it.

He’s actively recruiting new talent to be guest posters and/or co-bloggers at his place.

All you have to do is send him an email with something funny that you wrote and fame and fortune are guaranteed!*

(*not a guarantee)

Wanna Nuke Some Politics?

He’s especially interested in giving a break to you Moon Nukers who sit around making major funny in the comments at IMAO.

Get on stage and grab yourselves a little limelight.

As sort of a self-qualifying “Draw Cubby” humor test, try answering this one:

“Why did Obama cross the road?”

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

We’ve Given Up On Happiness

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So who is the highest paid actress right now? Kristen Stewart — the most gloomy, unpleasant leading woman I have ever seen. If a director ever said, “I really need someone for this role who will instantly cause the audience to want to hit her in the face with a hammer,” then Kristen Stewart would be perfectly cast for that. It’s like as a nation we’ve now given up on joy and happiness. Well, this won’t last forever. America will be a proud and joyful nation again. And vampire will die when they go out in the sun instead of sparkle. This I vow to my children.

Eh, maybe I’m being a little harsh to Kristen Stewart, but I know I have one more Twilight film SarahK is going to drag me to and that is unforgivable.

10 Possible Uses of Executive Privilege

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President Obama is now claiming he doesn’t have to turn over Fast & Furious-related documents to Congress, citing “executive privilege” – sort of a presidential “get out of jail free” card that lets him do anything he wants.

I guess protecting your porch-snoozing watchdog of an Attorney General from the lengthy jail sentence he so richly deserves is a good reason to use it.

But why stop there?

Here’s some other situations he might be able to escape using Executive Privilege
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“Got any jacks? – EXECUTIVE PRIVILEGE!”

1) When accused of providing unaccountable odoriffic elevator flatus

2) Missed a 2-inch putt (previously known as a “Mulligan”)

3) Michelle’s tofu stew? Pfft! Off to Ray’s HellBurger for the Triple Bacon Executive Privilege special.

4) Reporter asks anything besides “After inheriting Bush’s economic mess and turning it into 7 million new jobs, how can you possibly get more awesome?”

5) Can’t figure out how to operate the self-serve touchpad at Wawa’s.

6) Burly Chinese guy with a crooked nose and forearms like hamhocks at the door saying “Mr. Hu requests his money.”

7) Michelle asks “does this dress make me look fat?” and you already shouted “YES!” because you weren’t listening and the Heat just won Game 2.

8) Damn bitter clingers find out you called them bitter clingers.

9) Morning after the bachelor party, and you can’t for the life of you remember where in Vegas you left the groom.

10) Unemployment still not below the 8% you promised your stimulus would never let it rise above.
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Oh, and 57 states, Cominskey Field, Intercontinental Railroad, digging your way out this hole, like the Special Olympics, and corspe-men.

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UPDATE: Linked by YouViewed

UPDATE: Linked by Liberal Whoppers

Wisdom of the Day: Nonbelief Sounds Exhausting

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From Karol:

I stumbled on atheist meeting yest. Dedication to nonbelief is baffling. When I don’t believe something I stay in sweatpants on my couch.

Proof From the Wisconsin Election: NOTHING is Funnier Than a Liberal in Full Pout

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I posted the edited version of this interview of disappointed progressive liberal anarchist Thistle Petterson (aka Vera de Milo aka Pippi Bongstocking) shortly after the Wisconsin elections ended.

Thanks to Jammie Wearing Fool, here’s the full 7-minute interview:


[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #43,700)

I’m not sure why I find this as hilarious as I do. Maybe it’s that petulant kid-denied-candy scowl. Maybe it’s the way her eyes roll up as she scans her bong-watered stream of consciousness for the next stereotypical hippie talking point to trot out (even if it’s not even remotely election-related). Maybe it’s the way spittle flies when she sneers “military-industrial-media complex!”

Maybe all of the above.

But it’s DEFINITELY the way that – when asked what she wants for the future at 3:36 – she describes, utterly sans realization of the irony, EXACTLY how the Tea Party movement sprouted and grew.

Sunny TV – Romney Cushion

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Sunny comes out to endorse Mitt Romney! (one f-bomb warning — but I guess that’s kind of expected from a Romney endorsement)

Pretty Sure You Need This Before You Can Claim Executive Privilege

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Fast and Furious: Too Horrible to Believe?

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So executive privilege! Contempt charges! This would be really, really big news if it weren’t about Democrats.

I think one problem with this Fast and Furious scandal is that it’s just so bad that it’s hard to believe. The average person who doesn’t spend as much attention on these things would hear about Republicans alleging that Obama’s DOJ sold guns to Mexican drug cartels and think, “Well that’s a ridiculous, over the top charge.” Except it’s not a charge; no one is disputing that. It’s so hard to wrap one’s brain around, people keep calling it a “botched” operation even though there is nothing botched about it; selling guns to Mexican drug cartels is exactly what they were planning to do and exactly what they did.

So Republicans want to see certain documents and Obama and Eric Holder don’t want them to see those documents because it would further describe exactly how horrible the Obama DOJ is. So executive privilege — even though Obama claims to have no involvement with Fast and Furious.

Still, strategists are wondering how much Republicans should pursue this as it’s not about jobs but just about negligence leading to hundreds of deaths. Maybe it isn’t the most productive thing to pursue campaign wise, but out of principle I don’t think we should let it go until we at least have Eric Holder’s mustache delivered to us on a platter.

Oh, and of course there are racism charges about all this. I don’t know who is left is so dumb they believe that. If you see Eric Holder and Barack Obama and think anything other than, “What a pair of incompetent buffoons,” then you’re probably a dumb racist.

Random Thoughts: Holder and His Sinister Mustache

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I was looking into buying Diablo III, and Amazon suggested I buy a Norelco shaver along with it. Not sure how to take that.

Time for the GOP to get together a motley crew and obtain those Eric Holder documents through a heist.

Nixon once did something similar.

Holder: “I know what this is about: You think I’m evil because I have a mustache! This is mustache discrimination!”

“The best way to destroy an enemy is to make him a friend. Or fire.” #LincolnVampireHunter

In the new special edition of The Matrix, when Neo says he wants “Guns. Lots of guns,” Eric Holder appears.

My advice for Obama: Do like that Wag the Dog scenario, but fake an alien attack. You have the Hollywood friends to pull it off.

“Executive privilege!” Obama yelled as he snagged the last pork chop.

How is Kristen Stewart the highest paid actress? Couldn’t any other actress do what she does if they just huffed paint?

Earth is a pretty scary planet when you consider how few have ever escaped it alive.

They should put motion sensors in coffins to detect if someone was buried alive. And for zombie apocalypse pre-warnings.

“I’m very interested in what Aaron Sorkin thinks about how broadcast news should be handled.” -someone who should be carefully watched

We sure spend a lot of money over picking a candidate for a job that only pays $400,000 a year.

Have we ever thought of upping the pay for the president to try and attract some higher quality candidates?