SCOTUS ruled that the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act is constitutional. It’s a terrible law, and everyone, including the President, calls it “Obamacare.”

So… what else should be named after him?
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“Unexplained thrills? Maybe it’s Obama Leg Syndrome”

1) The next dinosaur to be discovered in a communist country.

2) That one part of the toilet that never seems to work right and is a huge, messy pain in the ass to fix? I call it the “Obama valve”

3) Any sewage treatment plant that received stimulus funds.

4) Remember how they powered Thunderdome? That fuel should be called “Obamanol”.

5) That little piece of wood the Speaker of the House whacks his gavel on.

6) The next ship taken out of mothballs to be used as a target during wargames. [High Praise! to Ogrrre]

7) When the House re-introduces and re-passes the “Repealing the Job-Killing Health Care Law Act“, just call it the “Obamacare Sucks Act” this time.

8) Any spot on your back that really itches that you just can’t reach that eventually turns into a malignant melanoma.

9) A generic term that encompasses both the liquid and solid contents of a litter box.

10) The act of walking barefoot to the bathroom in the middle of the night without turning on the light and stepping on a stray Lego piece.
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Regardless of what gets named after Obama in the future, rest assured that from now own, every time I say his name, it will be with that distinctive Samuel-L-Jacksonian tone and emphasis that would make a call-screener scramble desperately for the bleep-button out of sheer reflex, subconsciously convinced that I’d just uttered a particularly foul obscenity on the air.

Ok, take 5 seconds to lick your wounds.

Good. Now are you an AmeriCAN or an AmeriCAN’T?

If you’re the former, it’s time to jump into action. This is how I think we should respond.
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“You got a war face? AAAAAAAAAAH! That’s a war face! Now let me see your war face!”

1) Activate the Omega-13

2) Do whatever it is that America did after the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor.

3) Paint our faces blue and choreograph a well-timed kilt-lift.

4) Quick! While Obama’s distractedly cackling and torturing our offspring by shooting lightning out of his fingertips, pick him up and throw him down the shaft!

5) Send a one-word telegram to the White House: “NUTS!” [High Praise! to Burmashave]

6) Who ya gonna call? (I looked it up, the number’s 555-2368)

7) This is not a catastrophe. This is, as J.R.R. Tolkien would say, a eucatastrophe. Roberts may have decided to keep “The Precious,” but we haven’t left Mt. Doom yet.

8) Hey President Jafar – you should wish to be a genie!

9) Screw the Force. Turn the targeting computer back on.

10) Aim to misbehave.
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And for heaven’s sake, whatever you do, don’t start freaking out like some sort of green lieutenant fresh out of the academy:

[Splicd direct link]

UPDATE: If you’re feeling short on inspirational role models for what lies ahead: Legless Man Climbs Mt. Kilimanjaro on Hands