(a guest post from PC Mike)
Due to the government shutdown you may have missed important news about climate change. Last week the IPCC released their latest study, increasing the Climate Anxiety Level from Dead Certain to 95% Probable.
Another under-reported aspect of the Global Warming Emergency is the fact that fossil fuels account for only about 5% of carbon dioxide emissions. Over 80% is actually produced by animal respiration. This means that even if we succeed in reducing industrial emissions to zero using Green Energy, the greatest source of CO2 will be untouched.
It’s time to confront the real problem. We in the anti-skeptical community have achieved phenomenal success by producing labels and organizing symbolic movements. The best known of these is certainly Earth Day, an annual event where we spend 24 hours agonizing about the environment. Close behind is Earth Hour, during which we sit together in the dark for sixty minutes.
PC Mike proposes that we now begin to fight the real source of carbon dioxide during “Earth Minute.” Next April first at 12:01 p.m. daylight time, join the rest of mankind in holding your breath for sixty seconds. Together we can reduce humyn CO2 emissions during that golden minute to near zero, and the result is certain to be just as effective as Earth Hour!
Those who are truly committed to the welfare of Gaia should follow up immediately by participating in “Earth Second.” Simply locate and remove a single light bulb anywhere in your house. Symbolically it would be better if this is an incandescent bulb, but a CFL will work just as well. Now restore power and place your tongue in the empty socket. With luck this will permanently reduce your carbon footprint to zero!
The Earth will thank you.
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Feedback time… feel free to shower PC Mike with either praise or curses in the comments.
What a great idea this Earth minute, perhaps the liberals can show up the unwashed neanderthals by holding their breathe for an hour! Come on’ show us your superior concern for the environment!
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You could get the same result by sticking a fork into a wall socket, and you wouldn’t have to risk dropping a mercury filled CFL bulb.
I almost suggested dropping a hairdryer into a bathtub full of water, but I remembered that real, hard-core Gaia-worshipping hippies don’t take baths.
Bravo, PC Mike!
If so much CO2 is produced by animals, there obviously needs to be more dead animals. maybe we should have an Earth 12 Minute to spend eating as much dead animals as possible. (you don’t want them to go to waste once they’re dead).
save the planet, eat meat!
Before they hold their breath for 60 seconds, may we suggest plastic bags be tied around their heads and their hands behind their backs? We don’t want any cheating.
I propose an “earth month” open season on any animal, no bag limits, no humans, no pets, no caliber restrictions, use any action you want.
I can without any bias all, say that PC Mike is a genius. Bacon to him.