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Archive of entries posted on 9th November 2012
You’ve Been Judged!
Keln of Nuking Politics picked his favorite punchlines to “The biggest change planned for Obama’s second term…”
Click here to see if you made the cut.
If you did, you should probably email him about becoming a guest blogger there.
If you didn’t, he’s got another straight line for you to practice on.
Keep trying. No one likes a quitter.
With Obama Reelected, I’m Leaving the Country and This Is Where I’m Going
Check it Out! The One Industry Obama Really DID Save!
Assuming We Switched Universes During Ion Storm Sandy, Here’s What Happened on Beardless Spock’s Earth
Link of the Day: Satire – Leaked State Department Transcript on Benghazi
[High Praise! to Nuking Politics]
State Department Leaks: Situation Room – Benghazi
[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]
Fighting Words for Those Who Think the American Experiment Is Over
[High Praise! to The Last Refuge]
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This… this task… this charge… is no small thing. The Charge to restore a republic after it has fallen into corruption. Many have studied history and argue if a restoration has ever happened. They, those of lesser consequence, pontificate of Rome and our Constitution in the same breath and manner.
As if such considerations would diminish the resolve of a patriot… Those of smaller courage fear our task is impossible. If we do not strive – how will we know it can’t be done? And if we do not endeavor, it most certainly won’t be done.
And We Have Grit…
The Founders’ Republic, your Republic, and, in a larger sense, the beacon light for the greatest of all free western civilizations, will not be lost… The Charge Is Ours.
This day.
I swear you this: We will not go gently into this bloody collectivist good night. Indeed, the expansion of rage within our defiance creates the Thunder-clap; And ALL history from this day forward will be forced to note and witness, even if they despise us in the writing of it.
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Wisdom of the Day: Pensions Names Chainsaw
Want higher taxes? Fine. 100% tax on all govt pensions above $100k.
— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) November 8, 2012
How do you get the left to call you names?Tell them the truth.
— Jon Lovitz (@realjonlovitz) November 8, 2012
People think I snore like a chainsaw but what they don’t know is that’s just me standing over them as they sleep with a running chainsaw.
— Brandon Guttermouth (@UNTRESOR) November 9, 2012
Yeah, This Is Offensive, But I’m in a Bad Place Right Now
Frank J. 2016: War
As I’ve started my presidential campaign, people have wondered what are my views on war. War is a horrible and terrible thing, but it should mainly be horrible and terrible for the other guy while we get a bunch of cool missile cam videos out of it.
Now, I’m not interested in starting a bunch of wars. Frankly, I’m not interested in foreign countries at all, and as president I’d do everything I could to not have to interact with them. If some country tries to get some monarch to meet with me, I will spit on him. Leave me alone you foreign weirdos.
Sometimes, though, a country is a jerk and need to get blown up. So my policy is we’ll go in, blow it up a bunch, and leave. No nation building. They want to start a democracy after we blow them up, good for them. But whatever; I don’t really care.
Some may say that if we just blow up a country and leave, it may rise up again and threaten us some more. I have a solution for that. We go back and blow it up again. And leave. We’ll repeat as many times as necessary; eventually the country will get the idea. The thing is, our military is very good at blowing stuff up. And we can easily do it over and over with little risk to us and not that much cost to the taxpayer. It’s the staying in a country that is risky and costly. So we’re going to stop doing that.
Frank J. 2016: Blow them up. Leave.
Straight Line of the Day: Michelle Obama’s Victory Speech Dress…
Focus on Liberty
So where does the GOP go from here? There’s a lot of talk about demographics, but let’s not get carried away there. It’s prudent to let Democrats continue to be a party made up of a bunch of different groups they pander to as eventually that will blow up on them as one day those groups will be opposed to each other and they can’t pander to both at once. Also, the Democrats survive mainly on racism — promoting racial cohesion and lying about racist threats out there. They need a racial wedge to keep different racial groups from ever thinking about voting for the other guy, but that’s not a long term strategy.
The strength of the GOP needs to be that we are not groups that need to be pandered to but are instead united on cohesive principle — that one being liberty. The Democrats furrow their brows at why someone in lower middle class would be against raising taxes on the rich, because they live in a world where you have to pander directly to everyone’s interests. But we’re in a world where liberty is our main interest, and we want to preserve it everywhere.
