I expected Obama’s speech to be a little closer to this:
“…the Republican’s attempt on my presidency has left my term scarred, and deformed. But I assure you, my resolve has NEVER been stronger!”
“The remaining Tea Partiers will be hunted down and defeated!
“In order to assure the security and continuing stability, the Republic will be reorganized into the first American Empire! For a safe and secure society!”
… jumped up and was like, “YES! That’s right!” Then he high-fived everyone, did the running man, the worm, jumped up and down, and got really crazy and had a doughnut in front of Michelle. But he didn’t spike the football.
laughed at the crowd, made Michelle take off her shoes & pointed to the kitchen, opened a bottle of stoli and shouted “Я король” ( I am the king) bitches!
…made corrections to the stock market.
…ate a dog, obviously.
Praise Allah
forgot the “d” after praise…
…was heard uttering…”holy crap…I’m gonna need some new golf clubs”…
… went golfing
…discovered new ways to double the deficit, again.
…hid his birth certificate in a different safe.
Blamed Bush
…sent a note to Panetta, “OK, send out the military ballots now.”
Published a children’s book, Obamallard the Lame Duck.
Burned the Book of Mormon
Ruger, Colt and Remington CEO’s toasted the new adminstration and sent sent more furniture to their estates in Austrailia.
oops. Should have started that with “found out”.
…gave his comrades a double back-pat bro hug.
…sent Michelle on a loooooong vacation
I expected Obama’s speech to be a little closer to this:
“…the Republican’s attempt on my presidency has left my term scarred, and deformed. But I assure you, my resolve has NEVER been stronger!”
“The remaining Tea Partiers will be hunted down and defeated!
“In order to assure the security and continuing stability, the Republic will be reorganized into the first American Empire! For a safe and secure society!”
….rubbed his hands together gleefully and started thinking up new taxes.
…added a chair to Mt. Rushmore.
… got his head stuck in a bucket
…accepted an offer for a new set of clothes
Michelle brought Obama an Arrogant Bastard Ale, and he got her a Raging Bitch IPA.
…thanked the millions of dead people, illegals and black panthers for their support.
…was caught on a hot mic whispering to mooch-elle, “holy $s!t they fell for it.”
…frowned as the thought of having to put up with another four years of Biden crept into his mind.
…made a mental checklist of foreign leaders he has to be sure to bow to in the next four years.
…instituted a catch and release program on all uteri.
…extended the gun free zone around him to include any United States of America he happens to be in at the time.
…mandated all color charts include 18 shades lighter than Condoleezza Rice as black. 87 when he goes shirtless.
…told Putin, “I’m more flexible now. Tell me what position you want me in, Honeybun!”
…moved all his cash to The Cayman Islands.
Cleansed himself with the Constitution. Yet again.
lit a fire, just to watch it burn.
challenged Clint Eastwood to a game of musical chairs.
…oiled the hinge on his belly and fueled up Air Force One.
…went to where he buried the Constitution and got all Gangnamy-ish.
…sent out a tweet in Arabic taking full credit for the last four years, promises more.
…wrote another memoir to better explain how awesome he finds himself.
…promised to help sort out the the mess the economy’s been in for the last four years that he inherited.
I give up. I’m done with politics. I quit. Goodbye.
…took credit for the fact no new hurricanes have hit the US since he was reelected.
… jumped up and was like, “YES! That’s right!” Then he high-fived everyone, did the running man, the worm, jumped up and down, and got really crazy and had a doughnut in front of Michelle. But he didn’t spike the football.
laughed at the crowd, made Michelle take off her shoes & pointed to the kitchen, opened a bottle of stoli and shouted “Я король” ( I am the king) bitches!
… was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize again. It was just as well earned as it was last time.
…peeled Joe Biden off a cocktail waitress and told him to sober up because they were going to be on TV soon.
told the Muslim Brotherhood to call back later, citing “too soon. We don’t want to make it THAT obvious!”
…pulled up his mid-east map and put an X through Israel, saying “So Long Suckers”
began building his temple.
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