Archive of entries posted on 5th November 2012

Voting Democrat?

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It’s late — well, it’s late in the Eastern Time Zone — and I’ve still got a hard decision to make tomorrow.

Tuesday is less than two hours away as I write this, and I’m trying to decide for whom I shall cast a ballot.

No, not for president. I made my mind up a long time ago. I’m voting for Romney. And so should you.

No, there’s another race, a local race, and I’m deciding whether or not to vote for the Democrat.

You see, the Republican in the race is one of those long-time local politicians that, well, he’s just not the guy you want. He’s kind of a jackass. The only real problem with the Democrat is, well, he’s a Democrat.

On the one hand, I’m thinking about voting for the better candidate, which would really be the Democrat. But, things are never really as simple as that.

Here in this part of the country, most Democrats are center or even right of center. I’ve commented before that if you took Chris Christie out of New Jersey and slapped him down in, say, south Georgia, he’d fit right in. With the Democrats. He’s way too left-leaning for the Republicans around here. And, I’m not joking, or exaggerating or anything. If you think I am kidding, you really don’t know this part of the country.

Anyway, I’m thinking about voting for the Democrat because, party aside, he’s the better candidate.

But, I can’t shove party aside.

You see, I believe that enabling the local Democrats enables the state Democrats. And I believe that enabling the state Democrats enables the national Democrats. And I believe that enabling the national Democrats means you need to be beat with a stick. And more than one stick if the first one breaks.

So, here’s my predicament: do I vote for the Democrat because the Republican is a jackass? Or do I vote for the Republican because, even though he’s a jackass, voting for the Democrat just enables Democrats? Or should I not vote in that particular race and just deal with whatever happens?

I really don’t like that third option.

Now, I don’t know how many of you have such a similar situation where you’re voting. If you do, though, I’d seriously like to hear how you plan to deal with it. Heck, even if you don’t, I’d like to hear your thoughts on it, serious or otherwise.

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Proof That Obama’s Lost Colorado

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[High Praise! to Legal Insurrection]

You’ve Been Judged!

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Keln of Nuking Politics picked his favorite punchlines to “If you see a U.N. observer at your polling place…”

Click here to see if you made the cut.

If you did, you should probably email him about becoming a guest blogger there.

If you didn’t, he’s got another straight line for you to practice on.

Keep trying. No one likes a quitter.

From Conan: The MSNBC Presidential Poll

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[High Praise! to Team Coco]

MSNBC:
Monopoly Guy: -.2%
President Dreamcake: 102.4%

One Metaphor: Obama’s Limited Understanding of Foreign Policy

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[High Praise! to After Math]

[Original here]

Link of the Day: Without Liberty, You Can’t Even Cork Your Damn Wine Bottle

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[High Praise! to American Digest and Wineanorak]

How cork is made: An illustrated guide to the cork production process

In order to work, capitalism only requires that idiots who don’t comprehend what you’re trying to accomplish simply stay the hell out of your way.

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

Wisdom of the Day: Silver Comeback Fluke Cultures

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A Moment With Joe Biden: Landslide

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[by Son of Bob]

And now, a moment with Joe Biden…

BIDEN: …and this is it, folks, one more day until you get a chance to vote to keep Barack Obama and I in office. And we’ve got so much more to do… so much more to do. Look, folks, it’s important that you get out and vote tomorrow, and vote as many times as they’ll let ya. It’s that important. Look, I don’t have to tell you all that all the networks are against us. We all know that. The so-called mainstream media is always in the tank for the Republicans, but despite that, we’re still looking very good in the polls… even with them weighing the polls to help Governor Romney. But, in Russia, in China, in Iran, in places that it really matters, Barack Obama is leading the polls in a landslide. And, we’ve barely campaigned there. Russia, alone, has got to have, what, 40 or 50 electoral votes? And yet, you don’t hear the talking heads on FoxNews and in these other media outlets even mention this. So, let me tell ya. Don’t get discouraged tomorrow if you start to see these numbers early on that make it look like Romney is winning this thing. Because, once the vote counts start rolling in from the middle-east and from Russia and these other states, you watch… you watch how Barack and I take this election in a landslide…

This has been a moment with Joe Biden.

What Are You Avenging on Election Day?

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My favorite office toy has been discontinued. Obama’s government destroyed them because stupid kids kept swallowing those magnets, even though there is a warning right on the box that says, “Don’t let your stupid kid swallow these!” So now nanny government has stopped us from having tiny magnets because they’re “too dangerous.”

Well, Obama said that “Voting is the best revenge,” so tomorrow I will be voting to avenge Buckyballs.

So what will you be avenging in the voting booth tomorrow? Just remember to scream “Vengeance!” when you submit your ballot.

Joe Biden: An Inspiration to Mentally Challenged People Everywhere

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[High Praise! to Freedom Is Just Another Word]

Full disclosure: having previously held jobs that included supervising those with intellectual disabilities, I apologize to those not-so-bright but big-hearted and well-meaning folks for comparing them to our idiot Vice-President.