People argue we need to be “more conservative,” but what does that even mean? What we need to do is make sure we have a central principle we’re united on and can articulate to others. Many people don’t see taxes and regulations in terms of liberty, and that’s where we have to work. The Democrats are the anti-liberty party. They want to force people to behave certain ways, spend people’s money for them, and control businesses despite their ignorance and ineptitude. They don’t think anything of forcing someone morally opposed to birth control to pay for it because they think nothing of liberty. Many are still against guns because liberty just scares them too much. Yet very few will ever argue directly against liberty because inherently they know its value, but that’s where we need to put the Democrats. We can’t let them retreat to their nonsense phrases like, “Freedom is not having to worry about health care costs!” Freedom is not an expansive concept you can redefine. If you’re forcing people to do things by government, then that is the opposite of freedom. The Democrats don’t like liberty, and we need to make them own up to it.
Hippie Punching Day
It’s been brought to my attention [High Praise! to Basil] that there needs to be a Hippie Punching Day song parody of Weird Al’s Weasel Stomping Day.
Well ok. I think I can whip one up…
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Hippie Punching Day
Hippie faces here and there
What a wonderful time of year
Here we go! It’s Hippie Punching Day.
Crack your knuckles, now it’s on
Punch those hippies right off your lawn
‘Cause you know, it’s Hippie Punching Day.
Grab their bongo just in case
They try and use it to save their face
You’ll know that you’re doing it right
When your fist turns out their light.
So, come along and have a ball
Just make sure you punch them all
Make a fist and punch your cares away
Hip hip hooray, it’s Hippie Punching Day.
Hippies up and down the street
Faces waiting your fist to meet
Why we do it? ‘Cause we should
It’s really just for their own good.
So let the punching fun begin
Knock some common sense right in
Science! says that it’s the bestest way
Hey everyone it’s Hippie Punching…
We’ll do it right on Hippie Punching…
Knock out their lights on Hippie Punching Day
Here we go, it’s Hippie Punching Day!
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UPDATE: Well, it appears that Harvey did his own version of this back in June. Guess he beat Basil and I to it, but hey…more lyrics means more hippie punching time whilst singing this classic holiday tune.
When did this happen?
Random Thoughts: Where Now, GOP?
When is CPAC? I’m going to try to finally attend to I can take over as leader of the new generation of conservatives.
The GOP can’t compete with progressives’ new ideas like raising taxes and government spending.
So what president has had a great second term? Seem like more should aim to be like Polk.
In my book, I have my illegal immigration compromise. One person deported for one illegal alien, but it doesn’t have to be the illegal alien. Like instead, we could deport a useless hippie. Let’s solve this problem and strengthen America.
Somehow conservatives totally won on the issue of guns over the last 50 years. How do we push whatever strategy worked there to other areas?
I guess we could threaten people with guns. Or is that too on the nose?
And generally people say they want smaller government. They don’t vote for that, but they like the idea. We can work with that.
The country is pretty divided. How do we end that? Some sort of war with space aliens?
We still in the recriminations phase? Because I’ll remind you I did pretty much nothing this election year so it’s definitely not my fault.
So are candidate didn’t win, but we all get Obamaphones, right?
Finger-pointing isn’t helpful. Let’s simply shun everyone who suggested Romney as a candidate and never speak of them again.
We may be headed to another recession, but it’s okay because I hear Obama has another jobs bill to propose.
We must punish job creators until they deliver all those jobs they owe us.
I still don’t understand what Obama did during Sandy that was impressive.
He walked around a bit and looked concerned, but did he do anything you couldn’t train a collie to do?
I hope Cory Booker is making sure Chris Christie doesn’t eat all the free hot pockets.
What does it say about me that I’m not interested in the next Call of Duty game because I want to shoot people, not robots?
Robots are bulletproof! They’re no fun to shoot!
About done with book 5 of Game of Thrones
“A Greyjoy always pays in winter.” -motto of House Baratheon
Our electable presidential candidates are so unelectable.