Yeah, It’s Like That

[High Praise! to Liberal Logic 101]

I’m Surprised the Obamacare Sign-Up Site Works As Well As It Does

[High Praise! to Freedom Is Just Another Word]

Scam Alert!

The Illinois Department of Insurance warned citizens to beware of scams by people posing as Obamacare “Navigators”.

Yes, they might take your money and give you worthless insurance – just like real Navigators.

Obama: The Dark & Gritty Reboot

[High Praise! to Irritable Pundit]

Link of the Day: Satire – Health Care Website Fails Despite Amish Beta Success

[High Praise! to ScrappleFace]

Health Care Website Fails Despite Amish Beta Success

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

Wisdom of the Day: GOP MPG Grandma Detroit Athlete

If a Judge Says It, It Must Be True

In a quirk of the law, an Ohio judge had to rule that the man standing before him was still legally dead.

Well, it’s not all bad. At least he can still receive disability checks and vote Democrat.

Obama Warned Us – Interconnected World

The very interconnectivity that increasingly binds the world together has empowered those who would tear that world down. Terrorist networks can spread their doctrines in the blink of an eye; they can probe the world economic system’s weakest links, knowing that an attack in London or Tokyo will reverberate in New York or Hong Kong; weapons and technology that were once the exclusive province of nation-states can now be purchased on the black market, or their designs downloaded off the Internet; the free travel of people and goods across borders, the lifeblood of the global economy, can be exploited for murderous ends.

BARACK OBAMA, The Audacity of Hope

“Or so I assume, since that’s how *I* operate.”

Boycott Captain Phillips

I just viewed Captain Phillips and must take a moment to express my extreme outrage regarding the film. It was the most overtly, disgustingly racist thing I have viewed since The Lord of the Rings.  It is racist propaganda, straight up.  It is films like this that rile up us crackers, making us get out our hoods and lynch our way through the inner city, and perpetuates the vicious, racist stereotypes that rightfully enrage the African American community. Were it not so vital to get out the word about this nasty film, I would have popped a handful of roofies to erase the awful memory, just like I do whenever cognitive dissonance rears its ugly head.

While the film purported to tell the true story of an American cargo ship being attacked by a band of Somali pirates, the way the tale was told makes me doubt the entire veracity of the underlying events. Have the true details of the event been lost down the bowels of Faux News and the right wing American media complex?  As we all know, history is written by the victors, in this case Captain Phillips and the American military.

The first thing I noticed about the film was that the hero was a stereotypical white man.  I guess the idea of an African American ship Captain was too much for the American public to accept. Can’t have another African American getting an Oscar, now, can we?  And there wasn’t even a woman on the crew at all.  Do they expect us to believe it is still bad luck to take a woman on a boat?  I thought that kind of thinking went out of vogue with Roe v. Wade.  But that was just the beginning.  Once the story got going, the first thing I noticed was that all of the Somali fishermen were African American.  Every one of them.  Come on, casting director.  Did you think no one would notice this lack of diversity?  Really? They set up the typical ‘white man good,’ ‘black man bad’ narrative right from the start.

And, as if this wasn’t bad enough, the African American Somalis were portrayed as vicious, drug abusing criminals who weren’t even smart enough to remember to bring their shoes with them rather than the humble, peaceful fishermen I suspect they really were.  If I have learned anything from my study of history in college, it is that all uncivilized, non-capitalistic societies are peaceful, loving, egalitarian utopias, and Somalia can certainly be no different, despite how they may be portrayed by the racist American ‘media.’  And even if there happened to be a few bad eggs in the Somali society, the film didn’t even attempt to explain their behavior based upon their obvious victimhood from American slavery and white oppression.  Have I mentioned that for years I have been in favor of sending Somalia reparations for slavery to mitigate just this kind of thing, but I digress?

Not only was the ‘white good – black bad’ narrative clear from the start, the white hero was blatantly racist in his perception of the unfolding events.  When Captain Phillips saw the Somali fishing boats approaching, what was his immediate reaction to them?  His first assumption was that they were pirates wishing to do him harm, even when his military advisers told him they were probably just harmless fishermen.  And why?  Based upon nothing but the color of their skins and their automatic weapons.  He leapt to the immediate conclusion that dark skinned people were bad and wished him harm, merely because they possessed weapons with which to defend themselves.  Somalia has been reported to be a dangerous place, after all. The Somali fishermen wouldn’t want a diverse group of pirates to come and take their catch of the day, after all.  But, just like a white guy clutching his wallet a little more tightly when he passes an African American ‘business man’ on the street, the white Captain immediately assumed they meant him and his crew harm, and the audience was supposed to follow him to the same conclusion as well.  Insidious.

Throughout the film, the Somalis repeatedly say things like, “I love America” or “I’m just a fisherman,” yet the Captain, and the audience as well, are supposed to just assume these are lies.  We are just meant to assume the inherent deception of the black man. But I think the most racist hat tip to the audience was when the Somalis repeatedly stated, “Not al qaeda!  Not al qaeda!”  Why is this?  Was this for the benefit of the audience?  Did the film maker think that the audience couldn’t distinguish between a swarthy Arab and an African American?  Wouldn’t want us to confuse which race we were supposed to be hating at the moment, I guess.  Disgusting.