What Was I Blogging in 2008?

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I was curious what my attitude was like in 2008 when it was more certain we’d get a drubbing, so here’s what I wrote as my prediction they day before Election Day. I also took one last stab at sinking the Barack Obama candidacy. And on Election Day, I posted these thoughts. Apparently I had a tweeting instinct before I actually joined Twitter.

So how is my attitude different today? Probably not that much; I like a cool detachment from what’s going on. A Romney win would be a nice rebuke of the Dems, but if Obama is reelected, I get to keep making fun of him and can maybe write another hit book and become rich. And then he’ll be after me personally. So fun no matter what.

Straight Line of the Day: Prediction – On Day One of Obama’s Second Term…

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Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

Prediction – on day one of Obama’s second term…

My Prediction

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Well, this is kind of a useless day. One more weekday of sitting around speculating before the actual election. I’m not sure what to do or even what to talk about as we’ve been over it all so much. The polls seem to be leaning Obama right now, but they also tend to have these ridiculous partisan makeups where we’re to believe Obama increased the number of Dems from 2008 over his painful first term. So who knows what will happen.

Still, I have to make a prediction because I’m sort of like a pundit. And people look up to me. And some dogs, too. Cats mainly ignore me, though.

Anyway, here’s my prediction:

Obama wins, and not as narrowly as people were thinking. All the swing states go his way and at least one surprise state no one was looking at. And the Democrats hold the Senate and even gain one seat. And in the biggest surprise, the Democrats retake the House. The left are absolutely thrilled with the result and have a huge party. And all the big celebrities are there like Tom Hanks and Katy Perry and… wait? Is that Ted Kennedy? Somehow he’s still alive and spiking the punch! It’s a new brighter future for progressives!

And then they wake with a knock at the door. Sleepy, they shuffle to answer it and standing outside is President Romney with his new task force going door to door declaring ownership of women’s uteruses. Obama’s reelection win was all just a dream! And now the real nightmare begins!

So what’s your prediction?

Candy Crowley’s slip is showing

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Yesterday, Candy Crowley made the mistake of calling Mitt Romney “President Romney” during an interview with Ohio Senator Bob Portman.

[Direct link]

Maybe she thinks Romney will win the election. It’s certainly not wishful thinking on her part.

And, I don’t have a whole lot to say about it. There’s not really a lot of comedy involved in this little episode. But I did laugh a happy laugh.

Random Thoughts: Revenge and Voting

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Remember when the year 2000 was the distant future instead of the distant past?

The creator of Far Side has worked to keep Far Side comics off the internet, and thus people are forgetting about them.

For a long while as a kid, I wanted to do a newspaper comic strip. Not really a growth industry these days.

Glad I have an iPad so I have something to use to view the internet with while rebooting my computer.

Is there anyway to tell autocorrect that I do not and never will capitalize “internet”?

Here’s Buttercup posing in her Halloween costume. If only we got a picture of the expression she had when she saw herself in the mirror. She loves Minnie Mouse.

Obama: “Voting is the best revenge.” Not sure the vengeance minded are going to be skewing Democrat.

Obama’s statement makes me think of America standing behind a chain link fence yelling, “Avenge me!”

Seriously, though, who is going to win Tuesday?

I’m not in the market for iPad smaller and less powerful than my current one.

Barack Obama is black? I thought he was Chinese.

Wow. After all this time, I still had to look up whether “Barack” is spelled with one ‘r’ or two. Well, similar problem with Hillary Clinton

If Romney loses, I hope the GOP learns the right lesson about how they need to stop nominating right-wing radicals like him and McCain.

Finally saw Prometheus. That Damon Linedelof is good at raising intriguing questions. Answers, not so much.

Prometheus was like a microcosm of Lost. I was so completely drawn in by the mysteries, but there was no payoff.

Really well made movie, though. Just seems like it very much requires a sequel… which is coming.

The left have a much bigger problem with dumb racists than the right because they let them get away with it.

Doing my part for the Romney campaign this weekend by hacking Diebold machines.

Dawkins seems very ruled by his emotions.

Voting is the best revenge, and knowing Democrats, we better keep an eye out for revenge from beyond the grave.

I was supposed to get an extra hour sleep Sunday morning, but no one told Buttercup that.

If Obama wins reelection on Tuesday, expect a white people riot. Whatever you do, stay away from white people.

I don’t have anything against white people. I’ve even dated a white person before. But white people are crazy.

No one has ever written good poetry. The most revered poets are just those where we were awed their writing wasn’t a complete waste of time.

“Kill. Sleep. Kill. Sleep.” -cat planning its day

Saw my dog chewing a rawhide, and I told her, “Stop worrying so much!” She totally cracked up.

The subject line of the Obama emails keeps getting creepier. Latest one I got: “I like watching you pee”