Archive of entries posted on 6th November 2012

Results!

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Here’s a sort of elections results thread. I’ll mainly be over on the Twitters reacting as the night goes by, so look for me there. And, well, we’ll see what happens. I’m not really prepared for either result, but at least we’ll maybe get some closure.

BTW, Romney has already been declared the winner of Indiana, which is one steal from Obama’s 2008 results.

A vote for the goat

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Last night, I asked about the conflict I had regarding one particular local race. The Republican is a jackass, and the Democrat is a Democrat. Neither option was a good one. And, I didn’t want to leave it off my ballot.

A lot of you offered some really good suggestions. Most of you indicated that a vote for the Republican would be the best route, although a few of you offered the perspective of getting rid of a lame Republican, then kicking out the Democrat next election.

Both sides had good points.

So, what did I do?

Well, before I tell you, I need to make a confession. There were actually two races like that. Both at the county level, and both featuring jackass Republicans running against Democrats. I only mentioned one race, because the same rules applied. How I handled one would be the way I’d handle both. So, I only mentioned one race.

Now, having said that, here’s what I did.

I voted for a friend’s goat. Really.

You can write in candidates, so I did. For one of the races, I wrote in the name of my friends’ goat. Yes, their goat has a name. And a Facebook page. Really. And, now, one vote for a county government spot.

Oh, for the other county-wide race featuring a jackass Republican and a Democrat, I wrote in my cat.

I don’t expect the cat to win. I don’t expect the goat to win. But, if they did, they’d be a damn site better than the candidates on the ballot.

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A Moment With Joe Biden: Helping People

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[by Son of Bob]

And now, a moment with Joe Biden…

BIDEN: …Well folks, it’s been a long campaign, and I’ve traveled back and forth from one coast to the other, from North Carolina all the way to Virginia and back again, probably five or six times now. And, I’ve met so many wonderful people. Just this morning I met the most wonderful woman, and her name is Cinnamon. And, Cinnamon told me, “Joe, I used to be the Director of Human Resources for a large corporation, but in 2010 I was laid off. And, I’ve lost everything. In fact, now I’m on the streets working as a prostitute and my pimp keeps all the money, and I struggle to even afford birth control to keep from getting pregnant from the Johns. I need your help, Joe. Please help me.” And, I told Cinnamon, “Don’t you worry, because Barack and I are going to get re-elected for four more years, so help is on the way.” Because when Barack and I are re-elected, we’re going to make sure that Cinnamon gets the free birth control she needs. And, what’s more, we’ll also make sure she has access to free check-ups and treatments for STD’s and periodic AIDS testing. So, while Mitt Romney is out talking about corporations and jobs, we’re busy getting people the real, vital help they need…

This has been a moment with Joe Biden.

Wisdom of the Day: Pokemon British Class

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So What Happens Next?

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So what happens after the election? Well, if Mitt Romney is elected, then Obama will have effectively been fired. He’ll be given two weeks notice and told to pack up his stuff. If he dawdles at all, he’ll be tasered and dragged from the premises. And with Michelle Obama gone, candy dishes will once again be put out in the various rooms of the White House and the place will become flooded with fat kids. And then Romney will move in and they’ll teach him how to input his kill list into the predator drones. And then business will start creating jobs as they were waiting for Obama to leave as they didn’t want him to take credit.

If Obama is reelected, though, he’ll declare himself to be the first president ever reelected and thus the greatest president ever. The media won’t fact check him on this. Then he’ll celebrate by eating Bo as there is nothing anyone can do about him now. Next he’ll announce his new agenda items and go straight to whining about how the Republicans won’t pass them all. And he’ll get all tuckered out and curl up in a ball and go to sleep, preparing for a long day of golfing and whining which will be most of his next four years. And Biden will play with a kaleidoscope, pausing occasionally to laugh and clap.

So there you go; that’s what to expect. But you can still act surprised when it all happens if you want. Best way to do that is to open your mouth wide and suck in a bunch of air really quick. Give it a try. Ooh! You looked surprised!