So The Hobbit — which is shorter than any of the individual Lord of the Rings books — was already going to be made into two movies, but Peter Jackson recently announced that there is also going to be a third hobbit movie. So what in the world is that going to be about?
POSSIBLE PLOT LINES FOR THE THIRD HOBBIT MOVIE
* A pipe-weed fueled adventure through Mordor seeking the legendary Castle of White.
* The origin story of Michael Bloomberg.
* Basically just a remake of Willow.
* Hobbits… in space!
* The Lollipop Guild has gone rogue and only Bilbo can stop them.
* Hobbit 3: The Search for Tom Bombadil
* A nature documentary on oliphants narrated by Morgan Freeman.
* A darker grittier reboot of the first hobbit movie.
Pipe-weed is tobacco, you jackass.
I like the Search for Tom Bombadil….kind of a tragedy that those who only know the Lord of the Rings from the movies have no idea who that is.
Maybe it will be a chick flick about independent, modern women hobbits called “Sex in the Shire.”
“The Last Hobbit Hole on the Left”
Gay Hobbits get attacked by giant mud worms with a big tooth. Later, Chick-fil-A opens restaurants in the Shire and there’s a happy ending.
The storyline will center on the mishaps of idiotic Americans who don’t do what John McCain tells them to.
The Hobbit part 3, the blatent cash grab
After his adventure, Bilbo feels as if his life no longer has any meaning. Getting more and more depressed, he just sits in his hole watching daytime TV in the dark. Then, one day he sees a campaign commercial for Barack Obama. He becomes so motivated with Hope and Change that he quits his job checking Dwarves for hernias and works full time for the Obama campaign.
*Flashbacks from the first two movies.
*Gollum- the good years
*Hobbit pron
*A musical
*some sort of reboot that compromises the entire plot of Lord of the Rings.
*Hobbit Buddies
In the 3d movie we get to see the ultimate fight scene between Bilbo and Agent Smith.
The 3d movie will be a pre-quel that explains how Bilbo became fixated on food at the expense of normal social interaction. Lindey Lohan will play his first wife.
“the battle of five armies” will be expanded to “the battle of nine armies” – with new enemies from the harry potter, narnia, and eragon movies, plus the “occupy shire” movement.
The 1st of the trilogy will be edited to show that Gollum shot first.
It’s going to be called “The Knob It” and be rated XXX.
Be glad to here more about Tom Bombadil. Always wanted to vacation at his house, but never really got why he was in the story.
Also thought they covered Bloomberg’s origin cinematically in Scene 1 of Return of the King.
Courtroom drama where Bilbo has to explain to sceptical Sackville-Bagginses where he’s been the past couple of years. Gandlaf cross examins.
Extended scenes of those Elvish wine parties in the woods at night.
“Bilbo Always Rings Twice”
Oh, Hobbits. Those cute stories of the little people from years ago. I’d like to see them tell the story of Dukakis in one of the movies. Some times a happy ending isn’t very happy for the hobbit.
Bilbo, an innocent child-like Hobbit, is stalked by a leather-skinned creepy pederast from Nevada who lures him into a cave and asks, “What have I got in pocket?”
This! Is! The! SHIIIIIRRRRRRE!!!11!!!
More Troll scenes.
An in depth explanation of why Elrond is always sitting around Rivendell dispensing advice and never goes on any adventures himself.
Extended background on the Elven King’s Butler and Jailor.
Additional material to explain why the Master of Laketown is such a jerk.
Love story of Beorn and a pretty Lady Bear and how it ended tragically.
“Extended background on the Elven King’s Butler and Jailor.”
Critter, thats just epic.
The Adventures of Bandobras “BullRoarer” Took.