But the most disgusting part of the film was the conclusion with the SEAL team.  In the film, the SEAL team is portrayed as a bunch of white guys with shaved heads (skinheads, anyone?) who are gleefully murdering the poor Somali fishermen, and then gloating about it to the leader of the Somalis afterward, stating to him, “Captain Phillips is free, and your friends are dead.”  Then, as is the plight of all African Americans, the poor Somali fisherman is sentenced to 33 years in prison for the crime of driving a boat while black.

The bottom line is that Tom Hanks should be ashamed of himself, and we all must do our best to boycott this drivel and send the message to Hollywood that his kind of racism in films cannot be tolerated.  It is films like this that are keeping Obama from ushering in his era of peace and unity.  Who’s with me?

Straight Line of the Day: President Obama Held an Off-the-record Meeting with a Group of Bloggers…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

President Obama held an off-the-record meeting with a group of bloggers…

Top Ten Things Overheard from the Obamacare Website Design

10. “Are you sure we can’t just program it in Fortran?

9. “Don’t worry; I hired a professional Hollywood script supervisor to help fix the java script.”

8. “My computer crashed; buy me a new one.”

7. “We’re making great progress. …Oh, I thought you were talking about Candy Crush. No, there is no way this website will be ready on time.

6. “What browsers does it need to work in? Because so far it’s only working in Netscape.”

5. “What’s HTML? Is it anything like NSFW?”

4. “Aren’t eventually they’re going to catch on that we’re embezzling hundreds of millions to make a $2 million website? Oh yeah; government.”

3. “This website should be able to handle millions of people as long as they each wait their turn.”

2. “The first page loaded; I guess it’s ready.”

And the number one thing overheard from the Obamacare website design…

Continue reading ‘Top Ten Things Overheard from the Obamacare Website Design’ »

When spiders attack

SpiderwebI’m going to say it right up front: I don’t like spiders. They got too many eyes, too many legs, and I don’t trust them.

Spiders will attack you in all kinds of ways. They’ll crawl up in your ears at night when you try to sleep. They’ll hide in your shoes. And, I can’t prove this, but I think they’ll mess with your toothbrush when you’re not home.

You just can’t trust a spider.

And guess what they’re doing now? They’re setting off the airbags in your Toyota. Really:

Sometimes, their webs can create a blockage in a drainage tube coming from the air conditioning condenser. That can cause water to drip down onto an airbag control module, causing a short circuit. That, in turn, could cause the airbag warning light to light up on the dashboard and it could even cause the driver’s side airbag to deploy, something that happens with explosive force.

That’s right. Not only can you be driving down the road and a spider crawl out and jump on you, but the spider could cause your airbag to pop you in the face at 55 MPH. There’s no good outcome that.

Spiders are bad, and are now using technology against us. They need to check and see if the problems with the Obamacare Website are that there are spiders in it.

They also need to check the heads of the people that came up with Obamacare. I bet they’ve got spiders in there, too.

It would explain a lot.

IMAO EXCLUSIVE! Successful Obamacare Enrollees Attend Obama Rose Garden Speech!

[High Praise! to Ace IMAO Reporter James for the pic]

Oddly, the accompanying news story doesn’t say which empty chair Obama is.

Random Thoughts: Obamacare, True Conservatives, and Coffee

So Pandora decided I needed a UFC ad in Spanish; what music am I listening to?

I didn’t mean to hurt anyone… I just really really hated the Lost finale.

So basically the people working hard to stop Obamacare were all overestimating Obama’s competence in being able to actually implement it.

Even the people opposed to Obama fall into the trap of thinking he’s marginally competent.

The Republicans uniting would be nice. Much better would be the Democrats splitting.

“And then we elected the first black president and learned that arrogant, incompetent nitwits come in all colors.”

One of these days I’m going to get a blue checkmark on Twitter and throw it in the face of all of you who doubted I’m Frank J. Fleming.

Everyone is, in fact, a RINO. Being a “true conservative” is not a human obtainable position.

The more obsessed you are with politics, the less conservative you are.

If we make weed as legal as cigarettes, does that mean no one will be able to legally smoke it anywhere?

Everyone understands it was the anti-slavery people who wanted slaves counted at 3/5th and pro-slave wanted them counted normal, right?

Couldn’t get a coffee and had to get a Mountain Dew. How much of my daily recommended caffeine is in that?

Are Mormons really against coffee? I always assumed that was an urban legend.

Anyway, if you’re going to have a big thing with a bunch of food vendors and no coffee, need big sign: “CAUTION: NO COFFEE.”

Headline: Obama Saves Detroit!

Ford is testing an advanced prototype car that’s capable of parking itself without a driver at the wheel.

They’re calling it the “Obama”, since you can lead it from behind.